How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It - Family - Nairaland
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| How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by MidasTouch01: 12:58am On Jun 28, 2016 |
Hi Family, please I need your sincere advice. I created this account for privacy's sake (Mod please don't move this to homepage) . My marriage is just a year old, my husband is 31 while I'm 27. We have a 4year old son (we dated for 7years, had our son in the course of our relationship). Three years ago, he cheated on me with a younger lady. I stepped in and told the lady to leave my man for myself and our son, though he fought me over it but somehow with time, their relationship fizzled out and all was fine. Earlier this year, my husband started acting suspicious, he became extra careful with his phone and all. I checked his phone, then I saw that the two of them have gotten back together. He claimed the girl asked him to forgive her and he did. Also got to know they have been sleeping with each other (we stay in different states for now as he is running a program). All these I got to know going through his phone. I told him I was done with him and can't take it anymore. He told me that he was sorry, and since he was able to let her go before now, that he will do it again. Now the problem is this, we stay in two different states, and the lady stays just few kilometres away from my man. He promised to let her go, but I asked him how he intends to, he only replied me that he will. Also, I have the girl's contact, so i see the way they chat away into late in the night. I intend giving him another chance BUT how do I handle this without overdoing things. As much as I try not to, I end up checking them up on whatsapp, and seeing both of them chat away gets me angrier. Please save a sister's marriage. I believe he is only sorry when he gets caught. After that he seem to throw caution to the wind again. He keeps asking me to trust him. Please how am I suppose to trust him again? And is there a way I can help him, because this seems to be a great weakness of his? Matured advice please. Thanks a lot. |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by adesteve2016(m): 1:05am On Jun 28, 2016 |
put it Into prayers... Don't be too negative about your husband.. God will see you through And bless your home... 1 Like 2 Shares |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by Stanleywaxy(m): 1:13am On Jun 28, 2016 |
God first ... But one more question Ma'am ...is he legally married to you ? |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by Nobody: 1:13am On Jun 28, 2016 |
Problem of this world is that a wrong thing will never become right no matyer what you do about it Unless God removes the veil from the wrongdoers face. So because you dated for 7yrs,u quickly got pregnant for him and you think after martiage everything will become normal and you will live happily ever after. Na Lie oo that is Cinderella love,things dont work that way in Naija, I mean you served him the food before he mad the order,now his tired and needs a new meal. So my dear just forget it. Am sure the only reason he still got married to you is because of the Kid. his beart belongs somewhere else. Its either u stay put and bear the brunt or pack your load waka comot but either way,I bet he wont stop seeing that lady or other ladies. As you lay your bed so you lie on it. Goodnight 8 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by MidasTouch01: 1:17am On Jun 28, 2016 |
Stanleywaxy: Yes we are legally married |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by Stanleywaxy(m): 1:23am On Jun 28, 2016 |
MidasTouch01:You need to talk to him about it again , this isn't something you discuss while eating or lying alone on the bed . Find that moment that you think he'll understand how you feel about this whole issue and sort it out with him then . He's your husband , and he's meant for you alone . Don't go telling him you'll leave the marriage ohh , cos if you do ; just know that you've withdrawn from a battle you could've won . He'll surely hear you out then , this is a lifetime matter and not the usual boyfriend/girlfriend stuff . I wish you goodluck tho ... And I'll keep praying for yah . Have a goodnight . 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by donteflon(m): 5:05am On Jun 28, 2016 |
firstly dont feel ur husband doesn't love u.. asn secondly no matter hw useless a man wud be he still hav a woman he keep at home wch he adore as a wife... to me u are neither complaining of maltreatment here, all u want is Faithfulness. pls kindly b mind relief to b too suspicious and believe when eva he tell u sorry do accept it he definitely knew he as offended someone he dont dont joke wt. ..otherwise if he doesn't cherish u he wont tell u sorry. believe me dy are some men lik dat u as the lady we even come and beg to forget d blackout moment. .. always advice him, scare him wt words of God, health related disease hw it cud short once life, encourage some set of frnds, in his life who u tink dy are discipline and u wud want him to emulate dem. but dont despised any of his frnd to dis. I sincerely no he loves u pls dont be fooled for his cheating. . .and lastly try to reduce ur gaze of much observations 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by byvan03: 5:44am On Jun 28, 2016 |
You knew who he was before marrying him, just continue enduring as you have been doing  . Believe that he loves you and still cheats, then you can believe anything.3 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by Nobody: 6:18am On Jun 28, 2016 |
