greatgod2012:





ko le to yen!
This life is very simple!
And the world is a global village.

He needs your help now doesn't mean you can't need his help in the future.

It may even be your children that he will render help to in the nearest future.

We shouldn't use today to destroy our tomorrow.

Instead of making life miserable to him, speak out your mind to him, ask him if he too can accept what he's doing to you from another person. Not with screaming or cursing or throwing tantrums but maturely and patiently.


Remember, nobody is totally bad!

Rossy99:
Am even ready to accomodate him cos i knw his family is not financially buoyant to get accomodation for him while still in skul,i expect him not go beyond his limit but he refuse.he is not d 1st person dt wud stay wit us.He is now causing division btw i nd hubby cos dey see me as d bad person,wen he want to get money frm hubby he wait till am out or go to meet him at d gate,is not that i do ask him not to give him.even wen he see dt i av wash all d dirty dishes in d kitchen,is he not suppose to wash d one he jst used in eating,he drop it nd i still go to wash it without saying anytin.i dnt knw wat he expect me to do again.he see me as a subordinate dat can't authorise him to do anytin

Rossy99:
An undergraduate of polytechnic staying with us is growing wings. He doesn't help in domestic chores when hubby is away, he does when hubby is around, he Waits for us to tell him what to do before he does it and he is really making me angry which i hate to be.

When i report him to hubby, he won't do anything or even chastise him instead he complaints whenever i give him food that his food is too small. I'm not a bad type to give him little food cos i have conscience and it disturbs me wen i do bad but he is a glutton that only eats and sleeps without doing anything even to wash plates he use to eat.

What do i do?

jhydebaba:
So after reporting to your hubby, he did nothing. You now reported to nairaland make we beat am abi You must be kidding me.

The time you are wasting here is enough for you to do your chores. Abeg! Enter kitchen go wash your plate.


You called him a glutton, make he no eat again Abeg, free the guy joor. Abi your husband dey complain say he no fit drop money again.


I know if the boy were to be from your family, you won't be here.

CrazyQuinn:
can you imagine the rubbish if I were you I would make his life miserable until he leaves

CrazyQuinn:
the guy is not even her in-law he's a total stranger, living in a rent free house with free food and all, and he's been staying in the house for a year would you allow a stranger to stay in your house for more than a year, eating your food and not paying rent?

Rossy99:
i av neva leave my chores for him to do,d only chores i expect him to do is sweep d parlour whr he sleep,wash dishes or fetch water which he hardly does.u said if i sweep he wud feel guilty conscience,this one doesn't,he wud lift his leg for me to sweep nd adjust well,wen i was preg,he wud b watching me fetch water nd d next day he wud use d water to bath not until i warn him lik 3tym b4 he stop using water i fetch to bath

CrazyQuinn:
wow, the guy has no right to stay for that long what happened to privacy? Is he leaving soon? If not, complain to your husband and tell him your mind, if he doesn't listen, keep complaining to your husband until he tell the guy to leave. It's not right

PrincessAnna:
Madam stop complaining about all he does. From your write-up you are creating problems in your home cos of a stranger. Truth is you don't like the guy and there's nothing he can do to change that... Tolerate and correct him like you'll do to your siblings.

Rossy99:
An undergraduate of polytechnic staying with us is growing wings. He doesn't help in domestic chores when hubby is away, he does when hubby is around, he Waits for us to tell him what to do before he does it and he is really making me angry which i hate to be.

When i report him to hubby, he won't do anything or even chastise him instead he complaints whenever i give him food that his food is too small. I'm not a bad type to give him little food cos i have conscience and it disturbs me wen i do bad but he is a glutton that only eats and sleeps without doing anything even to wash plates he use to eat.

What do i do?

donbenedict:
First of all, he is not a full time house help. So you don't expect him to do all the chores alone at home.

You are a woman and you too should participate in the chores as well. He can decide not to eat your food. Because you are feeding him doesn't mean he must turn into ur househelp.


Dats one thing u modern wives just use to put up a fight with relatives.



Now since your husband isn't doing anythn abt it, u should not take laws into your hands.


