Hello all! I found this site after searching online to see if anyone else had ever encountered such a story as mine. I felt really isolated & as if no one in the world could understand my emotions. It actually has been kind of refreshing to see that these things happen often and that I wasn't singled out. I've really become thankful that my situation isn't near as heartbreaking as some that I have seen here.
I don't want to write a long story but basically I was friends with this guy then we began dating for about a year when last December I discovered he had gone home over the holidays & got married. I was in shock however my intuition told me that something was strange about his behavior a few wks before he left. He was just sad & started telling me how I deserved better than him. He touched on the fact that his family felt it was time he settled down but it never crossed my mind that his trip home would result in a marriage, wedding & all. I confided in a close friend & on a whim she searched his name on Facebook(he doesn't have social media) to see if anything came up concerning his behavior while away & Lo and behold, there were wedding photographs. It was definitely him. I was devastated & embarrassed. I don't want to go into too much detail but we were extremely close. We spent a lot of time & energy on each other & I never had any inkling that there was anyone else in his life. He was still calling me while he was away but I stopped responding & a few weeks went by before I finally answered & told him I knew. He didn't deny it but he stated that it was something he had to do & that it was all of a sudden, set up by his family. Bride chosen by them also. I refused to believe this man I thought I knew so well would leave this major aspect of his life to his family. And it didn't matter because the end result was the same...he was married. I just was hard on myself wondering if he had a girlfriend/fiancée the whole time & I missed the red flags. I didn't see how a decent human being could have such ill intentions all along with myself & the woman he married. Anyway he came back to the States & went about life as usual. & to be honest, he eventually wore me down & returned to my life. I was in love with him. And honestly for a while, everything was the same as it always had been. But my mind started to win over my heart & I knew it wasn't real. There was no future with him. Time has continued to heal me & I've been convicted because I do know better & more is expected of me. But in the beginning this man intruded upon my life, my family, and friends as a great guy & possibly the one for me. I know that he is not but I can't understand why he'd work so hard to become intertwined with everything that concerns me then go off & marry someone else.He acted like it's a normal thing and he can have it all. I've distanced myself & been really strong going forward & leaving this behind. I thank God there is nothing tying me or this guy to each other & I pray everyday to be forgiven for my actions with this married man. We didn't co-habitate or do anything that would require us to have to communicate or see each other. He is persistent so I don't expect him to disappear but I'm completely over it. We engage in small talk here & there but I wish for that to cease as well. Reading here has opened my eyes to what could have been my life playing second fiddle with this guy.
What I'm left with now is a lot of regret & just feeling naive to so much. I am smart & usually not one to get over on but he completely threw me for a loop. What if I never found out? What if we married and he used me for citizenship? What if I gave him more than a year of my life? It's all so scary. I took my time getting to know him, trusted him & thought highly of him. I hate to think this is a common way of Nigerian men here. Although I suspect him to be the first & last for me... Just wondering if there is an answer to my "Why" these situations occur... And I also hope sharing my cautionary tale helps someone else. Helps and not harms, bc deep down I don't want to generalize based off my 1 encounter.

T

The man probably got married out of pressure.

Most Nigerians abroad are fond of coming back home to settle down,.

Better luck next time.

Its normal a thing for Nigerian men to run back to marry at home...Dont be heartbroken just move on as some have moved on.

Sorry about what happened,his tradition has made him d way he is despite his education. He wants a woman he can control. some of our culture here dont accept gender equality. So from my opinion,he had to settle for a woman he feels he can rule who is also submissive to him. Not all nigerian men are like him.

talktonase:
Its normal a thing for Nigerian men to run back to marry at home...Dont be heartbroken just move on as some have moved on.

Thanks! Definitely moving on but please understand this is unheard of amongst those of us dating in the States. Marriages don't just happen out of the blue. But oh have I learned how different our cultures are. Thanks again!

livemocha93:


Thanks! Definitely moving on but please understand this is unheard of amongst those of us dating in the States. Marriages don't just happen out of the blue. But oh have I learned how different our cultures are. Thanks again!

May be you need to come back and give it a shot as the men do, probably you may find love...

