Rossy99:
Am even ready to accomodate him cos i knw his family is not financially buoyant to get accomodation for him while still in skul,i expect him not go beyond his limit but he refuse.he is not d 1st person dt wud stay wit us.He is now causing division btw i nd hubby cos dey see me as d bad person,wen he want to get money frm hubby he wait till am out or go to meet him at d gate,is not that i do ask him not to give him.even wen he see dt i av wash all d dirty dishes in d kitchen,is he not suppose to wash d one he jst used in eating,he drop it nd i still go to wash it without saying anytin.i dnt knw wat he expect me to do again.he see me as a subordinate dat can't authorise him to do anytin

This is where we are different, you have been accepting what is not pleasant from the beginning, as for his used dish, immediately he dropped the plate, you ask him politely to go back and wash his plate. If you want to report him to hubby, let him be around, so that it won't be as if you're lying against him.

Speak out, let him know what you can accept and what you can't.

Call him as a younger brother and tell him what he does that are unacceptable, both by you and the society.


Don't pretend as if all is well, speak out but don't maltreat him or make life miserable for him.


May God give you wisdom to do things aright.

Alexgeneration:
. How does staying with one's in-law connotes "involve into their private affairs? From the OP's complain,the guy is not interfering in their private life.Rather, all I can deduce from her is that she wants to turn the guy to a househelp just because he is "eating her food" and "staying in her house".Will she make such complains if the guy is from her side of the family?

Helping out in the house you live is not turning the person to house help. Washing your own plate after eating is not slavery. If the husband can give you accommodation, wife cooks for you, the least you can do is assist in the home in appreciation.

Op i must say you are the cause of some of these problems, when this boy came into your home you knew he was going to stay for long you should have laid down some ground rules for him, am not saying give him rules and regulations but you give food and he drops the plate without washing them every time, you should have simply told him to go and wash his plates as there is no house help in the house to do it for him. Don't let a stranger come between you and your husband because he will graduate and leave but you guys have to stay together.

Rossy99:
Yes,he informed me wen d boy was coming nd i approve it but i was not inform dt he wud stay long,wat i was told was dt he jst got admission nd wud stay wit us till he find accomodation.it was later dt he had settle down dt i got to knw dt he wud b staying 2ruout his prog and dt was not even a prob to me though i don't stay at home for long den,i do travel most weekdays to supervise my project in d neighbouring town b4 i later finish it nd hardly travel out of town again .we get along well atfirst but after going for semester break nd coming back he change totally.

Call him and talk to him like a brother. Assure him that he's safe with you. Let him know that you love him and that you will appreciate him if he can reciprocate the love by respecting you and doing the right thing at home.

Give examples of what he does that do not go well with you, and with anyone he might have to live with after leaving your place, which he too can never accept from anybody.

Share life experiences with him.

Hopefully, he will turn a new leaf.

Rossy99:
Even my husband complain about his eating habit,so,is not my complain alone.if he was my sibling i wud knw aw to deal wit dem though none of dem behave so

if your husband is complaining, why doesn't he kick him out of the house

JustHere2Observ:
The least he could do is do his own dishes and help out once in a while. But most people feel entitled and dont have the common sense to assist around the house. Next time stand up to him and tell him what he is expected to do.

for how long shld i keep telling an adult wat to do?wat i tell him 2da he wud still wait for me to tell him 2mao nd d following day.am more of an introvert so i dnt like to talk much instead i do my tin but my countenance wud change nd i dnt lik to talk wen am angry.for sometime nw,i av not b telling him to do anytin/correct him but is he not suppose to knw dt am not ok wit wat he is duin

Rossy99:
for how long shld i keep telling an adult wat to do?wat i tell him 2da he wud still wait for me to tell him 2mao nd d following day.am more of an introvert so i dnt like to talk much instead i do my tin but my countenance wud change nd i dnt lik to talk wen am angry.for sometime nw,i av not b telling him to do anytin/correct him but is he not suppose to knw dt am not ok wit wat he is duin

Sometimes we introverts just need to make our voices heard, you will keep repeating it until he gets it. If not he won't take you serious, dont do anything extreme. Once he finishes eating, tell him to wash his own plate, when he wakes up tell him to tidy the living room he slept in. Tell him to fetch his own water for bathing, dont stop telling him what to do since he wants to be treated like a child.

greatgod2012:



This is where we are different, you have been accepting what is not pleasant from the beginning, as for his used dish, immediately he dropped the plate, you ask him politely to go back and wash his plate. If you want to report him to hubby, let him be around, so that it won't be as if you're lying against him.

