never seen nairalanders so open minded and soft on a thread like this.
Marriage is really a serious business, may God guide everyone to the right partner

timpaker:
1. Afraid of losing my PS 3
2. Afraid of always waking up with the same person.
3. Afraid of not being selfish. I.e about nobody but my self.
4. Afraid of someone always expecting me to call to inform them of my movement/itenery (monitoring spirits).
5. Afraid of losing my privacy.
6. Afraid of being romantic when I'm in no mood for that BS.
7. Afraid of always looking for my stuff in my own house.
8. Afraid of missing some important social gathering cuz bae is lonely or bored at home.

Etc.

We share the same bro...especially 4 and 6. Thanks for sharing...now I know am not alone in this. Feeling relieved

ONE FACT WE ALL SHOULD KNOW...THERE AINT NO RIGHT PATNER IN MARRIAGE because WE COULD BE SO WRONG AT TIMES...SINCE CHANGE IS CONSTANT, U SO CALLED INITIAL RIGHT CAN BE A WRONG.!!! ITS LIKE A BUNCHA COOKIES IN A PLATE...JUST PICK ANY AND MAKE HE OR SHE THE RIGHT PERSON..JUST MAKE SURE OF SOME IMPORTANT POINTS LIKE LOVE(IF SOMEONE LOVES U,, HE WILL DO ANYTHING TO MAKE U HAPPY) TRUST ADAPTABILITY FORGIVENESS....all other small small qualities go follow...e sweet e bitter...just make him or her d right person....it cant b perfect##

Chukazu:


everything you need to be pregnant and bear children has been deposited in you from the day your moma gave birth to you, so when the time comes it would happen natural... As for sex, it's normal

Me 2. I'm afraid of sexual incompatibility

Men! Sometimes I wonder if marriage is a curse or blessing
With d rate of failed marriages, I am so scared of getting married.
No privacy
No freedom
Expecting to make her happy when I am not in d mood
D nagging
What if she stops loving me n starts managing me
What if I marry d wrong person, imagine d hell u will pass through on daily basis
What if she changes after marriage, n u will be like 'was I blind when I married her, abi Na jazz'
D thought of not being alone n doing d things I want to do alone all by myself



God please connect everyone with there right partner to avoid stories that touches d heart later, Amen.

.

Scared of child birth.

CoCoLav:
Marriage is not for everybody. Meet someone you like and stay together, if you guys get bored move on. Shi.t happens. It is better than being married and bored but unable to leave because you have kids and you signed a contract. You will now spend the only life you have managing happiness when you could be out there exploring and discovering yourself.

For those immune to societal pressure, just date and have kids only if you want. You might even end up being better parents without the stress of spousal incompatibility and problem from in-laws. This is why I have a lot of respect for people in open marriages because they know that they cannot be monogamous and have accepted it. Marriage is not really all that and only serves to suit society as far as I am concerned.

Anyway, my fear of getting married:

1) I will get bored
2) He will not understand my drive for success and try to slow me down with children
3) We will grow apart

Can we say your present environment triggered this fear? If you were in your natural 'habitat', would you still be scared of this?

Melonny:
will I really sleep(remain faithful) with just one woman for 20-26 years after marriage? it's like eating beans everyday for 26years.
God help us...

Lol..Lawd have mercy on us...

4dor:


Can we say your present environment triggered this fear? If you were in your natural 'habitat', would you still be scared of this?

Nahhh..

The fear has always been there but could not be expressed because of my 'natural habitat '. I can now express it and not be judged.

Ifakiland:

Potbelly? Hell no aint gonna happen....av u ever taken a stroll on a Saturday mrn U'll find so many married women skipping bath all in d name of "its a resting day"....den dey tie wrapper like sumbori's granny....whereas while dating....dey even wear makeup to bed in sex bumshots....but now dey are married....na wrapper and unwashed armpit....I can deal abeg....my wife do dat I warn, do it again I para....do it one more time I cheat. Simple!

when you cheat, does that correct anything? prevention is better than cure. marry right, that's better

Shym3xx:


Hugh Hefner yano.

