How can a wife just pack her bags and leave her matrimonial home, I am sure na foundation that is fighting her. The demonic forces that don't want her to have a happy marriage are already on her case.

banmee:


My question to you is, why are you so interested in someone else's marriage? Seems to me like your's is not very interesting so both of you enjoy the drama of others. What will you do if and when they move out. Find another leech to suck the drama off?

Thanks for your observation boss

Someone commented that the husband should involve the family of the wife------i support that comment. Another commented that our nairaland frd should stop meddling in the affair------i support too. For me I think the wife has a greater issue here, she can't complain the husband is an introvert when she courted him for over a year! She jux wanted out of the marriage, cos a good wife ll try to make her marriage work, the tips our friend and he's wife gave to her, she never tried, she's expects the husband to do house chores etc did other wives tell her dts the way they get dia husbands to do house chores?? I hate it when people never try n she never did, packing out of the house means she has bn planning to leave from the wedding reception. Its clear that something lead her to marry that man n unfortunately for her she didn't get whatever it is. That is why he has to involve the family of the girl n he's own family too, that woman can end up killing. For me @poster don't rush that woman to come bck for the safety of the man, something isn't right, let's avoid futher 'had I knowns.'

snakie86:


Thanks for your observation boss, my interest is very simple I came from a separated home and i can tell you how my parent regretted their action by divorcing each other. Both of them always lamented up till today that if they had known they would have stayed to work things out with each other rather than listening to people that was encouraging them back then.
Its been almost 30 years now and i can tell you how they feel today. So, it pains me when i see people walking same line and i try as much as possible to offer my input. This i know some of us that come from a separated home will relate to easily that couples should try as much as possible to work things out if the need be.
I don't have a perfect marital life either but i try my best to keep my home happy.

I see that you have been married three years. As far as marriages go, you are still very young. You will find out that one of the golden rules to marriages is to stay far away for other couples affairs. Far, far away. Especially if yours is a happy one. You would basically have what most people are looking for and God forbid you encounter the wrong people who would do all they can to ruin what you have because their lives suck.

fm7070:
The sense of judgement of some people on this forum amuse me a lot.
How can you be blaming the @OP who came to this forum to seek a solution to a problem he should be ordinarily less concerned about.
Some said he is too involved, some said he shouldn't have entertained the man's wife in their home and all that.
Has it become a crime to be a good neighbour who listen to the concern of another?
What if she was not allowed to express her mind and she ended up killing the man instead of packing out?
In my candid opinion, I think the wife cooperated with external forces and enemies to ruin her own home
She was too expectant of the man. There is nothing you can do to satisfy a demanding wife.
How can you expect your husband to always be with you in the kitchen when he still have to think on how to provide for the home
The woman has the key of david to control her own husband but she willingly gave the key to the enemy.
Proverbs 14: 1 Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.[i][/i]
@OP Continue to do your best in restoring the marriage. It will be said of you that you have done your bit.
Tell them to build their marriage on Jesus the rock foundation.
They should not compare themselves with others, everyone has different destinies.
Shalom!

Gbam God bless u for this! Blessed are the peace maker

OP had the husband gone to her family house like to her parents, siblings, relations, cousins or something? To ask after her and ask for her to come back home? You know this is page 6 of the thread. You might have answered these questions before now but I've not read it

ajokeade920:
Marriage nowadays are just taken like a child's play.. i wonder what some pple do during courtship.cases of marriage palaver here n there.Abeg.. i don tire..#Understanding lo matter.

what do u tink people do during courtship? humans are simply selfish ni jare and we tend to see wat we want to see. love o jawo mo,

.

Nigerians and their usage of English.

I'm still wondering what the OP meant by the term "our money started reading..."

Op I doubt there is anything you can do about it,,speaking from a similar case I have experienced, infact even the husband can't convince her to come back, it's quite unfortunate but the only solution is to let her be.If she doesn't come back on her own,then she will either leave again or cheat on her husband. Her friend has aggravated the situation by rendering bad advice, it's only a bitter lesson that will bring her back

NovusHomo:


No, he should not wait to find her before telling her father. You never know...

but the father might hold him responsible. The next question will be what did you do to my daughter that she ran away. Depending on the father ,he might call the police to arrest you till you produce his daughter .thats why it's safer to find her first and hand her over to her parents before he now tells them what happened

olushola1989:
it won't work that way

then proffer solutions or suggestions

viver1:
Itz nt d marriage that made her leave. She is a thief. D husbd just ddnt see. Y ddnt she go with only her belongings?

