My problem started shortly after our wedding this year, and ever since its like I'm in a versus kind of relationship( I versus my wife and her family). She is so controlling, she knows all of our business my wife makes sure she keeps her up to date on every little details that goes on in our lives and she is never out of our lives not even for a week and I think my wife is ok with it because her mother can never be wrong.

She worships her either she is right or wrong, she is always visiting every weekend and sometimes stays with us for a week or two only to come back the following weekend saying she misses us, when I got married to my wife I didn't ask for a bonus, I don't know why we can't be left alone, and the worse part of it is that she comes with other family members and we always have a full house, I'm an introvert and I love my privacy but with my mother in-law I will never have that. I have become sad over the past few months and it's affecting my home because I can't even talk to my wife anymore because she is her mother's ear piece, I'm losing my sanity, she is coming over this weekend and I think I just need to go on a vacation alone this summer to clear my head. Have you ever had this kind of problem before? I need help please.

Swallow your introversion and speak your mind.But gently

Sulking won't help issues.

Your Mother in law is definitely at something. Not just only on regular but something fishy.

Your father in law won't just allow her come visit everytime.

My brother you have three options::::::

1) You can man up and tell your wife and her mother that you are not comfortable with the way things are and that you need your privacy.(this option is not easy because you will have to face the 'wrath' of your wife or her mother or 'both')

2) You can get a male elder in your wife's family that is 'understanding' to talk to your mother-in-law to respect you and your wife's privacy(this too is risky because it can backfire if ypur mother-in-law takes it the wrong way)

3) 'OPERATION FLUSH HER OUT"--- make your home very 'uncomfortable' for her! Old women are superstitious so you can take advantage of that, you can start by dropping strange objects in the room she sleeps whenever she visits, you can arrange for strange noises to be made close to her window in the middle of the night, if your wife travels you can even go hardcore Nollywood on her, like pretend you are carrying out strange rituals in the middle of the night or just wear all white and be dancing azonto at odd hours and make sure she sees you

GOODLUCK MAN! DONT FORGET TO COME BACK AND THANK ME WITH COLD BOTTLES OF GULDER

Simple.....

Invite your mom over

You're the man of the house/your house and have every right to your privacy. That includes who comes visiting, when and how often. It's time to speak up. Your MIL shouldn't be in your home controlling you either, that's ridiculous. If this problem started shortly after you got married this year, then you and your wife have not had the chance to enjoy yourselves nor your home as newlyweds, which is especially not fair to you (since your wife isn't bothered). She stays for a week or two then returns the following weekend, smh. Since your wife is siding with her mom, give her an ultimatum: either her mother stops visiting {so often} or you send her back home to her. If she misses her daughter so much, then her daughter will be coming home where she can be seeing her everyday.

She is a single mother and she lives in her own house while my father inlaw warned me not too get too close to her after I complained to him about her involvement in my home, he told me to go on a vacation with my wife and son but when my wife told her we are planning going on a vacation to Dubai, she called me to tell me how she has always wanted to visit Dubai and she must be included in the trip, I loved the suggestion of Twaci but I can't tell my mom what I'm going through, she is married and lives with her own husband she can't just leave her home, my dad will never support that.

locosis007:
Swallow your introversion and speak your mind.But gently
Sulking won't help issues.
Your Mother in law is definitely at something. Not just only on regular but something fishy.
Your father in law won't just allow her come visit everytime.

I can't say my mind because I'm frustrated I will end up saying things I will regret to my wife and mother inlaw

dynamite11:
She is a single mother and she lives in her own house while my father inlaw warned me not too get too close to her after I complained to him about her involvement in my home, he told me to go on a vacation with my wife and son but when my wife told her we are planning going on a vacation to Dubai, she called me to tell me how she has always wanted to visit Dubai and she must be included in the trip, I loved the suggestion of Twaci but I can't tell my mom what I'm going through, she is married and lives with her own husband she can't just leave her home, my dad will never support that.

That's just sad.

Well guess u will have to man up and talk to her.

Asides your wife, doesn't she have any other child?

