Mindfulness:


You can't control your husband's behaviour but you have control over how you feel. If you want to be happy, get happy. It's all about you even if the world has made you believe that your happiness depends on others. If you don't learn this lesson, your happiness will always remain in the hands of other people and as you can see, they do NOT always have your best interst at heart.

P291:
@Midastouch, God will restore back your home and marriage. Go to God in prayers and pray to change the mindset of your husband and open his eyes. Don't fight him/ quarel or else he starts using that to his advantages and reason to commit himself more to that lady.

If he comes back, be that responsible wife you have always been, show him more love and let God's way reflects in your attitudes and steps. His situation hasn't yet degenerate cause I don't see him being abusive, he can still be redeem. My former boss was once a chronic cheat but his wife, a God fearing lady and she didn't give up on him. Today, my former boss is an usher in his church, his wife always smiling now, and his business keeps booming.

God is love, just seek Him. Divorce is a NO-NO for God's children. God will restore back your home dear. Don't give in to devil.

rolled:
Dear op
Few years ago we were in the same shoes
I fasted,cried,fought and he didn't change
One day I just decided to love myself more
Did things that made me happy(aside from cheating)
Fix my nails,got a good job,nice hair,well fitted clothes
I go on dates with my friends
See movies in a cinema
Then he started accusing me of cheating,so uncomfortable when am out.He would call like 50 times.
He tried to bully me into sitting at home all day but I refused
He even reported me to my family but I continued to make myself happy
Please note that all I did was NEVER TO MAKE HIM JEALOUS,i just had to be happy
Then all of a sudden I stopped seeing used condom pack
He stopped going out
He wants to go everywhere with me
And no reason to think he is unfaithful
Am not saying you shouldn't pray
Am not saying you should do what I did
It worked for me
But in all PLEASE LOVE YOURSElF AND BE HAPPY
Most Nigerians feel is prayers alone,No
Pray and be practical
You are a full grown woman you should know what am talking about
Wish you well

rolled:
Dear op
Few years ago we were in the same shoes
I fasted,cried,fought and he didn't change
One day I just decided to love myself more
Did things that made me happy(aside from cheating)
Fix my nails,got a good job,nice hair,well fitted clothes
I go on dates with my friends
See movies in a cinema
Then he started accusing me of cheating,so uncomfortable when am out.He would call like 50 times.
He tried to bully me into sitting at home all day but I refused
He even reported me to my family but I continued to make myself happy
Please note that all I did was NEVER TO MAKE HIM JEALOUS,i just had to be happy
Then all of a sudden I stopped seeing used condom pack
He stopped going out
He wants to go everywhere with me
And no reason to think he is unfaithful
Am not saying you shouldn't pray
Am not saying you should do what I did
It worked for me
But in all PLEASE LOVE YOURSElF AND BE HAPPY
Most Nigerians feel is prayers alone,No
Pray and be practical
You are a full grown woman you should know what am talking about
Wish you well

Justdulla:
Problem of this world is that a wrong thing will never become right no matyer what you do about it Unless God removes the veil from the wrongdoers face. So because you dated for 7yrs,u quickly got pregnant for him and you think after martiage everything will become normal and you will live happily ever after. Na Lie oo that is Cinderella love,things dont work that way in Naija, I mean you served him the food before he mad the order,now his tired and needs a new meal. So my dear just forget it. Am sure the only reason he still got married to you is because of the Kid. his beart belongs somewhere else. Its either u stay put and bear the brunt or pack your load waka comot but either way,I bet he wont stop seeing that lady or other ladies. As you lay your bed so you lie on it. Goodnight

MidasTouch01:


Sexual, unclad pictures and all. The girl seem not to know he is married. For all its worth, I Am learning to be genuinely happy again.

Nyceguy92:


Good.
I learnt that some women in similar circumstances had warned the other women that they would release their info - chats, pictures, etc , on social media if they refuesd to leave their husbands alone.

It is a arrow you can shoot.

MidasTouch01:


Sexual, unclad pictures and all. The girl seem not to know he is married. For all its worth, I Am learning to be genuinely happy again.

Ishilove:

Don't be so quick to judge. All I see in your posts are hasty and baseless conclusions.

Op, pele o. This one pass me.

Tearoses, please we need your input.

But I do wonder, what does that lady have that this man's wife doesn't have? Puzzay? Ass? Boobs? What, for goodness sakes?!

MidasTouch01:


Sexual, unclad pictures and all. The girl seem not to know he is married. For all its worth, I Am learning to be genuinely happy again.

MidasTouch01:
I really appreciate all that have in one way or the other contributed to this thread. Thanks a lot.

