Experts doesn't know how to handle their own issues but they can pretty much tell you how to handle yours effectively. that is their pathetic secret .

It wasn't the same story as a teenager, as i use to imagine the kind of wonderful man and family I would love to have some day but the whole thing changed without me even me knowing how it started.

Mum and Dad are good as each respects each other opinion but i don't know why I always have reasons to run when i see things getting serious. At times,i don't want to be in a relationship as i function best without relationship attachments; once in relationship it drags me down.

I have this feeling and scared of getting married one day and i may not be able to achieve my dreams as i will be tied down to who hubby wants to be or family stuffs. I'm scared of loosing my Independence and of the unknown. mum won't stop reminding me i'm 26 as i waste no time going radical and telling her we are up to 4 girls,that i'm not to old and want to be happy when i marry and not just because the man is qualified. I will always look for a way to scare the man or kill the relationship once its obvious he really meant it.

I've never been into relationships much as i feel it drags me back . I still have my dreams to achieve, that i cant imagine giving up on them. My life as a sacrifice and what to live it doing that.

I don't know if this fear will ever go away,if i will ever welcome the idea with my whole heart or is it that i'm too ambitious,yet to see someone i can settle for?

pretty scared of marriage and its unknown.
I'm not sure my type of bride wouldn't run away from the church on my wedding day.

I stopped reading where you said you function well when you are not in a relationship....

NOTE THIS...RELATIONSHIP AND MARRIAGE ARE TOO DIFFERENT THINGS...if you marry well there's a blessing attached to it...people complain in marriage because they marry wrongfully...ok, let me pause here before them go say i dey do ITK...over to the next commenter below me.

firstking01:
.

No advice from my King?

TrapQueen77:






No advice from my King?

I 've modified my queen

firstking01:
I 've modified my queen

I read it ur comment... I didn't even read the thread... It's too long...

firstking01:
I stopped reading where you said you function well when you are not in a relationship....

NOTE THIS...RELATIONSHIP AND MARRIAGE ARE TOO DIFFERENT THINGS...if you marry well there's a blessing attached to it...people complain in marriage because they marry wrongfully...ok, let me pause here before them go say i dey do ITK...over to the next commenter below me.

You are right....but I'm afraid you can never know a man too well to know who is rightfully.

...

smithsydny:
...

I know your problem-na recession

Same fears..

But then, if we don't take the risk how do we reach for the best?

Its normal, but I think it's time you get over it, try getting so acquainted to a good and loving man and watch take away your fears.
Love supersedes all.

baby stick me u'll function well in a relationship wth me

Gennyike:


You are right....but I'm afraid you can never know a man too well to know who is rightfully.

Dnt wait to know a man too well before you marry cos you can never ever know a man too well even your father trust me...it's even worst with we the men sef, you know, you women pretend alot??, so, trying to know a woman is a total waste of time...my usual advice to everybody dampling into marriage is, know the person's family backgroung and his/her relationship with their parents...if the person has a good record and rapour with his/her family and have something decent doing then give it a try....

But note this...

Always know that you are coming to spend the rest of your life with a total stranger, expect uncertainties cos they are certainly gonna emerge so you'd know how to handle it
Don't just marry for love, marry because you are compatible in all ramifications

My dear, i still have alot to type but no strength...better of on whatsapp so i'd counsel you properly...

Lastly, have the mindset that you gonna make your marriage work no matter what...

Ok, maybe later or wharsapp?, your choice tho.

Laveda:
Same fears..

But then, if we don't take the risk how do we reach for the best?

Its normal, but I think it's time you get over it, try getting so acquainted to a good and loving man and watch take away your fears.
Love supersedes all.

You are right but have you been in a relationship all plays out fine at the first and second phase, only for you to find out at the 3rd phase the first two are fake.

Things are beautiful when we pretend who we are not, only to get nasty when we get tired of holding on to pretense. I'm afraid of wasting time doting on what is not what it looks like.

Errm wait till you're 30 then come back and post this again , then we'll be sure your fears are for real

jonaifame22:
baby stick me u'll function well in a relationship wth me

lol....are you not an F? can't afford prison o.