Speak out, let him know what you can accept and what you can't.

Call him as a younger brother and tell him what he does that are unacceptable, both by you and the society.


Don't pretend as if all is well, speak out but don't maltreat him or make life miserable for him.


May God give you wisdom to do things aright.

Amen,i wud try to follow ur advice but d look i receive weneva i try to talk to him is wat make me stop talking.i dnt even knw aw to make life miserable for someone cos my conscience wont let me rest.

Like 2da wen we finish eating,he was d one dt pack all d plate cos my baby soil his daiper b4 i cud finish eating nd i wnt to clean her up nd hubby was around so he pack d plate to act d boy is gud,my aim was dt he wud wash d dish immediately cos thr was soapy water thr nd thr was no dirty dish thr b4 bt he dump everytin thr,wen i jst pass by d kitchen later i saw d plate,i called him dt'didnt he see d soapy water thr and dt thr are no dirty dishes thr b4 dt he should go nd wash his dishes as d dishes are entertaining flies,he said he wud go nd wash it nd he didnt go,wen i finish washing cloth abt 3hrs nd tidying up i had to go nd do it cos he has slept off and i cant leave my kitchen like that.dtz anoda habit he has,wen i even try to talk him 2 do it,he gives u tym dt he wud do it bt he wont do it at d end

JustHere2Observ:


Sometimes we introverts just need to make our voices heard, you will keep repeating it until he gets it. If not he won't take you serious, dont do anything extreme. Once he finishes eating, tell him to wash his own plate, when he wakes up tell him to tidy the living room he slept in. Tell him to fetch his own water for bathing, dont stop telling him what to do since he wants to be treated like a child.

Rossy99:
Like 2da wen we finish eating,he was d one dt pack all d plate cos my baby soil his daiper b4 i cud finish eating nd i wnt to clean her up nd hubby was around so he pack d plate to act d boy is gud,my aim was dt he wud wash d dish immediately cos thr was soapy water thr nd thr was no dirty dish thr b4 bt he dump everytin thr,wen i jst pass by d kitchen later i saw d plate,i called him dt'didnt he see d soapy water thr and dt thr are no dirty dishes thr b4 dt he should go nd wash his dishes as d dishes are entertaining flies,he said he wud go nd wash it nd he didnt go,wen i finish washing cloth abt 3hrs nd tidying up i had to go nd do it cos he has slept off and i cant leave my kitchen like that.dtz anoda habit he has,wen i even try to talk him 2 do it,he gives u tym dt he wud do it bt he wont do it at d end

Madam you are living with a lazy man and a loafer. I know what I will do but I won't advice you to do it. Just tell your husband you can't take it anymore, you know how to get through to your husband.

The problem is that you ain't in sync with your husband.

Could be your husband is one of those men that see chores as exclusive preserve of women hence he doesn't see anything wrong with the guy not helping out at home. .. or could it be your complaints are needless?

Whatever though, you and your husband have to be in sync... you can't win it if he keeps going behind to do the opposite. .. you need to reach an agreement or decision together and stick to it. ..
All d best..

No one deserve to be uncomfortable in his or her home, life is too short! Fine a way to Make the idiota realise that once a man is up to 20years, he should be able to get himself a job and do more for himself rather than eating free food, how long did he expect things to go on like that? and you better watch your man, there might be more to it than what you think, just saying.