Yieldings:
You're the man of the house/your house and have every right to your privacy. That includes who comes visiting, when and how often. It's time to speak up. Your MIL shouldn't be in your home, controlling you either, that's ridiculous. If this problem started shortly after you got married this year, then you and your wife have not had the chance to enjoy yourselves nor your home as newlyweds, which is especially not fair to you (since your wife isn't bothered). She stays for a week or two then returns the following weekend, smh. Since your wife is siding with her mom, give her an ultimatum: either her mother stops visiting {so often} or you send her back home to her. If she misses her daughter so much, then her daughter will be coming home where she can be seeing her everyday.

According to my mother inlaw it's no longer my house it belongs to us both and she needs to see her daughter from time to time, I have told my wife over and over again during the week that I don't want to see her mother in my house this weekend only to see the gateman opening the gate for her mother, she calls that a surprise visit because my wife told her already that I don't want to see her, I'm becoming an evil husband to her already

dynamite11:
She is a single mother and she lives in her own house while my father inlaw warned me not too get too close to her after I complained to him about her involvement in my home, he told me to go on a vacation with my wife and son but when my wife told her we are planning going on a vacation to Dubai, she called me to tell me how she has always wanted to visit Dubai and she must be included in the trip, I loved the suggestion of Twaci but I can't tell my mom what I'm going through, she is married and lives with her own husband she can't just leave her home, my dad will never support that.

I want to believe you knew the bolded before saying I do and should have known the implications especially if she raised your wife all by herself.Does she have other children who are married?
You're going to have a bit of a challenge handling this especially since your wife is a mummy's girl.

Try to have a talk with your wife about your position and the need to have your own space.Subtly start to make your MIL aware too that you need that space too.Sometimes stay away from your house(if possible for a day or two) whenever she is expected to come.
Most of all,learn to accommodate it because it's not something that will go away soon.Anytime you need your privacy,just go into your bedroom.

for me I think there are three option to choose from

1. Dialogue - invite your wife to seat down and discuss your feeling with her. on how to reduce the excesses


2. "Waiter-logue" - wait to see any positive change that will happen after discussing with your wife


3. three -logue - get another person your wife respects so much to seat down as a third party to listen to each others point. why her mothers frequent visit should be curtailed. if there is no change


4. relocate very far from where the mother in-law cant be coming too frequently

soberdrunk:
My brother you have three options::::::
1) You can man up and tell your wife and her mother that you are not comfortable with the way things are and that you need your privacy.(this option is not easy because you will have to face the 'wrath' of your wife or her mother or 'both')
2) You can get a male elder in your wife's family that is 'understanding' to talk to your mother-in-law to respect you and your wife's privacy(this too is risky because it can backfire if ypur mother-in-law takes it the wrong way)
3) 'OPERATION FLUSH HER OUT"--- make your home very 'uncomfortable' for her! Old women are superstitious so you can take advantage of that, you can start by dropping strange objects in the room she sleeps whenever she visits, you can arrange for strange noises to be made close to her window in the middle of the night, if your wife travels you can even go hardcore Nollywood on her, like pretend you are carrying out strange rituals in the middle of the night or just wear all white and be dancing azonto at odd hours and make sure she sees you
GOODLUCK MAN! DONT FORGET TO COME BACK AND THANK ME WITH COLD BOTTLES OF GULDER

I have talked to my wife over and over about not been comfortable with her mom showing up every time and she will always tell me the words I WILL TALK TO HER. I have talked to my father inlaw and he feels bad for me, he told me there is nothing he can do because hey are divorced and he has talked to his daughter so many times but I think this woman knows how to play her cards when it comes to her daughters heart and sense.

Twaci:
That's just sad.
Well guess u will have to man up and talk to her.
Asides your wife, doesn't she have any other child?

She is her mothers only child

Twaci:
Simple.....

Invite your mom over

lol

Twaci you are funny thou,

its like calling for world war 3 in his home

I think lalasticlala need to invite other guest to give their solution

thorpido:
I want to believe you knew the bolded before saying I do and should have known the implications especially if she raised your wife all by herself.Does she have other children who are married?
You're going to have a bit of a challenge handling this especially since your wife is a mummy's girl.
Try to have a talk with your wife about your position and the need to have your own space.Subtly start to make your MIL aware too that you need that space too.Sometimes stay away from your house(if possible for a day or two) whenever she is expected to come.
Most of all,learn to accommodate it because it's not something that will go away soon.Anytime you need your privacy,just go into your bedroom.

