I will try my best not be biased about our story and if you have any questions to ask please do.

I met him last year December precisely and we both work in the same office, we became best of friends but he was in a relationship (distant) and I was single.
We were really close because we both were new in town with no family around and then I fell in love with him and opened up about my feelings to him but he said he was in a relationship.

I was hurt but I held my head up and moved on. I started mingling with other male colleagues and then he became jealous and so I confronted him about it (still loved him) and u also told him to choose between us and he said he wants me. His decision was based on the fact that the other lady was far away, he thought she was promiscuous and she is an OND holder etc (I got to find out about this later).

We moved in together because of financial stress and talked about getting married next year... Late June this year I found out he had not broken up with the other lady, confronted him about it and he settled the issue.

I got pregnant July and he asked for an abortion, I insisted on keeping the baby with or without marriage.. He finally accepted to marry me and proceeded to tell my parents(he later said I forced him to that). He accused me of so many things and called me different names.

He traveled to his hometown and informed his parents about it all and met with the lady. On his return, he said the lady gives him peace and if I lose this pregnancy he will go back with her and that he loves her but he is just getting married to me because he respects my family and do not want to bring shame to me at work.

I cried, prayed and endured it all. Two weeks ago his family came for the introduction and the wedding has been fixed for December but I'm not happy.

I'm a shadow of myself, he feels disgusted by my presence and I can't say anything without him getting angry. I used to nag and quarrel a lot but I've stopped, even when I'm angry I just walk away.

He does not care about me and this pregnancy and if I tell him I'm sick or tired or anything, he will just say that I'm not the first to get pregnant and that it's when I push the baby he will take responsibility.

I have tried my best and I'm confused, last night I called him peacefully to ask him what I'm doing wrong but he said I'm disturbing him. I used to call his parents and my parents to intervene but he said I should stop that and I have stopped.

Please what can I do to save our relationship, it's not easy for me . this is not the man I fell in love with help me and please I need your advice because I am ready to do anything.

I want my child to have a normal family.

Hmmmm, aunty, this your story dey somehow o... He never loved you, obviously, but you were too blinded by 'love' to see all the warning signs. That he asked you to abort shows he never had you in his long term plans.

Fact is, you pushed yourself on him and being a man, he saw the opportunity for free punny. Now the novelty of the said free punny has worn off and coupled with it, the said punny is pregnant for him, so he is feeling stifled and thus resents you for making him do all things he doesn't want to do.

He wants to marry you out of pity, which is why he said he doesn't want to bring shame to you and your family.

Sister, you are on your own. Better wake up seriously because deep down, you know the truth. Love, they say, is blind but na inside marriage eye dey clear. You are seeing all the signs but you still want to go ahead to marry, because you want to bear 'Mrs', or you want your child to have a normal family as you claim. Sister, you want your child to grow up seeing you unhappy because his or her daddy doesn't love mummy?

Sister, I repeat, You Are On Your Own.

Ishilove:
Hmmmm, aunty, this your story dey somehow o... He never loved you, obviously, but you were too blinded by 'love' to see all the warning signs. That he asked you to abort shows he never had you in his long term plans.

Fact is, you pushed yourself on him and being a man, he saw the opportunity for free punny. Now the novelty of the said free punny has worn off and coupled with it, the said punny is pregnant for him, so he is feeling stifled and thus resents you for making him do all things he doesn't want to do.

He wants to marry you out of pity, which is why he said he doesn't want to bring shame to you and your family.

Sister, you are on your own. Better wake up seriously because deep down, you know the truth. Love, they say, is blind but na inside marriage eye dey clear. You are seeing all the signs but you still want to go ahead to marry, because you want to bear 'Mrs', or you want your child to have a normal family as you claim. Sister, you want your child to grow up seeing you unhappy because his or her daddy doesn't love mummy?

Sister, I repeat, You Are On Your Own.

Thank you because this is indeed the hard truth.

Pardon me,I will be a bit harsh.

You brought it upon yourself,you are a homebreaker and husband snatcher,you knew he was in a relationship and yet open your legs for him to the extent that you moved in with him,most men these days enjoy free chao and won't hesitate to grab the opportunity.

