Most times young Christians find it difficult confiding in people close to them about LOVE, Sex, Dating, Marriage, Romance in relation to Purity and Godliness. Unfortunately, the world is setting a new standard that by the day is becoming more popular.

The aim of this post is for Christians to post Questions or ask for clarifications concerning this.

God willing, you will get an unbiased, godly Christian response that will help you to survive in this perversed generation.

Note: I will only comment on issues that seeks answers that lead to better godly lifestyles.

Stay Blessed

NB:All matured Christians are welcomed to contribute!

pls sir mention some brethren who can contribute here.
Cc' Gombs. Joeagbaje 4everGod Jcross KingEbukasBlog Scholar and who again, lol

analice107:

pls sir mention some brethren who can contribute here.

Cc' Gombs.
Joeagbaje
4everGod
Jcross
KingEbukasBlog
Scholar and who again, lol

Noted:

Cc:
winner01 , kingebukasblog , Richirich713, scholar8200 , malvisguy212 , Muafrika2 Dejideji1 , truthman2012, Image123 , InesQor, Joshthefirst MrPresident1, gatiano sukkot, OLAADEGBU , vooks, UyiIredia Jeromejnr, goodmuyis

shadeyinka:
Most times young Christians find it difficult confiding in people close to them about LOVE, Sex, Dating, Marriage, Romance in relation to Purity and Godliness. Unfortunately, the world is setting a new standard that by the day is becoming more popular.

The aim of this post is for Christians to post Questions or ask for clarifications concerning this.

God willing, you will get an unbiased, godly Christian response that will help you to survive in this perversed generation.

Note: I will only comment on issues that seeks answers that lead to better godly lifestyles.

Stay Blessed

NB:All matured Christians are welcomed to contribute!

A lot of Churches are not making marital conditions easy for wanna be couples or those who feel like they are ready for marriage and this is bringing a bit of reluctance or even delays in marriages because once marriage issues arise the first thought that comes up is money and thid is a huge stumbling block as both parties often do not agree on the magnitude of events.

But all in all marriage is honourable and worthwhile adventure in truth and togetherness. I am married and have been for 8yrs now but my wife and I act like babies in love and do silly things all the time...its fun and its healthy and we are our own best friends.

Anyone with a question or who is in a marital dilemma should feel free to ask any question here. I am so in love with this thread.

Shalom

4everGod:


A lot of Churches are not making marital conditions easy for wanna be couples or those who feel like they are ready for marriage and this is bringing a bit of reluctance or even delays in marriages because once marriage issues arise the first thought that comes up is money and thid is a huge stumbling block as both parties often do not agree on the magnitude of events.

But all in all marriage is honourable and worthwhile adventure in truth and togetherness. I am married and have been for 8yrs now but my wife and I act like babies in love and do silly things all the time...its fun and its healthy and we are our own best friends.

Anyone with a question or who is in a marital dilemma should feel free to ask any question here. I am so in love with this thread.

Shalom

God bless you Bro!

I strongly believe that its a mistake when we believe that what makes a good marriage is finding the "will of God" for your marriage. There is a lot more of hardwork involved and unfortunately, this is downplayed.

Fun in marriage never happens by accident. It is planned and groomed.

On churches not making weddings easy, I want to believe that its mainly a societal problem. In my church, you will be wedded with a minimum of 7 people. You can be joined together on any day of the week.

But trust us, we all still go for the expensive wedding. Since I have been attending my church, and that's several years, I have only witnessed 2 low keyed wedding ceremony.

God help us

I actually expect to get questions like:
Is it a sin for a christian to masturbate?
How do I know the will of God for me in marriage?
Can we kiss in courtship?

There are endless questions a young christian want not just a yes or no answer. Some answers can unfortunately not be directly found in the scriptures: however matured christian minds can educate and enlighten young people on how a child of God can please Him.

E.g. there is no direct response about smoking cigarette in the Bible!

I have a question.

I knew two men in a church I used to attend who had made plans to get married to nice women. Their parents rejected the women for no reason at all and they broke their marriage plans.

The third one was a neighbour and friend of mine. His mother started interrogating the girl (when he brought her to approve their planned marriage) about village survival issues;" like, Can you till land?" "Can you do this or that?"

I know because the mom was my friend and you could see the anger as she narrated the negative responses she got from her intended daughter in law. Then she started avoiding her whenever she came to visit until the girl knew she was not wanted.

A few years passed and his son found another girl. He married her in church secretly after his pastors knew that his mother would most likely not approve.

My question is. Would such people be justified, if they did not inform their parents of their decision to get married?

