tearoses:


I'm not being funny, but since you are the one who will feel the financial pinch the most, after the divorce settlement, then don't waste your money on lawyers, cos you are going to need it later.

She wants the divorce, so let her pursue it . . .With her own money.
Lawyers are only just going to be laughing to the bank at both your expense.
Only spend on what is absolutely necessary regarding legal fees.

Askseek:
Like others have said, I think you must face the fact that your marriage is coming to an end. She is intent on a divorce. You can't save one who does not want to be saved. Sometimes you also have to call someone on their bullshit for them to come to their senses. I hear your fear but you need to educate yourself on Texas laws as it applies to custody or conservatorship over your kids. Yes there is a preference to have children stay with their mother but the mother still has to meet the requirement. Texas takes into consideration parental conduct during the marriage and how it can affect the kids. So arm yourself. Gather all the information you need, dig for dirt and use it as leverage. You worry about child support, you should not because the courts determine how much you pay monthly. To give you an idea, as long as your income is below the $7500 monthly threshold, you will be expected to pay 30% of your net income after deductions for social security, federal & state taxes, health insurance and union dues. This also ends when the child is eighteen or until high school graduation.
I know not an ideal situation but the home you describe is worse for the kids to grow up in.

JaySea:
@ Tearoses and Thorpido;
I am glad seeing the valuable insight you both are adding to this discourse. God bless you guys.

@ Knuckbuck: the two posters know their onions when it comes to issues like these. I hope their contributions help you. Hold on bro. I feel your pain.

TV01:
Knuckbuck, hi.

I'm sorry to hear abut your predicament - one that has the potential to do lasting damage to all the members of your immediate family. However, I am heartened by what seems a very real faith and true desire for restoration of your home. I will advise on that basis.

This is not oju lasan matter - not merely by the seeing of the eye. I'm pleased that you cottoned onto that. Put God front and centre. Pray like never before, and if you have 1 or 2 close and pious people close to you please get them to stand with you on this. I am not advising that you tell all and sundry, or share this with everyone.

Second here, do not allow emnity or bitterness for your wife to build up - this may get worse before it gets better - but don't seed anything now that will make restoration harder or potentially precipitate a split. Even if only deep down, cherish her somewhat. I repeat, she is not the enemy, in some ways, even your MIL isn't.

Having said that, you have to be as wise as serpent. The family court system in the west is largely designed to punish men, even when they have no fault.

Her restraining order tactic was standard fare. Do not be lured into using physical or verbal violence. I don't know what your sleeping arrangements are, but beware.

Defend yourself, do your utmost to legally squeeze her cash, although credit companies are usually willing to lend huge amounts to just about anyone .

Remain strong at work. Keep tight with the kids and try and shield them as much as possible from their mothers behaviour and the divorce action. Be upright in all your dealings - with everyone, and particularly in this case.

I believe in due time her eyes will clear, and the evil will be clearly exposed. What I can't tell is how much damage will have been done by that time. I pray the Lord will give you the grace to deal with it and find real healing and restoration.


TV

^{...wannaweds, KYS - know your spouse, there are reasons we have traditionally been wary of people with certain backgrounds. Never commit to anyone who has not demonstrated that once married, you come before any other relationship. And don't feel misgivings about giving everyone esle distance, and proactivley marginalising or removing those who could impair your union. Reduce your risk as much as possible upfront}

[sup][/sup]

Tritri:
@knuckbuck , Even though you sound like a nice and humble man. Since your marriage is 10yr ...Am 100% sure your wife knows exactly what she is doing. Stop bringing her mom into this. ( Do you know the meaning of SEE-FINISH? )

She knows you cant cheat or do anything
Maybe you're the crying type .
Maybe ur the born-again type .

All these you mention only happens to the above type of men.
Take a look at the men who cheat ..men who're not born-again.
men who would never accept there wife who has STD..

There wives are calm and never show this kind of trait. Why then you who got all the nice qualities?

U need to stop all this and talk to ur own friend and follow there footstep.

I THINK UR WIFE KNOWS YOU'RE NOT MAN ENOUGH.
OR
SHE KNOWS U CANT DIRVOICE HER .

Why not show her another side of you which she never knows about and she will change.
Talk to other men.
You sound like a little baby.
this is 21st century and dont let any woman turn you to LESSON for another men.

knuckbuck:
She's on the phone with her mother at least 4 or 5 times a day. Last year she came back from Nigeria with shady stuff in bottles and plastic container that her mother's pastor gave it to her. We had an argument about it because I questioned why a pastor would give things like that to anybody.

5minsmadness:

Bad sign bro. Very bad.
I read somewhere where u said she came back from nigeria and was silent on thr divorce issue. She's fighting evil thoughts but she is weak.

I dont think i have ever done anything like this before online, but...


I'm sure u have seen my advice. Do it. Believe in it. Whatever the outcome it will be for your good and the good of those kids.

Oliviaarims:
There's no surer way to hold a person captive than to indoctrinate them. It's so much so that one may begin to fear that certain forces are at work. That mother-in-law has so brainwashed your wife that she no longer finds anything sensible and true except what her mother tells her.

This may sound so cliche, but you two need to talk. Sit your wife down and see how best you two can reach an understanding or compromise of some sort. I believe there are loopholes in your marriage and that's your dear mother's weapon! Adjudge yourself and your home critically. What isn't very right? What can be done? You know the situation of your home better. When you find these answers, set about implementing solutions ASAP.

