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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria (4418 Views)
Waiting For Your Fiancée To Get Pregnant Before Going To Pay Her Bride Price / Nigerian Girls Mentality That Should Be Abolished - See Pictures / Should Bride Price Be Abolished? (2) (3) (4)
Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by SpicyJosBabe(f): 3:27pm On Sep 19, 2016 |
This culture is the one reason why there can never be gender equality in Africa as long as it looks like the man paid for his wife or bought her with his money. I have heard some men say things like, ''my wife must do whatever i say without objection because i paid her bride price'', ''my wife cannot be disinterested in sex whenever i am interested because i paid for it''. The woman cannot say anything because that is somehow the truth. With words like this, i begin to wonder if marriage is another form of slavery in Africa. This is what feminists should stand up against. 7 Likes |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by SpicyJosBabe(f): 3:27pm On Sep 19, 2016 |
The Europeans abolished Dowry and Bride price payment in the middle ages due to the destructive effects it had on their society and today things are better for them. Why must Africa/3rd world nations be different? India is working towards the abolition of dowry payment because tens of millions of females have been killed at birth or in the womb over the decades by their own parents who are afraid of loosing their wealth by dowry payment for their daughter's future wedding. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by ammyluv2002(f): 3:29pm On Sep 19, 2016 |
I don't agree with you |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by Nobody: 3:36pm On Sep 19, 2016 |
About India... Tatz true... In India women are the one paying the dowry ...so when couples don't have enough wealth or living below middle class, mothers chose to abort their unborn baby if it's a girl. 3 Likes |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by jaywhoco(m): 3:41pm On Sep 19, 2016 |
SpicyJosBabe:and we should go Dutch during dating.lol |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by IamLEGEND1: 4:59pm On Sep 19, 2016 |
Who cares? Dowry or no dowry,As long as I get warm,moist place to chook my mamba at the end of the day....I'm content. |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by Nobody: 5:48pm On Sep 19, 2016 |
SpicyJosBabe:And after the Europeans abolished Dowry and Bride price payment, what then is on the table?...prenuptial agreement. Plz!, leave our culture for us, u want men to just take women home and start raising kids?. They should make bride price uniform in all tribes which must be reduced to the barest minimum. |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by SpicyJosBabe(f): 6:35pm On Sep 19, 2016 |
ammyluv2002: Why dont u agree with me? |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by SpicyJosBabe(f): 6:39pm On Sep 19, 2016 |
asuo27: What do you mean by men just taking women home? Other cultural arrangements could be made which will center on blessings from the parents on both sides. Bride price payment is a backward culture, it has no benefit of any sort. If u know one benefit, just mention one, so as to support your stance. 2 Likes |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by SpicyJosBabe(f): 6:42pm On Sep 19, 2016 |
TrapQueen77: My dear, that problem affected the whole world and not just India, imagine tens of millions of women are missing in the world today, the gender population balance has been upset just because of this culture of India and worse of some of these girls are murdered at birth, some are buried alive or poisoned to death, infact when i read about this issue, i was not myself for about a week. With this kind of barbaric cultures, tell me why such a country will not continue to remain backwards. |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by Nobody: 6:45pm On Sep 19, 2016 |
SpicyJosBabe:One benefit. Check the mentality of men who didn't drop a penny on their wives head as bride price and check that of those who did. Those who didn't don't value their women. 3 Likes |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by SpicyJosBabe(f): 7:42pm On Sep 19, 2016 |
asuo27: Those who did not drop any money are not legally married, they did not go to court, neither did they perform any ceremony of any sort, such people are cohabiting. Nobody who was serious about marriage in the first place will not value his spouse. |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by Suspectzero(m): 9:13pm On Sep 19, 2016 |
SpicyJosBabe: Maybe the women too should get some sense and 1) Have your own job and the means to sustain yourself 2) Know the kind of guy you are marrying before taking the plunge Other women would of course be here defending the bride price because women love money being spent on them even though they claim to be independent. They really aren't Forever dependents is what most of them are. 3 Likes |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by vicstar(m): 9:29pm On Sep 19, 2016 |