You are only being selfish by considering yourself alone,how about the woman he has been with before,she will surely be hurt too.

You can just move on with your life and take responsibility for the baby alone,allow him marry whoever he wants or force yourself to marry him and live an unhappy life. The ball is in your court.

Seal7 said

Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.

Chai! You have climbed the tree beyond the last leaf!

Biko don't go through with the wedding. Don't breed the imminent hatred please. Your child, yourself, the guy the other girl, your families.... Pls, hold off the wedding. Pls! I so pity the guy, although the mof is guilty, he's a responsible guy. Another will put you and your unborn child on a blast! Pls help everybody by placing the wedding on hold.

As par how your got here...you already know the drill.

Thank you everybody for your sincere opinion. I believe I will move on with my child alone.

Please how do I overcome the shame at work because I can't quit now, I need the money.

Modified.

Because it's too early....

Lemme just go.

Maaamaaa:

Please how do I overcome the shame at work because I can't quit now, I need the money.

Everyone is with a past
It will pass by
They will only murmur it for some days

It's not easy but trust me you can try
You will actually end up being the best person ever you wanna be

Btw
Where's your location?

Dyt:


Everyone is with a past
It will pass by
They will only murmur it for some days

It's not easy but trust me you can try
You will actually end up being the best person ever you wanna be

Btw
Where's your location?

I'm at uyo.

Thank you so much

About moving on in the office... No look anybody's face. They will talk, soon they would get over it. Don't get in an argument, don't feel the need to explain. If you have one or two you feel you owe an explanation, just tell them sheet happens.Be of good countenance, I think you strongly need the three months maternity paid leave so I won't also advise you quit. Good luck baby girl...sheet happens, especially to good gullible people.

Now you know why its not recommended to mix business with pleasure. Pele.

Maaamaaa:
Thank you everybody for your sincere opinion. I believe I will move on with my child alone.

Please how do I overcome the shame at work because I can't quit now, I need the money.

What Shame Ma?

Is it that of what people will say?
Or will your company sack you because you didn't do marriage yet and you're pregnant?

If it is that of what people will say and how they will view you, I admit it is not easy but you have to hold your head high come what may.

You need to be strong. No matter the shame you feel, do not let it show. It is when they see you are ashamed that they will try to hurt you more, but if you form badoo/ode shi, they can only try.

Hope you don't have a close pal that knows all your secrets at work?
If you do, now would be the best time to cut off by limiting what you say. And if you must talk, apply wisdom.

Let the Child you are carrying be one of the focal points of your joy.

Stay away from people who remind you of the past and try to dump their negative energies on you.

Mistakes have been made, lessons learned (I believe).

Now, Move ON.

So sorry to say this. .. u asked the guy out & he said no, he told you he was in a relationship. u then decided to make him jealous & finally u got him. The truth is u took another person's husband. From ur story up there, I can say that guy does not care about u a bit. U brought it upon urself and now dat u r even pregnant spoilt the whole thing . .. Anyway, the only solution I can tink of is prayer & patience. That may change his heart.

olagbemi118:
So sorry to say this. .. u asked the guy out & he said no, he told you he was in a relationship. u then decided to make him jealous & finally u got him. The truth is u took another person's husband. From ur story up there, I can say that guy does not care about u a bit. U brought it upon urself and now dat u r even pregnant spoilt the whole thing . .. Anyway, the only solution I can tink of is prayer & patience. That may change his heart.

I did not ask him out and I did not try to make him jealous, I decided to make other friends so I will not be attached to him so much.

We moved in together because he did not have money for his rent.

MizMyColi:


What Shame Ma?

Is it that of what people will say?
Or will your company sack you because you didn't do marriage yet and you're pregnant?

If it is that of what people will say and how they will view you, I admit it is not easy but you have to hold your head high come what may.

You need to be strong. No matter the shame you feel, do not let it show. It is when they see you are ashamed that they will try to hurt you more, but if you form badoo/ode shi, they can only try.

