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HaneefahRN:

Good man. How many orphans or relative's children have you taken in as a bachelor? You seem to know about how to take care of children, it isn't rocket science after all.

fem29:


Good thing cococandy doesn't live in Nigeria then. stop ranting up and down.

dude is a retardd. Stop giving him attention.

HaneefahRN:



Good man. How many orphans or relative's children have you taken in as a bachelor? You seem to know alot about how to take care of children, it isn't rocket science after all.

Maybe we can make a bet here on nairaland.
Then I will upload pictures of how many of them since you asked.

Over 20 people in my community alone eat rice every Christmas because of me. Not just rice but with everything to go with it.

Every one of over 1300 pupils in my community has at least 2 branded 80 leaves exercise book from me last year alone, including their teachers.

So to avoid going to far, call a referee and let's make a bet.
I will upload pictures for you and tell you my real name. Then you can crosscheck.

I don't have the same mentality like you.

SamMilla1:


Maybe we can make a bet here on nairaland.
Then I will upload pictures of how many of them since you asked.

Over 20 people in my community alone eat rice every Christmas because of me. Not just rice but with everything to go with it.

Every one of over 1300 pupils in my community has at least 2 branded 80 leaves experience book from me last year alone, including their teachers.

So to avoid going to far, call a referee and let's make a bet.
I will upload pictures for you and tell you my real name. Then you can crosscheck.

I don't have the same mentality like you.

That is very good of you. More grease to you elbow. You don't know my mentality so don't go there.

Now, those children you helped who are they living with, there parents, is it not? Why should a girl with alive and healthy parents live with a relative? If she were an orphan, we might even have 2nd thoughts.

Like you do, whatever help they want to render should be given to the girl in her parents house. It isn't easy raising a difficult child especially if the child is not one's child, everything you do will be given all sorts of meaning, this is Nigeria. Like you had already termed her wicked and evil without even knowing the reality of how she lives. I once grew up with a difficult cousin and I know what my mum passed through, and it's even worse when the relatives ain't even appreciative but look for any loop holes you might have.

HaneefahRN:




That is very good of you. More grease to you elbow. You don't know my mentality so don't go there.

Now, those children you helped who are they living with, there parents, is it not? Why should a girl with alive and healthy parents live with a relative? If she were an orphan, we might even have 2nd thoughts.

Like you do, whatever help they want to render should be given to the girl in her parents house. It isn't easy raising a difficult child especially if the child is not one's child, everything you do will be given all sorts of meaning, this is Nigeria. Like you had already termed her wicked and evil without even knowing the reality of how she lives. I once grew up with a difficult cousin and I know what my mum passed through, and it's even worse when the relatives ain't even appreciative but look for any loop holes you might have.

This is where our conversation ends, until you acknowledge it's a privilege chatting with me.

Mistake number one was that you said exactly what I knew you would say.
I am not in the mood to be dragged back to mediocrity, I left that stage years ago.

SamMilla1:


This is where our conversation ends, until you acknowledge it's a privilege chatting with me.

*rolls eye*

enygmababe:


Sweetilicious, those are nice and practical suggestions I agree but have you ever really tried to effect them? Particularly the wake her up every hour to go and ease herself? Op says she works.

My sister, it is one thing to say oh but another thing to do. Before you castigate me take note that I have not said to send the child home. Until you have walked this talk believe me you will not know that it is not so easy.

If she can do it for her daughter or her neice, she can do it for the girl. I use to wake up my sister's baby sitter to ease herself. She came from the village, she have never been to school. Although she was disrespectful because that's how she was brought up. Two years of living with my sister, she can speak English, write, she took 5th position. She goes to a reliable and expensive school. Am just saying there is no harm in trying. Anybody can do it. She shouldn't be selfish my dear. That girl will still grow up one day to become a lady . Its just a phase she will outgrow soon

HaneefahRN:



So she should not sleep well all night cos of a child whose mother might be in bed enjoying her sleep? The mackintosh seems more practical, and waking at least twice in the night and ensuring she pees before going to bed.