SpicyJosBabe: when it comes to that aspect tinz are not better for 'em Don't be deceived |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by missKiffy(f): 9:32pm On Sep 19, 2016 |
It's our culture, why should we abolish it |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by tobechi74: 9:49pm On Sep 19, 2016 |
let women pay dowry 2 Likes |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by SpicyJosBabe(f): 10:54pm On Sep 19, 2016 |
Suspectzero: This is the sad truth. U are correct 1 Like |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by SpicyJosBabe(f): 10:56pm On Sep 19, 2016 |
missKiffy: because of it's disadvantages, one of which is the fact which it makes it look like the woman is now a property of the man which he bought 4 Likes |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by MDsambo: 11:44pm On Sep 19, 2016 |
@SpicyJosBabe Its not just a culture but also an obligatory in Islam, 1 Like |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by efficiencie(m): 5:49am On Sep 20, 2016 |
@spicyjosbabe, the act of paying the bride price is not the reason for men considering women a piece of commodity bought, so to say, in the market rather it is the attitudinal disposition of those men to social relationships generally, not just to marriage. You cited the example of the West, but i assure you that there is no scarcity of men, in the West, who think their wives are not different from a piece of furniture. There are countless examples of men and women whose marriages are centered on the economics and not love or anything related to it. Most women marry for financial security and not necessarily due to the need for love, belonginess and partnership while most men marry to simply to add to their stock of possessions and when their 'marital stock', who in this case is their wife, becomes rusty and out-of-fashion they throw it in the trash can of life and seek another addition to their stock! So even if bride prices were abolished, i assure you that rich narcissists will still see their wives as a commodity that is meant to be used, used thoroughly and later traded over a bottle of beer! May i add that the bride price does not necessarily reflect the value of the woman being married rather it is a gift given to the father of the would-be wife to relinquish authority over the would-be wife in favor of the would-be husband and in addition the bride price has more spiritual connotations than physical and that is why it is easy to be blind to the rationale for the bride price! So @Spicyjosbabe, you will be doing your would-be hubby a huge favor by getting pregnant for him and moving in with him to his apartment and by so doing helping him skip the hurdle of a bride price...but note that this does not guarantee he will subscribe to your obvious feminist tendencies...and it is highly likely he'll see you as another piece of equipment in the house that would soon be consigned to the junkyard... My advice: if you must be a feminist...avoid getting married at all, with or without a bride price! 1 Like |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by Berbierklaus(f): 6:19am On Sep 20, 2016 |
TrapQueen77:Indian women are one the worst treated women in the world(from rape,discrimination and everything you can think of). I don't think its about bride price payment |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by Nobody: 6:22am On Sep 20, 2016 |
[size=16pt]What is this one saying [/size] ![]() FYI bride price is mostly change according to most of the cultural standard. It's the bloated party that follows which sends total cost far above Burj Khalifa. Btw, has anybody ever said they were selling their daughter for bride price. Oyinbo wen abolish bride price dem no still get marital problems till date? 2 Likes |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by Nobody: 6:32am On Sep 20, 2016 |
efficiencie: Feminist ko, feminist ni. You said it all. Maybe she should experiment with non-payment of bride price and see how it goes for her. |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by passionate88: 6:51am On Sep 20, 2016 |
Nigerian feminists are just bunch of noise makers. @spicyjosbabe if you believe that payment of bride price makes the man to disrespect the woman, then tell your parents and relatives not to demand for your own when you want to get married. Or better still refund to your husband if you're already married. As for me I feel this marriage of a thing in Nigeria is jus too overrated and it's becoming useless. |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by Lexxyburg(m): 8:48am On Sep 20, 2016 |
I agree but for those hoes with slack pusses. the virgins deserves it. |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by missKiffy(f): 10:35am On Sep 20, 2016 |
SpicyJosBabe:It's only insecure men that see their wife as a property which he bought, for some their wife is their strength, their everything, they don't see them as a property, so we shouldn't say because of some insecure weakling we should abolish our culture |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by SpicyJosBabe(f): 12:50pm On Sep 20, 2016 |