I wonder why some people do say one shouldn't check his/her spouse's phone. All my hubby's escapades I got to confirm via his phone, because he acts all sweet and all. He quarrels me over taking his phone but I wonder why the phone should be an issue when there is nothing to hide. He tries not to touch mine so I wouldnt touch his but I have nothing to hide.

I know there are people out there who have it happy in their marriages. I really want to have it happy too, not that my hubby will be acting so sweet while in actual fact he is cheating on me. I'm sorry if this seems as though I am lamenting, I really need to let out all these. Its almost tearing me up.

Ishilove:

Don't be so quick to judge. All I see in your posts are hasty and baseless conclusions.

Op, pele o. This one pass me.

Tearoses, please we need your input.

But I do wonder, what does that lady have that this man's wife doesn't have? Puzzay? Ass? Boobs? What, for goodness sakes?!

temi4fash:


Even though am an advocate of Prayers and regular intercession for your marriage.

I would suggest a possible separation or toughing in up, cos your marriage is having a rocky ride right now and i can see the experience is taking a toll on you. So, I would encourage you to let him be and you walk on yourself and become a better person, i hope u dont depend solely on him for ur fiancial support. if you dont just leave him and continue to pray for him.

while you are making progress with yours, dont let one man come and kill you with hyperthension cos if you die today the babe woth take over so just chill and enjoy ur self.

tearoses:


What can I say?

OP take a deep breath

Im sorry to tell you that this may pan out either of one way.
Either he wakes up one morning and decides to be a responsible husband and father or this girl who incidentally is not just a side babe but actually a long term lover gets pregnant and you both become second wives. (none of you is his first wife and he is treating both of you like shitt)

In the meantime, rather than use up energy on her I suggest that you use that energy on you.

I acknowledge that you have some degree of blame here; he is not doing anything that you weren't always aware he was capable of before you still decided to marry him, so he hasn't really changed and you are the one who has moved the goalpost expecting fidelity from someone who sees nothing wrong in being unfaithful.

So rather than use up all your energy, trying to change him, use that energy on yourself
Look in the mirror and work out why you think you deserve this? Do you even deserve this?
Talk to yourself and tell yourself the things that you want and you deserve and go get it

Live your life
You came alone, therefore learn to rely on you and you alone
Make yourself happy
regain your confidence
Push up your self esteem
focus on yourself and your baby

Stop begging, stop stalking, stop crying....none of these things will change him until he is ready to change.
Also don't bother with the facebook exposure, it will only just hurt you more in the end especially if in the end things do get resolved.
People don't forget these things and your husband will never be respected again.....ever!

tearoses:

Its not all her fault
If he didn't encourage it, she wouldn't send them
If a random man sent you or me nakeeed pictures we will curse his generation unborn
Your husband allowed it
He is the married one who made the vows
she is an opportunist

Onegai:
You can choose to do what rolled did. Sometimes it works and it's a long game. But love yourself and or at for yourself and your child and ignore that man. When it if he decides to be your husband again, we can see. It will take time.

Or you can carry matches to your marriage, since your husband is brandishing kerosene threatening to burn it down. May as well take him up on his offer. Go back to your parents. Leave a message on his Facebook wall, "hello honey if you are looking for me, I have gone back to where you met me. When you are ready to stop destroying our marriage with (mention the girl's facebook account name here), please ask my parents what to do next."

If you're concerned about airing your laundry and what people will say, ask yourself this [b][/b]"will I put on a happy smile and die inwardly? [b][/b]Which does my child need more, an appearance of happiness or two parents doing the right thing?"

My fear is if that girl gets pregnant, you become a co-wife. He's emotionally invested in that one girl, that's not a side chic, that is a mistress. And mistresses like getting upgraded to Wife.

MidasTouch01:
Hi Family, please I need your sincere advice. I created this account for privacy's sake (Mod please don't move this to homepage) . My marriage is just a year old, my husband is 31 while I'm 27. We have a 4year old son (we dated for 7years, had our son in the course of our relationship). Three years ago, he cheated on me with a younger lady. I stepped in and told the lady to leave my man for myself and our son, though he fought me over it but somehow with time, their relationship fizzled out and all was fine.

Earlier this year, my husband started acting suspicious, he became extra careful with his phone and all. I checked his phone, then I saw that the two of them have gotten back together. He claimed the girl asked him to forgive her and he did. Also got to know they have been sleeping with each other (we stay in different states for now as he is running a program). All these I got to know going through his phone. I told him I was done with him and can't take it anymore. He told me that he was sorry, and since he was able to let her go before now, that he will do it again.
Now the problem is this, we stay in two different states, and the lady stays just few kilometres away from my man. He promised to let her go, but I asked him how he intends to, he only replied me that he will. Also, I have the girl's contact, so i see the way they chat away into late in the night.

