knuckbuck:


Thanks for all your contributions. The sad thing is our lives including hers will be so much better but because of her wickedness she doesn't care how much is wasted fighting. This is a woman that has no steady job nor education.

JaySea:


I understand Obiorathesubtle's point of view. I am assuming he has had a lot of experiences with people whom you seem not to have offended but who wants to cut you down.

obiorathesubtle:
Anytime brother...


Well, if you want to take the prayer approach, I suggest you do it and be a stalwart at prayer.. Dogged and charismatic..

ademiD:
op, may. God see u through
cc . greatgod2012
marvelousGod
thorpido
cococandy
aflyingbird
tearoses
efemnaxy
onegai
freecocoa
sisisioge
5minsmadness

qhutetomsel:
Op the Lord will restore your marriage.
Cc zaynie

obiorathesubtle:
But you have forgotten context..


You said a lion who has lost its ability to hunt, something equal or suitable will be made available.. Call it effect of instinct.. The Lion will always kill or die, because it's nature for a lion to kill and hunt..



The is about a thorn in a man's flesh, do you nurse it and hope for the pains to one day seize while the thorn is still very much in your flesh? Your skin can't grow on a foreign body like a thorn. You'll die of an infection or blood loss or something.


The only approach is to remove the thorn from the skin and throw it away..

1. Where it will never pierce you or anyone again.

2. It might've been useful to the rose or whatever plant that bore it.. But it hurt you, or do you think plants don't have feelings?? So you throw it away.. The plant's loss.. But your gain..


It's never a win win.. Something has to go out for peace to be permanent..


My advice, make it look like a natural death, give her a befitting burial..

Extreme, but effective.. No margin for error.. Eliminate the woman, she has lived out her purpose and more.

JaySea:


I giggled while reading this. Not because I find it inconsequential. Not at all. Every point of view is valuable. But because it...heck I don't why I giggled, but it came across with a tinge of comic weight. Sorry bro... (clears throat) back to the issue.

Obiorathesubtle first off you and I cannot be 100% certain that the MIL is the root cause of the wife's demand for divorce. There may be some crucial facts we may not know yet. We are only making assumptions based on the information Knuckbuck revealed.

Secondly, there are many ways of getting rid of perceived enemies. You suggestion is just one of them.

Thirdly, we need to accommodate Knuckbuck's personal values in the solutions we proffer. If they are not acceptable to him I advise he ignores them (even if they are my own suggestions.

Personally, I believe if you are attacked physically you have every right to defend yourself physically. But the situation for you becomes dicy when you feel under attacked but you don't know from where.

I'm trying my best to be objective..


You made good point(s), can't argue further..


All I can say in summary is, A permanent solution is the best solution...

sisisioge:
Haaa, this one is hard o. Would it be so terrible to let her go? I think her continual stay with you could be harmful considering diseases and MIL's boldness. Biko, let her go.

By the way, ensure you don't leave your kids with her. Fight her tooth and nails for them. You can't afford to have the family defeat to the third generation. Marriage keeps getting scarier mehn!

obiorathesubtle:
I'm trying my best to be objective..


You made good point(s) can't argue further..


All I can say I'm summary is, A permanent solution is the best solution...

obiorathesubtle:
Exactly..



You're intelligent.. People like us need an extra sheet if we would measure up...

knuckbuck:


A permanent solution can be drastic unless it is something ordained like that of Sani Abacha.

obiorathesubtle:
I'm trying my best to be objective..


You made good point(s), can't argue further..


All I can say in summary is, A permanent solution is the best solution...

JaySea:


Knuckbuck I want to be certain of some facts before jumping to any baseless conclusion :
Are you sure your wife was not like this before meeting her mother?
Are you sure this was not her character initially?
The reason why I am asking is because my suggestion(s) may be worthless if she is just a woman with a strong western feminist mindset - the type that believes she is lord-and-commander of her world because "daddy western government" has liberally tilted the legal system in her favour. If this is the case then I may not be of much help as I will interprete the issue to be a character-rooted one.

One needs to avoid attacking a false cause. I am being cautious.

obiorathesubtle:
Lol, it's the price.. And I'm sure you know nothing on Earth is free, there's always a price..


ABACHA was unorthodox, but we did enjoy prosperity under him... Compared to what we're seeing today, one would subscribe for a slice or more of ABACHA right now...

knuckbuck:


I have my kids with me jumping all over me and it makes it even harder thinking about losing them. If you read the content of the restraining order my wife and her lawyer drafted, your jaw will drop. They wanted to finish and take everything with me practically naked with nothing. My wife and her lawyer did not want me visiting my kids without supervision. I had to get an expensive lawyer to counter all the lies. Wickedness is real.