I'm not Hugh Hefner. Once you've been around a lot of women, you'd know that the overwhelming majority of them, regardless of the ideology they hide under or achievement, don't have much to offer you apart from sex. Hence most conversations with women are always centered around what you're bringing to the table as a guy - not them. And when you also consider the fact that it can be stressful dealing with them at times and loyalty is foreign to them cos they're naturally wired to living in the moment - it's always better to do what makes you happy and focus on yourself.

If you're the type that likes the company of different women and you tend to appreciate the alluring diversity of the beauty of womanhood - why put yourself in a box when you can be free as a bird? Conversely, if you want to sign some documents and be committed to the stress and disrespectful nature of one woman clogging up ya space (a lot of women don't even know how to talk and the more they get comfortable around you, the more disrespectful they tend to get), for the rest of ya life, for one puzzy - do you. It's a free world.

I've come to understand that regardless of how successful a woman is or how tough she think she is, she still remains a woman. The basic characteristics of womanhood will keep popping out from time to time. Now back to the topic
My greatest fear with this marriage of a thing is that I may get tired of the person. I don't know why that keeps happening but maybe it's testament to what you wrote up there that the only thing they bring to the table is sex, sex and sex.

Where can I see that lady that would be my mate in Playstation, hanging out with the boiz loving football like hell and getting high with me that woman, I can never get tired of. I believe that overtime one may get tired of cuddling and stuff...

God help me.....

modify;

I've been thinking, is it possible for someone to have a contract marriage; let's say for like 15 years and if there is no need to renew the contract after that time, we both go our seperate ways, with some settlement of course....

FTBOY:
you have a very good reason. one mumu above you said she's afraid of being a slave or a housewife. the height of inferiority complex! what happened to love before marriage?

as in...anytime I think of that,marriage scares me the more,,the 2 parties just have to make up their mind to make their marriage work no matter what..my parents divorced when I was 6 months,am 26 now...over the yrs,I keep asking"what happened to the love they shared that even conceived me?" it affected me psychologically but I overcame it with God...I don't want my children to go through that @ all...

Laveda:


Same fears.

It is well babe,don't worry God will give us the strenght to pull through the life contract Lol

Anuoluwapo3054:
Sister.... U need Jesus!!!

. Bro u need more of him

tolor:

I've come to understand that regardless of how successful a woman is or how tough she think she is, she still remains a woman. The basic characteristics of womanhood will keep popping out from time to time. Now back to the topic
My greatest fear with this marriage of a thing is that I may get tired of the person. I don't know why that keeps happening but maybe it's testament to what you wrote up there that the only thing they bring to the table is sex, sex and sex.

Where can I see that lady that would be my mate in Playstation, hanging out with the boiz loving football like hell and getting high with me that woman, I can never get tired of. I believe that overtime one may get tired of cuddling and stuff...

God help me.....

modify;

I've been thinking, is it possible for someone to have a contract marriage; let's say for like 15 years and if there is no need to renew the contract after that time, we both go our seperate ways, with some settlement of course....

Same here: I get bored of people in general easily as well. There are times when I just want my own space in solitude to do something different. With women, most of them are wired to view things from a perspective that's different from the way you see things as guy and ya struggles. Coupled with the fact that they don't offer anything apart from sex, despite the fact that it's a tad stressful to deal with them and they're the supreme space cloggers. And there are times you could care less about sex and that's what makes them easily dispensable cos you can always find a next woman to offer you sex when you need it.

The holy-grail is being lucky enough to find a woman that's like you and can also see the world through ya eyes, with alluring attractiveness that will never fade away. And that's a tall order in a lifetime, unless you're extremely lucky. The other option is to find just any chic that's better than what you're used to and settle.

Lol. There are tons of chics out there who love playing video games (the coa/cao on NL or whatever her handle is, is one of them). I do play FIFA and Madden with chics sometimes and they're quite good. Ditto chics that love sports and you can burn with occasionally (you don't want a weed head tho, cos that's peak lol). Personally, I love chics that love sports (especially the ones I'm into) and hip-hop. You know with that, you won't have a problem watching sports all day - not some hoodrat and IQ-reducing reality TV nonsense lol.

