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Two Wasted Months Of Marriage by snakie86: 8:44am On Jul 23, 2016 |
I have been hearing about this kind of issue but not seen one until it happened close to me. I know this might be a little bit long but i just want to put it out and learn from people to find a resolution. Had we intervened in our own little way, would things have come out this way? This is the question have been asking myself since Monday when i heard of this issue. I am still stunned and couldn’t believe what is happening, neither is my wife. How could two months old marriage crashed just like that without any remedy. Have been hearing that marriages crashes but this one is somehow exceptional and called for various questions which are still unanswerable as at this moment. I relocated to a new apartment which was a twin flat in a compound, my neighbour moved into the compound two months after us even though our money started reading at the same time. This was because they just had their wedding a week before they moved in. Both of us in the building are young couples, i have been married for three years, we see ourselves as brothers as love birds, four of us in the compound were of the same age mate and our thought from beginning was that we will be able to relate very well with each other as young educated chaps. Barely two weeks the newly married couple moved in, i called the attention of my wife to the fact that i don’t see our neighbours behaving like a newly wedded couple, at least love should still be in the air and we should be seeing them running over each other but reverse is the case. In fact most times when there was no light, i will be hearing their voice as if they were arguing. Moreover, the wife always wear a not too happy face most times I and my wife agreed that, misunderstanding is bound to happen; they are new to marital life as such they are just trying to get to know each other very well. It is often said that first year of marriage is the toughest one as i could remember what we also went through during our first year but we endure due to our perseverance and parents counselling that we should always exercise patience with each other and today me and my wife understand each other very well now. We assumed, it was their own time too and they will overcome it. Gradually we became a bit close with each other, i realized that the husband was an introvert who is always himself and you hardly see him outside while the wife was the opposite. When the husband is not around, the wife will come to our place, we will gist, talk, watch movies, musicals, euro 2016 together. In fact, i was surprise the wife knows about football and i used her as a reference point to my wife whenever we are watching football as she doesn’t have interest in any sport at all. The husband will call her whenever he comes back and the wife will go and meet her, sometimes she will come back while sometimes she might not come back again. 9 Likes 8 Shares |
Re: Two Wasted Months Of Marriage by snakie86: 8:45am On Jul 23, 2016 |
The sign 22 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Two Wasted Months Of Marriage by snakie86: 8:46am On Jul 23, 2016 |
What a wonderful God 7 Likes |
Re: Two Wasted Months Of Marriage by snakie86: 8:47am On Jul 23, 2016 |
Thanks 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Two Wasted Months Of Marriage by thorpido(m): 8:58am On Jul 23, 2016 |
Didn't they court?They seem not to be compatible. However,they both seem not to be working on their marriage.Even as an introvert,the man ought to come out of his shell now that he has a wife at home.A married man must talk! If you can reach out to the wife,tell her to come back and talk to both of them.I'm sure their families will talk to them too. I think the wife has the bigger issue.Why did she decide to marry someone she really doesn't fancy?A lot of women don't like extremely quiet and introverted men and often you can't change such men.You just have to decide as a lady that it is what you can live with which might not be the case. That friend you saw with the wife is a sign she doesn't keep good company and she is like her friends. 110 Likes 8 Shares |
Re: Two Wasted Months Of Marriage by viver1: 9:12am On Jul 23, 2016 |
Itz nt d marriage that made her leave. She is a thief. D husbd just ddnt see. Y ddnt she go with only her belongings? 76 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: Two Wasted Months Of Marriage by Nobody: 9:17am On Jul 23, 2016 |
The wife maybe was not prepared for marriage. She was a house wife right? She expects the man to come home and start washing plates after a hectic day at the office? They were only 2 at home then right? So what does she do with her time when the husband is at work? Why did she not do what you adviced her to do? I have feeling that she was not truthful to you. If she told you about her husband, why did she not tell you about her intention to pack out? The things she complained about are not serious issues. Is that her friend legally and contently married? I think that she must have made up her mind to leave for no reason. There is a way that seems right to a man but its end na die. Why is she not picking you calls? She has bad friends and many skeletons in her wardrobe or cupboard. 174 Likes 5 Shares |