Onegai:
Hey knuckbuck, do you have proof that she travels for long periods? You see, the law favours the mother but if you can prove that there's a very strong chance she will travel for long periods and leave her children unattended (even with friends is not acceptable), a good lawyer can put enough fear into her heart. I think you need a better lawyer, not expensive but one who is good at Family Law. Go online, there are a lot of forums about this situation. Read responses there till you are a name of a lawyer who demolished the opposition. That's who you need.

Can you get proof of the infidelity? I'm not trying to push for a divorce but sometimes in order to get a cease-fire you must be able to show your opponent you can match fire for fire.

I think you can fix the relationship between you and your wife but you have to first put out the fire burning now. Your wife cannot have her mind turned so easily unless you and Life contributed to it. So let us get her to the negotiating table first and see what else can happen.

obiorathesubtle:
You will overcome..


I guess now, you should have decided what to finally do..

JaySea:
@Knuckbuck

chigoizie7:
She filled for divorce already?

Woow, that's a bad turn.

I would have suggest u start complaining to the social workers in the country u live in.
Give them detailed account on what has been going on, why she was always in naija, if possible, get enough evidence as to what she does and the type of life she lives, and ur fears that it may start influencing your kids.

But, what do I know? I think it is a bit late now. As whatever u do now will be seen as trying to cover up or fighting to win.

knuckbuck:


Getting Child Protective Service involved only throws the kids into unnecessary spotlight and it goes in their record. Here your record go with you where ever you and onto ur old age. I've thought about that and that's why I've kept CPS out of the matter. Remember we are just another black immigrant family. Another one to add to statistics.

chigoizie7:


I understand u perfectly well bro. I really don't know what else to say.

knuckbuck:


In all of this matter I seem to be the only one that is looking at consequences of our actions. BTW both our lawyers it has cost us over $9000.00 and we have not even started going for hearing yet! Even my wife is beginning to complain about how expensive her lawyer is! It's as if she just starts something to see how it goes then doesn't know what to do about it.

thorpido:
It's a tough one.
The foundation is a faulty one.A lady who doesn't come from a stable home has a question mark on her.I'm not saying any lady who doesn't come from a stable home will be bad but one has to thread carefully and be sure the edges are straightened out first.You need to know who the parents are.

Well,your MIL is obviously diabolical and promiscuous and has a hold on your wife.Try to discus with your lawyer on the chances of getting custody of your kids if you show proof of infidelity and travels for long periods.IF your wife will get custody no matter what,there's nothing you can do.

I don't know how you can wait this out in case the divorce proceedings stall and see if your wife can change or the children grow up a bit before you proceed with divorce.If you can buy time,I believe things can still change.
I believe in prayer and I know it works too.

tearoses:
I''m sorry bro. I feel your pain and the desperation to have your family back

HOWEVER!!.....

It takes 2 to tango and your wife is not playing ball
I have heard of this scenario twice and both marriages ended in divorce albeit one of them was trying to get back when she finally discovered that grass is not greener on the other side after she has been used and abused by old baba's and yahoo boys in Naija.

In one case the woman went on to have a baby in the middle of all of it and there were some heated arguments between hubby and the other man who also claimed the baby was his.
Both women were under the influence of bitter mothers who had no proper income and so lived off the handouts of other men out there and Soon they were introducing men to their married daughters.
To be honest with that kind of woman mentoring your wife, it will take God to bring her back to her senses.
To them igbadun is popping champagne at bars on the island rather than taking their kids to the cinema on a cold Saturday morning.

I totally understand the fact that you want your wife and family back, but until she is ready there is little you can do.
In the meantime, please keep your kids safe from all this craziness and be there for them.
Explain to them what is happening if/when they ask and explain to their caregivers so that they are able to quickly notice is all this begins to affect their school work and psychologically

Your wife has asked for a divorce so do zero your mind that this is a possibility and you start looking at how this will affect you financially and otherwise and prepare.

I will also say pray, because prayer does work and God can change anyone so in the midst of this all, do put God in the situation.

Also try and be happy, hard as it is, because health is affected by stress and that is the last thing you want right now.

Coach TV01, bellong, 5minsmadness, acidosis, raumdeuter please advise a brother.

knuckbuck:



I believe in prayers and that is what I've embarked on since the start of the year. If not for God my wife and her mum would've succeeded since January. Her mother convinced her in 2010 to send money home for business. The whole 2010 every cent my wife made while she worked went to her mother. As a man I thought it's my responsibility to provide and care for home so it didn't matter to me. Mistake! My mother-in-law concluded that my should continue sending her money like that every month. My wife quit her job and went back to further her education only to find out all the money she was sending to her mum was wasted by her mum. You'd think she has learnt her lesson. Fast forward to 2016 and it's started all over. My mother-in-law believes my wife should be sending her as much money like before but does not realise she doesn't work like before. My mother believes I'm the reason the daughter no longer sends her money like before. Illiteracy is a disease.