Mindfulness:


Ok then.

Has your wife always been like this or can you tell when it started?


I am enjoying this exchange too, especially observing how some people compromise their high moral standards in the name of loyalty.

Don't you mean selective moral standards?

freshvine:



With all this senseless gender fight, you must have taken away all the gut and pride from your husband

He's fine without his gut and pride. It's working for us.
Why does it concern you? Care about my family more than you care about yours? Imbecil.

Onegai:
my sister you sabi the thing

Op you don get solutions already, good luck

cococandy:

He's fine without his gut and pride. It's working for us.
Why does it concern you? Care about my family more than you care about yours? Imbecil.

Nairaland has spoilt my babe finish.

You called someone imbé?
Faints!!

Chillisauce:



Nairaland has spoilt my babe finish.

You called someone imbé?
Faints!!

Chilli they keep pushing.

What a girl gon do? Trying to insult my husband? S/He's lucky I'm in a good mood. Going shopping in a min. Yay!

I'd have sat down to type a very befitting response only suitable for mor0n like it.

Hope you're good though
Brb.

Acidosis:


Lol

According to her narration;

for each round of sex, husband has to prepare 3 days 'upfront'. Thursday --->> Saturday. Na wa.

Honestly? It is a bit too tasking...like a mental/psychological vampire, all the preparations and hustling that have to be done to score
Whatever happened to being spontaneous?
However, I am not married so I do not know how mundane and routine marriage could become....making risqueness a rarity, and sex something to be planned days ahead of

I have always suspected that marriage, while upping respectability levels and functioning to "bring forth seed/populate the earth" esp in our society, simultaneously functions to sap people of passionate/spontaneous /feeling alive/ free thoughts and actions .
But what do I know!?
And, I sincerely hope that I am wrong, very very wrong....or else....
I would haaate

cococandy:

Chilli they keep pushing.

What a girl gon do? Trying to insult my husband? S/He's lucky I'm in a good mood. Going shopping in a min. Yay!

I'd have sat down to type a very befitting response only suitable for mor0n like it.

Hope you're good though
Brb.

Lol. Babe has vex.
I feel you jare. Spare no imbé.

RiloKiley:

I actually need a dislike button for that post
...for laying all the responsibility and blame for a dwindling sexx life on the female
Jeez
On top of all my sneaky suspicions about marriage, I also hate that it is skewed favourably in the male's favour when it happens
Imagine a woman typing that, and justifying it with quotes from a pastor!?

And so I remain single!
Till I find that man that I can only describe in my heart, or reach senescence, and stop looking!

cococandy:


Don't you mean selective moral standards?

Exactly!

More than 100 monikers watching this thread plus 159 guests.

TV01 was among them and disappeared, just when I was about to ask if he wants me to flaunt his bikini picture.

I am too kind to ask someone who feels good about shaming people such a question but my patience has its limits.

byvan03:
Just be sure you clean up well before asking. Not everyone can deal with sweaty and musty. Wash up, brush your teeth and dab a little roll on before you jump into bed . Some people have very sensitive noses and bad smell put them off completely. If possible, invite her to scrub you.

Posts like this make me feel decidedly unready for marriage!!!!
....make it look tasking, boring and something to suffer thru
Actually, something about this post solu mu oyi, I really do not know the English phrase that would convey the meaning aptly, but, making my skin crawl is all I have now, and I dont think "it" is "it"

Forgive me for climbing all over your post
I just noticed your post and had to say what I feel

Watch adventurous porn with her. Drink wine together n see if she's comfortable with these. Have long foreplays until she's wriggling n begging you to thrust - n better not cum in 1 min else your punishment will be worse than it is now. If u succeed at least 30 mins with good acrobatics - might just be ur gateway to revival

...

Onegai:
Innovestor, today is Thursday, send your wife a message right now, ask her what she's doing, if there's light etc. Come home earlier than usual and play with the kids. Buy cake for your wife and everybody eat. When I say play, I mean PLAY. Dance like an egun masquerade. During this play, you guys should make a paper ball, recreate the NIG-GER match of yesterday (pls be Germany ) and stylishly throw it at Mum. Let her pass it back, infact,rush her if she holds the ball long. Feel free to smack her bum during the play, no red card given. Don't ask for sex.