Tahhh, you don't need a contract for that - you just need a chic you can converse with on a level. There are loads of chics who wouldn't mind it, as long as you're willing to play ya role. Cohabitation won't be a bad option, if that's what you want. You just have to stay away from chics who have nothing else to talk about apart from marriage.

Fairgodwin:

This is not really about love. Or maybe you're right, but I sincerely love being alone love or no love. I know most people consider me boring but that's just who I am.

bro, wen you fall in love, you will never want to spend a second without her. trust me, it's like that.

mamawin:
bro, wen you fall in love, you will never want to spend a second without her. trust me, it's like that.

Okay, if you say so. But the truth is, I get bored easily and I get to withdraw easily (into my own shell) so to speak.

Shym3xx:


Same here: I get bored of people in general easily as well. There are times when I just want my own space in solitude to do something different. With women, most of them are wired to view things from a perspective that's different from the way you see things as guy and ya struggles. Coupled with the fact that they don't offer anything apart from sex, despite the fact that it's a tad stressful to deal with them and they're the supreme space cloggers. And there are times you could care less about sex and that's what makes them easily dispensable cos you can always find a next woman to offer you sex when you need it.

The holy-grail is being lucky enough to find a woman that's like you and can also see the world through ya eyes, with alluring attractiveness that will never fade away. And that's a tall order in a lifetime, unless you're extremely lucky. The other option is to find just any chic that's better than what you're used to and settle.

Lol. There are tons of chics out there who love playing video games (the coa/cao on NL or whatever her handle is, is one of them). I do play FIFA and Madden with chics sometimes and they're quite good. Ditto chics that love sports and you can burn with occasionally (you don't want a weed head tho, cos that's peak lol). Personally, I love chics that love sports (especially the ones I'm into) and hip-hop. You know with that, you won't have a problem watching sports all day - not some hoodrat and IQ-reducing reality TV nonsense lol.

Tahhh, you don't need a contract for that - you just need a chic you can converse with on a level. There are loads of chics who wouldn't mind it, as long as you're willing to play ya role. Cohabitation won't be a bad option, if that's what you want. You just have to stay away from chics who have nothing else to talk about apart from marriage.

honestly you should not have problem after marriage, because you already know what you want. I tell you there are many ladies out there that fit your description. where the problem starts in most cases is for somebody like you to marry a lady who doesn't like most or all those things you love. I read a lot and I love music, all genres. I knew marrying somebody that hate books or music will be a problem. but above all, everything must be discussed before marriage. one should not be shy or afraid, you sit down and talk or at least by observation. don't mind me poking my nose in your affairs o.lol

Fairgodwin:

Okay, if you say so. But the truth is, I get bored easily and I get to withdraw easily (into my own shell) so to speak.

I tell you there are many ladies like you. or she comes into your life and remove d boredom, get you out of your shell, or she enters her own shell as soon as you enter yours.
marriage is sweet when the foundation is love.

vicdall:

Me 2. I'm afraid of sexual incompatibility

prayer, my sister. I prayed about mine and it worked. trust me. except you don't believe in prayers

I think it will be appropriate to ask each other what our fear in marriage is

mhizzpatra:
Hmm..
Am afraid he might stop loving me..
Am afraid he might not have fallen in love with every part of me.

Am afraid he will cheat on me..i'd rather he gets married over and over again..

Am afraid he won't be the father I want for our kids..
Am afraid he will stop being the guy I married..i want someone whom I will fall in love with over and over again..when he smiles, he laughs, he is angry, I want someone I would look at his eyes and i would be moved to tears..u know that feeling? That u love someone so much..

Am afraid he is going to die and I would be lonley..and broken..

Am afraid he won't be close to God..
Am afraid after giving him my everything he will still not find me enough

Am afraid he will make friends that won't help our marriage..

