Chubhie:

The issue of honor and responsibility should never be mentioned one mile radius of those two adults cos they both acted in dishonorable and irresponsible manner.

I'm not attempting to hold brief for the guy but an infatuated woman can move mountains to lure her man into lockdown.

I bet this wasn't how the youngman proposed to live his life until the babe crossed paths,moved in and sins of the flesh took root. The guy could only be in it just for the fun and not an entire lifelong deal.

The lady wanted marriage probably from the get go.

My dad advised that if one wants to eat frog,one should go for ones with fat so that when you are called frog eater, you boldly shoulder responsibility.

True they both acted in unsavory manner. The deed is done. It is done. The next step is for the guy to step up and be a man.

When they were both having sex we were not there right? Now that it has resulted into pregnancy, the guy should step up and be responsible. After all, the woman didn't drug and rape him.

He must look for reasons to love the woman. If he can't find any, he must manufacture some.

Otherwise, he's no better than a sperm donor.

If the guy relocates to the US or Europe, he can start his life afresh.

But the woman will always have a child tagging alongside her. A bright neon sign that says "hey, everybody, i once fornicated and the man isnt by my side anymore".

Abeg, the woman should move on jare. Marrying somebody who hates you is the worst thing any woman should have to endure.

Every sex in that marriage will be like rape. No love, no connection.

Imagine being married and still feeling so alone. Not good.

Thank you all for your words.

I don't want to call off the engagement because he says I don't understand his personality, he is not romantic and I want a fairy-tale romance and he can't do that.

My mother says my pregnancy hormone is making me overreact.

My dad says out state of finance is affecting us.

His parents say I should tolerate him.

I still do love him and I can't explain why, He is not a bad person but I feel he does not love me. I do not want to anyone to get married to me out of pity and that's why I was asking for a solution.

He assist with the chores at home and bills. He does not keep late nights and he is always at home with me but he just wants to be alone always and I feel like he is irritated by me.

He says I demand too much attention from him.

I actually want to plan the wedding together but he is like he does not care and I should do the planning while he will look for the money...

He is 32years and I'm 23years.

Maaamaaa:
Thank you all for your words.

I don't want to call off the engagement because he says I don't understand his personality, he is not romantic and I want a fairy-tale romance and he can't do that.

My mother says my pregnancy hormone is making me overreact.

My dad says out state of finance is affecting us.

His parents say I should tolerate him.

I still do love him and I can't explain why, He is not a bad person but I feel he does not love me. I do not want to anyone to get married to me out of pity and that's why I was asking for a solution.

He assist with the chores at home and bills. He does not keep late nights and he is always at home with me but he just wants to be alone always and I feel like he is irritated by me.

He says I demand too much attention from him.

I actually want to plan the wedding together but he is like he does not care and I should do the planning while he will look for the money...

He is 32years and I'm 23years.

Onegai could see from afar
You want encouragement
Pls listen to your parents
We on this faceless forum can't advice you better
So stick with him

And congrats on your wedding
Pls do provide us with pictures

Stay blessed

ElsonMorali:


True they both acted in unsavory manner. The deed is done. It is done. The next step is for the guy to step up and be a man.

When they were both having sex we were not there right? Now that it has resulted into pregnancy, the guy should step up and be responsible. After all, the woman didn't drug and rape him.

He must look for reasons to love the woman. If he can't find any, he must manufacture some.

Otherwise, he's no better than a sperm donor.

If the guy relocates to the US or Europe, he can start his life afresh.

But the woman will always have a child tagging alongside her. A bright neon sign that says "hey, everybody, i once fornicated and the man isnt by my side anymore".

Abeg, the woman should move on jare. Marrying somebody who hates you is the worst thing any woman should have to endure.

Every sex in that marriage will be like rape. No love, no connection.

Imagine being married and still feeling so alone. Not good.

Living miserably for the rest of their lives in the name of pity/save-face marriage ain't worth it bro.

She has the option of giving birth,nurture the baby to an extent and leave the baby for her parents while she attempts a clean slate existence.