Tomorrow, come home and watch whatever she wants to watch, discuss it with her animatedly. What hairdo is she wearing? Bet you don't know offhand tell her to bring her nailpolish, you want to practise painting because the economy has crashed and manipedis ain't cheap. Ask her what's going with life. Just listen. Gist freely.

Saturday, you and her go to the mall. Go watch a movie together (no kids allowed). In the car home, hold her hand. When you get home, don't sit in your usual seat (the one you use as your personal space), sit with her. Tell her "I've missed us having fun, I've missed you". See how the evening goes.

You don't need to tell a man who truly loves his wife all this! They would know what to do without being told! I for one can't date talk more of marrying a man who doesn't know difference between sex and romance!
The only problem with Nigerian men is that they aren't romantic! Smh

I am an avid reader of nairaland, more like a silent reader, but I am compelled to reply to this topic, as this is one of the major reason for break ups and divorce.
Nigerian women are scammers, well not all of them. They work hard in keeping their body shape and manners and as soon as they get married and have kids, you see their true colours.
They become fat, uninterested in satisfying their husbands and garrulous. Christianity also help them in perpetrating this fraud since the man has been indoctrinated into thinking marrying more than wife is a sin, whereas it's not.
Any woman who fiddles while her husband gets neglected sexually deserves the blow back arising from this grave error.
My advice to you is to start "Piping" external congos and relieve the pressure on your wife, when she realises that she has been relegated like Newcastle, then she will work hard into getting promoted back to the Konji premier league.

I am afraid of the word marriage

Bro.... always remember.... Men are from Mars...Women from Venus. We are wired differently. Before marriage... have you ever tried to get sex from a babe and she said no?...and when you complied she be mad with you because you didn't have sex with her? The same way that her "no" meant yes... maybe your wife is willing but it is in the womans DNA not to just say yes. We guys need to be patient. She said headache and you got mad and dived under the covers to snore thru the night. I think women feel if they just open up and let you in...then that makes them feel kinda cheap... so they must put up some resistance before caving in. Try patience...and lots of tenderness... afterall... when it comes to love making...women are by nature marathon runners...and us men like Bolt...quick out the blocks and in a few minutes it's all over.pay more attention to her body language than what her mouth be saying. Work on it.

Onegai:
Innovestor, today is Thursday, send your wife a message right now, ask her what she's doing, if there's light etc. Come home earlier than usual and play with the kids. Buy cake for your wife and everybody eat. When I say play, I mean PLAY. Dance like an egun masquerade. During this play, you guys should make a paper ball, recreate the NIG-GER match of yesterday (pls be Germany ) and stylishly throw it at Mum. Let her pass it back, infact,rush her if she holds the ball long. Feel free to smack her bum during the play, no red card given. Don't ask for sex.

Tomorrow, come home and watch whatever she wants to watch, discuss it with her animatedly. What hairdo is she wearing? Bet you don't know offhand tell her to bring her nailpolish, you want to practise painting because the economy has crashed and manipedis ain't cheap. Ask her what's going with life. Just listen. Gist freely.

Saturday, you and her go to the mall. Go watch a movie together (no kids allowed). In the car home, hold her hand. When you get home, don't sit in your usual seat (the one you use as your personal space), sit with her. Tell her "I've missed us having fun, I've missed you". See how the evening goes.

you haff talk it finish

@OP follow this advice. it's worth a million bucks

Hope she is not under d influence of spirit husband. If not, then she is up to something

hmmmmm some women r lucky while am d one chasing my fiance all ova d bed

cococandy:
How did those ladies calling you get your number? You're married and still distributing your number everywhere and have the guts to brag about it.
If you want to smoothen things over with your wife, talk to her about it not us. We can't say anything that will make her change Except you're going to show her this thread. And stop giving ladies your number.

So men don't know your number. Thought you will address the issue.

Look at them advising the man to move mountains just because he wants to have sex with his wife. Wife! Not one girlfriend o. That's rubbish.

Why must the man beg or threaten you before you have sex? Are you doing him a favour? . . . take her on a date, hold her hands, buy gifts, play with her... Nonsense talk.