Re: Two Wasted Months Of Marriage by snakie86: 9:17am On Jul 23, 2016 |
MisterPresident: Dont want to make this a tribal issue. They are both from the same state and the same town 65 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Two Wasted Months Of Marriage by snakie86: 9:23am On Jul 23, 2016 |
They dated for over two years. 2 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Two Wasted Months Of Marriage by Nobody: 9:26am On Jul 23, 2016 |
viver1: This is critical. Why did she not take only her belongings? Why take something as irrelevant as spoons? Does this not point to something bad? If she was bold enough to tell you about her husband's alleged short comings, why not also her well laid out plan of packing out. Why give her friend her phone to answer at least you are a neutral party? Her eyes go clear later. 37 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Two Wasted Months Of Marriage by Kakamorufu(m): 9:26am On Jul 23, 2016 |
thats what happen when two individual did not do the courting the way its supposed to be. Another thing is that they might have been rushed into the marriage. Its well with the man, if his wife ever come back, he should try spice up the marriage. Don't dull 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Two Wasted Months Of Marriage by Nobody: 9:31am On Jul 23, 2016 |
snakie86: Her friend is an al-badoo and may be the friend's husband. If you see a married woman leave her house, won't it be right to take her back and sue for peace ans reconcilliation? I 3 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Two Wasted Months Of Marriage by mrwonlasewonie: 9:32am On Jul 23, 2016 |
thorpido:gbam.you have said it all 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Two Wasted Months Of Marriage by mrwonlasewonie: 9:33am On Jul 23, 2016 |
MisterPresident:etunde,etitun bere.always bringing out tribal issues where there's no need for it.isshhh 43 Likes 5 Shares |
Re: Two Wasted Months Of Marriage by Eyop: 9:38am On Jul 23, 2016 |
The wife still has unfinished business outside. The matrimony is like caging her and not allowing her explore the goodies she's missing out there. Try have a man to man talk with the husband and let him tell you in details his own side of the story to enable you compare. 26 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Two Wasted Months Of Marriage by Nobody: 9:40am On Jul 23, 2016 |
Kakamorufu: I beg to differ. It is not about courting very well. It is about openess, honesty, truthfullness, straightforwardness, being yourself, and being real. My parents neither courted nor knew each before the day of introduction. 52 Likes |
Re: Two Wasted Months Of Marriage by mrwonlasewonie: 9:41am On Jul 23, 2016 |
Op i have a feeling the so called saucy friend knows her where about so what you will do is to pet her,beg her and calm her down. If she talks anyhow ignore all that.just find a way to soften her heart then when you have gotten her attention and trust ask her about her friends where about or who will know of her whereabouts; you will see ,she'll tell you YOU'RE a man na.you guys know your ways around with women especially calming them down. Just try it.if possible buy something for her and give your wife to give her so that she won't think you're trying to make passes at her.you can give your wife money to buy anything she feels a woman might like. It could be hand bag,clutch purse, neklace or Ankara.just do it to make her divulge information .bottonline is infiltrate her 4 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Two Wasted Months Of Marriage by Nobody: 9:42am On Jul 23, 2016 |
Eyop: This is also a likely probabilty. 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Two Wasted Months Of Marriage by Nobody: 9:48am On Jul 23, 2016 |
mrwonlasewonie: Calm down? For what. Either the woman is pursuing something or her friend wants to scatter her marriage. She is not interested in the marriage. 16 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Two Wasted Months Of Marriage by argon500: 9:49am On Jul 23, 2016 |
Oh boy, this one na serious issue oo.. @ op, i'll be right back |
Re: Two Wasted Months Of Marriage by mrwonlasewonie: 9:58am On Jul 23, 2016 |
jusRadical:hen let the man find the woman first so that the family of the lady will not hold the man responsible for her disappearance.remember the father handed the daughter over to the man on the wedding day to love protect cherish bla bla bla.so when she's found he (husband) should ask her do you still want the marriage, if she says no then the man has done his best he can then inform her parents and wash hands off her matter. It's even less complicated since kids aren't yet involved 9 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Two Wasted Months Of Marriage by Nobody: 10:07am On Jul 23, 2016 |