U should giv him food, and tell him there and then he should wash his plates after eating.


If you are a full time house wife, den u shouldn't balance in d house an expect him to do all ur bidding, just as u pick up a broom and start sweeping the palour, guilty conscience will not allow him also to relax when he sees u doing it, he too will feel somehow and join u as well. That is how to solve such problems.




If I should ask, is he related to your husband?


Everythn shouldn't be by force. There are many ways to make someone do ur bidding

jhydebaba:
So after reporting to your hubby, he did nothing. You now reported to nairaland make we beat am abi You must be kidding me.

The time you are wasting here is enough for you to do your chores. Abeg! Enter kitchen go wash your plate.


You called him a glutton, make he no eat again Abeg, free the guy joor. Abi your husband dey complain say he no fit drop money again.


I know if the boy were to be from your family, you won't be here.

donbenedict:
First of all, he is not a full time house help. So you don't expect him to do all the chores alone at home.

You are a woman and you too should participate in the chores as well. He can decide not to eat your food. Because you are feeding him doesn't mean he must turn into ur househelp.


Dats one thing u modern wives just use to put up a fight with relatives.



Now since your husband isn't doing anythn abt it, u should not take laws into your hands.


U should giv him food, and tell him there and then he should wash his plates after eating.


If you are a full time house wife, den u shouldn't balance in d house an expect him to do all ur bidding, just as u pick up a broom and start sweeping the palour, guilty conscience will not allow him also to relax when he sees u doing it, he too will feel somehow and join u as well. That is how to solve such problems.




If I should ask, is he related to your husband?


Everythn shouldn't be by force. There are many ways to make someone do ur bidding

PrincessAnna:
Madam stop complaining about all he does. From your write-up you are creating problems in your home cos of a stranger. Truth is you don't like the guy and there's nothing he can do to change that... Tolerate and correct him like you'll do to your siblings.

Rossy99:
i av neva leave my chores for him to do,d only chores i expect him to do is sweep d parlour whr he sleep,wash dishes or fetch water which he hardly does.u said if i sweep he wud feel guilty conscience,this one doesn't,he wud lift his leg for me to sweep nd adjust well,wen i was preg,he wud b watching me fetch water nd d next day he wud use d water to bath not until i warn him lik 3tym b4 he stop using water i fetch to bath

Onegai:
Rossy99, I'm going to tell you a story:

When I was in my teens, I went to visit relatives for a while. Your teen and me had different backgrounds: All the relatives had been financially supported by my family and some of them had stayed with us. When I got to their homes, I didn't do much, there didn't seem to be much to do (general house cleaning, sure I did. Washing up after myself, yep). But all their Nigerian wives expected and would make spiteful comments about me and my family and passive-aggressively b.itch about me and be rolling eyes, getting worked up behind my back and bending their husbands' ears with complaints if he dared give me $10 because they felt I was not running around according to their expectations (plus they resented the fact that I was an embodiment of "no, your hubby didn't arrive Amelica in a limo that his wife should be acting brand-new ). Meanwhile, one of the relatives was married to an American lady. The first day i went to their house, they said "please help yourself to whatever is in the fridge, always clean up after yourself". They said it once and never repeated it. And I appreciated it and we got along swimmingly.

All the other wives were there, starting drama and using me to excite themselves in their general boredom by stirring up trouble, instead of being straight-forward and speaking authoritative words in a pleasant manner. That is the definition of a lady, of a Proverbs 31 woman: Fist in a silk glove.

Nigerian women like to behave passive-aggresively. Never speaking up about what they want, they are trying to act like some type of docile idiot and pretend to be mild-mannered than be getting wildly angry when the other person doesn't fall in line. All that hypocritical spouting of bible passages is getting to their heads.

Firstly, you have a hang-up about that boy. Yes, he's poor and his family cannot afford a place for him. But you're not living on Bourdillon, are you? So please take out that small bit of "I am better than him, he should be humble and grateful" idea out of your head. Because Humility in Nigeria is NOT a good quality, we use it to insult people. And ladies use it to deceive men (but let's not digress ).
Lower your expectations. As in, he may be a church-rat in his family but the kind of church-rat that isn't expected to do chores. It happens (my driver doesn't know the way to Ketu market or even Otto). So stop expecting him to know and do things the way you want, without you having to tell him.