Hope you don't have a close pal that knows all your secrets at work?
If you do, now would be the best time to cut off by limiting what you say. And if you must talk, apply wisdom.

Let the Child you are carrying be one of the focal points of your joy.

Stay away from people who remind you of the past and try to dump their negative energies on you.

Mistakes have been made, lessons learned (I believe).

Now, Move ON.

I also heard there is no maternity leave for women that are not married where I work.

Maaamaaa:


I'm at uyo.

Thank you so much

Don't worry
It will pass

But I only hope you make use of your head that's sitting on your neck sha
Cos this is a serious issue
Forget shame ooo
Cos no so physical abuse dey start
End the damn plan

If he changes in future sha
But this time
Yours and the baby is important


Onegai

Ifyalways

Where's tearoses

sisisioge:
About moving on in the office... No look anybody's face. They will talk, soon they would get over it. Don't get in an argument, don't feel the need to explain. If you have one or two you feel you own an explanation, just tell them sheet happens.Be of good countenance, I think you strongly need the three months maternity paid leave so I won't also advise you quit. Good luck baby girl...sheet happens, especially to good gullible people.

Now you know why its not recommended to mix business with pleasure. Pele.

I heard they do not give maternity leave to women that are not married where I work.

Maaamaaa:


We moved in together because he did not have money for his rent.

He no even get money?
Mehn you are on your own my sister

olagbemi118:
. Anyway, the only solution I can tink of is prayer & patience. That may change his heart.

Permit me to ask you shut the hell up



5minsmadness

Dyt:


He no even get money?
Mehn you are on your own my sister



Permit me to ask you shut the hell up



5minsmadness

no, we earn the same salary.. He was broke then.

Ishilove:
Hmmmm, aunty, this your story dey somehow o... He never loved you, obviously, but you were too blinded by 'love' to see all the warning signs. That he asked you to abort shows he never had you in his long term plans.

Fact is, you pushed yourself on him and being a man, he saw the opportunity for free punny. Now the novelty of the said free punny has worn off and coupled with it, the said punny is pregnant for him, so he is feeling stifled and thus resents you for making him do all things he doesn't want to do.

He wants to marry you out of pity, which is why he said he doesn't want to bring shame to you and your family.

Sister, you are on your own. Better wake up seriously because deep down, you know the truth. Love, they say, is blind but na inside marriage eye dey clear. You are seeing all the signs but you still want to go ahead to marry, because you want to bear 'Mrs', or you want your child to have a normal family as you claim. Sister, you want your child to grow up seeing you unhappy because his or her daddy doesn't love mummy?

Sister, I repeat, You Are On Your Own.

Simply put. She shouldn't marry him. Not now, never!.

Maaamaaa if you love yourself, flee from this man, else you'll find yourself living in a home full of abuse and what have you.

Marriage no be by force!.

Maaamaaa:
I heard they do not give maternity leave to women that are not married where I work.

Haaaaaa! Which kind discrimination be that? Pls walk to the HR and ask.

MizMyColi:


What Shame Ma?

Is it that of what people will say?
Or will your company sack you because you didn't do marriage yet and you're pregnant?

If it is that of what people will say and how they will view you, I admit it is not easy but you have to hold your head high come what may.

You need to be strong. No matter the shame you feel, do not let it show. It is when they see you are ashamed that they will try to hurt you more, but if you form badoo/ode shi, they can only try.

Hope you don't have a close pal that knows all your secrets at work?
If you do, now would be the best time to cut off by limiting what you say. And if you must talk, apply wisdom.

Let the Child you are carrying be one of the focal points of your joy.

Stay away from people who remind you of the past and try to dump their negative energies on you.

Mistakes have been made, lessons learned (I believe).

Now, Move ON.

Which shame? What shame? She's not the first, neither will she be the last to tell a tale like this.

We still live together and we just paid the rent. I don't have any money to move out and I don't want to ask my parents for any money.

I still want to stay here till my rent expires. Is it a good idea?

I'm just going to focus on me and my work. I don't want to tell my parents anything for now.

