My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. - Family - Nairaland
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| My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by Temilola01: 6:56am On Jul 27, 2016 |
I really need people's advice on how to handle this, as the next few weeks will either break or make my marriage stronger. My husband and I have been married for 5yrs now but we have been together for 11yrs. We have been through so much together, ivf procedures, miscarriages, failed businesses and the usual ups and downs in every relationship. He came to me last night after discovering he has an 18yr daughter who he has never met or did not know till yesterday. We are still waiting on God. Although this was before we met but does not make it less of a blow. I want him to do right by his daughter but I also fear for my marriage. I only just learnt about this literally 8hrs ago so I'm in shock and still trying to wrap my head around it. I need people's unbiased advice. Thank you everyone. 16 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by thorpido(m): 7:00am On Jul 27, 2016 |
If he just found out too,then you can't blame him.Some men 'shoot' and go their way only to find out later they 'killed'.There's a daughter here and she needs a father.He has a role to play in her life and you should let him. It seems your apprehension is based on the fact that you are still trying to conceive.Don't stress yourself,just believe your own child will come. There's nothing to fear about your marriage,he won't leave you for his babymama. 442 Likes 21 Shares |
| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by Florblu(f): 7:00am On Jul 27, 2016 |
Hmmmmm.....Treat her like your own daughter and let the mother stay away from your home.No form of contact should be between your husband and his baby mama.Just like Sarah you gonna laugh and celebrate soon 282 Likes 8 Shares |
| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by Nobody: 7:03am On Jul 27, 2016 |
Well he was not aware of the child, so obviously he is not to be blame and you have nothing to fear or worry about, just accept the fact that he has another child, take that child as your own. you have been together and work hard together for years now. what is yours is yours, nobody can take that away from you. 66 Likes 4 Shares |
| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by ikbnice(m): 7:05am On Jul 27, 2016 |
Has there been DNA test to ascertain the paternity of that child? Why has the woman waited so long to contact him. They shouldn't just accept that dogmatically. But if afterwards proven to be true, they have no choice than to live with the reality but honestly, their relationship may never remain the same. 50 Likes |
| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by ashatoda: 7:06am On Jul 27, 2016 |
sorry for the heartbreak, but you said he is not aware of her existence before. If he is sincere then you need to believe him. What you need to do is take care of your insecurity concerning having babies. God is the one that does it, so you need to have more faith and pray more and i know He will do it. Pls dont take advise that will make you act in frustration or do something diabolical. You need to be cool on yourself and pray more. It is well 17 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by Trunaijian: 7:09am On Jul 27, 2016 |
God has blessed you! Your husband didnt cheat on you or lied to you so i guess you guys r on same page here. You had better not punder on the negative regarding breaking your marriage rather, it is a time to be in unison with your husband. I guess there would be plenty discussions on how to go about parenting his daughther. My candid advice is to embrace the situation with a positive mindset and accept her whole heartedly. Better days awaits you. 38 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by prettyjo(f): 7:09am On Jul 27, 2016 |
forgive him and accept the child.the devil is looking for ways to tear your marriage so that the other woman may come in but don't give the devil a chance. btw today is my birthday. if u have not wished me a happy birthday,then u are wrong  70 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by shininglite(m): 7:14am On Jul 27, 2016 |
Op fear not let them go for a dna test,if it test turns positive treat the child lyk ur own...oluwa wud soon remember u 3 Likes |
| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by eyeview: 7:18am On Jul 27, 2016 |
Temilola01:Confirm that its his via a DNA test. If its his,accept the kid. That may be the nemesis that needs to be broken for you to start having your own kids. 15 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by oweniwe(m): 7:19am On Jul 27, 2016 |
Temilola01 You should be happyyou have a step daughter nau. Get to know the girl... If she's got goodcharacter , you're good to go  5 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by Layooluwa(f): 7:23am On Jul 27, 2016 |
Op, you have said it all. The next weeks will either make or break your marriage, please don't let it break it, embrace this girl like your own. It will strenghten your marriage nd hopefully, your own will soon come Meanwhile, Happy birthday Prettyjo. Where is the birthday party holding?  1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by Eketem: 7:35am On Jul 27, 2016 |
1. Your emotions and fears are valid don't let anyone downplay it for you or force you to automatically accept this and act happy 2. You have been through a lot with conception so it is a shock to find this out 3. Don't rush into trying to be her mother, even your husband cannot automatically become her father, you guys are just getting to know each other, she has her own mother the best you can do is get to know her as she is and as you are no pretence. 4. Extend the basic decency and fairness in relating to her, don’t be rude or project your insecurity on her. Be calm let whatever relationship you would have with her naturally develop 5. She is coming to meet her father not to snatch your husband or too make her mother marry your husband, you are his wife she is his daughter there is no competition 6. I wish you the best. The worst thing you can do at the point is suppress your hurt and pretend. It would burst one day 111 Likes 10 Shares |
| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by eyinjuege: 7:44am On Jul 27, 2016 |
Firstly, a DNA test needs to be done to confirm the paternity of the said lady. She's 18years, and already an adult, and if your husband is truly the father he's missed out on a lot in her life. Don't expect the two of you to be best of pals suddenly or think she would be subservient to you or your husband. You all have to learn to know each other and possibly earn the respect of each other. Its a long journey ahead of you, and you need to handle things maturely. Give her a chance, and your husband can help her out if she needs anything. Take her as a sister. You really have no business with her mum, and she has no business with your family. The child is an adult, so there's no need for the mother to see your husband regarding the child as the lady in question can discuss with her father herself. Once again, I would remind you its imperative a DNA test be done in a reputable center before any discussions can even start. 16 Likes |
| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by Acidosis(m): 7:48am On Jul 27, 2016 |
Did you mention 18 years? That's a big girl there with a boyfriend; you have nothing to worry about, she'd get married soon. Meanwhile, do not see her as a competitor. Competition in the home kills. She is your husband's daughter and nothing more. At 18, she knows her mother, hence you do not need to impress anyone by playing the role of a second mother. Just be good towards her, and expect that in few months your own baby will arrive. 60 Likes 3 Shares |
| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by 5minsmadness: 8:13am On Jul 27, 2016 |
Temilola01:Sorry pls, how will this break your 11yrs of togetherness ? You want to divorce him because of this? Is the mother of the grown up child insisting he marries her? Modified : There's a whole lot of good advice up there (and one or two discardable ones) but mostly good advice up there. Nothing more to add. 10 Likes |
| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by Onegai(f): 9:23am On Jul 27, 2016 |
Eketem gave pretty good advice. It's good you came to vent here. Get it out of your system. You have nothing to do with the mother of the child and neither does your husband. He should parent his daughter fully and take up any responsibilities. You should treat her politely. Don't expect a relationship overnight and don't ask for one. Let things move at a natural pace. The worst mistake to make it is to start pretending all is well and be hugging and overdoing things. Focus on supporting your husband through this and your future babies. 13 Likes |
| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by SirVintageCock: 10:01am On Jul 27, 2016 |
She is already an adult so there is no need to worry yourself over Parenting skills and sh!t. You only need to sponsor her in college for four years and then get on with your life. 5 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by lawlhee: 11:01am On Jul 27, 2016 |
Florblu:That's right. Nice one |
| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by Nobody: 11:13am On Jul 27, 2016 |
Honestly,you have said it all. Dear Op, kindly take note... Eketem: 7 Likes |
| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by crackhaus: 12:17pm On Jul 27, 2016 |
Temilola01:I understand the shock-value which a situation like this can evoke. However, aren't you a little bit relieved this lost-and-found child is a daughter and not a son? Tell me the truth, just whisper it in my ear...I promise to tell no one. 12 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by saintkel(m): 12:57pm On Jul 27, 2016 |
prettyjo:Happy birthday dear otondo, wish u long life n prosperity 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by misspicy(f): 1:46pm On Jul 27, 2016 |
crackhaus:I don't want to read meaning to this but I can't help it  your point  12 Likes |
| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by Atk1nson(m): 2:21pm On Jul 27, 2016 |
I don't know y I am tempted to think your husband has long known but only decided to accept responsibility due to the current "circumstance" in his marriage. I'm probably wrong though 19 Likes |
| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by Nobody: 2:28pm On Jul 27, 2016 |
But what if the baby mama of the husband is still single or divorced.. ?  She might want to use her daughter to come into their home. And the daughter might wish to reunite her dad with her mum again... If even shes 18years old, she would love her parents to be togther, if and only if the mum is still single. Op, yur situation is dicey cos u r yet to have kids .. But no need been harsh to the young girl. Be her friend and not her mum.. And also make it clear to yur husband, that hope he will not go back fucvking his babymama if the atmosphere condoles it.. And he should rememeber how u guyz started and how dissapointed and heartbroken u will feel .. If he mistakenly gets down with that other woman...and that u trust he will make good and wise decisions as time goes on. Best of luck Your joy is on the way, sooner than u expect |
| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by Nobody: 2:33pm On Jul 27, 2016 |
Atk1nson: Theres every possibiity he may not know of her existence till now but he shouldnt capitalise on it and start running two homes...thinking his babymama can still get pregnant again... Cos who knows he may be desperate to have kids... Some men can behave some how sha, in this situation.. I pray God keep the op's home and give her twins boys ... Gbam..! Ce fini... 3 Likes |
| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by crackhaus: 3:46pm On Jul 27, 2016 |
misspicy:Don't read any meaning to it.  |
| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by njiasi30(f): 4:05pm On Jul 27, 2016 |
Hmmm, nothing else to say, some reasonable one's ve said it all. Dont even think of leaving, bc to him he will feel dat d problem is from u since he ve a daughter ,so who will lose ? My prayer is dat God should bless u and wipe away ur tears. Let u feel d joy of being a mother 2 as many kids as u desire , I wish u d best and may ur marriage last forever.  3 Likes |
| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by SlimBrawnie(f): 4:31pm On Jul 27, 2016 |
Ascertain if he's indeed the father.... A 9ja woman and her family keeping this away from the man for 18 good years? Unless there's something your husband never told you. Anyways if she really is, just take her as your adopted child, she's already a big girl. May God bless your womb. 5 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by sexymoma(f): 5:10pm On Jul 27, 2016 |
There is a certain question i'll need to ask you.. pls don't find it offensive pls answer this question in your mind abeg oo Hope you haven't aborted any pregnancy for this same man that could lead to your delay, since you said you guys have been together for more than 15yrs.... i must advice you, Yoruba go say "eni ti oun ba n'oja ni ka jakojumo, ai kin wo aruwo oja" my sister nothing concern you with the babe wey he get outside ooo take her as your friend i know it's not easy, nd she s a grown lady.. rapport with her like a friend... work on making your home a better abode pls.. or you thinking of divorce pls i want to ask again, what would be your gain in that marriage...2 Likes |
| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by johnson232: 6:33pm On Jul 27, 2016 |
hmmm...
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| Re: My Husband And I Just Found Out He Has An 18yr Old Daughter. by Pidggin(f): 6:45pm On Jul 27, 2016 |
Seriously when will men stop lying? So he never knew about this girl's existence? Don't downplay this issue, tell your family and also inform his about this. Let her do a DNA test, if she is his real daughter you will have to accept her but your sorry will be increased because now everyone will know that the fault is from you. This is sad but God will see you through 6 Likes |
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