Mindfulness:


Exactly.

Everyone relax some more.

When you feel stressed out, that's the time to relax. It may seem counterproductive but it's when you need new energy the most.

Mimzyy:


Teach me how to... I need it too pls

Mindfulness:


Everything you need to know is on this thread on this page:

https://www.nairaland.com/2273391/what-like-try-next-life/1#50259555

kunleajaye:
I want to believe it’s the stress of work, school, and the many thoughts going through our minds that is causing all this, but I don’t want to wake up one day and realize I don’t love my wife anymore. I don't want a situation where all this will split our family apart and suffer the little ones.

ItsQuinn:
From the observation of your story, I don't think your wife is going to change so it's either you tolerate, have extra marital affairs or you get a divorce. Simple! The choice is yours

AgrotConsult:
@op, i was once in dz very stress-filled spot of urs, my situation became vry hectic i come home frm long energy-sucken work, she would nag me lyk hell, yes lyk about everything she feels i was doing wrong, she most times transfer her anger frm d kids to me, frm d kitchen to me, frm d empty toiletries dwn to anything. wen i talk - it irritates her frm dia we argue to eachother's fill. i work so hard to provide for my wife and 4 kids. oh s3x was out d window and i stop initiating or worrying myslf to sleep about it. she sometimes nausea me wen i initiate cuz my toddler daughter was winning in dat department alrdy. so one day, she overstep & i almost hit her on her disgustin nasty face. she wept as if i had alrdy hit her while i was lashing my way out of the hauz to clear my head perhaps, for a moment i saw d panics in my kids. i felt guilty. didnt sleep well dat night. until i came up wit a solution lyk planning my personal finance, rooting out excess expenses, adjusting n allocating to needs dat matter most.

AgrotConsult:
@op, i was once in dz very stress-filled spot of urs, my situation became vry hectic i come home frm long energy-sucken work, she would nag me lyk hell, yes lyk about everything she feels i was doing wrong, she most times transfer her anger frm d kids to me, frm d kitchen to me, frm d empty toiletries dwn to anything. wen i talk - it irritates her frm dia we argue to eachother's fill. i work so hard to provide for my wife and 4 kids. oh s3x was out d window and i stop initiating or worrying myslf to sleep about it. she sometimes nausea me wen i initiate cuz my toddler daughter was winning in dat department alrdy. so one day, she overstep & i almost hit her on her disgustin nasty face. she wept as if i had alrdy hit her while i was lashing my way out of the hauz to clear my head perhaps, for a moment i saw d panics in my kids. i felt guilty. didnt sleep well dat night. until i came up wit a solution lyk planning my personal finance, rooting out excess expenses, adjusting n allocating to needs dat matter most.

kunleajaye:
Next week will be the fifth year anniversary of the day my wife and I tied the knot. It hasn’t really been smooth sailing and many people feel marriage is all about a fairy tale, a handsome hunk sweeping the fair damsel off her feet and riding off into the sunset to live “happily ever after”. From my experience, marriage is anything but.

A year after our wedding, my wife lost her mother on that ill-fated Dana plane crash. She was barely into her first month of pregnancy and she almost lost the baby. God knows how much we all tried to hold things together for her and her younger ones as she automatically became the mother figure to her younger ones. A few months later, into her 8th month of pregnancy, we both left the shores of Nigeria to the US as I had accepted an admission for graduate studies.

Fast forward to today, we have three lovely kids, a girl (the first) and two twin boys. Unfortunately for me though, I seem to have lost some of the affection I had in the past for my wife. In clearer terms, I fear I don’t find my wife attractive anymore.

As I mentioned earlier, things aren’t as smooth as one would expect. We all know, especially those who live here in the States, that working as an International student is hard. You can hardly find companies that want to hire foreigners, especially in the IT field I’m in. I sometimes wonder how I would pay for rent, utilities, daycare, and even food at the beginning of each month. Rent alone takes away all my meager salary. My wife first of all started out by purchasing and sending baby clothes and other stuff home to Nigeria, but with the “receive today, pay tomorrow” attitude of people at home, coupled with the whole decline of the naira, the business has literally been ruined with so many bills to pay. Luckily she also started school on a tuition-only scholarship, so we have to take the kids to the day-care almost everyday, which is an additional strain to the meager pay I receive.

I don’t want to assume it is my feelings for her reducing, but these days I almost always catch myself staring at her in forlorn. I don’t see the beautiful girl I married during the first few years of my marriage. I want to assume it is the stress of all this, coupled with my school work, but these days any little thing she does annoys me. She doesn’t help matters either and sometimes we shout at each other or argue over the most trivial of things. For the past couple of months we’ve not slept in the same room. She prefers to sleep with our daughter while I sleep with the boys in the other room. Anytime I want us to be together, she’ll complain that the kids are too young to sleep alone. I accepted that argument when we first had the boys but they are almost three now. I sometimes have to carry them to their room so that she will “agree” to stay with me, and that is sometimes with great reluctance.

