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26 And Still Living With My Parents (advise) / See Advise Woman Received After She Caught Her Husband Assaulting Her Sister / Pls, Advise Needed On Mother In Law (2) (3) (4)
Advise Needed From Mature Minds by san316(m): 7:32pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
Pls nlanders. I just want to know if my thoughts are right or unfounded. I am about to get married to this lady and so far she has shown me that she is good enough though our rdlationship has been long distance. My problem is with her mom. No beef no quarrel but the woman seems to be the kind of person that will be demanding. My reason for this is that even before i declared interest in marrying her daughter, even though she had never seen me, she had started asking for money and things from me. I know it isnt a bad thing to give but a mother inlaw that makes request without recourse to the impact on their dignity just does not go down well with me. So what do you think? Is it okay for my fiances mum to be asking for money even before knowing me? Candid advice needed. |
Re: Advise Needed From Mature Minds by sekundosekundo: 7:51pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
Have you discussed it with your wife to be?. 1 Like |
Re: Advise Needed From Mature Minds by lecturerdabo(m): 8:22pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
is it that ur Unijos girl? 1 Like |
Re: Advise Needed From Mature Minds by EHMIR(m): 8:31pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
Discuss it with ur fiancee,its left to her to talk her mum out of it..if the old woman must demand frm you,she shouldnt come directly to her,let her talk to her daughter out it...then ur fiancee will know how to get her mum's demand. Some mother inlaws sev ![]() 1 Like |
Re: Advise Needed From Mature Minds by san316(m): 9:08pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
sekundosekundo: The first time the mum did it, i confronted her but she said she was not aware and promised to speak to her. However, i have a feeling that she is aware but just feigning ignorance. I even feel embarrassed for her. I'm just bothered that my fiance may have that trait and my family has generational hatred for begging. If any of my relative hears of this, hmmm. I just can't imagine. 1 Like |
Re: Advise Needed From Mature Minds by gidjah(m): 9:23pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
You must be fully in charge o, you must stop it before it transcends In To your home after wedding and hence you won't be able to control such.tell your girlfriend you will no more tolerate that attitude from her again,if she can't come through your girl, then let it remain un done.you will still be the one to keep such bad attitude away from your own family if you really wanna keep the girl with you,but once you notice that's it is a trait In Their family, you might wanna cut that thing off, by calling it a quit.bros, you must deal wit it now, o, if you know you won't be able to then you either back out or manage the situation your self.if your family gets to know then it will seem as if her mother is a gold digger and the you know the aftermath ba?? |
Re: Advise Needed From Mature Minds by san316(m): 10:23pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
gidjah:Hmmm. |
Re: Advise Needed From Mature Minds by GetUmad: 11:29pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
san316:This got me rolling on the floor. Are you for real? 1 Like
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Re: Advise Needed From Mature Minds by Nyceguy92: 11:35pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
Which issue worries you the most: The fact that the relationship is a distant one...? Or the matter of your fiancée's mom asking you for money? If you love your lady enough to marry her, you should go ahead. You only give that which you have and when it will not inconvenience you. 1 Like |
Re: Advise Needed From Mature Minds by san316(m): 6:46am On Sep 28, 2016 |
Nyceguy92:guy just check this out now. One major discouragement to guys getting married is the feeling of additional responsibility. I'm not earning much but what I earn can cater for my immediate family. My parents are not that buoyant but they are okay. All what I don't want is for everything to come back to my head. Because when we are married, they start demanding n not requesting. I wanna have a family without distraction from outside. Daz I'll. |
Re: Advise Needed From Mature Minds by southernbelle(f): 8:27am On Sep 28, 2016 |
san316: Her mom shouldn't be asking you for money directly even if she's in need, she should speak to the daughter who will try and provide for her from her own purse. It's only when she can't, that she will ask for support from you and you will render help in whichever way you can. The mother should know that asking you for money will make you lose respect for herself, her daughter and even the entire family. My family detests begging too, so I understand you very well. 3 Likes |
Re: Advise Needed From Mature Minds by Florblu(f): 9:37am On Sep 28, 2016 |
Seriously? if my mum should do such, God knows that might be the last time she will hear from me or have access to my boyfriend.Some mothers no dey try anyways |
Re: Advise Needed From Mature Minds by eyinjuege: 10:02am On Sep 28, 2016 |
The mother is apparently shameless. What an embarrassment. Let your girlfriend know that you're not comfortable with her mother demanding or even requesting things from you. You've not even married the daughter, imagine what'll happen after you marry the daughter. There's a saying that what you can't tolerate, you reject it from when you're poor. Some people are greedy and shameless, and such people deserve to be embarrassed. Next time she does that, tell her point blank you can't provide any of her demands, and she should go and ask her husband or her children. Tell her you're not comfortable her asking for things from you, and your own mother doesn't like it because your mom was around when she asked the first time. Nonsense! Infact, let your girlfriend know that your mother heard about the last request she made. You better sort out all these things before you marry her, and let there be an understanding. And I hope your girlfriend is working, and not waiting for a man to come and pull her out of lack. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Advise Needed From Mature Minds by san316(m): 11:00am On Sep 28, 2016 |
Thank you guys for your mature words. At least I know I am not overreacting. It's not that I'm not disposed to giving her some hand outs. I usually give her money any time we meet but what's eating me up is that she goes as far as asking. I even feelembarrassed when she does. I'll talk to my girl and set the record straight. Thanks all. |
