For d maternity stuff .....u can make it because u r a woman and u r strong....u wud be strong for ur child cos he is so going to be proud of u. Let me tell u a story... One of my course mate was pregnant wit her 3rd child in our finals she didn't stay wit her husband because he worked in anoda state... She gave birth to d child 2 weeks after final defence wc was a month after exam. She didn't ave an extra year despite d stress and trust me my sch was so stressful we always has sch practical till we finished and also did practicals wit our project.....If u see her selfies wit her children u wud adore dem. U won't imagine d stress she went tru to ave dem....Nt to mention she had her second child in 200 level

Just move out of his house with full moral
Am sure he will come begging
He will definitely miss you

sisisioge:
Chai! You have climbed the tree beyond the last leaf!

Biko don't go through with the wedding. Don't breed the imminent hatred please. Your child, yourself, the guy the other girl, your families.... Pls, hold off the wedding. Pls! I so pity the guy, although the mof is guilty, he's a responsible guy. Another will put you and your unborn child on a blast! Pls help everybody by placing the wedding on hold.

As par how your got here...you already know the drill.

well spoken

Maaamaa please go ahead with the marriage. All the plans have been made. Don't deny this child the opportunity of having a complete home. The guy is as guilty as you but is throwing all the blames on you. He could have rejected your offer or not let you get pregnant. I believe with time nature will play its role and make things between you both bearable

Dyt:

Seal7 said

Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.

well quoted

I hate to hear stories like this that should touch...but no!...i will not allow it to touch me, cos its a mumu story. i am sure he is probably not the first you slept with and i am very sure it would not be the last! Do you know why? Both of you will never be happy in that relationship and both of you will start looking outside.. Even if you stay single, i doubt wether you won't be opening your legs for every dick, tom and harry that promises to take care of you and the baby. You have just activated karma! Its unfortunate that people like you refuse to seek good advise before taking steps, yet you now disturb everybody with your wahala, even God. You sound like someone who is emotionally unstable, yet you distance yourself from friends, family and pastors who could give you some good advice. At other times, you are head strong in carrying out foolish plans like this one. I will advice you to better marry him like that and cope with him, than cancel the marraige, just because its the better of two bad options. I don't know which other man you want to dump your/his responsibility on. Secondly, you must bear the shame and carry the cross for the child's sake. You have lost your own right to happiness. Stop being self-centered and go ahead. You will learn the lessons your boy/girl would need not to make the kind of silly mistakes you have made, just because you failed to master your emotions. congratulations in advance!

YOU ARE THE SOLE CAUSE OF YOUR PREDICAMENT! You will get no sympathy from me rather I'll give you a solution. First it is important to know where you erred! You did not err by making the first move nor did you err by being in love; your biggest mistake however is falling for a man already in a relationship. This is the biggest mistake you can never make because karma is a bi*ch and she's angry! Now to the solution, in your state both physically and mentally,your pregnancy should be your focal point. Refuse his marriage offer and let everyone know the truth, forget about the shame and be realistic, if a man can tell you all those nasty things while you are pregnant then imagine what he can do when you are in serious danger. YOU DO NOT WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN DANGER DO YOU? If not,kindly open up to your people and give him the sack letter,if he repents he'll surely come to ask after his child,if not then thank God for removing the DEVIL in your life!

I no holy pass buh moving in together is a no-no!

It's better to be alone than with bad company

Who are you trying to impress by going ahead with a marriage that will predictably fail and become a terrible experience not just for you but the kid? Don't you know what comes after six is greater than seven? You think you have problem now? Wait till you give birth and see the hatred he has for you extended to the baby. I am shocked that at 23 (not 38 or 42), you're interested in marrying a 32-year old man who is not only broke but definitely not ready to settle down now. Don't be deceived, you are actually FORCING him to marry you and no man loves or enjoys being forced to take such a decision especially when he is not financially ready to do so.

Please, get a good doctor and abort the pregnancy. Yes I said it, abort the pregnancy. It is actually safer to abort a young pregnancy than to actually give birth. And many who refused to abort before getting married end up aborting one or two pregnancies even while married. So, let no one plays the morality game for you. That's your best option, abort it, cut your loss and move on. Plus, regardless of sweet words you hear from any man, never f$$k a man who is not your husband without using condom or taking appropriate pills.

he said the lady gives him peace and if I lose this pregnancy he will go back with her and that he loves her but he is just getting married to me because he respects my family and do not want to bring shame to me at work.

The above quote is very serious and should not be taken lightly.

He is clearly going to do whatever he can to see that you lose the baby. It is not safe for you or your unborn baby to be around this person.
Postpone the wedding and stay away from him until the baby is born and never allow him to be alone with the baby once its born.