Maaamaaa:


I was not desperate for marriage... I'm 23yrs and he is 32yrs

Goodness me!! Why would you do such a thing?

Anyway, what i wrote still stands. People rarely change after marriage. You'll have to toughen up my dear. You'll meet somebody who truly loves you and your child later in life.

In the meanwhile, know that there are worse things than being a single mother. Being married to a man who has shown you he'll never care for you is one of them.

Because eventually you'll meet the ONE, that one person who will love you and everything about you, but you'll be married to someone who doesnt then.

He said he loves me somehow and that I'm a wife material but I'm demanding so much attention.

He said I talk a lot and he does not like talking (gisting) that he likes being alone.

He said he does not care about the pregnancy because he does not know anything about it and he feels since women do it almost everyday, it's not so difficult.

He said I cry a lot and crying irritates him.


I still don't understand all these and I feel so sad and unhappy.

Chubhie:

Living miserably for the rest of their lives in the name of pity/save-face marriage ain't worth it bro.

She has the option of giving birth,nurture the baby to an extent and leave the baby for her parents while she attempts a clean slate existence.

We are in agreement dear.

Nothing worse than having to endure the hate of someone who is supposed to have your back for the rest of your lives.

Though she shouldn't abandon the children with her parents o. Grandparents are famous for pampering and overindulging their grandkids.

The upbringing of the child should be hers totally. That way the loyalty and love of the child will forever be hers. The parents can help out, no doubt.

Maaamaaa:
He said he loves me


I still don't understand all these and I feel so sad and unhappy.

Please if you don't wanna cancel the wedding, by all means postpone it indefinitely till you see +ve changes.

Do not bring an innocent child into such volatile atmosphere. All the violence being experienced around is as a result of such atmosphere. You will regret it if you go ahead with the marriage now.

You sound very naive. I will advise you to move back to your parents house if they stay in same city with you and if not, move out maybe with a friend for a while till you can pay for a different accommodation.

Limit your interactions with your baby daddy. Let him pay for expenses that has to do with baby, antenatal et all. Be civil with him, don't push it. Discover yourself, make friends and save.

If indeed God wants you guys together, he'll love you in your absence and come begging otherwise don't force it.

I wish you well...

Maaamaaa:
He said he loves me somehow and that I'm a wife material but I'm demanding so much attention.

He said I talk a lot and he does not like talking (gisting) that he likes being alone.

He said he does not care about the pregnancy because he does not know anything about it and he feels since women do it almost everyday, it's not so difficult.

He said I cry a lot and crying irritates him.


I still don't understand all these and I feel so sad and unhappy.

This is not a time to cry. You need to be strong to face the tough times ahead of you. crying solves nothing.

Spot-on.

ElsonMorali:


True they both acted in unsavory manner. The deed is done. It is done. The next step is for the guy to step up and be a man.

When they were both having sex we were not there right? Now that it has resulted into pregnancy, the guy should step up and be responsible. After all, the woman didn't drug and rape him.

He must look for reasons to love the woman. If he can't find any, he must manufacture some.

Otherwise, he's no better than a sperm donor.

If the guy relocates to the US or Europe, he can start his life afresh.

But the woman will always have a child tagging alongside her. A bright neon sign that says "hey, everybody, i once fornicated and the man isnt by my side anymore".

Abeg, the woman should move on jare. Marrying somebody who hates you is the worst thing any woman should have to endure.

Every sex in that marriage will be like rape. No love, no connection.

Imagine being married and still feeling so alone. Not good.

Is there anything like "I love you somehow"? You either love, hate or feel indifferent about someone. I stand to be corrected though. Since your mum has attributed you reaction(s) to pregnancy blues, then you should probably just accept it. She knows you way better than anyone here and she cannot push you into a pit.

What exactly is it that you seek? A re-validation? Well, i think you need to ask yourself what you really want, weigh your options and do what's best for you.

Maaamaaa:
He said he loves me somehow and that I'm a wife material but I'm demanding so much attention.