Don’t get me wrong, I still love my wife. I just fear I don’t find her attractive anymore. The other night she told me our sex life has really dwindled and I out rightly told her it was her fault. She said she knows and she’ll try being better but till date I’ve not seen any improvement. She’ll complain of being tired or a headache anytime I want to initiate anything, only to plead with me the following morning. There was a day she just lay there like a log of wood, indirectly telling me to do what I want to do and be done with it. I got so angry that I didn’t know when I started yelling on her. She didn’t even respond and turned to face the wall. I left her alone in bed and slept on the couch that night.

I want to believe it’s the stress of work, school, and the many thoughts going through our minds that is causing all this, but I don’t want to wake up one day and realize I don’t love my wife anymore. I don't want a situation where all this will split our family apart and suffer the little ones.

BloodOnMyHands:
.

Mimzyy:


Dear Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I plead. Not here.

doveda:
Mimzyy, I may be willing to let go if you apologised to Lanicky.

doveda:
Mimzyy, I may be willing to let go if you apologised to Lanicky.

doveda:
Mim.zyy, I may be willing to let go if you apologised to Lanicky.

someone asked me to let go. And I am primarily because I will be busy as a bee. But you have to apologise to that babe. You are no miss goody two shoes. For N50, 000, you sold your integrity and acted like a hypocrite. You better apologize ma

Mimzyy:


For as long as i can recollect, you have been an attention-seeking psycho. A contest that ended months ago is still giving you nightmares? I weep for you. Pray, tell, how did i sell my integrity? Even when the final result was obviously manipulated, i accepted it. You blow hot and cold at the same time, are you suffering from personality disorder? It is not my fault that your life is boring and pathetic. You go about offline saying crap even when you know nothing about me.

So much for your "Busy as a bee" life. If you have got nothing better to do with your time, i suggest you go and work on your self-esteem and stop allowing your inferiority complex to get the better of you. I'll keep praying for you.

PS; Rave and rant all you want, i'll not grace you with a response again.

ItsQuinn:
All what you said is still an option you know

Stop justifying ur advice na.. Jst accept u made a mistake and apologise or will u like it if ur husband cheats on u or seeks a divorce for a marital problem faced by virtually all married folks??
U owe herbie27 an apology

June24th:

Stop justifying ur advice na.. Jst accept u made a mistake and apologise or will u like it if ur husband cheats on u or seeks a divorce for a marital problem faced by virtually all married folks??
U owe herbie27 an apology

ItsQuinn:
I don't care if my husband cheat on me or seek for divorce .....and I owe no one an apology, why should I apologize for making an opinion? I didn't insult anybody

kunleajaye:
Thank you all for your comments and and contributions. I really appreciate them all.

Since the time I put up this topic, things have somehow turned a bit "brighter" for me. I was able to get a second job that i now use to supplement my first job. That now means more hours at work and coupled with school work, the stress even increased. I'm glad though that financially, we may improve a bit.

That being said, I think I seriously need help in regards to my wife. I didn't mention it during my first post, but one thing she does that really grinds my gears is she accuses me of things I don't do, especially when it comes to other people, particularly ladies. My wife has this kind of jealous attitude that if she hears that I even talked to another woman who she doesn't know, she gets suspicious. I don't have any female friends because of her. The only ladies i interact with are those in my class and my friends' wives. Knowing my wife, I even try to limit myself from talking to those ones too whenever we go visiting or they come around.

Recently I've had to do some group studying as we all know interaction with other minds on the same courses helps alot. My group consists of two other guys, a girl, and I. We usually meet up every weekend for studying and since it is a course I've taken before, I do most of the teaching. My wife knows the girl in question and one day, she told me she doesn't like the way the girl interacts with other guys (according to her, she says the girl does a lot of "gum-body" and is a bit flirty) and she doesn't want me to interact with her. I was like "here we go again". I've had a very similar situation like this in the past and it's because of these that i decided to stay away from speaking to other ladies entirely. I told her i can't just kick her out of our group because she has a false suspicion that the girl would do the same to me. Besides i can't be that stupid to do anything with the girl and risk losing my family for a fling. That one ended there and i thought it would be the end of it but believe me i was wrong.

Anytime I go for the group study, she'll automatically work herself up, saying I'm being too nice to everyone and she knows her husband can do anything, especially with the girl. I've told her several times to stop accusing me of things like that. I've even told her once that if someone wants to destroy our marriage, all they had to do was tell her I'm messing around with another woman and she'll believe without even consulting me first.

Things go to a head last night. I got home around 10:30pm after the whole day of reading. As I entered, the girl in question (I had left them all in skool) called me. Knowing my wife, I didn't want to decline the call and fuel her suspicions again so i picked it. She asked me if i could pick her up on my way to school this morning and I told her I can't. I had this conversation right in front of my wife just to show her i wasn't hiding anything from her but still, she blew it. Started accusing me as if she caught me in bed with the girl, saying her spirit was strong, that she knew i had something to do with the girl, and of all people to call why was it me. I just got fed up and went to check up on our little girl who has been down for a while.