By the way, that neighbour friend of mine brought his wife to see his mother after she had a kid. The mother was beside herself proudly calling us to admire her grandkid

Muafrika2:
I have a question.

I knew two men in a church I used to attend who had made plans to get married to nice women. Their parents rejected the women for no reason at all and they broke their marriage plans.

The third one was a neighbour and friend of mine. His mother started interrogating the girl (when he brought her to approve their planned marriage) about village survival issues;" like, Can you till land?" "Can you do this or that?"

I know because the mom was my friend and you could see the anger as she narrated the negative responses she got from her intended daughter in law. Then she started avoiding her whenever she came to visit until the girl knew she was not wanted.

A few years passed and his son found another girl. He married her in church secretly after his pastors knew that his mother would most likely not approve.

My question is. Would such people be justified, if they did not inform their parents of their decision to get married?

By the way, that neighbour friend of mine brought his wife to see his mother after she had a kid. The mother was beside herself proudly calling us to admire her grandkid

This is a serious practical issue that occasionally raise their ugly heads especially when there is a conflict between parents and their children.

A cousin of mine was involved in an event like this and I can tell you it is not funny.

There are three basic situations:
1. The Parents are not Born Again:
So, they have "other motives": He is not from our tribe, He is crippled, his parent is our enemy etc.
2. The Parents are Born again but "Carnal".
Same as above
3. The Parents are Born again AND Spirit filled

Personally, I believe that no matter what, no intending couple should get married in Rebellion!

Eph 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.

Col 3:20 Children, obey your parents in[b] all things[/b]: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.

All things as it is NOT a violation of Gods command (SIN). Other than that, all things mean ALL things.

Now, the problem is the couple in question!
Do they both know Jesus?
Do they both believe in Prayers?
Are they willing to WAIT!

A relation of mine was in this situation. She is Yoruba and her fiancé was Ibo. Her father said over his dead body will he give his daughters hand in marriage to a " Yan miri".

You know what, prayerfully, these two WAITED in prayer. Every time the girl will represent this same man as the person she wants to marry. Now even though, she was the first daughter in the family, she was the last to marry.

Come and see the Father beaming with smiles during the wedding. But as "Christians" they succeeded!


A pastor does NOT have the spiritual right to marry off anyone. It is actually the parents that give out their children AND pastors officiate as a spiritual authority. The parents authority supersedes that of any pastorbover their children.

Sometimes, God do kill a stumbling block oh. I believe in Prayers.

Other Christians may clear concepts overlooked

shadeyinka
Good point about the parents giving the children off as opposed to the church.

But is rebellion and withholding information the same? In my example above, the mother did not know of the wedding until after the fact. And it seemed to work out for all of them in the end.

analice107:

pls sir mention some brethren who can contribute here.

Cc' Gombs.
Joeagbaje
4everGod
Jcross
KingEbukasBlog
Scholar and who again, lol

Dear Gracious

I'm still a virgin , never been in a relationship before and still single . So I think the best contributors will be those who have the experience of the subject being discussed .

shadeyinka:
I actually expect to get questions like:
Is it a sin for a christian to masturbate?
How do I know the will of God for me in marriage?
Can we kiss in courtship?

!

Yes, lets talk about these two issues.

Is it okay for unmarried believers to masturbate?

Is it okay for married but distant (because of work) Believers to Masturbate?

Is it Biblical for Courting Believers to kiss?


I listened to a supposed believer sometime ago who said, She allows her Fiance handle her but no penetration. This according to her was to help the man not go out to commit formication.

NOW, my questions is, Is handling without penetration right, or its a sin?

Muafrika2:
shadeyinka
Good point about the parents giving the children off as opposed to the church.

But is rebellion and withholding information the same? In my example above, the mother did not know of the wedding until after the fact. And it seemed to work out for all of them in the end.

It is easy to know what is right in this case!

Mat 19:19 Honour thy father and thy mother: and, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

Here you can replace your neighbour with your parents.

We should ask ourself some difficult questions at times:
If I was a parent (christian) and my daughter wants to marry a Muslim man, would I agree?

What of if she goes ahead and marries him without my consent, would I appreciate that?

Difficult as it may be, the ball is in the court of the couple who want to please God in their marriage.

The law of sowing and reaping says, if you dishonor your parents,l: your own children might do the same to you.

If you decieved your parents, your own children might do the same.

Check out Jacob in the scriptures: He decieved his Father for the blessing but his own children also did that to him

Its safer spiritually if the couple in question weather it out with wisdom , stamina and spiritual guidance! We wrestle not against flees and blood. We should not lay the foundation of our marriage with what may result into a long term spiritual battle.