He said I talk a lot and he does not like talking (gisting) that he likes being alone.

He said he does not care about the pregnancy because he does not know anything about it and he feels since women do it almost everyday, it's not so difficult.

He said I cry a lot and crying irritates him.


I still don't understand all these and I feel so sad and unhappy.

Mercy of the Lord! Babes, pls don't do this...don't look for validations. That bobo has a whole 9yrs on you thus the onus of being responsible lies more with him. You are too young to bring on this wahala on yourself dear. Marriage is beautiful when done with the right person, yes I have seen more than plenty examples of the good and the bad. I'm also aware of the need to keep the family unit intact, keeping it that way generally helps all ,right? It helps all when love is actually shared amongst all the stakeholders. A woman unloved in marriage ages faster than you can say jack, her looks and ambiance catches up with her ancestors in no time. This in turn helps the man to further his cause...

Please put off the wedding until your pregnancy hormones cool off...then you can better analyze your situation. But if you are bent on carrying on...may the good Lord strengthen you. I look forward to reading very interesting stories from you

The guy's hands are definitely not pure as are the girl's, but has anyone here considered that the guy may just be lashing out because he isn't financially capable to start a family yet? I mean, he has to take a loan to arrange a wedding. Yes, he had unprotected sex, but isn't that why there are contraceptives? Did MaaaMaaa think she was barren?

MaaaMaaa, have you tried having a heart to heart with him? Tried asking him why he's treating you shabbily? Do you think he ever loved you? How was his behaviour before you became pregnant?

I ask because, I've been in those shoes before and you have no idea the mindfuck it is to have a baby on the way and no money to meet up financial obligations. Pampers and SMA buying is no joke, and this brother can barely pay the rent.

Hmmm...
Eleyi gidi gan o....

Maaamaaa:
He said he loves me somehow and that I'm a wife material but I'm demanding so much attention.

He said I talk a lot and he does not like talking (gisting) that he likes being alone.

He said he does not care about the pregnancy because he does not know anything about it and he feels since women do it almost everyday, it's not so difficult.

He said I cry a lot and crying irritates him.


I still don't understand all these and I feel so sad and unhappy.

Seems you made up your mind to marry him a long time ago already. A simple tip though, men don't find women that talk too much . Don't be too clingy and don't bother him about planning the wedding. Be happy....don't bother justifying yourself to anyone

Maaamaaa:
He said he loves me somehow and that I'm a wife material but I'm demanding so much attention.

He said I talk a lot and he does not like talking (gisting) that he likes being alone.

He said he does not care about the pregnancy because he does not know anything about it and he feels since women do it almost everyday, it's not so difficult.

He said I cry a lot and crying irritates him.


I still don't understand all these and I feel so sad and unhappy.

For the love of St. Peter and Paul,

1. Put the wedding on hold till after the baby comes

2. Start saving any kobo you can get

3. Ask him if he is willing to do Registry for now, as it will show a sign of commitment to both set of parents. That is the cheapest form of marriage and the most legal, so you are still a Mrs. Leave bride price alone for now since he needs to take a loan to pay for it. Haba, he is borrowing money to pay other debts and there are more debts coming in! If he is not, onto no.4

4. Stop acting like his gf, stop banging him and start treating him like a roommate. Yes, he should contribute towards his bills, no he doesn't owe you affection. Stop wondering why he doesn't love you, stop calculating how many yards of wife material you think you are, end it and focus on your child. Lovelier, nicer girls than you have been dumped pregnant. Uglier, evil-witch personality chics than you have been dumped pregnant. So stop worrying about what you cannot change.

5. Start worrying about not ending up on NL next year begging. Which means you need to be smart now, don't wait till next year. Get a notebook and start writing plans ("where is antenatal, best markets to get bargains, what can I borrow from another mama in my vicinity etc" ).

6. Give him SPACE. Let him decide whether he wants to marry you or not. Don't let him be pushed into a December wedding because you're going to be on NL next year, with a new moniker, crying your eyes out.

