raumdeuter:
I agree with most things the OP said

God/Nature created men and women different and to perform different roles in point 10, That is why IMO a child needs both parent( I will use both Gender because of same sex parents) In my opinion a child needs both gender to grow up balanced

There are stuffs only fathers understand and there are stuffs only mothers understand

But men are happiest being men, and women are happiest being women, with few exceptions. The differences start to manifest themselves very early. In one study Dr. Laura mentions, a barrier was placed between 1 year-old babies and their mothers. What did the little boys do? They attempted to get around the barrier or knock it down. The little girls? They cried until their mothers’ picked them up. Men tend to respond to things physically, women verbally. In fact, the two sexes are just right for each other

5minsmadness:
Finally common sense is making a comeback.

bukatyne:


What are the little things you don't agree with?

raumdeuter:


Not like I disagree but I really dont understand point 6. And I wont say i agree with what I dont fully understand

bukatyne:


I believe she was saying men are interested in their women's bodies with a loving interest as opposed to them wanting rail thin or perfect wives. Relate it to sex if you will.

bukatyne:


1. Men Need Women, and This Need Gives Women Huge Influence. Dr. Laura states the point as follows: “[M]en are simple creatures who come from a woman, are nurtured and brought up by a woman, and yearn for the continued love, admiration, and approval from a woman.” Women have great power and influence over men, and wives in particular have tremendous power over their husbands. How they use this power essentially controls the relationship, because women are the masters of most relationships and marriages. That’s why Dr. Laura says that she probably won’t write The Proper Care and Feeding of Wives: wives already have most of the power and their marriages depend, for the most part, on them.

2. Women Err in Favoring Children Over Husband. A friend once told this writer that once a woman has children, her husband is relegated to the moral equivalence of a piece of furniture. How sad if this is true in many marriages. Here’s how Dr. Laura puts it: “Once wives became mothers, they had no time to be wives. The men would even compliment their wives on being great mothers, but expressed considerable pain over not being shown love, affection, or sexual interest. The typical reply from a wife challenged with this was ‘I only have time to take care of one person, and our child is that person. I’m just too tired for you.’ This puts fathers in the ugly and uncomfortable position of feeling competitive with and resentful of their children, whom they love so much.”

3. Men and Women Are Different. That men and women are deeply different ought not to be notable, but for the fact that it is so often challenged today. Dr. Laura says that society tries to make both men and women “unisex.” But men are happiest being men, and women are happiest being women, with few exceptions. The differences start to manifest themselves very early. In one study Dr. Laura mentions, a barrier was placed between 1 year-old babies and their mothers. What did the little boys do? They attempted to get around the barrier or knock it down. The little girls? They cried until their mothers’ picked them up. Men tend to respond to things physically, women verbally. In fact, the two sexes are just right for each other.

4. Not Every Thought and Feeling Needs to be Said. Women tend to be so verbal, so expressive, that they can tire out men easily unless they exercise some restraint. Dr. Laura reports that wives generally overwhelm their husbands with communication. “Husbands imagine (so foolishly) that their wives are telling them something they actually need to know because they’re supposed to do something about it. Otherwise, men can’t imagine why the ‘communication’ is happening at all. It confuses them, frustrates them, and their response is to turn off. That’s when they unfairly become labeled insensitive.” Husbands and fiances are not girlfriends or psychologists, and women who want attention should adjust their communication style accordingly when speaking with them.

5. Men Are Not Mind-Readers. Most men are not very intuitive compared to most women. Many women “get caught up in the absurdly romanticized notion that ‘if he loved me, he’d just know what I’m thinking, what I’d like, what he should say.'” If a woman wants her man to do something, she should just ask him plainly, without nagging, and show appreciation when he does it. To act otherwise, as many women do, shows arrogance and lack of respect for the husband’s difference, and it leads to unhappiness in the marriage and in the family.

