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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids (8913 Views)
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Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by obiorathesubtle: 4:38pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
knuckbuck:Anytime brother... Well, if you want to take the prayer approach, I suggest you do it and be a stalwart at prayer.. Dogged and charismatic.. |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by obiorathesubtle: 4:39pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
JaySea:Exactly.. You're intelligent.. People like us need an extra sheet if we would measure up... |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by knuckbuck(m): 4:54pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
obiorathesubtle: That is my approach. The prayer approach is the only way for me. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by ademiD(f): 4:56pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
op, may. God see u through
cc . greatgod2012
marvelousGod
thorpido
cococandy
aflyingbird
tearoses
efemnaxy
onegai
freecocoa
sisisioge
5minsmadness |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by knuckbuck(m): 4:57pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
ademiD: Thanks you |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by qhutetomsel(f): 4:59pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
Op the Lord will restore your marriage. Cc zaynie |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by knuckbuck(m): 5:03pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
qhutetomsel: Amen and Thank you. I need all the prayers I can get. |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by sisisioge: 5:07pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
Haaa, this one is hard o. Would it be so terrible to let her go? I think her continual stay with you could be harmful considering diseases and MIL's boldness. Biko, let her go. By the way, ensure you don't leave your kids with her. Fight her tooth and nails for them. You can't afford to have the family defeat to the third generation. Marriage keeps getting scarier mehn! |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by JaySea: 5:07pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
obiorathesubtle: I giggled while reading this. ![]() Obiorathesubtle first off you and I cannot be 100% certain that the MIL is the root cause of the wife's demand for divorce. There may be some crucial facts we may not know yet. We are only making assumptions based on the information Knuckbuck revealed. Secondly, there are many ways of getting rid of perceived enemies. Your suggestion is just one of them. (and so is mine, fortunately). Thirdly, we need to accommodate Knuckbuck's personal values in the solutions we proffer. If they are not acceptable to him I advise he ignores them (even if they are my own suggestions.) Personally, I believe if you are attacked physically you have every right to defend yourself physically. But the situation for you becomes dicy when you feel under attack but you don't know from which direction or form the attack is coming from. |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by obiorathesubtle: 5:24pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
JaySea:I'm trying my best to be objective.. You made good point(s), can't argue further.. All I can say in summary is, A permanent solution is the best solution... ![]() |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by knuckbuck(m): 5:25pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
sisisioge: I intend to let God fight for me. Marriage is getting scarier by the day. Back in the days a woman will anything to stay in marriage but now they don't care. Here in the US, especially Texas, Nigerian women are just abandoning marriages. It's really scary. Having said that, there are really successful marriages as well. |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by knuckbuck(m): 5:27pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
obiorathesubtle: A permanent solution can be drastic unless it is something ordained like that of Sani Abacha. |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by JaySea: 5:31pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
obiorathesubtle: Bro I believe you are not a regular person but someone with good intelligence. I delightfully welcome your opinion and every other different opinions. I just want the OP, Knuckbuck, to get a solution to his predicament. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by obiorathesubtle: 5:32pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
knuckbuck:Lol, it's the price.. And I'm sure you know nothing on Earth is free, there's always a price.. ABACHA was unorthodox, but we did enjoy prosperity under him... Compared to what we're seeing today, one would subscribe for a slice or more of ABACHA right now... |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by JaySea: 5:36pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
obiorathesubtle: What you stated above is deep. I have to mine it further for its wisdom. 1 Like |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by JaySea: 5:42pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
@Knuckbuck JaySea: |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by knuckbuck(m): 5:45pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
obiorathesubtle: I have my kids with me jumping all over me and it makes it even harder thinking about losing them. If you read the content of the restraining order my wife and her lawyer drafted, your jaw will drop. They wanted to finish and take everything with me practically naked with nothing. My wife and her lawyer did not want me visiting my kids without supervision. I had to get an expensive lawyer to counter all the lies. Wickedness is real. 3 Likes |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by Onegai(f): 5:50pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
Hey knuckbuck, do you have proof that she travels for long periods? You see, the law favours the mother but if you can prove that there's a very strong chance she will travel for long periods and leave her children unattended (even with friends is not acceptable), a good lawyer can put enough fear into her heart. I think you need a better lawyer, not expensive but one who is good at Family Law. Go online, there are a lot of forums about this situation. Read responses there till you are a name of a lawyer who demolished the opposition. That's who you need. Can you get proof of the infidelity? I'm not trying to push for a divorce but sometimes in order to get a cease-fire you must be able to show your opponent you can match fire for fire. I think you can fix the relationship between you and your wife but you have to first put out the fire burning now. Your wife cannot have her mind turned so easily unless you and Life contributed to it. So let us get her to the negotiating table first and see what else can happen. 1 Like |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by obiorathesubtle: 5:56pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
knuckbuck: ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() I guess now, you should have decided what to finally do.. |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by knuckbuck(m): 6:00pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
Onegai: I have all the proof of her infidelity and frequent and extended international travels. It doesn't matter what lawyer you get, they can only tell her she can not keep travelling and give her primary custody until she breaks it while being the custodian. She gets first choice as long as drugs are not involved. Her hope is that she can get her mum to stay and take care of the kids over here but it's fallen cos of the mum's cancelled visa and passport issue (God no dey sleep). 1 Like |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by knuckbuck(m): 6:02pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