Cc' Gombs.
Joeagbaje
4everGod
Jcross
KingEbukasBlog
Scholar

Your contributions pls

KingEbukasBlog:


Dear Gracious

I'm still a virgin , never been in a relationship before and still single . So I think the best contributors will be those who have the experience of the subject being discussed .

Don't worry! You know what to do as a Christian when your time comes. Chip in your unbiased views whenever you feel its not above you.

There are other believers here! You're on track!

analice107:


Yes, lets talk about these two issues.

Is it okay for unmarried believers to masturbate?

Is it okay for married but distant (because of work) Believers to Masturbate?

Is it Biblical for Courting Believers to kiss?

I listened to a supposed believer sometime ago who said, She allows her Fiance handle her but no penetration. This according to her was to help the man not go out to commit formication.

NOW, my questions is, Is handling without penetration right, or its a sin?

Whao, three heafty questions in a row? I guess we can handle it one by one.

However, the simplest one:

I listened to a supposed believer sometime ago who said, She allows her Fiance handle her but no penetration. This according to her was to help the man not go out to commit formication.

They have ALREADY DONE IT as far as God is concerned!

Mat 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

If one who looks have done it: how about him who went to the next level of touching, handling and creating a sexual release?

This couple are obviously in sin even though technically biologically they may be virgins. They must repent now, cause they are fooling no other but themselves.

I will open a new post to handle the next question

analice107:


Yes, lets talk about these two issues.
Is it okay for unmarried believers to masturbate?

1. First, almost every sexually biologically responsive educated human being on earth above the age of 20 have masturbated at least once in their life time.

2. The habit is more common in terms of frequency among males than females.
3. There is no direct scripture that say " thou shalt not masturbate" but their are indirect scriptures

1Co 7:9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn .

That is rather than "masturbating" go and marry!

There are other scriptures, but my helpers on this topic will contribute as deemed fit.

In this contemporary world, the bolded is NOT really feasible. So what is a christian expected to do?

1. Renewing your Mind:
Rom 12:2 [/b]And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

[b]Eph 4:23 And be renewed in the spirit of your mind;

It simply means filling your mind with NON sexual thoughts but on things that edify spiritually.

The scripture above looks simplistic but it contains a lot of work
1. Avoid situations that predispose you to sexual thoughts. Some kinds of Movies, Books, Touch, Looks etc.
2. Occupy your time with useful and profitable activities eg. Sport, Fellowship activities, Business, Farming, Hobbies etc. Just find something that occupy your time productivly.
3. If you are NOT ready for Marriage, don't go into a relationship.
4. Understand the Spiritual Implication of Masturbation.
And here is where I am going to spend a little time.

Masturbation is seriously addictive. Why? Because there is a spiritual dimension to anything related to sex.

Now, because erotic thoughts are involved, it is easy for demons to latch up with (this unconscious spiritual meditation). I strongly believe that whenever a person masturbates, he gives demons stronger access into their lives.

In deliverance ministry, sex in the dreams is usually associated with demons AND it is an exchange/payment you get for them taking something from you.

I can explain more on the above if further questions are raised.

So, why would I for the reasonof masturbation allow demons access over any aspect of my life!

Is dating and/or courtship before marriage scriptural? If yes, show Biblical references. I have one more in mind but trash this first!

KingEbukasBlog:


Dear Gracious

I'm still a virgin , never been in a relationship before and still single . So I think the best contributors will be those who have the experience of the subject being discussed .

Hmmmm...

KingEbukasBlog:


Dear Gracious

I'm still a virgin , never been in a relationship before and still single . So I think the best contributors will be those who have the experience of the subject being discussed .

errrm, *scratch head*.

enhhhh. That reminds me. Some years ago, i met a friend, a 28yrs old guy at the time, who was a virgin, but was a porn addict.

This guy was a super Star in his Church (Redeem). I say this because, he was known as a good guy. Everybody loved him, you cant help but love him. He never had issues with women or girls. Very committed and everywhere doing everything in Church, but this...

He was in a relationship,but kept away from her. He wanted to marry before climbing the Palm Tree. I knew he was addictted because we very close so he told me. He Masturbated several times a in day.

Now, What is the diff. between this virgin (Never touched a girl, but porn addicted and Masturbates freely) with a guy who does it with a girl.

NOTE, most of these is for the young ones.

shadeyinka:


Whao, three heafty questions in a row? I guess we can handle it one by one.

However, the simplest one:


They have ALREADY DONE IT as far as God is concerned!