MidasTouch01: If he is only sorry if he gets caught (it says a lot about him) then there is nothing you can do apart from playing cat and mouse or letting it be as it is and focusing on yourself and your happiness. If you keep playing cat and mouse, you will soon feel even worse and drained and you will make the forbidden fruit taste even better for them. When did you guys intend to live together in one place? 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by Nobody: 7:21am On Jun 28, 2016 |
MidasTouch01: Wow this is too much. Please withdraw from him. No more sex unless you want to get a disease. I don't think he will ever stop |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by cococandy(f): 7:27am On Jun 28, 2016 |
adesteve2016: 7 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by Feranchek(m): 7:31am On Jun 28, 2016 |
Hmmm.... |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by cococandy(f): 7:31am On Jun 28, 2016 |
1) leave him. 2) bear it and 'pray' for him until he's tired one day and decides to come back to you. Hopefully before he's 70. 3) talk to him (like you haven't already). but let's just put that out there for the sake of posting. 4 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by Project400: 8:00am On Jun 28, 2016 |
Option 1: Take the matter to his family, and since you know the other woman so well, take her case to her family. Both families should tackle their offsprings since they raised adulterous children and fornicators. When that is done, just sit back and enjoy your life. Option 2: Find a way to bridge the distance between you and your husband. You both should live together, not separately. Option 1 seems to be the best as living with your husband may not resolve the issue completely. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by bukatyne(f): 10:33am On Jun 28, 2016 |
MidasTouch01: @Bold: Your husband has (luckily for you) shown who he is pre-marriage. You caught him cheating and told the girl to leave your man for you and your kid (pulling the cart before the horse, it was your man who erred and not the lady) and he had the guts to 'fight' you over it; fight how? Re: He told me that he was sorry, and since he was able to let her go before now, that he will do it again. Your husband will NOT stop cheating on you with her as long as he has access to her. He can as well marry her as the second wife (because that's what she is). If you are willing to accept the cheating as his weakness, then get used to it and be 'praying', wearing red bra & panties with cooking nice dishes  .If however, you see his act as a disrespect to you, you should be able to figure out the way forward. 6 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by Mutaino7(m): 12:19pm On Jun 28, 2016 |
@op.. You caused it  yea read my lips i said it..... I for one will not forgive the first mistake but people different sha... He even had the effontery to challenge your stance on his infidelity and you are still under the same roof with the man aba.. nah where you F up be that.. See am not married but i have people who did and are still in the union.. My pops is the marriage committee chairman in our church..with enough relationship books in his private shelf.. having listen to his stories about intending couples and with what i did read from his books at least i can boldly say my prediction and analysis of relationship is something... What you fail to do is setting standard for the type of relationship you want..(aint talk about confrontational type of standard..that puts men off but what i'm talking about is the sly or better put..Approach that makes a man know you are not going into relationship anyhow).. If and If you get him this time just move far away from him with your son and don't let families pressure into going back unless you notice he is sober and truly sorry for what he did(Your decision counts)...Unless dem tie your umbilica cord with im own or you are not financially independent then don't listen to me... Cuz when it gets to the stage where your man cheat and doesn't fear rebuttal or you finding out then he needs HOLY SLAP... Some people only realize the importance of some things only when they lose it or almost. So let Him experience it then he wouldn't take you for granted again.. P.s no commit murder abeg and also you need to man up(no b prick dey make man) so that you will be strong enough for your son and self3 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by MidasTouch01: 12:35pm On Jun 28, 2016 |
Mutaino7: Thanks a lot, I really appreciate. 2 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by MidasTouch01: 12:43pm On Jun 28, 2016 |
bukatyne: I really appreciate this, he fought me then because I confronted the girl after o confronted him. Plus he also hides his phone, I got to know about his escapades after going through his phone. So he was like I found what I was looking for. Am I suppose to just end this altogether? When he was last around, he apologised and all. We kind of got intimate but I felt nothing, I insisted on protection. Though i felt nothing, just did as a matter of obligation. During the whole act, I was just wondering if its the same way he touches me that he touches her and all. I really wish I can be strong to make him feel hurt as I feel right now. He went back to his base last week. I asked for people 's advice because I cant help but think about it. I mean wondering what he is doing at the moment, if he is with the girl and all. My problem is I am weak, I mean I have soft spot for this man. I really wanna learn to be stone-hearted cos I am just tired. Sorry for d long story 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by Dyt(f): 12:46pm On Jun 28, 2016 |