efficiencie: You were making sense in the post initially, only for you to spoil everything. @Bolded, the bride price does not reflect the value of the woman in the real sense of it but the minds of most ppl have been changed in that aspect, that is why it is very common to hear African men say words like ''for a woman whom i paid for'' always stressing on the money they spent for the marriage. What does that signify? Imagine spending up to a million naira on bride price of a woman, after then you automatically have this feeling of a succesful purchase. Just for the records, being a feminist is not synonymous with singleness, there are feminists who are succesfully married. For the fact that i talked about the abolition of bride price payment does not mean that a wedding ceremony cannot be performed and other rites of the wedding performed without necessarily the financial extortion from the man. Only a crazy woman will just start cohabiting with a man and giving birth to children. Marriage union is not recognized anywhere without a legal or traditional occasion. Before the law and all other international jurisdiction systems all over the world, a couple legally wedded by the court with a court wedding certificate is more recognized and legal than a couple with only pictures and memories of traditionally unnecesary and wasteful jamboree. |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by SpicyJosBabe(f): 12:59pm On Sep 20, 2016 |
passionate88: I may really not have the power to influence my parents decisions, but i will start with myself, my sibblings and peers. Whatever the man pays will be refunded to him or he can give whatever he likes, then both families will contribute equally for the ceremonies. Enough of the selling of women in the name of marriage. How can a man be billed hundreds of thousands to millions for a wife excluding the expenses of the ceremonial celebrations accompanying? |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by SpicyJosBabe(f): 1:28pm On Sep 20, 2016 |
missKiffy: You have a point my dear, but let me take you through a little history. Europeans had to abolish any form of payment over marriage because for the part of dowry payment, many parents started sending their daughters to convents to become nuns just to be able to escape dowry payment which they deemed as a source of financial extortion, but hey, that did not mean that there were no responsible families who could afford the dowry payment and carry out everything in a right way. That is just the difference between white people and black people. Anything they see as an impediment to the easiness of people's lives no matter how small the affected population is, they are quick to take actions, but africans will never as long as the culture favours a group of people. Today white women are enjoying a higher status in their society and social equality, these were the kind of laws they fought for in the past that took them to where they are today. I have come across a woman who was seriously maltreated in her marriage by her husband, she said that one reason why she finds it hard to take steps against him is because she usually remembers all that the man had to go through under her family just to pay her bride price, how he was extorted by her father and uncles to perform a very big ceremony, that she just cannot afford to jeorpadize all that or threaten her marriage. Just imagine, she felt bounded to stand up to her rights just because of that. My mother told me that when she was getting married, her father told her never to come back to his house for any reason because he will chase her away as she now belongs to her husband as long as he performed all the rites (payment of bride price) to acquire her hand in marriage. Just imagine. Things like this are what make our women suffer endlessly and endure all manners of pain in marriage without any option. this is the point i am trying to pass across. |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by efficiencie(m): 4:48am On Sep 24, 2016 |
SpicyJosBabe: Well even your cost saving legal marriage is not so cost saving in the long run as divorces would imply the sharing of assets, costs of getting a good lawyer, the cost of footing the bill of whoever is taking custody of the children and lots more! I assure you again that men who have the mentality of 'purchasing their wife after paying the bride price' are men who would have the same attitudinal disposition even if the marriage was contracted via a court. Such a man will marry legally, use the wife thoroughly and when she is no longer in vogue will seek strategies to file for a divorce...why? because such a man sees his wife as a commodity that is to be bought, used and trashed! I know men who paid good money as bride prices but yet love their wives and do not refer to their wives as commodities. I know of an older friend of mine who initially expressed his interest