I intend giving him another chance BUT how do I handle this without overdoing things. As much as I try not to, I end up checking them up on whatsapp, and seeing both of them chat away gets me angrier. Please save a sister's marriage. I believe he is only sorry when he gets caught. After that he seem to throw caution to the wind again. He keeps asking me to trust him. Please how am I suppose to trust him again? And is there a way I can help him, because this seems to be a great weakness of his?

Matured advice please. Thanks a lot.

MidasTouch01:
Hi Family, please I need your sincere advice. I created this account for privacy's sake (Mod please don't move this to homepage) . My marriage is just a year old, my husband is 31 while I'm 27. We have a 4year old son (we dated for 7years, had our son in the course of our relationship). Three years ago, he cheated on me with a younger lady. I stepped in and told the lady to leave my man for myself and our son, though he fought me over it but somehow with time, their relationship fizzled out and all was fine.

Earlier this year, my husband started acting suspicious, he became extra careful with his phone and all. I checked his phone, then I saw that the two of them have gotten back together. He claimed the girl asked him to forgive her and he did. Also got to know they have been sleeping with each other (we stay in different states for now as he is running a program). All these I got to know going through his phone. I told him I was done with him and can't take it anymore. He told me that he was sorry, and since he was able to let her go before now, that he will do it again.
Now the problem is this, we stay in two different states, and the lady stays just few kilometres away from my man. He promised to let her go, but I asked him how he intends to, he only replied me that he will. Also, I have the girl's contact, so i see the way they chat away into late in the night.

I intend giving him another chance BUT how do I handle this without overdoing things. As much as I try not to, I end up checking them up on whatsapp, and seeing both of them chat away gets me angrier. Please save a sister's marriage. I believe he is only sorry when he gets caught. After that he seem to throw caution to the wind again. He keeps asking me to trust him. Please how am I suppose to trust him again? And is there a way I can help him, because this seems to be a great weakness of his?

Matured advice please. Thanks a lot.

rolled:
Dear op
Few years ago we were in the same shoes
I fasted,cried,fought and he didn't change
One day I just decided to love myself more
Did things that made me happy(aside from cheating)
Fix my nails,got a good job,nice hair,well fitted clothes
I go on dates with my friends
See movies in a cinema
Then he started accusing me of cheating,so uncomfortable when am out.He would call like 50 times.
He tried to bully me into sitting at home all day but I refused
He even reported me to my family but I continued to make myself happy
Please note that all I did was NEVER TO MAKE HIM JEALOUS,i just had to be happy
Then all of a sudden I stopped seeing used condom pack
He stopped going out
He wants to go everywhere with me
And no reason to think he is unfaithful
Am not saying you shouldn't pray
Am not saying you should do what I did
It worked for me
But in all PLEASE LOVE YOURSElF AND BE HAPPY
Most Nigerians feel is prayers alone,No
Pray and be practical
You are a full grown woman you should know what am talking about
Wish you well

MidasTouch01:


Thanks ma'am


Yes he encouraged it. I have made the decision to do all that makes me happy. Thanks a lot

tearoses:


It is well my dear
do all it takes morally to make yourself happy pls. Life is too short for you to be unhappy.
So Please just look after yourself; emotionally most especially.

As you can see, since the person who is supposed to have your back has refused to, then you need to look after number one....YOU!
You need to be in a good frame of mind to be able to extend that to your son too.....he may be young but he is watching and listening

Yes do also pray and seek the face of God, because at the end of the day, only He alone can touch peoples hearts.

I sincerely hope and pray that things turn out right for you

((hugs))

MidasTouch01:
Hi Family, please I need your sincere advice. I created this account for privacy's sake (Mod please don't move this to homepage) . My marriage is just a year old, my husband is 31 while I'm 27. We have a 4year old son (we dated for 7years, had our son in the course of our relationship). Three years ago, he cheated on me with a younger lady. I stepped in and told the lady to leave my man for myself and our son, though he fought me over it but somehow with time, their relationship fizzled out and all was fine.

Earlier this year, my husband started acting suspicious, he became extra careful with his phone and all. I checked his phone, then I saw that the two of them have gotten back together. He claimed the girl asked him to forgive her and he did. Also got to know they have been sleeping with each other (we stay in different states for now as he is running a program). All these I got to know going through his phone. I told him I was done with him and can't take it anymore. He told me that he was sorry, and since he was able to let her go before now, that he will do it again.
Now the problem is this, we stay in two different states, and the lady stays just few kilometres away from my man. He promised to let her go, but I asked him how he intends to, he only replied me that he will. Also, I have the girl's contact, so i see the way they chat away into late in the night.