mrwonlasewonie: You are right but remember that the wife left on her own accord. The man is not fed up with the union from his reaction so taking her to her parents will be dicey. The woman I guess has something up her sleeve. 14 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Two Wasted Months Of Marriage by BellaElla(f): 10:18am On Jul 23, 2016 |
Oga morning o. In my opinion I believe you are too involved in their marriage. Firstly it is only an irresponsible wife that visits neighbours everyday without reason. You and ur wife shouldn't have let it get that frequent. Its not a behaviour to encouraged and breeds over familiarity and disrespect. Another thing is when she started complaining about her marriage to u people, you should have known the kind of woman she was. That woman can set u up, she can cause issues between u and ur wife . She is not a wise person to associate with. However its not late to disassociate urself. Distance urself from their issues. Stop calling the woman. E no concern u. Let the man and his family sort it out. It would surprise u that when they are talking about their wahala or name would be mentioned. Over familiarity between neighbours dey always bring insult. 185 Likes 15 Shares |
Re: Two Wasted Months Of Marriage by Nobody: 10:39am On Jul 23, 2016 |
Obviously one or the other was pretending throughout their courtship period. Nothing is as good as openness and honesty. The woman will come back when her eyes clear. That is, if she has shame at all. 5 Likes |
Re: Two Wasted Months Of Marriage by byvan03: 11:13am On Jul 23, 2016 |
I will advise you to mind your business and let family members sort the issue. Only those inside the marriage know where the rain started beating them, just forget everything you think you know. Only the insiders ever know the true story. 39 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Two Wasted Months Of Marriage by njiasi30(f): 11:16am On Jul 23, 2016 |
Firstly, u made a mistake by nt telling d man. U would ve saved D marriage by now. U would ve spoken to him man 2 man,in a nice way.pretend DAT u over heard when she was telling ur wife and she was bittered/crying bc she loves him. D hubby will feel remorse and make amend. D marriage is 2 early 4 break up, d man is an introvert but he didn't balance things up. Women re 2 soft and dey love to b pampered, d man sleeping off everytime , it's painful Na. She was really lonely and no kids yet to fill in d gap DAT was why she got 2 close to ur family just to b happy. Dat was why she started comparing u 2 her hubby, every woman Will do d same when dey re nt seeing what dey desire... U don't need to b compatible 2 ve a perfect marriage. Marriage is all abt understanding, tolerance, endurance... Learning each other flaws and accepting it, apologizing even if u re right, DAT shows u value ur relationship more Dan ur ego.listening to each other, No one is perfect, we re all working towards perfection and pray 4 D best. It's unfortunate she ve a bad friend dat adviced her wrongly, keep calling/texting, let her know her hubby is sorry and all dat, if u can reach d friend fine.Let her hubby go and beg his in-laws and see d outcome first. I wish u best of luck trying 2 reunite dem ![]() 7 Likes |
Re: Two Wasted Months Of Marriage by mrwonlasewonie: 11:18am On Jul 23, 2016 |
jusRadical:yes but remember this is Africa. Yoruba says we only see the beginning of a brewing war no one sees the end.it's better to involve her parents So that incase something bad happens to her during her waka about no one or her parents will say when she left who did you tell? It's for her to state whether she wants the marriage So that she won't be doing play away match in her husbands house. If she doesn't want the marriage its better she goes than for it to turn to you are mad you are stopeed 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Two Wasted Months Of Marriage by HaneefahRN(f): 11:21am On Jul 23, 2016 |
Na wa o.They'll sort themselves out. When she is fed up with her saucy friend, her brain will return home, that's if it isn't too late. They don't seem compatible enough though or just not ready to work things out, the wife especially, seems they had a huge communication gap which allowed cockroaches like her 'saucy ' friend in. The wife's parents should be involved, let them come in. 6 Likes |
Re: Two Wasted Months Of Marriage by snakie86: 11:26am On Jul 23, 2016 |
byvan03: BellaElla: 18 Likes |
Re: Two Wasted Months Of Marriage by Kakamorufu(m): 11:48am On Jul 23, 2016 |
jusRadical:cos it works for them dosent mean it will work for others. Their marriage were back in the days, nowadays things av changed. 3 Likes |
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