Gennyike:


You are right but have you been in a relationship all plays out fine at the first and second phase, only for you to find out at the 3rd phase the first two are fake.

Things are beautiful when we pretend who we are not, only to get nasty when we get tired of holding on to pretense. I'm afraid of wasting time doting on what is not what it looks like.

Who's always at fault? You or the guy?

firstking01:
Dnt wait to know a man too well before you marry cos you can never ever know a man too well even your father trust me...it's even worst with we the men sef, you know, you women pretend alot??, so, trying to know a woman is a total waste of time...my usual advice to everybody dampling into marriage is, know the person's family backgroung and his/her relationship with their parents...if the person has a good record and rapour with his/her family and have something decent doing then give it a try....

But note this...

Always know that you are coming to spend the rest of your life with a total stranger, expect uncertainties cos they are certainly gonna emerge so you'd know how to handle it
Don't just marry for love, marry because you are compatible in all ramifications

My dear, i still have alot to type but no strength...better of on whatsapp so i'd counsel you properly...

Lastly, have the mindset that you gonna make your marriage work no matter what...

Ok, maybe later or wharsapp?, your choice tho.

you are right; I was at the verge of making up my mind to remain single, hustle hard and later adopt one or two ....or may be a single mum of 2.

Gennyike:



you are right; I was at the verge of making up my mind to remain single, hustle hard and later adopt one or two ....or may be a single mum of 2.

me too, i don't wanna get married.. just have like 3 baby mamas and am ok
Maybe you should call me when you need the kids

Laveda:


Who's always at fault? You or the guy?

It may be me as i just want to be caught in a cage but the truth is that i don't pretend in a relationship. I just don't want to be a property....

the guy on its own may be too deep in his fantasies of a primitive wife as many African men may desire then blind to who i am.

We all have our lives to live. I don't want marriage to tie me down, like a prison with high walls or like the life i want for me is over; that is suicidal.

ucsparks:
me too, i don't wanna get married.. just have like 3 baby mamas and am ok
Maybe you should call me when you need the kids

Are you for real? I don't joint ownership.

You seem to be so focused on your own needs and goals, and this is misguidedly informing your thought process on the issue of marriage. What you should understand is that getting married wouldn't impede your achievement of these goals that you have set for yourself, as long as you are married to the right person. Now, finding the right person, is another issue all together, but at 26, I think you should be able to identify this right person when you see him.

Marriage of course has it's ups and downs, but it also has it's good sides. Two heads are better than one. It's always great to have someone to provide you support and encouragement, especially when the going gets so tough, and it's much better when that person loves and cares about you. A husband, if he is a proper one, would provide you these important ingredients, which would be incredibly helpful in achieving these goals that you are so focused on.

You are also afraid of commitment and frightened about the possible prospect of emotional betrayal. I do understand your fears, but, marriage isn't a union between two random individuals with mutually incompatible ideas and goals, and who aren't affectionately oriented towards each other. Maybe there are marriages with these kind of people as husband and wife, but from what I know about marriage, it should be the exact opposite. Before you agree to marry someone, you must love and care about them, and they must feel the same way. Love engenders trust, and trust bolsters commitment. If you find someone that you can love and that would love you equally, it eliminates the prospect of your fears to the barest minimum. But love doesn't just happen. Love grows. And for it to grow, you have to give it a chance. You have to engage in meaningful relationships with people and denude yourself of these emotionally debilitating fears.

I am not forcing you to get married. Marriage is a very serious decision, and no one should be forced into it. Your mum doesn't have the right to force you to get married. No one does. It's a decision for you to make and you shouldn't make it under any sort of pressure, because it could lead to making wrong decisions.
But you have to ask yourself certain questions and you need to be honest. Do you want to get married? Do you long to spend your life with a man? Do you feel elated when you imagine yourself as a wife and mother? If the answer to these questions are yes, then you shouldn't let fear stop you.