I expected to be angry but all i felt was sadness. I mentioned it to her b4 that things like this, accusing a man for something he didn't do, would sometimes push the man to do such things (sometimes, not all the time). i told her last week that the head of the organization at my new job asked me to teach his daughter some UI design as i was the only one who did that in the company. The first thing my wife would say is "I hope she knows you're married"? I was like what the heck?

What now made me want to come out was the dream i had. I felt so disturbed (and as usual, she slept in the other room with the kids), that i hardly got any sleep last night. In the dream i had, I took the kids to their nanny's (as is my usual custom every Monday) and returned home. My wife was waiting for me in bed and we made love. Afterwards, I pulled a stiletto knife from under the pillow and slit her throat. I then wrote a letter in her blood explaining my actions before I plunged the knife deep into my own heart. The sharp pain i felt was what made me jerk awake at three in the morning. That was when i realized i need to talk to someone before this whole thing consumes me and i do something I'll later regret.

I left home very early this morning before anyone woke up. She hasn't called me and I too didn't call. This whole thing is really giving me serious concern and at 33 years, I'm beginning to grow some serious grey hairs on my beards. I've seen a couple on my head as well.

kunleajaye:
Thank you all for your comments and and contributions. I really appreciate them all.

Since the time I put up this topic, things have somehow turned a bit "brighter" for me. I was able to get a second job that i now use to supplement my first job. That now means more hours at work and coupled with school work, the stress even increased. I'm glad though that financially, we may improve a bit.

That being said, I think I seriously need help in regards to my wife. I didn't mention it during my first post, but one thing she does that really grinds my gears is she accuses me of things I don't do, especially when it comes to other people, particularly ladies. My wife has this kind of jealous attitude that if she hears that I even talked to another woman who she doesn't know, she gets suspicious. I don't have any female friends because of her. The only ladies i interact with are those in my class and my friends' wives. Knowing my wife, I even try to limit myself from talking to those ones too whenever we go visiting or they come around.

Recently I've had to do some group studying as we all know interaction with other minds on the same courses helps alot. My group consists of two other guys, a girl, and I. We usually meet up every weekend for studying and since it is a course I've taken before, I do most of the teaching. My wife knows the girl in question and one day, she told me she doesn't like the way the girl interacts with other guys (according to her, she says the girl does a lot of "gum-body" and is a bit flirty) and she doesn't want me to interact with her. I was like "here we go again". I've had a very similar situation like this in the past and it's because of these that i decided to stay away from speaking to other ladies entirely. I told her i can't just kick her out of our group because she has a false suspicion that the girl would do the same to me. Besides i can't be that stupid to do anything with the girl and risk losing my family for a fling. That one ended there and i thought it would be the end of it but believe me i was wrong.

Anytime I go for the group study, she'll automatically work herself up, saying I'm being too nice to everyone and she knows her husband can do anything, especially with the girl. I've told her several times to stop accusing me of things like that. I've even told her once that if someone wants to destroy our marriage, all they had to do was tell her I'm messing around with another woman and she'll believe without even consulting me first.

Things go to a head last night. I got home around 10:30pm after the whole day of reading. As I entered, the girl in question (I had left them all in skool) called me. Knowing my wife, I didn't want to decline the call and fuel her suspicions again so i picked it. She asked me if i could pick her up on my way to school this morning and I told her I can't. I had this conversation right in front of my wife just to show her i wasn't hiding anything from her but still, she blew it. Started accusing me as if she caught me in bed with the girl, saying her spirit was strong, that she knew i had something to do with the girl, and of all people to call why was it me. I just got fed up and went to check up on our little girl who has been down for a while.

I expected to be angry but all i felt was sadness. I mentioned it to her b4 that things like this, accusing a man for something he didn't do, would sometimes push the man to do such things (sometimes, not all the time). i told her last week that the head of the organization at my new job asked me to teach his daughter some UI design as i was the only one who did that in the company. The first thing my wife would say is "I hope she knows you're married"? I was like what the heck?

What now made me want to come out was the dream i had. I felt so disturbed (and as usual, she slept in the other room with the kids), that i hardly got any sleep last night. In the dream i had, I took the kids to their nanny's (as is my usual custom every Monday) and returned home. My wife was waiting for me in bed and we made love. Afterwards, I pulled a stiletto knife from under the pillow and slit her throat. I then wrote a letter in her blood explaining my actions before I plunged the knife deep into my own heart. The sharp pain i felt was what made me jerk awake at three in the morning. That was when i realized i need to talk to someone before this whole thing consumes me and i do something I'll later regret.

I left home very early this morning before anyone woke up. She hasn't called me and I too didn't call. This whole thing is really giving me serious concern and at 33 years, I'm beginning to grow some serious grey hairs on my beards. I've seen a couple on my head as well.