If during the separation he continues to be cold, then tell him to you would set him free Providing he supports you and the baby and pay baby's welfare and education.

@ maaamaaa

This is not the time to lay blame, she has opened her thing for him already and STOP asking why she did.

All you can do is amend, you seem to have a spirit of getting things done right and you realized you nag "that's good".

When a guy doesn't find you as interesting as you wish and on top of it you nag "he is more fulfilled to meet other women", cos you always give him a reason why he made a mistake.

If he is nice guy he will love you for your desire and efforts into keeping the family together but this could take years.

. The guy was not married. You comment makes no sense at all and if you had no good advice to give, why open ur mouth to spill out trash?

Well I may not quite understand the gravity of your adventures but I speak the peace of the Lord to u.
Pls keep ur peace and go ahead with ur marriage as dated and planned. Know one is perfect when it comes to issue of love. U can only get luck to get right.
The rules u can try to keep is below
1 Stop nagging
2 Smile to urself when things get tough in d end it will get better.
3 be true to your roles as wife. Clean well, cook well. wash well
Don't ask much questions about his roles and income.
4 always pray for peace morning and evening.
5 try to make him pray and eat with u as often as possible.
6 call him names that he loves and praise him for little things.
7 always as him to teach you and correct u if he feels ur deeds are wrong.
8 endure his short coming and time will bring him around

But first be sure he is not d violent type of person. If he is get married then seek divorce, that way your child is legitimate and a freeborn and u r dignified too. In box me for further options.

Maaa... What goes around comes around .... it is better you go your way now... than marry and be dumped by your husband... the writing is on the wall. On what your country workers would say. ..... doesn't matter if you matter or not.... tongues must wag.

call off d wedding please, have your child out of wedlock and pretend like u don't care about d man anymore, the truth is most men are chasers , he's probably seeing u now as a conquered territory and trust me he won't respect for u. give him attitude, form for him, don't show that u love him too much it will get boring, he can still love u scatter but it all matters on how u play your cards

olagbemi118:
So sorry to say this. .. u asked the guy out & he said no, he told you he was in a relationship. u then decided to make him jealous & finally u got him. The truth is u took another person's husband. From ur story up there, I can say that guy does not care about u a bit. U brought it upon urself and now dat u r even pregnant spoilt the whole thing . .. Anyway, the only solution I can tink of is prayer & patience. That may change his heart.

What about forgivennes from God?

Carry your cross, you are an adult, be responsible for your actions.

The only advice I can give you is to pray for him...God can change him,Remember an innocent child is coming and that child deserves a name... please go ahead with the wedding and commit everything into God's hands... Everyone makes a mistake but the innocent child can't suffer for that,so far he is not denying the paternity of the child.

@op,
The days of trapping a guy with pregnancy is a thing of the past. He may get married to you, but you'll never be happy. From your first post, it's pretty obvious you wanted to play the smart lady, but you ended up being the loser.
Best thing to do is to stop the marriage and live your life. If you go ahead with the marriage, you'll always be sad and depressed.
I read the comments in the first page and most ladies kept saying the man jumped at the opportunity of having a free punny.
There's nothing like a free punny. She's living with the guy and he's spending money on her feeding, other stuff. So, it's not a free punny.

for u to be pregnant for him, that show u can infect one another with HIV. HV u also confirm his genotype to urs? be DAT as it may, miserable marriage is ahand of u with him, walk away with ur pregnancy is not too late

Maaamaaa:


I also heard there is no maternity leave for women that are not married where I work.

don't listen to all these single mother's and old cargo that are yet to marry.

No better guy out there , so don't move from frying pan to fire.

Love grows
Change your attitude
Don't behave the way he behaves
Humans can change.
He can change and have no choice than to hug u and make u happy.
If you leave him, what awaits u is unknown
Guys out there hate single mothers
Stay with the guy
Pray
Endure
Things might turn out good.

Maaamaaa:


No I'm not.

Our company pays us half of our salary now (that's why he is always broke) but I have the support of my parents. They help me out when I need.

But my dad threatened to cut me off if I have a child out of wedlock.

You are not married yet, he is already showing you this level of rage. My dear if you think he can change, at least for now put the wedding on hold. The worst thing after hell is to be in a bad marriage and as it is, if you go ahead to marry him, you will experience hell on earth.

You are considering what people will say as if they are the one feeding you or matter to your destiny. When you learn that opinion of others is nothing but opinion, you will learn how to move forward.

Suspend the wedding if you can't cancel it outrightly. If at all you insist on marrying this guy, start reading books on how to endure a bad marriage as a coping strategy.