I knew she was a single mother before marrying her daughter and she didn't raise her daughter all by herself, I dated her daughter for 7 years before marrying her and I know she was raised by both parent, you are right my wife is a mummy's girl and there is nothing like having our own space with my MIL coz according to her the house is big enough, I can't even watch matches on weekend when I'm supposed to be resting and talking to my wife and son, I'm always in the room watching movies on YouTube because she always have the remote and it has to be on African magic while she discussed other family issues with my wife, I'm fed up

Tell your wife you'd rather not have visitors in your home.
If she wants to see her mother, she can always go visit her parents.

eyinjuege:
Tell your wife you'd rather not have visitors in your home.
If she wants to see her mother, she can always go visit her parents.

She will still visit telling you she has some things to discuss and they can't be discussed over the phone, we will all end up spending the weekend together, I can't even go to a beach with my wife alone, I have to go with the batalion God gave me( my MIL and maybe a guest she came with)

robosky02:

for me I think there are three option to choose from
1. Dialogue - invite your wife to seat down and discuss your feeling with her. on how to reduce the excesses
2. "Waiter-logue" - wait to see any positive change that will happen after discussing with your wife
3. three -logue - get another person your wife respects so much to seat down as a third party to listen to each others point. why her mothers frequent visit should be curtailed. if there is no change
4. relocate very far from where the mother in-law cant be coming too frequently

I have discussed with my wife, I have told her I'm not comfortable with her mom been around and to burst your bubble she is the one person my wife respects the most and anything she says is final, I have been having this problem for months I rented out my former place on the mainland and bought a house in Lekki it's pretty far from where she stays because she have to drive for about 3 hours before getting here, I have relocated twice this year. I can't buy anymore house this year I have to invest the little I have left

dynamite11:


I knew she was a single mother before marrying her daughter and she didn't raise her daughter all by herself, I dated her daughter for 7 years before marrying her and I know she was raised by both parent, you are right my wife is a mummy's girl and there is nothing like having our own space with my MIL coz according to her the house is big enough, I can't even watch matches on weekend when I'm supposed to be resting and talking to my wife and son, I'm always in the room watching movies on YouTube because she always have the remote and it has to be on African magic while she discussed other family issues with my wife, I'm fed up

The bolded can't continue.You may have to take drastic measures like unplugging the cable.If you want to go out together,maybe you will send your wife out in advance and then go join her leaving your MIL behind.
You just have to let her see you need your space.

dynamite11:


I have discussed with my wife, I have told her I'm not comfortable with her mom been around and to burst your bubble she is the one person my wife respects the most and anything she says is final, I have been having this problem for months I rented out my former place on the mainland and bought a house in Lekki it's pretty far from where she stays because she have to drive for about 3 hours before getting here, I have relocated twice this year. I can't buy anymore house this year I have to invest the little I have left

get your/her pastor to talk to her or a colleague

or take the bull by the horn ...... politely tell her mom how you feel that you want her deduce her frequency to give you couples some privacy

Freeloaders!


But honestly, try to enjoy your extended family a bit. Some are downright unpleasant but try to like your mother in law since your spouse values get greatly.

Why are Nigerians always at war with the in laws? Why do in-laws try to be as difficult as possible?

And why do Nigerian men always complain about this? Your wife's mother and family are always intruders who invade your family, their mothers are always butting in, but yours are the saints that can come as they please. Is it only your mothers who sweated for you and deserve the best in life?

dynamite11:


She will still visit telling you she has some things to discuss and they can't be discussed over the phone, we will all end up spending the weekend together, I can't even go to a beach with my wife alone, I have to go with the batalion God gave me( my MIL and maybe a guest she came with)

I've just read wifey's the only child and no other child to hound, mil is divorced so no man to harass her life, so she's decided to harass yours .
Other than being rude to her and asking her not to come to your house uninvited again, that woman no go budge o.
Another suggestion, a bit childish but here goes-
whenever she comes over, just get your car keys and some clothes and leave the house for them till she leaves. Go stay in a hotel, or a friends place. Do that anytime she comes, and it would dawn on her that you dont wanna see her and you need your space. But some women no send o so that might not work.
She seems a very persistent woman

tell your mother Iaw to get the fvck out! only people with low self esteem are too scared to get what they want. Op you know what you want, why are you stalling? Talk to your wife and mother in law, tell them what you want. It's your house not theirs, stop being a whining bltch and own it.

dynamite11:
My problem started shortly after our wedding this year, and ever since its like I'm in a versus kind of relationship( I versus my wife and her family). She is so controlling, she knows all of our business my wife makes sure she keeps her up to date on every little details that goes on in our lives and she is never out of our lives not even for a week and I think my wife is ok with it because her mother can never be wrong.