If you have to tell him every day what to do, open your mouth and tell him. Don't assume, speak plainly. Don't tell him in the casual, passive-aggressive manner ladies like to adopt when avoiding confrontation, then go to one corner and wait to see if he doesn't do it so you can catalogue your greviances internally and get worked up dramatically. Stop acting like a Nollywood wife.
Wake up and say "alright, today we need to fill up the drums in the house and we're cooking. You take the drums and fetch water, I 'll be in the kitchen so PLEASE go get me some so I can start". Look him in the eye confidently. After dinner, tell him in your husband's presence "please come and clear Uncle's plate and wash up, THANKS eh. Afterwards come back, uncle and I want to discuss finances for school with you".

Don't give him an opportunity to play you around, just be a LEADER. Stop dragging for power with an 18 year old boy, it's your home. You have much more important things to worry about. The only reason he can treat you like a subordinate is because he can see that you are doing that fake passive-aggressive behaviour that Naija ladies assume is what Submissiveness is (it's not).

Own that shiit. Fistbump

CrazyQuinn:
wow, the guy has no right to stay for that long what happened to privacy? Is he leaving soon? If not, complain to your husband and tell him your mind, if he doesn't listen, keep complaining to your husband until he tell the guy to leave. It's not right

fellis:
Is the boy an id!ot?

How can a jobless person be complaining about the food he is given while living under another persons roof and not even doing anything to assist in the house, my God people like that irritate me. What does he think he is? A king that came to your house to be pampered? At least he should help with something to show you and your husband gratitude for taking care of him instead of just sitting around from morning till evening asking for more food.

What a lousy human being.

OP next time you and he and your husband eat on the same table or in the same room make sure you pile his plate of food very high to like twice or three times the amount you give your husband, if your husband says its too much tell him politely the boy is always complaining that you don't give him enough food so you want to make sure you serve him enough henceforth.

Do it like four times in the presence of your husband and unless he is a millionaire that has money to throw away he will call the boy and caution him on his eating habits.

PresVA:
The problem is that you ain't in sync with your husband.

Could be your husband is one of those men that see chores as exclusive preserve of women hence he doesn't see anything wrong with the guy not helping out at home. .. or could it be your complaints are needless?

Whatever though, you and your husband have to be in sync... you can't win it if he keeps going behind to do the opposite. .. you need to reach an agreement or decision together and stick to it. ..
All d best..

Rossy99:
i av neva leave my chores for him to do,d only chores i expect him to do is sweep d parlour whr he sleep,wash dishes or fetch water which he hardly does.u said if i sweep he wud feel guilty conscience,this one doesn't,he wud lift his leg for me to sweep nd adjust well,wen i was preg,he wud b watching me fetch water nd d next day he wud use d water to bath not until i warn him lik 3tym b4 he stop using water i fetch to bath

Rossy99:
An undergraduate of polytechnic staying with us is growing wings. He doesn't help in domestic chores when hubby is away, he does when hubby is around, he Waits for us to tell him what to do before he does it and he is really making me angry which i hate to be.

When i report him to hubby, he won't do anything or even chastise him instead he complaints whenever i give him food that his food is too small. I'm not a bad type to give him little food cos i have conscience and it disturbs me wen i do bad but he is a glutton that only eats and sleeps without doing anything even to wash plates he use to eat.

What do i do?

Alexgeneration:
. He has no right abi?Cos he is not from her side of the family abi? If the guy is related to her,will she be here to complain? All these modern wives that can't accommodate their inlaws.

CrazyQuinn:
how can you allow your in law to stay with you for a year? There will be no privacy and he will be involved into their private affairs. Would you like your in-law to be involved with you and your wife's private affairs. So what's the point of getting married then

JustHere2Observ:
The least he could do is do his own dishes and help out once in a while. But most people feel entitled and dont have the common sense to assist around the house. Next time stand up to him and tell him what he is expected to do.