Pray Pray my sister Prayer is the key Answereth all things beneath and beyond Wear lingerie red especially Make I'm nice dishes Ride him till he's sore Fast day and night My sis God will do wonders Your horseband will change 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by MidasTouch01: 12:53pm On Jun 28, 2016 |
Mindfulness: By the end of the year |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by MidasTouch01: 12:56pm On Jun 28, 2016 |
Dyt: |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by nnamdiosu(m): 1:03pm On Jun 28, 2016 |
MidasTouch01: Sweetheart first of all...YOU CANT MAKE A MAN CHANGE. HE HAS TO CHANGE BY HIMSELF. READING THEIR WASSAP CONVERSATION WILL INCREASE YOUR ENEMY's BP AND SEND HER TO UNTIMELY GRAVE. You need to run to God for help. Funny as it may sound, but it's true. You just can't help yourself. Only GOd can deliver your husband from this woman's grip. 2. I suggest you also use patience and prayers for your husband. If possible talk to ur pastor about it. MAKE SURE YOU DONT TALK TO ANYONE ELSE (family members, friends ) etc. it is well. Many women have passed thru what you are going thru, some, even more. But with GOd they came out victoriously. NB: DONT EVER NEVER EVER CONTACT OR COMMUNICATE WITH THE WOMAN. |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by MidasTouch01: 1:08pm On Jun 28, 2016 |
nnamdiosu: Thanks. I have decided not to contact her. I pray I get over it, as much as I try not to, I end up wondering and imagining things. |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by MidasTouch01: 1:22pm On Jun 28, 2016 |
I really appreciate all that have in one way or the other contributed to this thread. Thanks a lot. I wonder why some people do say one shouldn't check his/her spouse's phone. All my hubby's escapades I got to confirm via his phone, because he acts all sweet and all. He quarrels me over taking his phone but I wonder why the phone should be an issue when there is nothing to hide. He tries not to touch mine so I wouldnt touch his but I have nothing to hide. I know there are people out there who have it happy in their marriages. I really want to have it happy too, not that my hubby will be acting so sweet while in actual fact he is cheating on me. I'm sorry if this seems as though I am lamenting, I really need to let out all these. Its almost tearing me up. |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by bukatyne(f): 1:28pm On Jun 28, 2016 |
MidasTouch01: Your husband is not sorry, he knows you love him (weak) and he plays with that and will continually play with that. You need to decide if you want to continue your marriage in your weakness or if you want to become respected. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by Mutaino7(m): 1:31pm On Jun 28, 2016 |
MidasTouch01:See sister don't give yourself hypertension by thinking about what you did & what you didn't do... Men that cheat will always have the most ridiculous excuse what so ever to give so chillax.. If he find fault for your body or the things you did he was suppose or should have ironed it out like a proper head would do not philander his way with different twats. When you show him you are not mugulicious to his advances and how dear you give him sex when you know say you guys are yet not align(even with condom..no do am..even if e dey scratch you).. See men will always come in line when they know they have to do every thing to get back in your good grace>>>to simplify further<<< Picture a mother punishing a son scenerio and the son doing every thing to get back to his mom's good grace especially when he knows his typical 9ja father no get im time..lobatan.. All this powers and gift are already bestowed on you females but only handfull no how to weave theirs into something spectacular.. intuition, love and kindness are womanly gifts.. AS a recommendation read this book titled: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man Book by Steve Harvey |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by TheSonOfMark(m): 1:36pm On Jun 28, 2016 |
bukatyne:There's also an issue you haven't addressed : the man's sexual needs. She stays in a different state from his. There's also a mistress who promises pleasure and only that. A man is only as faithful as his options. 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by MidasTouch01: 1:57pm On Jun 28, 2016 |
bukatyne: Thanks ma'am.. |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by MidasTouch01: 2:00pm On Jun 28, 2016 |
TheSonOfMark: He comes home twice every month. So sex isn't even the problem. Even sometimes he does every weekend |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by MidasTouch01: 2:09pm On Jun 28, 2016 |
Mutaino7: Thanks a lot. I'd sure get a copy and read up |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by bukatyne(f): 4:30pm On Jun 28, 2016 |
TheSonOfMark: That's not an excuse for his irresponsible behavior. The OP asserted he cheated on her with same girl 3yrs ago when their son was one and she was obviously around. You have also forgotten the wife also has sexual needs or her needs aren't important? 10 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Handle This Without Overdoing It by Nobody: 6:38pm On Jun 28, 2016 |
MidasTouch01: You can't control your husband's behaviour but you have control over how you feel. If you want to be happy, get happy. It's all about you even if the world has made you believe that your happiness depends on others. If you don't learn this lesson, your happiness will always remain in the hands of other people and as you can see, they do NOT always have your best interst at heart. |
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