innovestor:


Coco, no swallow panadol on my behalf. I will answer u.

I have had my numbers for ages now. I have had friends (and still have friends) who are females. I am not of the school of thought that once you get married its a different life (you change character, phone number etc.). What you can't change before marriage cannot be changed because of marriage. Change is everyone's personal decision to make whether marriage or going to be married or single.

Except you are suggesting i change my numbers and this will come with a cost i am not ready bear now.

So my question to you, are you married?

BellaElla:
OP your situation isn't strange, but how u go about determines the result u will get
you have already made some mistakes like threatening to sleep outside.
the day my husband threatens me with infidelity, I doubt he would get the solution he desires.
the issue here is both of you are on different sexual wavelengths.
Some women are just not naturally adventurous in bed, some see things like giving head and talking dirty in bed a taboo
if she grew up like that, then there is nothing you can do, its already ingrained in her.
what you can however do is to try and increase the frequency of the action.
do you only hold her when you want some? do you flaunt her on social media? how often do you compliment her? do you cuddle her at night? are on chatting with other women in her presence?
have you bought her any intimate stuff, buy her sexy lingerie, turn her to your model, carry her on ur laps and tell her how beautiful and irresistible she is to you. that you are lucky to have her etc, etc.
some women need their inner sirens to be cajoled out, every woman loves to be wooed and sweet talked by her man. whether he means it or not . for instance even if her body changed after childbirth, tell her its more sexy now , if she believes in her sexuality, she would flaunt it for u. don't go and start complaining of fallen brezz and loose kini o. she would never recover from it
finally lose those your female friends numbers, it is highly disrespectful. you are married and as such the only females you should be interacting with those that benefit you financially, academically or business wise.
if your wives male friends before marriage should start calling her frequently, I guess you wont fancy it.
what would even give a single woman the morale to tell u to come and chop, that means your female friends are highly promiscuous and have no shame, you cant make progress in your home if you still keep those loose girls as your friends and confidants.

innovestor:
Hello NLers.

I am here basically to sample thoughts and opinions on this matter from matured minds. No insults or names calling. Just address the issue with suggestions.

There is a saying (by me ) that goes thus: Learn to appreciate what you have now. Don't wait till it's gone to find out its value. There is also another saying (not by me ) that goes thus: Wives don't suck dick; only girlfriends do.

So to the matter. I am married to this lovely lady. She is good by good standards (details will be given later if need be). I am also good by good standards (details will be given later if need be ). However when it comes to making love, this is where the "matters arising" comes to play; yes sex.

Firstly, I am not necessarily the over demanding type, however i am not sexually satisfied completely in my home. I am very understanding when she actually is not in the right frame of conditions to make love, however for me making the moves every time for us to make love is tiring (and yes ladies you should make the moves sometimes, if not more).

Secondly, i am the type with a conscience. I have not raped and will never rape any one even my wife because this is practically impossible for me as my man-hood (which lives on) will suddenly slump in such situation (that's why i said practically impossible). So what am i driving at? Once my wife tells me she is a bit tired, she has a slight waist pain, head-ache, leg ache etc. i practically refrain from making love to her. It has happened most times that i am all up and doing and ready to hit the road and then she says she has a head-ache (unconsciously i must admit most times) i just pack-up and hit the bed to dream world.

Now the challenge is this. Being sort of sexually deprived by my wife, being a hardworking good citizen of Nigeria that makes an average earning (at least i dey drive motor and can comfortably take care of my family and one or two more outsiders despite the harsh economy) I am exposed to falling into countless number of temptations. In order not to brag, i have ladies calling me almost on a daily basis now and literally begging me to "shine their congo". Yes they know i am married with kids but don't care. Na me dey dodge them sef and avoid picking some calls.

Now the question is this: what can i do to solve this issue? What can i do to make my wife get off her relaxed state to make the moves for us to be more sexually engaged (and i am not talking of just missionary alone, i love adventure)? Should i just ignore her talks of head aches and find a means of forcing myself to do it with her ( I have actually asked her if this is what she wants - no response received). What can i do?

I am asking as we have had this sex talk twice and i have told her what i felt about the whole thing (of course she shed tears na). The third time we had the discussion, i told her categorically that this would be the last time for such discussion because if there is not improvement, i will not talk to her about it anymore and would seek other means to "help myself out". This is where i am at the moment.

So you ideas are welcome ladies and gentlemen.

P.S. Wow! So the write up long reach like this? be patient to read through.

innovestor:


Coco, no swallow panadol on my behalf. I will answer u.

I have had my numbers for ages now. I have had friends (and still have friends) who are females. I am not of the school of thought that once you get married its a different life (you change character, phone number etc.). What you can't change before marriage cannot be changed because of marriage. Change is everyone's personal decision to make whether marriage or going to be married or single.

Except you are suggesting i change my numbers and this will come with a cost i am not ready bear now.

So my question to you, are you married?

