Pls house, am realy confused, I have a baby mama whom I sponsored in school. She is in her finals now, but she is too dirty, at times she will not bath my baby before taking her to daycare, she do wear dirty cloth for her, and I was also told she do shut my mum down when she corrects her.Inshort, she is dirty, i have talked to her but no changes, am just tired and confused. I love my daughter so well. I don't want to go into polygamy but this one is too hard to bear.

Shebi you know she is the dirty type before you impregnated her? Nonsense.

Hmm. Dirty girl

it either u take charge of the hygiene of the baby or u let her know that u won't be settling down with her because of dat and see what happens.

That was what I told her yesterday and she said Ok, infact am thinking am finished. I pray she should drop laziness so that life can be meaningful.

ijeshaboy:
That was what I told her yesterday and she said Ok, infact am thinking am finished. I pray she should drop laziness so that life can be meaningful.

said ok hw?

She shouldn't have d custody of the baby

nasha1:
it either u take charge of the hygiene of the baby or u let her know that u won't be settling down with her because of dat and see what happens.

am not around, she schools in our hometown so she stay with my mum, wen she came visiting, my toilet change colour from white to brown, infact am confused, I wish well for her but how do I handle dis.

Why did you impregnate an unhygienic woman?

Anyway since you are not already married, she is not willing to change now and you cant deal with the dirt, then its probably better that you carry on your relationship from afar until things change.

Its a pity for the innocent baby though.

Meanwhile cant you bath or take care of your baby? maybe when she sees how hands on and tidy you are and the way you are doing it, maybe she may learn a thing or two from you and improve.

Dats not an issue. It can be corrected. Dats not enough reason to not marry her, but the fact dat she has a daughter for u does not mean u should marry her. Don't do something u wud regret for the rest of your life. Marry her ONLY if you love her.

nnamdiokere45:
said ok hw?

I don't realy understand.

ijeshaboy:
I don't realy understand.

u must nt marry ur baby mama. I dey dirty small n I nid sumone dat wld help me nt mke me worst. marriage na forever sumtin oooo.tink wel bro, u never marry am she dey like dis wen una mqrry nko

Thunderlicious:
Dats not an issue. It can be corrected. Dats not enough reason to not marry her, but the fact dat she has a daughter for u does not mean u should marry her. Don't do something u wud regret for the rest of your life. Marry her ONLY if you love her.

thanks boss, have talked to her beg her, infact she was doing her IT, she was sleeping at home and the superior came to her place of IT and didn't meet her. The case is still on now that my mum is trying to settle.

ijeshaboy:
am not around, she schools in our hometown so she stay with my mum, wen she came visiting, my toilet change colour from white to brown, infact am confused, I wish well for her but how do I handle dis.

u let her get away with it for far too long and she is used 2 it.Like I said tell her that u tried 2 accommodate her lack of hygiene and u don't think u want 2 live the rest of ur life like this OR Make her uncomfortable anytime she visits, clean after her each time she uses something while murmuring,wash ur daughter clothes when she is around,even the clean ones,talk about hygiene more often to ur daughter,she is a baby but ur indirectly referring 2 her,this will trigger something in her and watch her reaction.If this doesnt work,u are the one 2 decide coz nobody here will help u more than u can help urself as u will be the one 2 live with her.I dislike dirty people especially women!

nnamdiokere45:
u must nt marry ur baby mama. I dey dirty small n I nid sumone dat wld help me nt mke me worst. marriage na forever sumtin oooo.tink wel bro, u never marry am she dey like dis wen una mqrry nko

am also not that neat but am still better than her, all the good cloth I bought for my daughter has turn brown, including the one sent by my sister, I bought her 3 phone within 6month all spoilt, the last one was techno l7( u nw the price when it came out) am just confused.