She worships her either she is right or wrong, she is always visiting every weekend and sometimes stays with us for a week or two only to come back the following weekend saying she misses us, when I got married to my wife I didn't ask for a bonus, I don't know why we can't be left alone, and the worse part of it is that she comes with other family members and we always have a full house, I'm an introvert and I love my privacy but with my mother in-law I will never have that. I have become sad over the past few months and it's affecting my home because I can't even talk to my wife anymore because she is her mother's ear piece, I'm losing my sanity, she is coming over this weekend and I think I just need to go on a vacation alone this summer to clear my head. Have you ever had this kind of problem before? I need help please.

At last all powerful master, at least this complain is coming from a man and not a woman. I am surprised at the comments coming from our men, they aren't insulting him but if it's from a woman, this thread would have been filled with insults, now you can see that what's good for the goose is also good for the gander. Nobody wants his or her privacy being invaded. I just hope you guys here will comment this way if it's from a lady, but NO! It's a selfish world! A woman has to bear the pain.

@dynamite11, you know to achieve your aim, you might end up turning into a bad guy but for someone like me, I don't care. Since your wife isn't doing anything tangible about it, you have to put your foot down, you have to face her. Let her know that her presence is bugging you, you need your privacy, you need time to bond with your family and she isn't giving you that with her everyday and unnecessary visits. But if you can't do it, then you have to live with it.

Ps: Ikupakuti, come and see a guy complaining, let's see what you have to say about this now.

Seriously this thread is not meant for unmarried and inexperienced people.


Hmmmm... Short of contributions!

dynamite11:
My problem started shortly after our wedding this year, and ever since its like I'm in a versus kind of relationship( I versus my wife and her family). She is so controlling, she knows all of our business my wife makes sure she keeps her up to date on every little details that goes on in our lives and she is never out of our lives not even for a week and I think my wife is ok with it because her mother can never be wrong.

She worships her either she is right or wrong, she is always visiting every weekend and sometimes stays with us for a week or two only to come back the following weekend saying she misses us, when I got married to my wife I didn't ask for a bonus, I don't know why we can't be left alone, and the worse part of it is that she comes with other family members and we always have a full house, I'm an introvert and I love my privacy but with my mother in-law I will never have that. I have become sad over the past few months and it's affecting my home because I can't even talk to my wife anymore because she is her mother's ear piece, I'm losing my sanity, she is coming over this weekend and I think I just need to go on a vacation alone this summer to clear my head. Have you ever had this kind of problem before? I need help please.

Wat I think you can do is to talk to your wife at first and wen u notice no changes den u can talk to your father inlaw abt it and hw uncomfortable u are always are. I hope that will

dynamite11:


I have talked to my wife over and over about not been comfortable with her mom showing up every time and she will always tell me the words I WILL TALK TO HER. I have talked to my father inlaw and he feels bad for me, he told me there is nothing he can do because hey are divorced and he has talked to his daughter so many times but I think this woman knows how to play her cards when it comes to her daughters heart and sense.

I guess "OPERATION FLUSH HER OUT"! Is the only option you have left then..... , the mother-in-law that says her son-in-law will not sleep, "must" not sleep oooooo

-

@prettiepearlz

I know immediately there is a husband‘s version of such compliant i‘ll get a mention from you

Well, Its not complete yet

When you get a husband complaining about his FIL‘s too frequent visits ....give me a mention....lols

OP , you need to answer the devil's son and get what you want. Come in one day with blazing eyes, send them all out and shut your door. Don't give room for explanation, they need to know that you ve got it in you to behave themselves. Just give them a good drama and everyone will lay low afterwards, don't accept unnecessary headache from anyone. Which kind MIL be that one?

Why not sit both of them down and tell them that you would like them to discuss between themselves to decide when mama can come to the house so you can plan your family time and business accordingly. Be very serious about this and let them know there is no room for negotiation. If mama will be coming last Saturday of every month or every 6 weeks that will be fine by you because you want to be conducting business from your house. You have to do this quickly because by the time your wife gets pregnant, she will move in with you.