LynnPetra:
In as much as our men sabi carry prick share outside, sometimes the fault comes from the wife herself . Just like what one female pastor said one day, "Woman if your husband still sleeps with you be happy!Tell him after the whole kwokirikwo, dim thank you".Because he get some women wey their husband no dey fiyck again. They now drill the holes if their numerous girlfriends. You women don't realise you have power . As a wife, you have to be creative and calculating. Let's take for example, men are moved by what they see, whether it is imagined first or not. I don't see the reason why a woman will just tie wrapper and Sit at home till evening. Why?? Some of you who are "lucky to be housewives, after the whole lagos traffic ,oga go enter house say make him rest ,na so him go see woman for sitting room with wrapper tied to her waist, she fit dey lose her hair sef, or her hair is messed up. She go come stand up, pant sef she no wear. If I be man sef i will feel to run out back to work. Kilode?

As a wife you must always be in the mood except of cause you are tired or exhausted. Some women go fast for one month, yamsh sef dem no go give oga. Once you're married, your toto is no longer ya own. Like I was saying, you know sey oga go enter house by 5pm, why not take a clean bath, look clean, presentable amd alluring, wear your short skirt with white pant inside. Food wey them wrap dey attract pass . You fit just lay down "carelessly" for bedroom untop Africa Magic or WWF and pretend of course after greeting him, that you are engrossed with the TV. If you notice say oga Don dey u use style look that side as him dey comot suit, you can "carelessly" adjust the position to reveal more whites".Even if he is tired he will be confused, by the time you carelessly stand up and ask him,"Obim what will yo love to eat?".He will be like,"Em. ..what did I want to eat *carry eyes up like say the food dey ceiling fan*. ..haa!*sits down on the bed*you know what, let me just lie down and make that decision. ...."Know mind oga, na Bleep dey hungry am . join him in that bed and see if he won't pound you like yam.

Onegai:




This is totally very true (infact I'm brushing my hair right now because of it!) But the reality is that, children are the death of Sex in Marriage.

Baby age 2 months: you will prefer to sleep rather than be awake thinking of nyashing. Because you haven't slept upto 3 hours straight in 2 months

Baby age 6 months: your husband (rubbing thigh suggestively), assumed the position and suddenly you hear "nyaaahhhh"

Baby age 8 months: you wear bum shorts and your baby, desperate to fight all your weaning attempts, chooks his head into your laps looking for a way to open your top (I shi.t you not this happens till breastfeeding ends)

Baby age 11 months: you wear your white pant and bum shorts, guess who is going to spit up food all over it and rub her mouth on your top in vex that you're giving her solids you will so change clothes.

Toddler age 1 year: you lie down, your toddler follows you. You stand up, your toddler follows you. You go to the toilet and your toddler drums on the door until you come out. It's called Separation Anxiety.

Toddler age 1.6 years: you arrange and package yourself on the bed and carry remote control to watch, what was it, Africa Magic. Your toddler begins to scream blue murder, because they were showing Teletubbies, how dare you change the channel!

Terrible Twos and older: you and husband get down. Halfway through, you realise the house is quiet. Strangely quiet. That is because your child is drinking from the toilet, about to put a metal fork in a socket, pouring water into your speakers, trying to pull a chest of drawers on top of their silly head, eating Omo, about to "superman" off the balconey etc

See, until age 4, just go with the flow. You may end up throwing away pre-intimacy just so you can knack in between baby naps, on the floor with dirty clothes on. It is because they don't prepare men to be fathers that they don't realise this. Those that have stayed with families who had really young kids when they are old enough to remember are usually understanding when their turn comes.

Fathers should hang in there, because it will get better some day and you don't want your marriage in shambles by the time kids become independent. When they start school, things get better a bit.

HaneefahRN:

OMG, this is so hilarious

Onegai:




This is totally very true (infact I'm brushing my hair right now because of it!) But the reality is that, children are the death of Sex in Marriage.

Baby age 2 months: you will prefer to sleep rather than be awake thinking of nyashing. Because you haven't slept upto 3 hours straight in 2 months

Baby age 6 months: your husband (rubbing thigh suggestively), assumed the position and suddenly you hear "nyaaahhhh"

Baby age 8 months: you wear bum shorts and your baby, desperate to fight all your weaning attempts, chooks his head into your laps looking for a way to open your top (I shi.t you not this happens till breastfeeding ends)

Baby age 11 months: you wear your white pant and bum shorts, guess who is going to spit up food all over it and rub her mouth on your top in vex that you're giving her solids you will so change clothes.

Toddler age 1 year: you lie down, your toddler follows you. You stand up, your toddler follows you. You go to the toilet and your toddler drums on the door until you come out. It's called Separation Anxiety.

Toddler age 1.6 years: you arrange and package yourself on the bed and carry remote control to watch, what was it, Africa Magic. Your toddler begins to scream blue murder, because they were showing Teletubbies, how dare you change the channel!