As for the bolded, your dad will come around with time. DOn't let the threat push you to a life of eternal regret.

This is one of the reasons we teach young ladies to abstain from pre-marital sex to avoid stories like this. He that is serious will wait to put a ring on the finger before eating from the jar.

carammel:
Pardon me,I will be a bit harsh.

You brought it upon yourself,you are a homebreaker and husband snatcher,you knew he was in a relationship and yet open your legs for him to the extent that you moved in with him,most men these days enjoy free chao and won't hesitate to grab the opportunity.

You are only being selfish by considering yourself alone,how about the woman he has been with before,she will surely be hurt too.

You can just move on with your life and take responsibility for the baby alone,allow him marry whoever he wants or force yourself to marry him and live an unhappy life. The ball is in your court.

He was not married to the other woman,it was a long distance relationship.

Tomorrow now, alotta guys would say, if you love him, make the move and tell him your feelings.... this is 21st century...
ladies never chase a guy, I repeat never chase a guy. If you love a guy, allow him to come to you instead to prevent insult to your personality. Most guys like taking advantage of ladies that like them.

steppin:
@op,
The days of trapping a guy with pregnancy is a thing of the past. He may get married to you, but you'll never be happy. From your first post, it's pretty obvious you wanted to play the smart lady, but you ended up being the loser.
Best thing to do is to stop the marriage and live your life. If you go ahead with the marriage, you'll always be sad and depressed.
I read the comments in the first page and most ladies kept saying the man jumped at the opportunity of having a free punny.
There's nothing like a free punny. She's living with the guy and he's spending money on her feeding, other stuff. So, it's not a free punny.

I agree with almost everything but the highlighted. In my opinion, she was just naive and most definitely was the type who did not have or play with male friends. I won't even be surprised if she lost her virginity to the man. But she would be making the greatest mistake of her life marrying the man at this moment. She may decide to marry the same man later but that decision should not be forced with a pregnancy now.

Thee simple trust is that, you should ask him to stop the MARRIAGE.....

Tell him you would have the baby out of WEDLOCK, don't force the marriage on him untill he see it worthy of doing with you else then don't be together because it is dangerous for you and the kid.....

It's better you Care for your child as a single mother than living with a man who will soon start beating you on a daily basis...


The shame in office will passby soon, agree to tell people that the love is no more within you people and you prefer to start separately and take care of your baby together.

Maaamaaa:
I heard they do not give maternity leave to women that are not married where I work.

There pregnancy discrimination act... Regardless of your marital status you deserve Maternity leave.

My dear sister the truth is that you have made a mistake by forcing yourself on him (no excuses) and I also blame him too for not being decisive at first instance. But another mistake will be to marry him because he never loved you but am sure he will love the unborn child when he/she is born.

If that be the case you can never have peace in such marriage (you may quote me). I will advise you to leave him and let everyone know that you are no longer interested and if he comes back to his right sense he will truly and surely come for you. But if he doesn't please be on your own do not bother him anymore.

As for your work place, you've to be strong as they say "tough situations never last but tough people do". You have to face everyone including him with courage and never allow your mistakes to torture you. Start saving as much as you can from now and don't be ashamed to rely on your parents for some help at least you are privileged to have them.

I don't know if you're religious I would suggest you continue with prayers. Have a nice day

Maaamaaa:


I did not ask him out and I did not try to make him jealous, I decided to make other friends so I will not be attached to him so much.

We moved in together because he did not have money for his rent.

Life is a teacher, I think that you have learnt your lesson. the root of marriage is love but with the looks of things, the guy never loved you. if i were to be the guy, i will never consider having an affairs with you not to talk of impregnating you. as far as I am concerned, the best thing for the guy is to find place in his heart to love you & marry you as his wife otherwise he will surely have problem with his said girlfriend if he eventually abandon you to marry her except he marries both of you.

You knowingly took the joy of another woman, now you have no peace. Solution! call off the wedding and let him follow his heart, keep the child and share sincere custody with him........no love lost! failure to which.....the road ahead could be dangerous...especially in this era where men are killing their wives. This is a difficult situation, but your life and your baby's is at stake, he already sees you as someone who deviated his path to marital happiness. One thing women don't know most about men, is that until they make relationship mistake they will never learn. Don't manage a dangerous relationship, quit while you can.

Please do not listen to anyone who says you should abort!...You made one mistake it will be complete foolishness to make two in a row. Your strength and bravery is needed here, take control of your life, have your baby and move on.

Eyah! Well, sometimez, we all make mistakes we are not so proud of.... & you have jst made one!
My candid advice is, don't marry dat Dude.... Jst carry on with your life, somebody will love you even with dat child! Goodluck Madam....