Mat 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

If one who looks have done it: how about him who went to the next level of touching, handling and creating a sexual release?

This couple are obviously in sin even though technically biologically they may be virgins. They must repent now, cause they are fooling no other but themselves.

I will open a new post to handle the next question

That was also my stance, but i was told since there was no penetration, the act has not taken place, and since they were going to marry anyways.


And what about a case where, a couple does it on the night of their Wedding? Will it be counted as a sin against them? bearing in mind the Bride Price has been paid and Traditional wedding done.

analice107:
pls sir mention some brethren who can contribute here.

Yes i Have a Question Why is it that Anas is Not returning My love

EyeHateGod:

Yes i Have a Question Why is it that Anas is Not returning My love

Create a thread in Capital LETTERS and woo me properly. Am a respectable lady not a tramp.

analice107:

Create a thread in Capital LETTERS and woo me properly. Am a respectable lady not a tramp.

KingEbukasBlog:

See this guy want wear shoe wey big pass am.

Scholar8200:
Is dating and/or courtship before marriage scriptural? If yes, show Biblical references. I have one more in mind but trash this first!

Dictionary Definitions:

What is dating?:
noun (plural datings)
A form of romantic courtship typically between two individuals with the aim of assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. The result of dating may at any time lead to friendship, any level of intimate relationship, marriage, or no relation.

What is courting?:
noun (plural courtships)
The act of paying court, with the intent to solicit a favor.
The act of wooing in love; solicitation of woman to marriage

.

First we have to understand cultural differences between the bible times and the present times which is still different from our traditional culture.

Culture is just the norm of a way of life of a people.

In the Bible times, there is NO courtship. What is available is Betrothal! And this is,

a mutual promise, engagement, or contract for a future marriage between the persons betrothed; betrothment; affiance.

This is done family to family except in unusual circumstances and not boy to girl. If you like a girl, your family will send representatives to request for your hand in marriage not hand in friendship!

Judges 14
1 And Samson went down to Timnath, and saw a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines.

2 And he came up, and told his father and his mother, and said, I have seen a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines: now therefore get her for me to wife.

Now, God respects your culture when it comes to marriage as long as it does not violate the laws of purity and righteousness.

Dating is an American culture or better still western culture that we have all kind of adopted.

Is Dating a sin? No!

It is what people do within dating that could be sin or righteousness

BUT,
I have to balance things!

What is the Christian Definition of Courtship:
It is NOT a time to test your compatibility for marriage!
It is NOT a time to get to know and understand each other better.

Yes, these two will happen in courtship but the proper Christian definition is this!

Courtship is the period of time when a man and a woman intending to get married design the architectural masterplan of their future home.

It is a time to design your home to be! You can ask more question on this so that I won't derail the thread.

Christian courtship assumes
1. You have seen the person you like to marry
2. You have done your background check on (Salvation, Education, Character etc)
3. You have presented the person to God and God has given His approval
4. You have Proposed/He has proposed and the Answer is YES to the question
"Will you Marry me?"

Can Christians be friends with the opposite sex with no strings attached? YES!


Others may add scriptures to buttress or tone down the above position

I am impressed with the matured responses on this thread but let me observe with admiration for a bit and comment fully later. extremely busy now.

@shadeyinka great job you are doing bro.

analice107:

See this guy want wear shoe wey big pass am.

No mind am

analice107:

errrm, *scratch head*.

enhhhh. That reminds me. Some years ago, i met a friend, a 28yrs old guy at the time, who was a virgin, but was a porn addict.

This guy was a super Star in his Church (Redeem). I say this because, he was known as a good guy. Everybody loved him, you cant help but love him. He never had issues with women or girls. Very committed and everywhere doing everything in Church, but this...

He was in a relationship,but kept away from her. He wanted to marry before climbing the Palm Tree. I knew he was addictted because we very close so he told me. He Masturbated several times a in day.

Now, What is the diff. between this virgin (Never touched a girl, but porn addicted and Masturbates freely) with a guy who does it with a girl.

NOTE, most of these is for the young ones.

Wow, a tough question:

A sinner is a sinner!
Mat 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

NOTE:
The consequence of sins here on earth may differ greatly however. That is for God to judge and the effect of the spiritual laws that had been broken!

Fornication also involve the implication of soul ties AnD the risk of contracting "Spiritual HIV". That does not absolve the person who watches porn...their are also demons unleased! The future implications may be bad for both cases

analice107:

That was also my stance, but i was told since there was no penetration, the act has not taken place, and since they were going to marry anyways.


And what about a case where, a couple does it on the night of their Wedding? Will it be counted as a sin against them? bearing in mind the Bride Price has been paid and Traditional wedding done.