U garrit, she a barawo.

snakie86:
The first sign we noticed was on a particular day, my wife called her attention to the fact that her husband was back and the response she gave was that “he’s welcome”, my wife inquired if she won’t go and meet her husband and she said she should leave her alone but my wife insisted that she must go, not quite long the husband called and asked where she was before she stepped out of our flat.
As time goes on, the she opened up to us that the husband is like a snake under the green grass and not as quiet as he looks from outside, he doesn’t help her with house chores, his routine is coming back from work and going to bed immediately, he likes sleeping a lot, sometimes they might be talking with each other and the husband would have slept off during the conversation. She complained that house for her is always boring as she could see how me and my wife always relate with each other and the way i always help her with cooking, house cleaning and washing most times.

My wife corrected her that Rome was not built in a day; i was also an introvert even though not as much as her husband but with time she understood me and what is happening was the result. In the word of my wife “if your husband is so alone with himself, you have to open a communication with him, gist with him, gossip on some irrelevant thing with him, give him task to do for you, if you are going to the kitchen and he is inside, call him to come to the kitchen and keep you company, by talking with you in the kitchen you will be asking him for help like help me take some water, please pass me bowl of salt and magi, you have to mould him to what you want, your marriage is not so long and you wouldn’t have known each other much and don’t compare the life you are living with your parent with your marriage, this is your new home and you have to build it the way you want, you are the mother of the house, you have to take charge and build your home”.

She still complained that the husband will not do any of it but we asked if she has given it a try which she said NO. We told her not to compare us with her own marriage as they will still be like us as time goes on. She should communicate a lot with her husband and exercise patience. I specifically told her that love is not enough in marriage and the ingredient of a good marriage is perseverance, open communication, understanding and patience.

After she left that evening, i asked my wife if i should talk to the husband as guy to guy but she advised i shouldn’t so that it won’t look as if we are putting mouth into their affairs and it shouldn’t look as if any time the wife comes to our place, we always discuss their issue. I agreed with my wife and believed the wife should be wise enough to take charge and make things work out for good.
We were in our flat in the evening when the husband knocked our door and the question that came out from his mouth was “Did my wife tell you where she was going to?” I was surprised but my wife responded that she saw her packing some things this morning and she came to tell her she was travelling and will be back by weekend. The husband said “Do you know that my wife has packed out of the house? She sent me a message that she was no more interested in the marriage, she has dropped my key for me and wish me well in the future.

Ewooo

**Places my two hands on my head**

My candid advise is for her. Many a time women wish their husband could be like someone else forgetting that the one you envy also envy you. I'm sure their courtship is not what courtship should be as they did not take time to understand themselves if not the woman should have known the nature of the man she wanted to get marry to. For how long does she think she can cope Iiving with her friend, who I'm sure is the real reason she packed out. If only many women will take time to know this ' your husband is not asking for too much'. If you can take time to study your man, I swear you can make a dove out of a monster.
Appreciate what you have and stop wishing your man was just like your friend's. If their was no physical abuse then the only problem she had was ' running mouth and envy' that is not to say the man was perfect but I can say the guy must have giving his best. A man leaves home for work and you say he love to sleep haba what else must he do if not rest. You don't expect a man to take the place of a woman assisting your woman is not something she will force on you she must ask for it with respect

The moment she ignored his presence that was the day she walked out of that marraige.

There is more we dont know but I will just say sometimes the Lord acts on our behalf we may not like it but we can't deny it.

I am a communicator let's work it out I hate quitting on someone ...

snakie86:
They dated for over one and half years. The friend has been the one picking the wife's phone since on Monday whenever the line was available.

The friend is married too but the husband told me yesterday that a friend to the lady's husband has told him before that he should warn his wife not to be discussing their marriage with the friend. It led to argument between them with the wife maintaining that she doesn't discuss anything with her friend.