Alexgeneration:
. He has no right abi?Cos he is not from her side of the family abi? If the guy is related to her,will she be here to complain? All these modern wives that can't accommodate their inlaws.

abeg, stop saying what you don't know. Let me set some facts straight for you
"Modern wives" work
Most "modern wives" do everything in the house for her hubby and kids...is already overworked,especially if the kids are still small. Now add a lazy relative to the equation and how do you think the "modern wife" will feel towards an added liability.
"Modern wives" don't mind their relatives staying with them because they often pick up after themselves and are sensitive to the stress level they are giving the"modern wife" but hubby's relatives expect everything on a platter of gold, whether "modern wife" works herself from home to office/shop - office/shop to home and hardly gets enough sleep. They don't care. All they care is that"our wife" must deliver.

@op. Take it easy with the guy. He's probably in his teenage years. I also have a poly undergrad in my house who is from my hubby's side. You have to understand that boys eat a lot in their teens.

As regard house chores, he helps but I do not allow him wash clothes cos I believe it's time consuming even with a washing machine. Just tell him to help with minor chores (things that can be done in 10 mins) I believe he'll comply.

Also you should encourage him to study. That's why he's in your house and show genuine interest in his academic progress.

For instance, I often tell him to stay back in school after lectures to do some reading to avoid distractions from my boisterous kids. That way, I'd have almost completed my chores before he returns.

Rossy99:
Am even ready to accomodate him cos i knw his family is not financially buoyant to get accomodation for him while still in skul,i expect him not go beyond his limit but he refuse.he is not d 1st person dt wud stay wit us.He is now causing division btw i nd hubby cos dey see me as d bad person,wen he want to get money frm hubby he wait till am out or go to meet him at d gate,is not that i do ask him not to give him.even wen he see dt i av wash all d dirty dishes in d kitchen,is he not suppose to wash d one he jst used in eating,he drop it nd i still go to wash it without saying anytin.i dnt knw wat he expect me to do again.he see me as a subordinate dat can't authorise him to do anytin

Madam stop complaining about all he does. From your write-up you are creating problems in your home cos of a stranger. Truth is you don't like the guy and there's nothing he can do to change that... Tolerate and correct him like you'll do to your siblings.

If your baby is a girl you need to be very observant because such a lazy person cannot be up to any good, these are the kind of people who molest kids.

Based on this write up, I can just imagine the food given to the guy...

What do you really want him to do?
Why not tell him one on one what his daily chores should be?
If you can't tell him face to face then write it and attach it to the fridge.

I might be wrong but your write up shows that u don't want him there..... majority of this kind of complain occurs when the relative of the man is in the house.... even if he kills himself helping, it will never be appreciated....Hostel will be the best solution to this....

Rossy99:
An undergraduate of polytechnic staying with us is growing wings.he doesn't help in domestic chores when hubby is away,he does when hubby is around,he wait for u to tell him wat to do b4 he does it nd he is really making me angry which i hate to do.wen i report him to hubby,he wont do anytin or even chastise him instead he complain wenever i give him food dt his food is too small.am not a bad type to giv him little food cos i have conscience nd it disturb me wen i do bad but he is a glutton dt only eat nd sleep without duin anytin even to d plates he use to eat.wat do i do

Since he picks the circumstances to do his chores then you have the audacity to send kick him out of the house. You're a good woman by reporting him to hubby because many wives won't take that shiite. So even his plates he won't wash? You better start pouring all his unwashed plates into his box of clothes. Madam, you better wake up and put your house in order. Even the bible says that any tree that does not bear fruit should be cut off! If he is useless to you, kick him out. The economy is too harsh to take extra bullshitte.

How person go enter my house my house eat, him no go wah even him own plate? I go fling am throw away. So he doesn't wash his plate or do chores in his hostel? Him dey foam big boy for my house? Smh. That kind person no go last one week for my house. I go just count better money, call am enter room, give am like 50k then ask him to get the fyck outta my house

I like this

greatgod2012:





ko le to yen!
This life is very simple!
And the world is a global village.

He needs your help now doesn't mean you can't need his help in the future.