6. Man Is an Embodied Soul. No, Dr. Laura didn’t put it that way; “embodied soul” is a Catholic concept. But that concept is what underlies her discussion of how important it is to a man that his wife try to keep up her appearance. What does it mean that we are embodied souls? It means that our bodies are integral parts of who we are. We are not just souls. Our bodies are not like clothing that we can take on or off. There was no time during which we had only souls and not bodies, and in eternity as well we will have bodies. It is through our bodies, in fact, that we communicate to our loved ones and to the rest of the world. One thinks of the beautiful line from the old Anglican marriage rite: bride and groom pledge to each other “with my body I thee worship.” It is ironic, but in many cases men–sex-crazed pigs in the minds of many women–actually have a truer understanding of the beauty of the body and the meaning of the marital embrace than their wives do. “Objectification” may come as much or more from the woman’s side as from the husband’s if the woman sees her own body as being separate from rather than an integral part of herself. Dr. Laura writes: “In reading all the letters from men, I was struck by their depth of senstivity about the issue of women’s appearance. It wasn’t an impersonal, animal reaction (as it is with women the men don’t personally know), it was a deeply personal one. The wife’s comfort with and appreciation of her own body and femininity, and her willingness to share that with her husband, actually fed his sense of well-being, his feeling of being loved as a husband and valued as a ‘man.'”

7. Infidelity by Omission. Brides and grooms make a number of vows, not only of sexual fidelity. Marital vows include and imply words like love, honor, protect, and care for. “[W]hen one breaches those vows by neglect, is that also not a form of infidelity? Perhaps we should start looking at the act of intentionally depriving a spouse of legitimate needs as infidelity, too, because it stems from being unfaithful to the intent of the vows.”

8. In the Bedroom. To her credit, Dr. Laura gives due place to the importance for marriage of the marital act: “The bedroom is the foundation of marriage and family.” St. Josemaria Escriva, founder of Opus Dei, that supposedly conservative institution within the Church, put it this way: “The marriage bed is an altar.” Enough said?

9. Women Should Appreciate Men’s Masculinity. Dr. Laura relates a trip she made recently to a swimming pool. A mom and a dad were wading with their infant child. Mom held the child against her chest, cooed to him, and swooped him up and down. She passed the baby to dad. He turned the baby’s face outward and swooshed him forward and up into the air. “Mom equals protection and nurturance. Dad equals autonomy and adventure. It is the perfect balance that helps produce a functional, secure human being.” Too many women, though, act like Alice Kramdens, constantly belitting their husbands, shooting down their aspirations, treating them like children. Dr. Laura writes: “When a wife treats her man like he’s one of her children, when she puts him down or thwarts his need for autonomy, adventure, risk, competition, challenge, and conquest, she ends up with a sullen, unooperative, unloving, hostile lump.”

10. Thou Shalt Not Covet. Dr. Laura contributes a novel (to this writer) and insightful contemporary application of the commandment, “thou shal not covet.” Specifically, she understands it as a rebuke to people who want it all, especially feminists. “Perhaps the feminist notions about women having power if they do it all has obstructed too many women’s ability to realize that in real life we all make choices, and that the true joy and meaning of life is not in how many things we have or do, but in the sacrifice and commitment we make to others within the context of the choices we’ve made. The Tenth Commandment, about coveting, reminds us that none of us can have everything there is nor everything we want. Without enjoying and appreciating our gifts and blessings, we create a hell on earth for ourselves and for those who love us.”

5minsmadness:


I think what the writer is trying to say is, your body is just as important as your soul. Physical attraction is just as important as intellectual/behavioural attraction. In order words women should realise that men see physical attraction as a very big deal. We worship the female body, moreso when it is a female we love. When we have sex with a woman we love, its much more than just a romp between the sheets and sexual gratification, its a deep physical and emotional connection. We yearn to give as much pleasure as we recieve. In fact most men reach climax faster from the visual confirmation that we are giving pleasure to the woman. That is why a man's sense of sexual achievement comes when he makes his woman climax. We dont just have sex, we make love.


Something like that anyway.

Timbuktou:
I think point 6 refers to men valuing a woman's body because of the affection they might have for her. And because they love a woman, they naturally want the best for her body and even when this best cannot be achieved, they don't really mind as they aren't fixated on that aspect of the whole person that she is. Also that men aren't as forgiving/lenient to women they barely know.
Also, men are happy when their wives surrender their bodies willingly to them when copulating, especially when she has taken good care of her body(vessel).
I agree with this and the other points very much.
PS: Laura says her male respondents says her male respondents tell her this makes them "feel like a man". Just a friendly nudge to those who hoard the cookie from hubby

Mindfulness:


I would say that it takes two to tango.




Does this woman have children? It sounds like children only require attention, time and energy from their mothers but it's not like that. Children change everything. They need a lot of time and energy. After spending the day with the mother, the father will come home and the kids will be all over him. They are in between all the time when they are little until you have them in bed ... FINALLY!

What do you want to do when your two-year-old wants your attention (and they want a lot of it), lock it up?



So?