Am afraid one day we might fight and my kids will notice.
Am afraid his mum won't be like mine

Okay..
Am afraid of marriage!

I share the sixth one. in fact, one day my husband asked me what he could do that would pain me most, I told him that's if he dies young. he said do I realized that won't be his fault? I told him he should just make sure he doesn't die. funny

BCMI:
. Bro u need more of him

LOL

mamawin:
honestly you should not have problem after marriage, because you already know what you want. I tell you there are many ladies out there that fit your description. where the problem starts in most cases is for somebody like you to marry a lady who doesn't like most or all those things you love. I read a lot and I love music, all genres. I knew marrying somebody that hate books or music will be a problem. but above all, everything must be discussed before marriage. one should not be shy or afraid, you sit down and talk or at least by observation. don't mind me poking my nose in your affairs o.lol

Lol. Honestly, I'm not into all the marriage thingy. It's something I've never really cared about, tbh.

I'm just having normal conversations with folks on here.

Anuoluwapo3054:
LOL

Interesting...

misscall247:
u r beautiful

[/b] Thank you.[/b]

mamawin:
I share the sixth one. in fact, one day my husband asked me what he could do that would pain me most, I told him that's if he dies young. he said do I realized that won't be his fault? I told him he should just make sure he doesn't die. funny

He won't die,you guys will grow old together in love and harmony...

Titilayooni:
He won't die,you guys will grow old together in love and harmony...

Amen, thanks.

Ifakiland:

Potbelly? Hell no aint gonna happen....av u ever taken a stroll on a Saturday mrn U'll find so many married women skipping bath all in d name of "its a resting day"....den dey tie wrapper like sumbori's granny....whereas while dating....dey even wear makeup to bed in sex bumshots....but now dey are married....na wrapper and unwashed armpit....I can deal abeg....my wife do dat I warn, do it again I para....do it one more time I cheat. Simple!

I'm sure that the concerns you have about your future wife are the same concerns she has about you. If don't she bathe, offer to run her a bath with nice soaps and bath salts and a shoulder rub. Heck, get in there with her if you want. If she's not dressing the way she used to, buy her a little something or say, "Honey, when you wear such and such, you look so beautiful." Or if she's adding weight, tell her you're going to work out because you've added yourself (doesn't have to be the truth, just saying) and that you'd love to have a workout partner.

How do you know you won't get a potbelly? Why are you assuming she'll suddenly deteriorate after the marriage? Why don't you give her the benefit of the doubt before you assume the worst? Isn't that the point of marriage? Anything can be worked on in a marriage, so long as it's not constant cheating, rape, or abuse. So many people here are so eager to get married but don't want to deal with the less than sweet moments.

SavageGarden:


Thanks a lot ma'am, truth is, most of the time we lie to ourselves and in order to impress some folks in our lives friends; family; people who wouldn't be there to face the music when it all goes crumbling down. I know myself I know what I can stand, i've been with girls, I love myself some company sometimes not like I'm some hermit crab! I can share my space but not for damn long, sleeping up with some bae going shopping having them emotionally attached those things don't give me joy! I get grief and it's much more futile and profoundly wicked for someone like myself to get married eventually 'cos everyone else is getting married regardless of love she'll suffer! she'll bloody suffer I'm not particularly good at caring who is anyway with time this me me thing will set in. I look at my parents and I see it sometimes! it's too much pressure ma'am we don't necessarily need to get married to feel complete but society ruined things and the gullible weak at heart individuals fall hook line and sinker for it. I mean for a pastor to take it upon himself to chastise single folks and you don't expect divorce rate to grow! fat chance! let's stay true to ourselves it's the easy way out unless of cos you agree to change if you can.

Honestly sir u more than nailed whenever i observe my parents they just ain't 'truly' happy deep down, i could remember while growing up a very close neighbour cum family friend their father was always chins up and moody,looking at that guy one could tell dat he was tired... i can remember my pop telling me tat if he knew he woldn'nt have gotten married.i think everyone should stop trying to please society or anybody cos they won't b there when the reggae changes to blues