@op Pele. Life's not fair. If I start my own version e no go end

talktonase:
May be you need to come back and give it a shot as the men do, probably you may find love...

Not really the case for me. I'm African-American. :-p

dollyjoy:
The man probably got married out of pressure.

Most Nigerians abroad are fond of coming back home to settle down,.

Better luck next time.

Lesson learned. Thanks.

livemocha93:


Not really the case for me. I'm African-American. :-p

Time will tell,Your knight in shining armour will come sweep you off your feet...All you have to do is keep the faith.

livemocha93:
Hello all! I found this site after searching online to see if anyone else had ever encountered such a story as mine. I felt really isolated & as if no one in the world could understand my emotions. It actually has been kind of refreshing to see that these things happen often and that I wasn't singled out. I've really become thankful that my situation isn't near as heartbreaking as some that I have seen here.
I don't want to write a long story but basically I was friends with this guy then we began dating for about a year when last December I discovered he had gone home over the holidays & got married. I was in shock however my intuition told me that something was strange about his behavior a few wks before he left. He was just sad & started telling me how I deserved better than him. He touched on the fact that his family felt it was time he settled down but it never crossed my mind that his trip home would result in a marriage, wedding & all. I confided in a close friend & on a whim she searched his name on Facebook(he doesn't have social media) to see if anything came up concerning his behavior while away & Lo and behold, there were wedding photographs. It was definitely him. I was devastated & embarrassed. I don't want to go into too much detail but we were extremely close. We spent a lot of time & energy on each other & I never had any inkling that there was anyone else in his life. He was still calling me while he was away but I stopped responding & a few weeks went by before I finally answered & told him I knew. He didn't deny it but he stated that it was something he had to do & that it was all of a sudden, set up by his family. Bride chosen by them also. I refused to believe this man I thought I knew so well would leave this major aspect of his life to his family. And it didn't matter because the end result was the same...he was married. I just was hard on myself wondering if he had a girlfriend/fiancée the whole time & I missed the red flags. I didn't see how a decent human being could have such ill intentions all along with myself & the woman he married. Anyway he came back to the States & went about life as usual. & to be honest, he eventually wore me down & returned to my life. I was in love with him. And honestly for a while, everything was the same as it always had been. But my mind started to win over my heart & I knew it wasn't real. There was no future with him. Time has continued to heal me & I've been convicted because I do know better & more is expected of me. But in the beginning this man intruded upon my life, my family, and friends as a great guy & possibly the one for me. I know that he is not but I can't understand why he'd work so hard to become intertwined with everything that concerns me then go off & marry someone else.He acted like it's a normal thing and he can have it all. I've distanced myself & been really strong going forward & leaving this behind. I thank God there is nothing tying me or this guy to each other & I pray everyday to be forgiven for my actions with this married man. We didn't co-habitate or do anything that would require us to have to communicate or see each other. He is persistent so I don't expect him to disappear but I'm completely over it. We engage in small talk here & there but I wish for that to cease as well. Reading here has opened my eyes to what could have been my life playing second fiddle with this guy.
What I'm left with now is a lot of regret & just feeling naive to so much. I am smart & usually not one to get over on but he completely threw me for a loop. What if I never found out? What if we married and he used me for citizenship? What if I gave him more than a year of my life? It's all so scary. I took my time getting to know him, trusted him & thought highly of him. I hate to think this is a common way of Nigerian men here. Although I suspect him to be the first & last for me... Just wondering if there is an answer to my "Why" these situations occur... And I also hope sharing my cautionary tale helps someone else. Helps and not harms, bc deep down I don't want to generalize based off my 1 encounter.

Well, just thank your star you found out before you guys married.
I know a guy in the US that married a white lady and now planning to divorce her to marry a Nigerian lady.. You people should open your eyes now.. Any Nigerian men that propose marriage to you, it is not because of love but for obvious reasons.. Be wise!

jonath0012:

Well, just thank your star you found out before you guys married.
I know a guy in the US that married a white lady and now planning to divorce her to marry a Nigerian lady.. You people should open your eyes now.. Any Nigerian men that propose marriage to you, it is not because of love but for obvious reasons.. Be wise!