Generalization. Men and women are not opposite ends of a spectrum as this book and some people imply. Some women talk a lot, my best friend barely talks at all. Another friend's husband considers communication key and will discuss EVERYTHING and communicte EVERY feeling.



Tell him to take out the garbage to find out that it's still there the next morning.




Were our grandmothers not chubby or even fat? Did they work out in the gym three times a week? Did their marriages last nonetheless?
Is Angelina Jolie not in shape? Yet her marriage failed.




Maybe - just maybe- in modern day marriages too much emphasis is placed on emotional needs even though marriage was designed for pragmatic purpose. It includes some form of care (e.g. cooking) and protection (finances) but the romantic love notion that is required for people to get and stay married is quite new. In fact, it is something that was developed in the 20th century. Correct me if I am wrong or ask your grandparents.




Oh yes!

But the reality is that children often change that and familarity turns to boredom. I remember the thread that was up here a few days ago about singles and their fears about marriage. How many people said that they are scared of having to be faithful to one person for decades and of boredom. Go and figure.




I have made the same observation.





I don't agree. I don't consider my family a sacrifice. Have I already said it?



The author has touched upon many interesting topics but has not offered any solutions that have not already been out there.

bukatyne:


This your post na another thread on its own

I agree with you that there are generalizations of what men like/are ditto women.

She has other books such as proper care and feeding of marriages... still looking for the summary to bring here.

She's of the school of thought that a lot of men are good husbands and their wives treat them like children/babies which in-turn make them 'bad' and the wives changing makes their husbands return to default.

Reminds me of team 'foreign women are better' and the 'men are babies' chants we see here.

I kind of prefer their perspective of marriage (even their conservative/anti-feminist/self-styled feminist authors) than ours. However, their idea of bringing up kids is odd to me.

bukatyne:




See you guys fixation on sex/female body

So you guys acknowledge men need women? Laughing in Spanish

She equally authored another feeding and proper care of marriages... can't seem to find a good summary like this.

Hint hint: She doesn't believe in una the 'head' makes the final/sole decisions.

bukatyne:




See you guys fixation on sex/female body

So you guys acknowledge men need women? Laughing in Spanish

She equally authored another feeding and proper care of marriages... can't seem to find a good summary like this.

Hint hint: She doesn't believe in una the 'head' makes the final/sole decisions.

Mindfulness:


Don't they want to be treated like babies? Cleaned after and cooked for?

I find her views irritating. Women focus on their children too much? It's a mother's job to give her little one as much attention as the child needs and caring fathers do the same. The relationship between the couple is less important for some time and until the child develops some autonomy. If you can't deal with it, don't have kids. Simples.

5minsmadness:


@mindfulnes what things do you do for your man that dont revolve around you and yet make him happy? Three examples would suffice.

Mindfulness:


Why do you want to know?

5minsmadness:


Have faith. Everything isnt a trap . Answer first let me ask my next question.

Mindfulness:


I iron his shirts. He needs a fresh one every day.

I take his cars for inspection regularly because he would barely do it due to a busy schedule.

I cook dinner for him ans his business partners when he invites them over.

I often take care of his paperwork.

Only three? I have four. Want some more?

5minsmadness:
Thats cool. All very important.
However,

All these seem like necessities to me. Like he needs you to do them. Like he would get into trouble if u didnt do them. What do you do that he doesnt need you to do, yet it makes him happy when u do it? (hope u get what i mean?)

Mindfulness:


He doesn't need me to do those things.
He managed to have them done before I started doing them.

I make him laugh. Is it a necessity?
Oh, and I get his favourite drinks and snacks when I know that he is going to watch his favourtie team play. (without him asking me to do so).

I am such a great woman.

5minsmadness:


Why do you do those things?

Mindfulness:


I don't know. Probably because it makes me feel good. Selfishness again. The good side of it.

5minsmadness:

Because you love him. He is special to you. You wouldn't do those things for me even if i was your next door neighbor. Why? Cos you barely know me. And even if you did, it wouldn't have the same effect cos i'm not special to you. He is.





And if he feels neglected because of the kids and told you about it you would pay attention to his needs and not just sternly tell him to be a more caring father and 'suck it up'or not have kids next time.

Why?

Because: You don't know. Probably because it makes you feel good.
Or in other words
Because: You love him and would do it to make him happy because he is special to you and it makes you feel good.



[size=4pt]I won. Admit it[/size]

Mindfulness:



You are special to me too. A special nairalander. And I like your response a lot. It made me smile like a re.tard.


[size=3pt]Don't get carried away. [/size]