Berlynn:
Many people are afraid of marriage for a number of reasons, but regardless of the reasons, in general marriage is nothing to be afraid of,Marriage can be a beautiful thing between two people and shouldn't be something to fear its something ordained by God himself so lift that fear

you are right but many things happening in marriage gives me the chills. There may be nothing wrong with marriage but everything can be wrong with the persons in marriage.

Gennyike:



It may be me as i just want to be caught in a cage but the truth is that i don't pretend in a relationship. I just don't want to be a property....

the guy on its own may be too deep in his fantasies of a primitive wife as many African men may desire then blind to who i am.

We all have our lives to live. I don't want marriage to tie me down, like a prison with high walls or like the life i want for me is over; that is suicidal.

Okay,okay.

But last I checked,relationships or marriage doesn't stop us from life goals, it all depends on the man.
Looking at my mummy, that woman is very hardworking not minding whatever she gets from dad, now tell me who'll support a stay home wife?

Every man now wants a supporting woman and not some liability,the best you can do now is talk with your man, you two sit down and you tell him things he'll do that might make you lose interest,relationship is all about communication and understanding..

And about pretending, just push his buttons most time and watch how he reacts to it..

Gennyike:


Are you for real? I don't joint ownership.

Huh that's been selfish,, ok go and adopt na

Don't worry, you are not ready for marriage and when the right man comes everything will work out fine.

Do what u need to do now and along the line, you will find someone to be happy with.

look at them, fear of marriage but not scared of relationship



waiting God go judge for this plannet earth plenty

Xensity:
You seem to be so focused on achieving your own needs and your own goals and this is misguidedly informing your thought process on the issue of marriage. What you should acknowledge is that getting married wouldn't impede your achievement of these goals that you have set for yourself, as long as you are married to the right person. Now finding the right person, is another issue all together, but at 26, I think you should be able to identify this right person when you see him.

Marriage of course has it's ups and downs, but it also has it's good sides. Two heads are better than one. It's always better to have someone to provide support and encouragement, especially when the going gets so tough, and it's much better when that person loves and cares about you. A husband, if he is a proper one, would provide you this important ingredients, which would be incredibly helpful in you achieving these goals you are so focused on.

You are also afraid of commitment and frightened about the possible prospect of emotional betrayal. I do understand your fears, but, marriage isn't a union between two random individuals with mutually incompatible ideas and goals, and who aren't affectionately oriented towards each other. Maybe there are marriages with these kind of people as husband and wife, but from what I know about marriage, it should be the exact opposite. Before you agree to marry someone, you must love and care about them, and they must feel the same way. Love engenders trust, and trust bolsters commitment. If you find someone that you can love and that would love you equally, it eliminates the prospect of your fears to the barest minimum. But love doesn't just happen. Love grows. And for it to grow, you have to give it a chance. You have to engage in meaningful relationships with people and denude yourself of these emotionally debilitating fears.

I am not forcing you to get married. Marriage is a very serious decision, and no one should be forced into it. Your mum doesn't have the right to force you to get married. No one does. It's a decision for you to make and you shouldn't make it under any sort of pressure, because it could lead to making wrong decisions.
But you have to ask yourself certain questions and you need to be honest. Do you want to get married? Do you long to spend your life with a man? Do you feel elated when you imagine yourself as a wife and mother? If the answer to these questions are yes, then you shouldn't let fear stop you.

What a wonderful piece you have here. I do at times with the picture of the bright sides but i don't at times when i begin to imagine all the possible things i never had in my plans that may come up. People change or show their true colors after many or couple of years of pretense.

xkris11:
Don't worry, you are not ready for marriage and when the right man comes everything will work out fine.

Do what u need to do now and along the line, you will find someone to be happy with.

You may be right...just some people will make you think you are about to hit menopause at 26 if you don't settle down.

senibo1:
look at them, fear of marriage but not scared of relationship




waiting God go judge for this plannet earth plenty

African Jesus....

Gennyike:

African Jesus....

loooooolz

is that the one you pray to?

senibo1:
loooooolz

is that the one you pray to?

If I hear! shebi dey make us believe the real Jesus na oyibo,not a blackman.