Re: Advise Needed From Mature Minds by ElsonMorali: 1:15pm On Sep 28, 2016 |
Have you ever heard the phrase, "like mother, like daughter"? Well trust me your long distance ish has prevented you from noticing the same in your fiancé. Speak with your significant other face to face about this issue and see how she responds. |
Re: Advise Needed From Mature Minds by Nyceguy92: 5:16pm On Sep 28, 2016 |
san316: I understand your concern but know that some measure of financial responsibility is inevitable. Every married man shares in the financial burden of his in-laws. Attend only to reasonable requests , not demands, for assistance if it is within your ability. You may have to deal mainly with assistance for feeding, hospital visits, Rarely will one be asked to help set up a business. Some do if they can afford it. I am not sure I get an idea what your fiancée does; does she work? |
Re: Advise Needed From Mature Minds by san316(m): 5:35pm On Sep 28, 2016 |
Nyceguy92: She's a student. Not working. That's another thing sef. After supporting her studies, the mom too wil be bringing hers |
Re: Advise Needed From Mature Minds by san316(m): 5:37pm On Sep 28, 2016 |
ElsonMorali:most definitely 1 Like |
Re: Advise Needed From Mature Minds by louken(m): 7:16pm On Sep 28, 2016 |
The truth is that the woman is not ever going to change. A lot of ladies see men as meal ticket and it's unfortunate your girlfriend's mother has not outgrown hers. Since you said your girlfriend has shown tendencies of being a good wife, I won't advise you to leave her. Assuming you marry her and her mother continues and intensifies her demands, what will you do? Whatever it is you are going to do, start doing it now. Let everybody start getting used to the reality. With the turn-out of things, it will be easier to decide whether to continue with the relationship or not 1 Like |
Re: Advise Needed From Mature Minds by Nyceguy92: 7:56pm On Sep 28, 2016 |
san316:I sense that you are reluctant to proceed with the marriage. It is your choice between the girl you love, I presume... and the supposedly expected requests from her mom. Discuss with your woman and then decide. |
Re: Advise Needed From Mature Minds by Nobody: 7:59pm On Sep 28, 2016 |
omo, no gree for the "begi-begi" family. Put your feet down, better still, don't try to build any personal relationship with the shameless mother. Let your relation with her be formal, no time for extra closeness, else she's will turn you to her personal ATM.. Anytime she calls, don't pick, whatever she wants to say, let her send her daughter, so you can know if she's support her "bambi-allah" mother.. Nonsense.. 1 Like |
Re: Advise Needed From Mature Minds by Richy4(m): 10:36pm On Sep 28, 2016 |
If you have never set eyes on the woman and she became " Julius Beggar" already, what happens when u see her? Anyways, If u know how to start early to hit the ignore button, it will be better for u in that relationship.... at least start now to answer.. Mr stingy so that she will have it at the back of her mind that u were not in that relationship to be her ATM or Walmart store... I will simply suggest that u don't talk to your girl about it... just give when u want to and hit the ignore button more.... 1 Like |
Re: Advise Needed From Mature Minds by san316(m): 6:44am On Sep 29, 2016 |
Nyceguy92: Not that. I just feel uncomfortable with what's happening and hoping I can put it on hold for a while. She wouldn't even expose her hair for me to see because I hvnt married her yet but would like to receive money from me. I feel there is something amiss. |
Re: Advise Needed From Mature Minds by 5minsmadness: 7:16am On Sep 29, 2016 |
louken: What are the tendencies of a good wife that the girl has shown? Long distance relationship. Beggarly attitude from the mother. No idea of how fiancee truly behaves because its a long distance relationship. @san316 I suspect people r reluctant to speak thier mind since u are already planning wedding. Anyway i'll tell u something. Marriage is for life. Once u don enter u don enter. Even if you want to divorce later (God forbid) you would still have a lot of emotional and mental trauma to deal with. An adage says if u want to look at what your wife will become, study her mother. If you know begging disgusts you and you cannot live with it... Hmmm... My brother, think very well before you proceed. This woman u want to marry and her mother will be the mother and grandmother to your kids o. I dont want u to be a victim of those people that say "You knew all these things about her before, yet you still went ahead to marry her, so carry your cross". My candid opinion. 1 Like |
Re: Advise Needed From Mature Minds by George22016(m): 8:54am On Sep 29, 2016 |
san316: u mean your girl won't expose hair for you to see.hahahaha baba you be mugu big one.see forget students now that's how they do.but guy why u be mumu like this |
Re: Advise Needed From Mature Minds by ifyalways(f): 9:57am On Sep 29, 2016 |
I see no crime from asking from Family, when there's a genuine need but my concern is : you are yet to marry their daughter so there should be some sort of decorum and self respect. What does she ask for, money to do what? Whatever it is, tell her straight without mincing words that you do not have then watch her reaction afterwards, that should give you an idea as to the kind of person she is. If your girls family is poor and struggling then the reality is that you will inherit some financial burden one way or the other, you can't escape that. |
Re: Advise Needed From Mature Minds by louken(m): 10:38am On Sep 29, 2016 |
5minsmadness: Ok. You put it strongly. Those were my thoughts initially but I didn't want to break the bad news. My opinion is that he should not rush into marriage with her yet. He should prolong the dating while making every effort to show them his real self and his strong dislike for shameless begging and being very observant to watch their reaction. The outcome will more than convince him on whether to leave or stay. Meanwhile, where are the people that move topics to front page? This guy needs more advice from mature minds. Lalasticlala please come 1 Like |
Re: Advise Needed From Mature Minds by san316(m): 11:28am On Sep 29, 2016 |
George22016: |
Re: Advise Needed From Mature Minds by san316(m): 11:42am On Sep 29, 2016 |
George22016:lol. Chill nwanne. I am not like that ooo. Me too know what I am doing. Didn't make a big deal of it because I am not bothered about those things. I know how to get what I want when it comes to her. |
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