I intend giving him another chance BUT how do I handle this without overdoing things. As much as I try not to, I end up checking them up on whatsapp, and seeing both of them chat away gets me angrier. Please save a sister's marriage. I believe he is only sorry when he gets caught. After that he seem to throw caution to the wind again. He keeps asking me to trust him. Please how am I suppose to trust him again? And is there a way I can help him, because this seems to be a great weakness of his?

Matured advice please. Thanks a lot.

EfemenaXY:


Like many have said on here, if you feel you can overlook his excesses and can function in that environment without falling prey to hypertension or high bp, or entertaining thoughts of poisoning his mistress, and if you are able to prevent your young son being at the receiving end of negative vibes between you both, then you must do what makes you happy. You already have your child. Good thing. Now focus on bringing him up right to the best of your ability. Even though you hurt inside, never say a bad / negative word to him about his dad. Follow the golden rule of: If you've got nothing positive to say, then say nothing at all...

I totally get why you want to stick it out - it's your choice and I respect that. And to do this successfully, you'll need to immerse yourself in projects that will totally and I mean totally, preoccupy you. I assume you're working? If not, then what are you waiting for??

Set yourself challenging goals. Don't let society's perception of what a woman can (should) or can't (shouldn't) do limit you. How many houses have you built in your name / son's name? None? Then start working towards that. Don't stop at one. Before you complete one, start making preparations for another and a third. You shouldn't even mention this to your man. He's made his choice and for all you know, his mistress might be pregnant right now carrying his child.

Focus also on starting up a business and making a success of it. Look for something you're passionate about and go for it with all you've got. You're young. You're healthy. You're strong. You're of sound mind. Things won't always remain the same as one gets older - so why not make the very best of your youth and do something positive? Something that counts?

Right now you're hurting and I'm pretty certain revenge isn't far from your mind. You may deny it, but it's not rocket science to understand how a woman in your shoes must be feeling - having your man betray your trust and you being forced to share him with someone else. It's a slap on your face. On the very essence of your womanhood - yes? But not to worry. Shyte happens - and rather than focus on destructive revenge, why not go for constructive, all-empowering "revenge"? You're married to a Nigerian man. Your average Nigerian man feels "wounded" pride and less of a man if he discovers his wife has quietly taken up the mantle to build her own house in her own name / child's name. (Don't ask me why they feel that way, or see it as a slap in the face - they just do). When such a man sees that you aren't bothered about his escapades, nor are you retaliating by paying him back in the same coin - but rather are pushing forward, independently with your own life - trust me, he'll come running back with his tail between his legs.

Your destiny is in your hands, not in another human being's hands, much less a philandering man's hands. You're only 27. Start securing your future and that of your son's.

And one more thing. Don't you ever, ever, challenge, much less contact his mistress(es). Give yourself some self-respect. How many of such women do you intend to chase? Harsh as it may sound, erase that mentality that the "other woman" is out to destroy your home. She isn't. It's your husband who's using his own hands to destroy his home. He's the one introducing outsiders to your union. He's the one who made those marriage vows to you, not the other woman. The other woman owes you nothing. She's not even decent for goodness sake, otherwise she'd go find her own man.

Girl, respect yourself and keep away. Don't go tainting yourself with the public latrine.

It is well.

MidasTouch01:
Hi Family, please I need your sincere advice. I created this account for privacy's sake (Mod please don't move this to homepage) . My marriage is just a year old, my husband is 31 while I'm 27. We have a 4year old son (we dated for 7years, had our son in the course of our relationship). Three years ago, he cheated on me with a younger lady. I stepped in and told the lady to leave my man for myself and our son, though he fought me over it but somehow with time, their relationship fizzled out and all was fine.

Earlier this year, my husband started acting suspicious, he became extra careful with his phone and all. I checked his phone, then I saw that the two of them have gotten back together. He claimed the girl asked him to forgive her and he did. Also got to know they have been sleeping with each other (we stay in different states for now as he is running a program). All these I got to know going through his phone. I told him I was done with him and can't take it anymore. He told me that he was sorry, and since he was able to let her go before now, that he will do it again.
Now the problem is this, we stay in two different states, and the lady stays just few kilometres away from my man. He promised to let her go, but I asked him how he intends to, he only replied me that he will. Also, I have the girl's contact, so i see the way they chat away into late in the night.

I intend giving him another chance BUT how do I handle this without overdoing things. As much as I try not to, I end up checking them up on whatsapp, and seeing both of them chat away gets me angrier. Please save a sister's marriage. I believe he is only sorry when he gets caught. After that he seem to throw caution to the wind again. He keeps asking me to trust him. Please how am I suppose to trust him again? And is there a way I can help him, because this seems to be a great weakness of his?

Matured advice please. Thanks a lot.