The wife is not a full house wife, she works in a flexible environment and she do come home way early before the husband

NA WAOH

Marriage is like a dark room and wedding is the key to the room. If you are lucky enough you'll see light and if you're unlucky, the light bulb will not come on. courting for 20 years is not guaranteed that you will have a successful marriage. I knew my wife for 7yrs, dated and courted for 3yrs, yet our marriage nearly crashed in 2 weeks to the extent that she passed out on new year eve because of pressure.
However, my advice for op is that, the couple will come back after this tragedy and they'll value each other better. Wish them luck.

HotKween:

I was actually beginning to think you will suggest the op date the lady too in addition to all the many stuffs you listed above. Mtsheeew!

As if someone made him a justice of peace.

What you suggested above is way beyond his brief.

The enstrange husband of the lady who absconded should be the one doing all the above if really he wants to find her.

Whether he accepts to continue the marriage is another matter.

May God protect us men from evil women hiding behind beauty or "yellow" skin.

Men should realise that no matter your sincerest effort, some ladies are not just wife material by any stretch of the imagination.

well you're right too

snakie86:
We went into their flat and the only thing remaining was the chair, bed and the husband’s cloth, every other thing is gone including to something as small as eating spoon in the house. My wife dialed the lady’s number and it was switched off. I noticed i went to their flat in the morning to discuss an issue concerning the compound with the wife, i met a saucy friend of her in their flat that was just talking anyhow and putting her mouth into our discussion, i saw some packed load on the floor but my mind didn’t even go to anything like that.
I remembered i once called the attention to the fact that i have seen the wife like three times taking things out of the house as if someone was traveling, going out with two traveling bag and so. My wife said maybe probably she borrowed it and decided to return it to the owner but i told her then that i suspected maybe she was packing out of the house. The husband said he also noticed that her belongings were reducing in the house everyday and it got to a stage he started questioning her about where her things were but its either she says her sisters came to borrow her bags or she took her cloths for dry cleaning and they still argued about the rate at which her belongings had reduced in the house before going out in the morning and she swore in the name of God that her things were still intact.

I couldn’t face it when a grown up guy busted into tears in my flat saying he didn’t offend her and they didn’t have any misunderstanding prior before now. Like every marriage, they do have argument but they try as much as possible to settle it like couples do. He started asking what exactly did he do wrong.

The questions have been asking was why go into a marriage which you don’t want? That Monday was exactly two months they got married. I don’t know if there was emotional torture but am very sure there was never a physical abuse between them. Is divorce the next option if you don’t like your husband behavior? I asked the husband how long they dated before the marriage and he said over one and half years. If they were match make, he said NO, he saw her, asked her out and she accepted to date him. The question is WHAT WENT WRONG?

I keep asking myself if things would not have turned this way if we had intervened and shared experience with them as a young couple because apparently i believe they didn’t even witnessed 1% of what me and my wife went through in our first year.
Have called the wife like three times since this incident happened, her friend has been the one picking telling me it was a wrong number, the number her husband gave me herself. The wife’s parent said they don’t know anything about it and her whereabouts but i doubt if the lady’s mum didn’t know about all this.

The wife still respect me a lot and am thinking what i can do to even help, if i can talk her out of her thinking...Please what can i do to remedy this situation. Have sent a text message already to her phone telling her i was the one calling because i know she doesn’t have my number but their hasn’t been any response, i doubt if the friend handling the phone will even show her the text message.

in as much as its gud 2 EPP plz don't go - entangle urself or gt hooked up by d wife

Suprnov3r:


I will think about this your advice very well
I see a lot of these in my gf

Bro please do think deeply abt it. All these finz are like sitting on a time bomb whch is bound to explode sooner or later. If u are thinking u can change her, it is nothing but lies. She can only change wen she deem it fit to(and u aren't sure of wen this would be).

She looks good, intelligent and career minded but these aren't enough.
It was a tough decision for me den(it was as if one can't find som1 better buh it is all lies, u will see somone better) buh I had to be sincere wit myself nd future.
I personally CAN'T deal with a lady possessing all that I said earlier.