It may even be your children that he will render help to in the nearest future.

We shouldn't use today to destroy our tomorrow.

Instead of making life miserable to him, speak out your mind to him, ask him if he too can accept what he's doing to you from another person. Not with screaming or cursing or throwing tantrums but maturely and patiently.


Remember, nobody is totally bad!

This too

Treasuredlove:
abeg, stop saying what you don't know. Let me set some facts straight for you
"Modern wives" work
Most "modern wives" do everything in the house for her hubby and kids...is already overworked,especially if the kids are still small. Now add a lazy relative to the equation and how do you think the "modern wife" will feel towards an added liability.
"Modern wives" don't mind their relatives staying with them because they often pick up after themselves and are sensitive to the stress level they are giving the"modern wife" but hubby's relatives expect everything on a platter of gold, whether "modern wife" works herself from home to office/shop - office/shop to home and hardly gets enough sleep. They don't care. All they care is that"our wife" must deliver.

Rossy99:
Am even ready to accomodate him cos i knw his family is not financially buoyant to get accomodation for him while still in skul,i expect him not go beyond his limit but he refuse.he is not d 1st person dt wud stay wit us.He is now causing division btw i nd hubby cos dey see me as d bad person,wen he want to get money frm hubby he wait till am out or go to meet him at d gate,is not that i do ask him not to give him.even wen he see dt i av wash all d dirty dishes in d kitchen,is he not suppose to wash d one he jst used in eating,he drop it nd i still go to wash it without saying anytin.i dnt knw wat he expect me to do again.he see me as a subordinate dat can't authorise him to do anytin

Madam you are a very patient woman oooo. Me I no go fit wash him plate oooo. I go just carry am put inside him box of clothes unwashed. I hate lazy people. I can't stand lazy person it disgusts me . One very bad thing about lazy people is, unfortunately you can't change /discipline them until you show them so mean colours. You need to make him see the other side of you. If na me I go serve food put better meat for a mm like 5 big meat. Once I know he is satisfied, I will ask him if he enjoyed the food.After he affirms that, I will then tell him,"Now listen carefully, the day yo will eat and leave your plates unwashed In this house, I will kick you out . I'm married to just one man in this house, if you give me an extra shiite, I will send you out".

cococandy:
This too

greatgod2012:





ko le to yen!
This life is very simple!
And the world is a global village.

He needs your help now doesn't mean you can't need his help in the future.

It may even be your children that he will render help to in the nearest future.

We shouldn't use today to destroy our tomorrow.

Instead of making life miserable to him, speak out your mind to him, ask him if he too can accept what he's doing to you from another person. Not with screaming or cursing or throwing tantrums but maturely and patiently.


Remember, nobody is totally bad!

haba, this guy is a matured guy na,i'm nt saying that he should be doing all the house chores bt what is wrong for him to wash that plate they gave him food in....and if it is smebody that his common sense is working,he should smetimes assist in washing the man's clothes as well not only to eat their food alone.

CrazyQuinn:
wow, the guy has no right to stay for that long what happened to privacy? Is he leaving soon? If not, complain to your husband and tell him your mind, if he doesn't listen, keep complaining to your husband until he tell the guy to leave. It's not right

Why would that happen? I bet you are not Nigerian. So he should throw his relative to the streets because his wife wants privacy or doesn't like the boy? See reasoning o. Privacy my azz, as if they live in a single room? If the guy in question is her sibling or nephew, will she treat him same way?

Our ladies should please learn to be accommodating. It is one of the strongest value systems we have as a people.

LynnPetra:


Madam you are a very patient woman oooo. Me I no go fit wash him plate oooo. I go just carry am put inside him box of clothes unwashed. I hate lazy people. I can't stand lazy person it disgusts me . One very bad thing about lazy people is, unfortunately you can't change /discipline them until you show them so mean colours. You need to make him see the other side of you. If na me I go serve food put better meat for a mm like 5 big meat. Once I know he is satisfied, I will ask him if he enjoyed the food.After he affirms that, I will then tell him,"Now listen carefully, the day yo will eat and leave your plates unwashed In this house, I will kick you out . I'm married to just one man in this house, if you give me an extra shiite, I will send you out".