Is sex enjoyed only by the man? Of course not. Ladies will be using sex as a tool to "control" their husbands. Are we animals that you lure us with carrots and birdseed? "Do this for me and I promise you a steamy session tonight"... Rubbish.

Many single girls are eager to sleep with married men. So you wives had better sit up and stop forcing celibacy on men who were designed to enjoy intimacy. If you hoard your official merchandise, there is black market out there.

The sexual health of a couple is not dependent on the man alone. Stop bargaining with sex. Stop "forming" tired.

Inshort, ten gbosa for you. You too make sense.

eyinjuege:
1. Maybe the sex has become boring. She doesn't enjoy it anymore with you.

2. Or maybe she's really tired as she says she is.
Does she work? What time does she get home from work? Who picks up the kids from school? Who takes care of them after school? Who takes care of the cooking?, cleaning, washing?
If she does all these alone, she will be genuinely tired everyday. The traffic situation alone can cause a headache on its own. Having young children screaming I want this, I want that can cause another headache. Cooking different meals for the children, and then for the older ones too everyday can stress you out too.

3. Also, women do think about money issues too.
So if she's broke and there are some expenses pending in the home like house rent, school fees, changing her car because the old one keeps giving her trouble, sex would be far from her mind.

Some men find sex as a stress reliever, and when stressed they want sex.
Its not the same for most women, who when stressed see sex as more stress or even a stress inducer.

Nigeria women dont know how to make love, full stop! They are so boring in bed

You didn't expose to us what your love life was during your courtship and the earlier stages of your marriage. Such information would have aided us in advising you better.

That notwithstanding, I will like you to take a cursory look at how you make love to your wife. Maybe you don't satisfy her. She thus sees making love to you as a worthless venture.

Secondly, you need to communicate with your wife. As a principal partner in your marriage contract, you need to inform her of your reservations. Women are so secretive; you need to use the right strategy to extract relevant information from them. So, you need to find out if she having some emotional issues or better still, if she is also nursing some reservations against you.

Good luck.

Yieldings:
You're a married man. What sort of conversations are you having with these ladies that they're asking you to "shine their congo?". You mean you had intimate female friends like these before you got married and didn't delete their numbers/cease communication with them when you got married?. Bro, if you haven't cheated on your wife physically, you have cheated on her emotionallly. Emotionally cheating/affair constitutes having sexual conversations with a woman/women other than your wife, sharing details about your sexual needs and wants with them, sharing details about your marriage with them, etc. Parties involved usually start off as friends, like you have, and the intimacy level of the relationship proceeds thereafter. Since you're doing these, how do you expect to have a healthy sex life with your wife? If you're being intimate with other women to the point where they're telling you things they want you to do them (knowing fully well that you're married) and you have the audacity to say you cannot change and get rid of them, your sex life and marriage as a whole will suffer because the emotional connection you should be sharing and building with your wife, you're giving away to other women. So, instead of blaming your wife, know that you are (also) at fault. If you want to see change, then you yourself have to change the things you're doing.

Twisting the subject on its head. No lady so far has come with a straight answer. Poster, the responses you see are the exact reasons for the issues you see, in that women by default are poor communicators and are serial mental compartmentalists, the first sign of trouble is the last warning you will get before it all implodes. You will have to communicate for yourself and communicate for her, that is you will have to talk to yourself to neutralise the deficiency. You are the husband, you are in charge and you do the commanding as God has ordained you to do. If you wait for her response, you will crash your marraige. She is acting typical of her genes, she is waiting for your keystroke. Donot let her genes take charge of your marraige.

ROZZAYY:
hmmmmm some women r lucky while am d one chasing my fiance all ova d bed

kai!!!why na.....

Arghhh. This is thread is a perfect opportunity for all the feminist hawks on nairaland to bare their fangs. It has to be the guys fault, the woman is a baby, she doesn't know it is wrong to starve her husband, Yada Yada Yada...Bullshit!

Having sex with your husband/wife is not doing them a favour. It's a duty.

He has spoken to her three times, yet she has nothing to say for herself. If the sex is boring, can't she talk or try to spice it up? That's really fvcked up if you ask me.