The best thing is for the girl to be raised by her parents whatever help OP and her husband want to render should be extended to them

This girl living with them is not there for material help. She is there to be nurtured and trained. To be different from others. Forget her parents.Some people are not worthy of being parents. Op help her genuinely like you would your daughter. Let her help her parents and other siblings to change. If this girl goes to her parents, she wont get the proper training. I will have to admit it won't be easy, but it can be done. The girl is 11 now. Soon, she will enter puberty age when she needs a lot of advice and training. If you take her back to the village, she will get pregnant and end up frustrated. Op calm down and accept this girl. She needs not less than 10 years to fully grow into a woman. Coach her and help her grow. You will forever remain her idol if she doesn't go astray in life. I will stop her. Hope my advice will be accepted with keen heart.

double post

[b]

enygmababe:


She was collecting 2k from either of us every week till she gave birth and it was much later that I realised that antenatal is not weekly and she was usng the money to pay her contribution in 'Glamorous Ladies Club'

Chaiii... Looolz. So funny. Some ppl sabi this kind thing o. A young aunt of mine pleaded for money one xmas like that. I said sorry that I didn't hv much then. She said pls that it was for something urgent. I lent her some.
When I later went to visit her in the New year, she apologised to me that she used that money to make her hair! I think she felt guilty cos I myself couldn't make my hair that season!

My shoes right now is very similar to the posters except the girl is my own niece and 13yrs old.im at the verge of taking her back to the village,those up there judging the poster you need to be in her shoes to know how frustrating it is.me I beat her when necessary cos I beat my 2yrs old daughter too,if my neighbors hear her scream this days they don't come knocking anymore cos they know what am going through.she dips her hand in my Pot of stew and then move to the freezer to deal with the things kept there too.shesbeen here for over 3years and I can't point to any change.i take her bedwetting as something that will fade away someday + she's not doing it intentionally,but when you steal and deny it for hours?lie so much that everything you say needs clarification?i won't spare the rod to spoil the child o,as long as my conscience is clean and I can sleep at night knowing am doing my best for her,I'm good!

sweetilicious:
This girl living with them is not there for material help. She is there to be nurtured and trained. To be different from others. Forget her parents.Some people are not worthy of being parents. Op help her genuinely like you would your daughter. Let her help her parents and other siblings to change. If this girl goes to her parents, she wont get the proper training. I will have to admit it won't be easy, but it can be done. The girl is 11 now. Soon, she will enter puberty age when she needs a lot of advice and training. If you take her back to the village, she will get pregnant and end up frustrated. Op calm down and accept this girl. She needs not less than 10 years to fully grow into a woman. Coach her and help her grow. You will forever remain her idol if she doesn't go astray in life. I will stop her. Hope my advice will be accepted with keen heart.

I know you mean well.
But the OP has raised some concerns, and its obvious she's finding it difficult to cope. She's also human, and has cried for help.
Her concerns shouldn't be brushed aside as we all have different stress thresholds, because its just a matter of time before she snaps.
I have seen mothers who have given up their own kids for adoption because they couldn't cope.
The girl's parents shouldn't be absolved from their responsibility as you seem to have conveniently done.
I have come to realize one cannot please everyone, and self preservation is oftentimes necessary in most situations.

Mindfulness:
MarryMeee,

since you and your husband are in agreement, you should announce your decision to the family and stick to it until they have practical solutions and assistance to offer. If they are not able to take care of the child or at least help take care of her, why would they expect you to do it alone? It is not easy to raise a child and much less a little troubled soul like her. I respect that you tried and I respect you even more for not being ashamed to say that it has become too much.

Thank you so much. We have actually taken advice from a poster here and we are looking for a boarding school for her since she is old enough to be in boarding school.