7. Let him at least know where his money for next year's rent will come from, let him find his feet financially. After that, if he wants you, he will find you and marry you, he will force that ring on your finger.

8. Right now, you look like the cause of his wahala (unfair but such is life) and he is shutting you out. You cannot force that door open. So let him breathe, he is 32 and cannot afford to pay his rent and got a 23 year old knocked up whilst maintaining his old relationship and his parents are pushing him to be responsible for once in his life, he's in no shape to be ANYONE'S husband right now.

Okay? I need you to please go to Pregnancy thread and starting thinking like a Mother. Let God and Time fight the battle for you and show you the result, yay or nay.

Some of us has complex personality. I can relate well to the type of person ur guy is, YES people do change and love is not constant it could be developed. I have been married for 6yrs now counting but it will shock u to know that my first year of marriage was very turbulent.

Yea, because I was still of the opinion that marriage can't hold down my fun...but when kids started coming I become more matured and realised that those things I seek outside is abundantly in my better half.

So my dear, finance I repeat finance can burden a man so much,for instance, people like me don't open up to anyone when cash strapped rather I become moody and others misconstrue it to bad feelings towards them.

Your marriage can perfectly work, imagine in your condition both parents are solidly behind you and you re here asking for what to do from both those that has never worked 3 feet on your shoes.

My dear, my story was more complicated than yours but I won't ask for anyone else than my beautiful wife in my next world. Good things are always buried in dirt. Calm down and stop nagging, give him space when he ask for it, be happy and be playful around him, he will always come around. Have u ever had the saying that children is the joy of a home? Table ur case to your creator.

I'd stop cooking for him if I was you. First step to breaking that bond. See him as minimally as possible which might be hard because you work and live together.
Suspend all wedding plans. (Honestly I wouldn't marry him if I was you).

You're pregnant for him he should be kissing the ground you walk on. If you disgust him now, when will he love you? After the other girl dumps him? You can keep hoping for that or decide to take your life by the horns.

Maaamaaa:


The loan is not for my wedding ceremony, it is to provide my bride price list things, pay his mother the money he took from her two years ago and renovate his family house.

We did not plan on having a wedding ceremony with that loan.

Don't take any loan with him. Especially not for any of those things in this post. Those are solely his responsibilities. Why would he keep acting like you're irritating to him and at the same time want to use you?

Meanwhile the girlfriend is also somewhere crying about how you took her man and got pregnant for him.

Maaamaaa:
Yes, it's totally my fault. I decided to stay because I was just stupidly in love.

I won't make this same mistakes again, I just thought there was a way I could make it work but I guess there is no way . I have decided to keep my head high and ride through the storm.

My baby and I is my priority.

Thank you for your harsh but loving words. GOD bless you all...

I love this part. We all make mistakes, so yours isn't any different. God will be your strength, and may the task ahead be lightened by his Grace. Amen.

cococandy:
Meanwhile the girlfriend is also somewhere crying about how you took her man and got pregnant for him.

Do you know that's the truth? Life is a pot of watery beans mehnnnn

Imagine if she comes to open thread "my bf whom I was discussing marriage with cheated on me and moved in with another girl. I was heartbroken but tried to move on. Now she's pregnant and he came home recently and told me it was a mistake, he doesn't love her and she is forcing him into marriage. Please what do I do?"

Sigh.

Nairaland is open to many. I won't be surprised to see such a thread.

So OP while I'm feeling sorry for you because there is a baby involved (and lord knows pregnancy is tough) I feel sorrier for his real babe.

She's the one who's been really heartbroken.

I'm sure deep inside you somewhere, his current actions don't surprise you. You knew.
I wish you the best.

Onegai:


Do you know that's the truth? Life is a pot of watery beans mehnnnn

Imagine if she comes to open thread "my bf whom I was discussing marriage with cheated on me and moved in with another girl. I was heartbroken but tried to move on. Now she's pregnant and he came home recently and told me it was a mistake, he doesn't love her and she is forcing him into marriage. Please what do I do?"

Sigh.