nasha1:

u let her get away with it for far too long and she is used 2 it.Like I said tell her that u tried 2 accommodate her lack of hygiene and u don't think u want 2 live the rest of ur life like this OR Make her uncomfortable anytime she visits, clean after her each time she uses something while murmuring,wash ur daughter clothes when she is around,even the clean ones,talk about hygiene more often to ur daughter,she is a baby but ur indirectly referring 2 her,this will trigger something in her and watch her reaction.If this doesnt work,u are the one 2 decide coz nobody here will help u more than u can help urself as u will be the one 2 live with her.I dislike dirty people especially women!

ok I will because now, my mum said she will nor correct her again because my brother wife never give her problem, and she do shout on my mum. Am thinking of calling her mum to explain, cos the relationship was 3 month when she got preg, and since then I ensure she go to school her parent never take care of anything again, and still she Stilll do this to me.imagine now, I can't sleep since yesterday.

If she's dirty now then she'll be dirty after marriage. You may think that she'll change after some time but she won't. And didn't you notice she's dirty since before you gave her a baby?

ijeshaboy:
am also not that neat but am still better than her, all the good cloth I bought for my daughter has turn brown, including the one sent by my sister, I bought her 3 phone within 6month all spoilt, the last one was techno l7( u nw the price when it came out) am just confused.

there is no confusion here,she doesnt want to improve on herself and it is not ur job 2 change her,u better decide now or u will live the rest of ur life in regret and confusion.u will forever fight with her,despise her and this is not a situation u want 2 be in or ur kids.this might seems light 4 now but when she finally move in with u,u guys will have it rough.

ijeshaboy:
am also not that neat but am still better than her, all the good cloth I bought for my daughter has turn brown, including the one sent by my sister, I bought her 3 phone within 6month all spoilt, the last one was techno l7( u nw the price when it came out) am just confused.

This sounds like someone clumsy and non chalant

Does she make her bed in the morning?
Does she clean out her kitchen cupboards?
Does she sweep under her bed
Does she clean her toilet?
Are her clothes neatly folded in her wardrobe?

These are some of the things that tidy people do

The clothes turning brown could be due to bad soap or she washing dark colours with light colours

Why is she not bathing the baby in the morning? is she bathing the baby at night?
No water?
no time?

Maybe she just needs orientation and to learn quicker and easier ways to to do things.

PeachyP:
If she's dirty now then she'll be dirty after marriage. You may think that she'll change after some time but she won't. And didn't you notice she's dirty since before you gave her a baby?

I hate abortion the relationship was 3 month then and she told me she is preg,infact my dad still talk till today that I disappoint him, but it's my cross, the baby didn't send me, so I make sure she is happy but the mum is frustrating me. Am thinking of remaining single and I will let my mum take care of the girl, cos I don't want another woman to maltreat her.

Sj

tearoses:


This sounds like someone clumsy and non chalant

Does she make her bed in the morning?
Does she clean out her kitchen cupboards?
Does she sweep under her bed
Does she clean her toilet?
Are her clothes neatly folded in her wardrobe?

These are some of the things that tidy people do

The clothes turning brown could be due to bad soap or she washing dark colours with light colours

Why is she not bathing the baby in the morning? is she bathing the baby at night?
No water?
no time?

Maybe she just needs orientation and to learn quicker and easier ways to to do things.

she stays in my parent place, there is running water, when she came visiting, I do shout on her to lay the bed, she scatter all on the floor, I was ashamed when I came home with my friends when that came to say hi to her an my baby, she look unkept. Am frustrated God knws.

ijeshaboy:
Sj she stays in my parent place, there is running water, when she came visiting, I do shout on her to lay the bed, she scatter all on the floor, I was ashamed when I came home with my friends when that came to say hi to her an my baby, she look unkept. Am frustrated God knws.