obiorathesubtle: When push comes to shove I know what I must do. My hope is to get my family back for the sake of everyone. |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by chigoizie7(m): 6:03pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
She filled for divorce already? Woow, that's a bad turn. I would have suggest u start complaining to the social workers in the country u live in. Give them detailed account on what has been going on, why she was always in naija, if possible, get enough evidence as to what she does and the type of life she lives, and ur fears that it may start influencing your kids. But, what do I know? I think it is a bit late now. As whatever u do now will be seen as trying to cover up or fighting to win. |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by knuckbuck(m): 6:04pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
JaySea: I met and married my wife in Nigeria. We dated for 3yrs before marrying. There is no nonsense feminist jazz whole we were in Nigeria. We've been here since 2007. |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by knuckbuck(m): 6:12pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
chigoizie7: Getting Child Protective Service involved only throws the kids into unnecessary spotlight and it goes in their record. Here your record go with you where ever you and onto ur old age. I've thought about that and that's why I've kept CPS out of the matter. Remember we are just another black immigrant family. Another one to add to statistics. |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by chigoizie7(m): 6:14pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
knuckbuck: I understand u perfectly well bro. I really don't know what else to say. |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by knuckbuck(m): 6:18pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
chigoizie7: In all of this matter I seem to be the only one that is looking at consequences of our actions. BTW both our lawyers it has cost us over $9000.00 and we have not even started going for hearing yet! Even my wife is beginning to complain about how expensive her lawyer is! It's as if she just starts something to see how it goes then doesn't know what to do about it. |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by thorpido(m): 6:29pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
It's a tough one. The foundation is a faulty one.A lady who doesn't come from a stable home has a question mark on her.I'm not saying any lady who doesn't come from a stable home will be bad but one has to thread carefully and be sure the edges are straightened out first.You need to know who the parents are. Well,your MIL is obviously diabolical and promiscuous and has a hold on your wife.Try to discus with your lawyer on the chances of getting custody of your kids if you show proof of infidelity and travels for long periods.IF your wife will get custody no matter what,there's nothing you can do. I don't know how you can wait this out in case the divorce proceedings stall and see if your wife can change or the children grow up a bit before you proceed with divorce.If you can buy time,I believe things can still change. Prayer works too. 3 Likes |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by Nobody: 6:32pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
I''m sorry bro. I feel your pain and the desperation to have your family back HOWEVER!!..... It takes 2 to tango and your wife is not playing ball I have heard of this scenario twice and both marriages ended in divorce albeit one of them was trying to get back when she finally discovered that grass is not greener on the other side after she has been used and abused by old baba's and yahoo boys in Naija. In one case the woman went on to have a baby in the middle of all of it and there were some heated arguments between hubby and the other man who also claimed the baby was his. Both women were under the influence of bitter mothers who had no proper income and so lived off the handouts of other men out there and Soon they were introducing men to their married daughters. To be honest with that kind of woman mentoring your wife, it will take God to bring her back to her senses. To them igbadun is popping champagne at bars on the island rather than taking their kids to the cinema on a cold Saturday morning. I totally understand the fact that you want your wife and family back, but until she is ready there is little you can do. In the meantime, please keep your kids safe from all this craziness and be there for them. Explain to them what is happening if/when they ask and explain to their caregivers so that they are able to quickly notice is all this begins to affect their school work and psychologically Your wife has asked for a divorce so do zero your mind that this is a possibility and you start looking at how this will affect you financially and otherwise and prepare. I will also say pray, because prayer does work and God can change anyone so in the midst of this all, do put God in the situation. Also try and be happy, hard as it is, because health is affected by stress and that is the last thing you want right now. Coach TV01, bellong, 5minsmadness, acidosis, raumdeuter please advise a brother. 3 Likes |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by Nobody: 6:36pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
knuckbuck: I'm not being funny, but since you are the one who will feel the financial pinch the most, after the divorce settlement, then don't waste your money on lawyers, cos you are going to need it later. She wants the divorce, so let her pursue it . . .With her own money. Lawyers are only just going to be laughing to the bank at both your expense. Only spend on what is absolutely necessary regarding legal fees. 1 Like |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by knuckbuck(m): 6:41pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
thorpido: I believe in prayers and that is what I've embarked on since the start of the year. If not for God my wife and her mum would've succeeded since January. Her mother convinced her in 2010 to send money home for business. The whole 2010 every cent my wife made while she worked went to her mother. As a man I thought it's my responsibility to provide and care for home so it didn't matter to me. Mistake! My mother-in-law concluded that my should continue sending her money like that every month. My wife quit her job and went back to further her education only to find out all the money she was sending to her mum was wasted by her mum. You'd think she has learnt her lesson. Fast forward to 2016 and it's started all over. My mother-in-law believes my wife should be sending her as much money like before but does not realise she doesn't work like before. My mother believes I'm the reason the daughter no longer sends her money like before. Illiteracy is a disease. |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by knuckbuck(m): 6:48pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
tearoses: Thanks. What you described is almost exactly what's happening between her and her mum. I've heard about them going to bars with men while she's in Nigeria. The annoying thing is, my wife comes back broke than a joke each time she comes back from Nigeria. She looks ragged and all sorts. Give her 3 months and she insists she must see her mother by all means as if to say she'll die if she doesn't go to Nigeria. Everyone here has asked her to stop it but she listens to no one but her mum. |
Re: Desperate To Save A 10yr Marriage With Kids by thorpido(m): 6:51pm On Sep 01, 2016 |
^^Until the yoke is broken knuckbuck:One thing I don't want you doing now is wasting money on lawyers.If it will end in divorce,it's for the better. 1 Like |
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