And very importantly, pray. It just cannot be overemphasized.

knuckbuck:


Thank you. My mother is sad about all this. My mother-in-law will not even pick up her calls. I have talked to my wife, pastors have spoken to her, older women have spoken to her. She insists her mother is not happy with me and because of that her mother's happiness is what's important to her. She said her mother has suffered too much for her to turn her back on her. As far as our kids are concerned, the law of the land favors her because she is the mother. She thinks getting a house and receiving child support is enough. I'm this society it is best to raise your kids together. At the end of the day, we are just another set of black immigrants. I tried to make my wife understand this but to no avail.

knuckbuck:
I am a married man with three children under the age of 8yrs. We have been married for 9 years. I am faithful and have never cheated. My mother-in-law and I never agree because of her wayward way of life. She has encouraged my wife to have adulterous relationships. My mother-in-law abandoned her kids when my wife was about rounding up SSCE. When I met my wife she had no idea where her mum was. After we started dating she finally reunited with her mum. She used to be close with her Dad, now she views her Dad as the worst human being on earth and the mother as the only person important in her life. She has repeatedly abandoned me and the children just to be with her for months at a time.
January 2016, my mother-in-law told me she will make my marriage to her daughter come to an end, and she does not care what she does to make it happen. She said she does not know what she has gained from the marriage. She said we have neither bought her a car no built her a house. My parents, elders, my wife's father etc have begged her but she insists as long as she is concerned, it is over. My wife listens to only her mother and no one else. My wife has filed for divorce even though she does not have any steady form of income but she does not care. She's expecting to get at least a house and child support to sustain her.
Note, my mother-in-law has no steady source of income either. She depends on my wife for rent and even feeding. I have heard stories of what my wife does when she visits her mum. I know all these but for the sake of my children I am trying to make the marriage work!
House, what can I do? What should I do? I'm so confused and it's affecting even my job! Help!

are u nutts ? is this a comedy or sumthin,pls grow some spine and some esteem along with it,you sound too pitiful...Try working on your finances maybe ur confidence and life will ultimately change

knuckbuck:


Thanks you very much. I am the first to admit that I'm not perfect. I've tried all of can. Thank you.

knuckbuck:


Their contributions has greatly helped me. Every contribution has helped me. My advise to everyone out there is to never bring your in-laws into your marriage. If you are unfortunate to get a diabolic one, they'll destroy your home and brag about it.

kokoprincess:
I understand you perfectly well and i know the feeling. Your story is quite similar to mine. When kids are involved we want to do all we can to safe the marriage. U know Wat I told myself at some point. You can't safe what is already dead. It took me 8 long years to realize that i have to love myself first and do what i have to do to keep sane. Your kids will be fine, you will be fine.
You have to be sane and healthy to take care of those kids..even if it is from a distance. It's going to be worst for them if you suffer from heart related illness. I am praying from a distance and let God's will be done in my life

tearoses:


It is well
Hang in there
I pray that God will bring to pass your heart desires

Wingback:
WTF Did I just read...You are too soft, OP YOU CONVINCE PEOPLE NOT PERSUADE.

Soo far you are appealing to her emotions, it's time for you to let logos take over.


Stop spending on her ABSOLUTELY, WITHDRAW FROM HER...Buy all the groceries YOU and your Kids need. Avoid her...Keep Contact to a Minimum.


Taunt her with what she has to lose like the House, Social standing etc...Trust me she will behave Herself... Above all show confidence, invite friends over act like you don't give a FVCK...IT WILL SURELY WORK.


What do you have to lose from trying? Surely a change of tactics is in order instead of whining and begging?

supersystems:
are u nutts ? is this a comedy or sumthin,pls grow some spine and some esteem along with it,you sound too pitiful...Try working on your finances maybe ur confidence and life will ultimately change

knuckbuck:



My finances are fine. I have enough to take care of everyone. It's part of what my wife's targeting too. My bills are taken care as at when due. My spine is just fine, my worry is about my children. Any adult can find pleasure in the arms of another adult, but u do that neglecting your responsibilities, in this case my kids, then you are failing.

supersystems:


well bro u sound too soft anyone would take advantage of you oh.Take it easy with the emotions.

This is what to do to get your wife,even Paul in scriptures says i'll loan you to the devil to learn a thing or two. Let her go.You've hardly proved you can be without her.Let her go let her learn the hard way that way she can apprecite the one that loved her and come to her senses.Read the book of Hosea you will see my thesis is accurate.Let her go dont cal or send money,make sure you dnt send quality money,send foodstuff and pay your childs bills.Give it some time to take its effect and yu so see the result.Trust me. I've been around marriages so i knw wella

knuckbuck:


Thank you. Letting her go is not a problem for me at all. As I've always said, it's not about me but my kids. I know based on the knowledge of my wife that she'll come running back. They kind of man I am is the type gives all and when he leaves gives nothing. If we ever cross that line of divorce, nothing in this world will take me back! I'm trying to avoid that for the sake of my kids. There are billions of ppl in this world, there'll always be someone for me or her when we separate but I'm not just thinking of myself but my kids. There are women, as we speak who are asking me out, literally.