in marrying a lady from his tribe but was unsuccessful not be because the bride price was high (actually in his tribe the bride price isnt more expensive than a "Chinko" phone) but because the lady despised his economic situation at that time. However, when this friend of mine got a better job, he went ahead to marry a lady from the east, not his tribe, paid a huge bride price and has lived happily with her ever since - and he is grateful to his poor condition that made he evade a lady looked down on him! So @Spicyjosbabe, i strongly believe that it is not the bride price that is the problem, it is the kind of men that ladies attract that is the problem...there are great men out there, they do not come in exotic clothes, fancy cars and posh buildings but are usually lowly and inconspicuous! Nevertheless, if you look carefully, you will find such men... 1 Like |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by Nobody: 4:59am On Sep 24, 2016 |
asuo27:so women are meant to be valued by money? 1 Like |
Re: Bride Price Payment Should Be Abolished In Nigeria by efficiencie(m): 5:24am On Sep 24, 2016 |
SpicyJosBabe: on 1; A great man of marriage age is not deterred by the dowry rather he is deterred by the absence of great women...and ignoble men are not deterred by the dowry as long as the selfish gain extracted from marriage exceeds the price of the dowry...So either way, ladies that become nuns become so because they have nothing to offer a great man or an ignoble man! on 2; The so called whites today have delinquency levels that rivals those of some developing countries. This may appear paradoxical but it is not because delinquency and immorality is what results when who believe that anything that causes uneasiness must be removed...in the words of Friedrich Nietsche 'whatever does not kill you, makes you stronger' shows that some uneasiness is needed for strength, balance and harmony! Men and women who love unfettered freedom cannot keep marriages irrespective of their racial affiliations. Divorces happen in Africa, but they are frowned at but divorces happen in the West and it is not seen as a big deal... on 3; Great women all over the world do not strive at equality...because equality makes you a copy of what you strive to be equal to. Great western women are where they are today because they availed the institutional advances of their time towards empowering themselves. So it is not about laws alone, it is about institutions and i assure you that women alone did not fight for the institutional advancement of the West, as you allude to, rather progressive people - men and women - fought for it. If educational institutions in Africa are revamped, both women and men will be better for it and today in Nigeria it is clear that there are women who do not strive for equality but are movers and shakers in their respective fields of endeavor simply because they had some education. on 4; That is one case, in millions of marriage cases. You seriously will not judge marriages as a whole on the basis of a single case. That that woman in your example married a beast does not mean that all women got married to a beast! There are men that went through a lot worse but were ready to endure it all to have their wife because they saw value in their wife that vastly outweighed the "peanuts" they were paying as a bride price and to cover the wedding ceremony. I do not mean to insult your religious disposition but i advice you to get a bible and read Proverbs 31;10-31 and tell me which sane man will not give up anything of monetary worth to get such a wife? on 5; Its unfortunate but the truth is that while some women suffer, some other women are having crazy fun! You gave an example, I will give you one too. The wife of the general overseer of the Mountain of Fire and Miracles Ministries, Shade Olukoya, taught an audience of young people and made them realize that often she stands in the mirror and look at herself wondering what made her so special to be worthy of her husband. According to her, her husband was the cream of men. Despite having the wait long for their first child, she recounts all the great things her husband did for her, with her and through her! The woman must be in her early 60s now but she looks young and radiant thanks to the peace and harmony that reigns in her home - and not the exotic make ups that mask the true emotions of most women! My dear, there are men and there are men...some men are noble and some others are beasts. If you find a noble man you as a woman will gladly, willingly and happily surrender your all to him knowing that he will be your lover, your father, your guardian, your defender, your counselor, your teacher and your baby! But when you get stuck in the hands of a beast then you will seek to be equal to men, seek total independence and nurse wounds for a very long time... So i say once again, the bride price is not the problem but the character of men and women in conjugal relationships is the problem! 2 Likes |
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