ATK4Joy:
Gbam God bless u for this! Blessed are the peace maker

Lol. You are not married. If you were, you'd know not to involve yourself in other couples affairs. This ain't nollywood.

snakie86:


Dont want to make this a tribal issue. They are both from the same state and the same town

which town gon gon gon?

Juzzybabe:
*Sad* The lady wasn't even ready for marriage! Her husband being an introvert is absolutely no reason to leave your marriage. She didn't even try to mould him into what she wants and she just left. "He who has a head has no cap..." For those asking about courtship,really does courtship determines a marriage status? Some people meet today,marry the next day and they are living happily. It is just about being ready to tolerate each other in some circumstances.

How are you ma'am and how is our little princess?

Suprnov3r:

I will think about this your advice very well I see a lot of these in my gf

Seriously? Hahahahahahahahaha! On your marks...get set... GOOOO!
Pick race now oh... Or maybe just try and dialogue with her. Good luck!

Suprnov3r:


I will think about this your advice very well
I see a lot of these in my gf

Bro please do think deeply abt it. All these finz are like sitting on a time bomb whch is bound to explode sooner or later. Consider those finz u want in a woman first and wot u knw will mak u av d kind of home u av alwys wanted.(Dnt giv room for emotion to influence ur decision, beauty is vain and marriage is serious work). If u are thinking u can change her, it is nothing but lies. She can only change wen she deem it fit to(and u aren't sure of wen this would be).

She looks good, intelligent and career minded but these aren't enough.
It was a tough decision for me den(it was as if one can't find som1 better buh it is all lies, u will see somone better) buh I had to be sincere wit myself nd future.
I personally CAN'T deal with a lady possessing all that I said earlier.

Timbuktou:




Kilode? Ewo ni t'epe. Otito koro.

You might not want to hear it, but marrying a yoruba woman is one of the riskiest things any man can do. Even if this story is untrue, it doesn't erase facts, statstics and realities. You should be more concerned about reversing this trend than sticking up for your tribe.

By the way, I'm yoruba. Now go and... I'm sure you know what to do.

IPOD yoot claiming yoruba.
That't what he will do.

Timbuktou:




Kilode? Ewo ni t'epe. Otito koro.

You might not want to hear it, but marrying a yoruba woman is one of the riskiest things any man can do. Even if this story is untrue, it doesn't erase facts, statstics and realities. You should be more concerned about reversing this trend than sticking up for your tribe.

By the way, I'm yoruba. Now go and... I'm sure you know what to do.

Nawa

having read the op side of the story,i will say the problem has five root cause with 3 main actor acting the script.critical observation shows that the op and wife unknowly interferred in their marriage by simply creating an illusion that all marriage should be like theirs.that talking space provided by them can make a fanasty loving woman make a rethink.the husband is the archiect of this issue on ground.first by been jealous, in the sense of retaining his introverted mindset in a union that constant requires communication and observation.i done blaming all party involve now is the solution time.
firstly the man must consult his God alone without any assistance.this will help him in accessing his ability to endure,perverse and have faith.
secondly give her enough time to think if it means 3years this can only be achieved by stoping all and sundries from been his emissary and mediator and hope for the worst.
lastly ,he has to live for himself for the moment she is away and prepare for her arrival any time soon.nah bad reggae beat she dey listen to now after sometime her head will cool down.tell her if they divorce,he will still remarry her after.

BellaElla:
Oga morning o. In my opinion I believe you are too involved in their marriage. Firstly it is only an irresponsible wife that visits neighbours everyday without reason. You and ur wife shouldn't have let it get that frequent. Its not a behaviour to encouraged and breeds over familiarity and disrespect. Another thing is when she started complaining about her marriage to u people, you should have known the kind of woman she was. That woman can set u up, she can cause issues between u and ur wife . She is not a wise person to associate with. However its not late to disassociate urself. Distance urself from their issues. Stop calling the woman. E no concern u. Let the man and his family sort it out. It would surprise u that when they are talking about their wahala or name would be mentioned. Over familiarity between neighbours dey always bring insult.

i luv u for this post!