I like your approach. Not the once that will be going behind to turn their hubby against the young man. Patience is a virtue today's women need in abundance. This young man won't live with you forever.

He can be made to do stuffs, approach it the key. Approach him and be firmed about it but not arrogant.

checkengine:


Why would that happen? I bet you are not Nigerian. So he should throw his relative to the streets because his wife wants privacy or doesn't like the boy? See reasoning o. Privacy my azz, as if they live in a single room? If the guy in question is her sibling or nephew, will she treat him same way?

Our ladies should please learn to be accommodating. It is one of the strongest value systems we have as a people.

the guy is not even a relative, he's a stranger

greatgod2012:




Call him and talk to him like a brother. Assure him that he's safe with you. Let him know that you love him and that you will appreciate him if he can reciprocate the love by respecting you and doing the right thing at home.

Give examples of what he does that do not go well with you, and with anyone he might have to live with after leaving your place, which he too can never accept from anybody.

Share life experiences with him.

Hopefully, he will turn a new leaf.

I just came out of a sımılar case. Issues lıke thıs arıse when the person travels and people start "puttıng" thıngs ınto theır head. They come back totally transformed(negatıvely) and you begın to wonder where you went wrong.

P.s. I actually dıd all you lısted above. Can you belıeve she was actually recordıng and reportıng to her pple the number of tımes that I advıce her yet no change. All I say wıll leave through the other ear.

Rossy99:
for how long shld i keep telling an adult wat to do?wat i tell him 2da he wud still wait for me to tell him 2mao nd d following day.am more of an introvert so i dnt like to talk much instead i do my tin but my countenance wud change nd i dnt lik to talk wen am angry.for sometime nw,i av not b telling him to do anytin/correct him but is he not suppose to knw dt am not ok wit wat he is duin

I can totally relate to thıs. In my own case, we (hubby and I) allowed her to fully dısplay herself for a year then we told her not to return to our house agaın.

She was shocked. She couldn't belıeve her eyes. She thought she was takıng us on a fool's rıde not knowıng we were just watchıng her dısplay what "they" told her to do. Imagıne.... for my house.

Am shocked to see people react cos someone came here to say her side of the story and most people are taking sides with her.

The truth is this might be real but what if op is majorly at fault, what if shes not the accomodating type? what if she is the type that does not want any member of the her husband family stay with them? what if shes too harsh? what if shes too lazy and wants the chores done by the inlaw? what if shes is wicked not to give him food or what she serves him even a rat will not appreciate it? etc

Never be a victim of one-side emotion or expression i have and learnt my lesson, since the guy is not here to make his comments, then it better we all are neutral.

Rossy99:
He is not even an inlaw or relative,hubby nd his father attend dsame church back den

Now this got to me, u need to place him where he belongs. You ought to have spelt out the rules from the beginning, now it will be difficult to change it.
My brother in law is just like that save for the chores. But seriously I deal with him squarely.
Na wetin we see for husband house be that. Mbok you go get patient.

People keep saying if it's your brother would you have done same? If it's my blood relative I will not even take it. But. Now if u talk they will say you want him out.

Seriously am still coping with my BIL cos he is not just my kind of person.
My sis manage am

OgaSirAde:
Am shocked to see people react cos someone came here to say her side of the story and most people are taking sides with her.

The truth is this might be real but what if op is majorly at fault, what if shes not the accomodating type? what if she is the type that does not want any member of the her husband family stay with them? what if shes too harsh? what if shes too lazy and wants the chores done by the inlaw? what if shes is wicked not to give him food or what she serves him even a rat will not appreciate it? etc

Never be a victim of one-side emotion or expression i have and learnt my lesson, since the guy is not here to make his comments, then it better we all are neutral.

Oga, what ıf ıt truly happened lıke OP saıd? What ıf the boy dıd all she saıd?