Same here too nd I'm sure 79% are like this. I really don't been apri8 married and kind of meaningless self you talk and talk on same issue. I'm fully out side enjoying the beautiful and sex machines. Mi o le parami. Konji they kill they bring bad names

Onegai:




This is totally very true (infact I'm brushing my hair right now because of it!) But the reality is that, children are the death of Sex in Marriage.

Baby age 2 months: you will prefer to sleep rather than be awake thinking of nyashing. Because you haven't slept upto 3 hours straight in 2 months

Baby age 6 months: your husband (rubbing thigh suggestively), assumed the position and suddenly you hear "nyaaahhhh"

Baby age 8 months: you wear bum shorts and your baby, desperate to fight all your weaning attempts, chooks his head into your laps looking for a way to open your top (I shi.t you not this happens till breastfeeding ends)

Baby age 11 months: you wear your white pant and bum shorts, guess who is going to spit up food all over it and rub her mouth on your top in vex that you're giving her solids you will so change clothes.

Toddler age 1 year: you lie down, your toddler follows you. You stand up, your toddler follows you. You go to the toilet and your toddler drums on the door until you come out. It's called Separation Anxiety.

Toddler age 1.6 years: you arrange and package yourself on the bed and carry remote control to watch, what was it, Africa Magic. Your toddler begins to scream blue murder, because they were showing Teletubbies, how dare you change the channel!

Terrible Twos and older: you and husband get down. Halfway through, you realise the house is quiet. Strangely quiet. That is because your child is drinking from the toilet, about to put a metal fork in a socket, pouring water into your speakers, trying to pull a chest of drawers on top of their silly head, eating Omo, about to "superman" off the balconey etc

See, until age 4, just go with the flow. You may end up throwing away pre-intimacy just so you can knack in between baby naps, on the floor with dirty clothes on. It is because they don't prepare men to be fathers that they don't realise this. Those that have stayed with families who had really young kids when they are old enough to remember are usually understanding when their turn comes.

Fathers should hang in there, because it will get better some day and you don't want your marriage in shambles by the time kids become independent. When they start school, things get better a bit.

When the pastors/priests were saying "what God have joined together, they should start including babies".It's not easy though. I can relate to this experience too.

Onegai:
Yieldings is right: the emotional nurturing you should be giving to your wife is what you're giving outside. And no, you cannot keep sharing yourself out equally, no-one has that much of themselves to give. Ask yourself this question: what conversations am I having with my female friends that they are willing to sleep with me, a married guy? What type of conversations and interactions am I having with my wife that she feels nothing towards me except for familiarity and gratitude?

No-one is asking you to delete numbers, but be sensible about these things. Imagine if Himself picks my phone and sees me having serious conversations with a male friend, telling him how my day was, asking how his day went, sharing jokes and even sending broadcast prayers and what not. Then I say "lighten up, he's my friend from before I met you, stop checking my phone".

How will he feel? How will you feel if he tells you?

All those girls, if they liked you so much, they should have married you. Now that you're settled and shining, they're appreciating the peace of mind you have at home. Let them go and build up their own men and you stop using them to feed your ego.

Btw, don't use threats to ask for stuff like sex. Himself and I both know full well that all of the people that cheat, almost all of them are married men and women. And the married cheatings are harder to catch (so devoted to their husbands and kids! So prayerful! So dressed decently! Always up and doing and keeping busy! Knacking another man on the downlow! ). Don't carry petrol to a fight when you're not 100% sure your opponent isn't going to bring matches.

Just imagine the kind of question you ask in the first para. Can it be possible that the depth of communication with the strange women on the phone can rival that of his wife at home. If he didn't continue with the story of 'other' women trying to break into his marraige, what will have been the excuses you women folks give. You guys are always seeking the moral high ground cum victim ticket in man v woman matters. And still will not answer the fundamental question.

cococandy:

He's fine without his gut and pride. It's working for us.
Why does it concern you? Care about my family more than you care about yours? Imbecil.

He needed you for a trophy wife, you needed him for poverty alleviation and Amelica Visa.

Kiss the dust