I paid half of the rent and I don't want to say anything to my parents if not he will say he wants to marry but I'm the one that cancelled it.

You cannot save the relationship or claim the man, sorry. Love can not be forced, loved , coerced out of or prayed into anyone especially men. You knew there was another woman yet you decided to hold on so dear, nothing do you.

You're not the first single mother nor will be the last. Just brace yourself for the journey ahead; motherhood beckons. . .

Rocktation:
Modified.

Because it's too early....

Lemme just go.

You go fear vexation

sisisioge:


Haaaaaa! Which kind discrimination be that? Pls walk to the HR and ask.

I asked the HR

Maaamaaa:
We still live together and we just paid the rent. I don't have any money to move out and I don't want to ask my parents for any money.

I still want to stay here till my rent expires. Is it a good idea?

I'm just going to focus on me and my work. I don't want to tell my parents anything for now.

Well, you can plead with him to move out seeing as you now disgust him. If he ever loved you and is humane enough, he should do that atleast for you but if he refuses, tough luck, try to co-exist as a room mate with him and please NEVER give him the cookie jar again.

Maaamaaa:
I heard they do not give maternity leave to women that are not married where I work.

That doesn't make sense, a pregnant lady is still pregnant, married or not. Go ask your HR.

Don't marry this guy. He doesn't love you, you don't love him, so why force things? I'm sure someone will tell you to go ahead, he will love you later. But no-one can promise that. Keep working, if anyone asks about the baby's father tell them with a very strong face "we met when he came to town and it didn't work out". You have to pull yourself together, you and your ex work together, you're pregnant and hormonal, I mean, you really have to strengthen your mind.

If this young man relents, don't allow him to put a ring on your finger till after the baby is born. Don't let his guilt consume your life eventually. He has to prove that he wants you for you, not because you got knocked up. So when the baby comes out, things will be rough for the first couple of months but once it stabilises, both of you can look forward and see what you both want for yourselves and your child.

A lot of guys react like this fellow after making plans and promises in the heat of emotions and then reality slaps them in the face. He did cheat on his gf and you enabled him, so you two must at least try and start afresh on a cleaner slate. But you're not going to fix things now and if you do get married, the next 6 months will feel like hell and if you're unlucky and this guy continues to hate your guts, so will the next couple of years. So put all thoughts of weddings aside until after baby is born.

ifyalways:

Well, you can plead with him to move out seeing as you now disgust him. If he ever loved you and is humane enough, he should do that atleast for you but if he refuses, tough luck, try to co-exist as a room mate with him and please NEVER give him the cookie jar again.

Thank you Ma. He can't move out because he has no where to go and he is broke. It's a two bedroom apartment and we have separate rooms.

Should I stop cooking? For both of us

Onegai:


That doesn't make sense, a pregnant lady is still pregnant, married or not. Go ask your HR.

Don't marry this guy. He doesn't love you, you don't love him, so why force things? I'm sure someone will tell you to go ahead, he will love you later. But no-one can promise that. Keep working, if anyone asks about the baby's father tell them with a very strong face "we met when he came to town and it didn't work out". You have to pull yourself together, you and your ex work together, you're pregnant and hormonal, I mean, you really have to strengthen your mind.

If this young man relents, don't allow him to put a ring on your finger till after the baby is born. Don't let his guilt consume your life eventually. He has to prove that he wants you for you, not because you got knocked up. So when the baby comes out, things will be rough for the first couple of months but once it stabilises, both of you can look forward and see what you both want for yourselves and your child.

Thank you. I asked HR and they told me that

Op, that man doesn't love you one bit. If you go ahead with that wedding, very soon he will start beating you. Move on, what has happened has happened.
You can only move on if you move out of that house of co-habitation. But if you still want to go on with the marriage, all the best.

Maaamaaa,

The guy will come to his senses when that baby is finally born, trust me. For now, just stay healthy and try your best possible to be a good woman and wife to him.

I can bet it with anything that things will return to normalcy when the baby is here. That baby will draw you both together especially if the baby turns out to be a boy and a replica of him. I've seen this happen before.

That baby needs you to be strong right now. This shall pass.