Terrible Twos and older: you and husband get down. Halfway through, you realise the house is quiet. Strangely quiet. That is because your child is drinking from the toilet, about to put a metal fork in a socket, pouring water into your speakers, trying to pull a chest of drawers on top of their silly head, eating Omo, about to "superman" off the balconey etc

See, until age 4, just go with the flow. You may end up throwing away pre-intimacy just so you can knack in between baby naps, on the floor with dirty clothes on. It is because they don't prepare men to be fathers that they don't realise this. Those that have stayed with families who had really young kids when they are old enough to remember are usually understanding when their turn comes.

Fathers should hang in there, because it will get better some day and you don't want your marriage in shambles by the time kids become independent. When they start school, things get better a bit.

darkenedrebel:


Hilarious. . . . . .but excessively bloated. Kids do not create lacunae in marital sex. I once had to live with a distant family relative who put to bed 5/6 months prior to when I moved into the house. . . .and boy oh boy, those guys were on a perennial shaggïng-spree. They boinkëd like silverbacks high on viagra.
When the kids come all it takes is little tetris done on the sex time-table and the case is settled.

I need a favour. Checkity check ASAP!!!

HaneefahRN:

Lolz, true. But some children can be very demanding though

always seeking attention .Unless they have something or someone to distract them or perhaps sleep comes by, mummy isn't going to be left alone. But truly it depends on how the couple is able to manage things

Alright, I'll do that.

Onegai:
Innovestor, today is Thursday, send your wife a message right now, ask her what she's doing, if there's light etc. Come home earlier than usual and play with the kids. Buy cake for your wife and everybody eat. When I say play, I mean PLAY. Dance like an egun masquerade. During this play, you guys should make a paper ball, recreate the NIG-GER match of yesterday (pls be Germany ) and stylishly throw it at Mum. Let her pass it back, infact,rush her if she holds the ball long. Feel free to smack her bum during the play, no red card given. Don't ask for sex.

Tomorrow, come home and watch whatever she wants to watch, discuss it with her animatedly. What hairdo is she wearing? Bet you don't know offhand tell her to bring her nailpolish, you want to practise painting because the economy has crashed and manipedis ain't cheap. Ask her what's going with life. Just listen. Gist freely.

Saturday, you and her go to the mall. Go watch a movie together (no kids allowed). In the car home, hold her hand. When you get home, don't sit in your usual seat (the one you use as your personal space), sit with her. Tell her "I've missed us having fun, I've missed you". See how the evening goes.

Onegai:
Innovestor, today is Thursday, send your wife a message right now, ask her what she's doing, if there's light etc. Come home earlier than usual and play with the kids. Buy cake for your wife and everybody eat. When I say play, I mean PLAY. Dance like an egun masquerade. During this play, you guys should make a paper ball, recreate the NIG-GER match of yesterday (pls be Germany ) and stylishly throw it at Mum. Let her pass it back, infact,rush her if she holds the ball long. Feel free to smack her bum during the play, no red card given. Don't ask for sex.

Tomorrow, come home and watch whatever she wants to watch, discuss it with her animatedly. What hairdo is she wearing? Bet you don't know offhand tell her to bring her nailpolish, you want to practise painting because the economy has crashed and manipedis ain't cheap. Ask her what's going with life. Just listen. Gist freely.

Saturday, you and her go to the mall. Go watch a movie together (no kids allowed). In the car home, hold her hand. When you get home, don't sit in your usual seat (the one you use as your personal space), sit with her. Tell her "I've missed us having fun, I've missed you". See how the eevening goes.

I had to stop reading the thread to blow you kisses.


(Something is wrong with NL emoticon scripting)

Timboktou, you are a Selfish fellow. Change!

Acidosis:


All this wahala just for se. x?? Haba!




See why some men would rather pay 'opo' N5k to get it done and closed. Time is money please.

You can display affection at a leisure time, but you shouldn't recommend these assignments as means to get s.ex with one's wife.

Acidosis:


All this wahala just for se. x?? Haba!




See why some men would rather pay 'opo' N5k to get it done and closed. Time is money please.

You can display affection at a leisure time, but you shouldn't recommend these assignments as means to get s.ex with one's wife.

MizMyColi:


Pray tell, what exactly is the work here?

Another selfish fellow spotted.

Dyt:


Hmmmmm

Dyt:


Hmmmmm

MizMyColi:




Timboktou, you are a Selfish fellow. Change!

cococandy:


What has my marital status got to do with your predicament?


Yes I suggest you change your number. It's a cost married women bear all the time. Tell me, if your wife has men begging her to come sleep with them that you'll be happy if she continues to keep the connection between herself and them alive. You guys actually have guts. Talking about how you can easily get it outside. Like this thread won't be up in flame by now if your wife was the OP and made such careless statement like you did.


No you've to do what you have to do to save your marriage (if it means something to you)
So yes change it. It's not that big of a cost. The important people will have your new number. Stop keeping temptation alive in your home. We are all humans and can fall to prolonged temptation. Don't tempt yourself.