Since she already stays in your parents place then its a difficult one as you cant just chase her away
You say your mum has already been on her case, but to no avail, so I don't really know what to suggest
Some people are just inherently untidy and dirty;

Your mistake was going so far with such a person when you know that it was something you are not ready to live with

I cant advise you to marry someone that will make you unhappy because you will both be unhappy and that will affect your daughter also.
Keep on talking and acting and tell her you cannot commit until things change
Also tell her that you are not prepared to wait indefinitely for the change and you will move on without her if she doesn't change.
Let her know your plans so she doesn't think that you jilted her.

tearoses:


Since she already stays in your parents place then its a difficult one as you cant just chase her away
You say your mum has already been on her case, but to no avail, so I don't really know what to suggest
Some people are just inherently untidy and dirty;

Your mistake was going so far with such a person when you know that it was something you are not ready to live with

I cant advise you to marry someone that will make you unhappy because you will both be unhappy and that will affect your daughter also.
Keep on talking and acting and tell her you cannot commit until things change
Also tell her that you are not prepared to wait indefinitely for the change and you will move on without her if she doesn't change.
Let her know your plans so she doesn't think that you jilted her.

am realy happy with your advice, am thinking she might pretend for some time and later change to her ways, because when she came to me I corrected her, but when she was leaving I noticed she left the toilet and bath unwashed, so am realy scared, I will follow ur advice, I will watch her for sometime, thank God my baby is now eating well, and walking I will still watch her.

ijeshaboy:
I hate abortion the relationship was 3 month then and she told me she is preg,infact my dad still talk till today that I disappoint him, but it's my cross, the baby didn't send me, so I make sure she is happy but the mum is frustrating me. Am thinking of remaining single and I will let my mum take care of the girl, cos I don't want another woman to maltreat her.

3 months courtship was too short. No it is clearer to me that you did not actually know her too well before she got pregnant. This is my advice:

1. Put all marriage plans on hold, if u have any. In fact, remove the idea of marrying her from your mind. You should start thinking of that when she has changed and starts to respect your family. A woman who shouts at your mother is NOT A WIFE MATERIAL.

2. I don't know your age and her age. It is not advisable to jump into marriage at very young age as this is what's trending now in Nigeria. Allow enough time to enable u know her very well.

3. If/when u have money, do a DNA test to ascertain that you are the father of her child. It may sound unnecessary but it is very important. Even if the child looks like u or any of your family member, GO FOR A DNA TEST. I am talking from experience.

ijeshaboy:
am realy happy with your advice, am thinking she might pretend for some time and later change to her ways, because when she came to me I corrected her, but when she was leaving I noticed she left the toilet and bath unwashed, so am realy scared, I will follow ur advice, I will watch her for sometime, thank God my baby is now eating well, and walking I will still watch her.

If you can afford it, rent a place for her away from your parents place
For a start she shouldn't be living there if you were not even making marriage arrangements and you are not sure that she is the one that you will marry.
Its not fair on your parents and it gives the girl a false sense of security.
It also boxes you into a corner

When you dey enter the place she no dirty. Now na stupid talk we dey hear for NL. Nonsense, even your spellings tells a lot about you.

SURElee:
When you dey enter the place she no dirty. Now na stupid talk we dey hear for NL. Nonsense, even your spellings tells a lot about you.

madam my phone pad is bad, don't think I will descend so low to make an unreasonable conversation with you, if you know me in person you will not reason this way. Have a nice day ahead.

tearoses:


If you can afford it, rent a place for her away from your parents place
For a start she shouldn't be living there if you were not even making marriage arrangements and you are not sure that she is the one that you will marry.
Its not fair on your parents and it gives the girl a false sense of security.
It also boxes you into a corner

my concern is my daughter, if she is staying alone I might be spending money on unhygienic illness, my mum suggested she shld stay with her.

dollyjoy:
Shebi you know she is the dirty type before you impregnated her? Nonsense.

hellooo! u got issues dear.

Dull people Nationwide.

Safe that child from the shackles of poor upbringing, but Op you endulging in an unprotected sex in this era of so much STDs in circulation and after so much awareness. Just imagine if the dirty girl with her careless life had infected you. Please dont let the mistake of making a baby with her lead you into a regret for a life time in the name of marriage.

Thanks boss, I realy appreciate your advice