God help you

Maaamaaa:
I will try my best not be biased about our story and if you have any questions to ask please do.

I met him last year December precisely and we both work in the same office, we became best of friends but he was in a relationship (distant) and I was single.
We were really close because we both were new in town with no family around and then I fell in love with him and opened up about my feelings to him but he said he was in a relationship.

I was hurt but I held my head up and moved on. I started mingling with other male colleagues and then he became jealous and so I confronted him about it (still loved him) and u also told him to choose between us and he said he wants me. His decision was based on the fact that the other lady was far away, he thought she was promiscuous and she is an OND holder etc (I got to find out about this later).

We moved in together because of financial stress and talked about getting married next year... Late June this year I found out he had not broken up with the other lady, confronted him about it and he settled the issue.

I got pregnant July and he asked for an abortion, I insisted on keeping the baby with or without marriage.. He finally accepted to marry me and proceeded to tell my parents(he later said I forced him to that). He accused me of so many things and called me different names.

He traveled to his hometown and informed his parents about it all and met with the lady. On his return, he said the lady gives him peace and if I lose this pregnancy he will go back with her and that he loves her but he is just getting married to me because he respects my family and do not want to bring shame to me at work.

I cried, prayed and endured it all. Two weeks ago his family came for the introduction and the wedding has been fixed for December but I'm not happy.

I'm a shadow of myself, he feels disgusted by my presence and I can't say anything without him getting angry. I used to nag and quarrel a lot but I've stopped, even when I'm angry I just walk away.

He does not care about me and this pregnancy and if I tell him I'm sick or tired or anything, he will just say that I'm not the first to get pregnant and that it's when I push the baby he will take responsibility.

I have tried my best and I'm confused, last night I called him peacefully to ask him what I'm doing wrong but he said I'm disturbing him. I used to call his parents and my parents to intervene but he said I should stop that and I have stopped.

Please what can I do to SAVE OUR RELATIONSHIP, it's not easy for me . this is not the man I fell in love with help me and please I need your advice because I am ready to do anything.

I want my child to have a NORMAL family.

You think you have a relationship? Or you even think anything with this riff raff you call a man would ever be normal at all?




No kids yet but look at all the nonsense you guys are already fighting about? Exes, bills, emotions, jealousy at the work place, in law wars? I hope you know when the kids start coming all these issues will be raised to the power of infinity so will you now run back to create another thread then?



Madam abeg go and find a real man and a real relationship and try to avoid this pending disaster you are referring to as love or else body go tell you soon! Abeg make I no vex...."www.mtchewwwwwwww.com"

I won't be surprised if this lady still goes on and gets married to that dude.


If you still want to get married to that dude, the best thing to do is to wait till the baby is born.

@ OP; Sorry o, instead of going through this trauma, why not test him that you have aborted the baby? You are 23. If he is happy with it, send him out of that your flat or move elsewhere, then go abort for real. I am sorry, I think you are too young to be a single mother or join the band wagon of unhappy married fellow. You have learnt a lesson be that! MOVE ON!

Thank you for your words.

I have decided to focus on me and my baby for now and get my finances in order.

Thank you so much.

Young ladies of this generation!

Ka Chineke mezie okwu.

I just talked to him about waiting till I give birth but he said it's now or never. That he has made up his mind about the marriage whether there's love or not.

The love is not very strong now but it will grow.

He said the loan is making him think too...

Maaamaaa:
I just talked to him about waiting till I give birth but he said it's now or never. That he has made up his mind about the marriage whether there's love or not.

The love is not very strong now but it will grow.

He said the loan is making him think too...

The love will grow and yet he treats you this way?

I know you want the marriage because it will make you a Mrs and put you in a family but you'll end up getting frustrated later.

I have decided not to call it off myself but focus on me and my baby.

If by the end of this rent we've not sorted ourselves out, I'll move out and close this chapter forever.

And also work on my finances.

Thank you so much, chatting with you all made me stronger...

I'll definitely post pictures of my cute princess by may 2017.(i hope it's a girl)