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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Literature / Poems For Review / my poem for review2 (701 Views)
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my poem for review2 by Kruzilano(m): 10:41am On Sep 05, 2016 |
[b] ****************Three limericks*****************,[\b] If life was a journey, will you walk for miles If you can't give money will you lease a smile live life its the only way you learn °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° When you smile let your heart and teeth be pure You don't need the pen, a smile can end the war Laugh it off, its a sure way to get strong °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°′°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° If my heart was a dartboard will you hit the bull eye Or will you just feel reluctant and kiss it goodbye after a few tries Give and accept love, its the only way to get young 2 Likes |
Re: my poem for review2 by Kruzilano(m): 10:47am On Sep 05, 2016 |
********* Candle Tear Drop ********* Tender as I am Dangerous I could me Tall and glued to the open My attire so spotless My luminous soul they harness Poised for relaxation, romanticism or perfect evening Kindle me with care all I asked Greater show of brightness, I am tasked Warm and soothing Melting, dripping with time passing Deeply burn till there is no me anymore Blown out by the ones I love And my flames dance up above It is a privilege to have your face magnified Once gone, forgotten by those I sacrificed Another of my kind now takes my place and position Alas same fate awaits him with much anticipation Stay here long Shine more bright Be my song For all the night From candle to wax Let the candle stick weep 2 Likes |
Re: my poem for review2 by amberacious: 4:00pm On Sep 05, 2016 |
Kruzilano: I love this.... Great piece.... |
Re: my poem for review2 by Kruzilano(m): 5:57pm On Sep 05, 2016 |
amberacious:thanks alot |
Re: my poem for review2 by Kruzilano(m): 6:10pm On Sep 05, 2016 |
**********************Feast of the ancestors***************** Daybreak on a fertile land The moon met only the lucky ones who sleep sound Patience is finally over, palace of mgbago call ** To our ancestors and gods Who shall pray to them for us For our soil has breed forth new gift ** Call relatives both home and in diaspora Let the gray hair meet the young Only the best wrestler beat his chest..village king Kong ** Traditional music sets, please roll the drums Pour more wine, bring more yam We had spent most of our time in farms ** Ada nneyi thrills the crowd, ijele follows suits Men grab palm leaves , boys scampers with joy The chief priest is honored, his his white yam soaked in oil ** Bountiful harvest indeed, indeed my barn is bound to full Another planting season so close Her harvest is pregnant, sleep with hoes (the new yam festival in nneyi umueri, anambra state) ___________________________________________________________ like my page on facebook https://mobile.facebook.com/Chiszeckpoetry-1875275302700044/ 3 Likes |
Re: my poem for review2 by Kruzilano(m): 6:25pm On Sep 05, 2016 |
cc: ngaz comradenwike teensway laveda llaykorn good criticism needed |
Re: my poem for review2 by Nobody: 7:29pm On Sep 05, 2016 |
Nice piece of work. you sure are talented, keep it up. |
Re: my poem for review2 by llaykorn: 9:07pm On Sep 05, 2016 |
Kruzilano: Hi Kruzilano. This poem striked my heart in a pleasant way. Your concluding line was read over probably a hundred times. The truth is plain; only love - enough of it can make young whatever is deemed old. This would have ended in the previous paragraph if not for your opening sentence by which you indicated that the poem is to be of three limericks. I think your idea of limerick is slightly different from mine. A limerick is a five line per stanza poem with a rhyme scheme of aabbc and it is usually humorous in nature. It's very uncommon to see limericks express strong emotions like you're trying to do in your poem. That's what knew. Is this a variant style of the limerick just like we have for the two sonnets? 1 Like |
Re: my poem for review2 by Kruzilano(m): 9:41pm On Sep 05, 2016 |
llaykorn:wow first I must say i am honored to have u leave a comment on my thread... thanks alot... regarding the title.. it was suppose to be of 5 line 2 stanzas buh I decided not to and see how d outcome... I intentionally omitted one line, broke it down to 3 line per stanza.. apologies to poetry tho... |
Re: my poem for review2 by Kruzilano(m): 9:43pm On Sep 05, 2016 |
Teensway:. thanks a lot ...... I doff.... |
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