Seriously speaking, marriage really takes place ONLY when ALL the required activity for the wedding has been done.

That is, if ALL that is required in your community and Society is Payment of the Bride Price, then don't fool others that you want to do church wedding. Because, it implies that ALL about the wedding is Not Concluded until the church wedding is done and thisbmakes it a sin.

Don't forget that God respects Marriage institution of societies:
In Nigeria, we have :
1. Traditional Marriage
2. Civil or Court Marriage
3. Religious Marriage

God respects ALL.
If a Christian Goes for Traditional wedding let him fulfill ALL the requirements
If they decided for Christian Church wedding let them fulfill ALNthe requirements.

It is a lie of the devil to defile the Bed before Marriage.

Heb 13:4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

4everGod:
I am impressed with the matured responses on this thread but let me observe with admiration for a bit and comment fully later. extremely busy now.

@shadeyinka great job you are doing bro.

Thanks Bro!
Expecting you fast fast!

shadeyinka:


Dictionary Definitions:
.

First we have to understand cultural differences between the bible times and the present times which is still different from our traditional culture.

Culture is just the norm of a way of life of a people.

In the Bible times, there is NO courtship. What is available is Betrothal! And this is,


This is done family to family except in unusual circumstances and not boy to girl. If you like a girl, your family will send representatives to request for your hand in marriage not hand in friendship!



Now, God respects your culture when it comes to marriage as long as it does not violate the laws of purity and righteousness.

Dating is an American culture or better still western culture that we have all kind of adopted.

Is Dating a sin? No!

It is what people do within dating that could be sin or righteousness

BUT,
I have to balance things!

What is the Christian Definition of Courtship:
It is NOT a time to test your compatibility for marriage!
It is NOT a time to get to know and understand each other better.

Yes, these two will happen in courtship but the proper Christian definition is this!

Courtship is the period of time when a man and a woman intending to get married design the architectural masterplan of their future home.

It is a time to design your home to be! You can ask more question on this so that I won't derail the thread.

Christian courtship assumes
1. You have seen the person you like to marry
2. You have done your background check on (Salvation, Education, Character etc)
3. You have presented the person to God and God has given His approval
4. You have Proposed/He has proposed and the Answer is YES to the question
"Will you Marry me?"

Can Christians be friends with the opposite sex with no strings attached? YES!


Others may add scriptures to buttress or tone down the above position

Would it be right for culture to prescribe how a Bible command should be carried out? Remember Rebecca? Her family wanted to follow certain fiial rites before releasing her but Eleazar refused!

The second question:

analice107:


Yes, lets talk about this

Is it Biblical for Courting Believers to kiss?

Kiss!
That's another culture we have imported and it is part of us now.

However, there are several kinds of kissing:
1. Peck on the cheek or hand or forehead
2. Peck on the lips
3. Prolonged kiss on the cheeks, hand or forehead
4. French kiss

Now, there is what we call boundary rules.
1 or 2 may be safe even for unmarried believers in courtship ALTHOUGH, I totally discourage it. Because, it makes your resistance to 3 and the 4 weak. A peck lasts a max of 2 seconds any other contact more than that is "haram" forbidden. Whatever you cannot do in the presence of other believers is definitely a sin.

When it comes to fornication, the Bible did not say wait and cast out the devil. The Bible says FLEE!

1Co 6:18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.

Even as a married man, I flee and I am NOT ashamed to say it.

Of course 3 and 4 are totally off limits. It is impossible to do 3 & 4 without waking up the sleeping Giant (Your God given Hormones).


Maintain the discipline of NOT engaging in any form of kissing. Trust me when you get married, you will have too much of it. Satan wants you to break the hedge so that the serpent can come in and bite.

1Th 5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil.

Scholar8200:
Would it be right for culture to prescribe how a Bible command should be carried out? Remember Rebecca? Her family wanted to follow certain fiial rites before releasing her but Eleazar refused!

Even in the Bible times, culture changes. Eleazer gave out his daughter to a complete "stranger" based on an introduction (I am sure they never saw Abraham). Should we follow this model?


Don't forget that God recognized the Marriage of Portipher and his wife. Even though, they were Egyptians shoes marriage culture would be different.

Pick the Marriage between Boaz and Ruth, look at how it was conducted. How about the culture of kinsmen marring each others widow.

I strongly believe in the invariance of sin with location or culture. That is anything that is a sin in Nigeria, must be a sin in the remote part of China irrespective of the cultural difference.

So, the problem is not about culture it is about the presence of sin in the activities of some cultures.