I consider it a blessing I found out! And I hate to hear such a story! This is all beyond belief to me. I was truly in over my head and had no idea.

let me be honest with you mam these things are as a result of our values and mentality, am an igbo man so i would use my tribe as an example, as an igbo man here if you are not successful then you are not yet to be regarded as a man, we beleive in our men hitting it big and showing off their wealth no matter the cost, so long the end justifies the means, dyas are gone when you are respected in the society for who you, what you have contributed towards the development of the society, our men beleive that traveling abroad and getting married to foreigners will pave way for them to grab soo many benefits, and in turn get rich quick, come home get married to a girl here, impregnate her, keep her here and and travel back to his foreign wife......sometimes i dont know whom to blame, the high rate of poverty in our country, our social system, the foolish girls and their families that are after the guys money and the fact that he lives abroad, or our leaders that has made this country an unbearable place to live in?


however in as much as there are high number of nigerian men that do this in order to please their families, get rich quick, get citizenships there are many who are good men and end up with foreign women and are happily married to them also there is this fear about foreign women that causes panic to the guys families, stories like what will happen to the kids when the guy dies, will they ever visit africa or even recognize the fact that nigeria is their home....so you see there are certain reasons why certain decisions are taken by the nigerian men.

livemocha93:
Hello all! I found this site after searching online to see if anyone else had ever encountered such a story as mine. I felt really isolated & as if no one in the world could understand my emotions. It actually has been kind of refreshing to see that these things happen often and that I wasn't singled out. I've really become thankful that my situation isn't near as heartbreaking as some that I have seen here.
I don't want to write a long story but basically I was friends with this guy then we began dating for about a year when last December I discovered he had gone home over the holidays & got married. I was in shock however my intuition told me that something was strange about his behavior a few wks before he left. He was just sad & started telling me how I deserved better than him. He touched on the fact that his family felt it was time he settled down but it never crossed my mind that his trip home would result in a marriage, wedding & all. I confided in a close friend & on a whim she searched his name on Facebook(he doesn't have social media) to see if anything came up concerning his behavior while away & Lo and behold, there were wedding photographs. It was definitely him. I was devastated & embarrassed. I don't want to go into too much detail but we were extremely close. We spent a lot of time & energy on each other & I never had any inkling that there was anyone else in his life. He was still calling me while he was away but I stopped responding & a few weeks went by before I finally answered & told him I knew. He didn't deny it but he stated that it was something he had to do & that it was all of a sudden, set up by his family. Bride chosen by them also. I refused to believe this man I thought I knew so well would leave this major aspect of his life to his family. And it didn't matter because the end result was the same...he was married. I just was hard on myself wondering if he had a girlfriend/fiancée the whole time & I missed the red flags. I didn't see how a decent human being could have such ill intentions all along with myself & the woman he married. Anyway he came back to the States & went about life as usual. & to be honest, he eventually wore me down & returned to my life. I was in love with him. And honestly for a while, everything was the same as it always had been. But my mind started to win over my heart & I knew it wasn't real. There was no future with him. Time has continued to heal me & I've been convicted because I do know better & more is expected of me. But in the beginning this man intruded upon my life, my family, and friends as a great guy & possibly the one for me. I know that he is not but I can't understand why he'd work so hard to become intertwined with everything that concerns me then go off & marry someone else.He acted like it's a normal thing and he can have it all. I've distanced myself & been really strong going forward & leaving this behind. I thank God there is nothing tying me or this guy to each other & I pray everyday to be forgiven for my actions with this married man. We didn't co-habitate or do anything that would require us to have to communicate or see each other. He is persistent so I don't expect him to disappear but I'm completely over it. We engage in small talk here & there but I wish for that to cease as well. Reading here has opened my eyes to what could have been my life playing second fiddle with this guy.
What I'm left with now is a lot of regret & just feeling naive to so much. I am smart & usually not one to get over on but he completely threw me for a loop. What if I never found out? What if we married and he used me for citizenship? What if I gave him more than a year of my life? It's all so scary. I took my time getting to know him, trusted him & thought highly of him. I hate to think this is a common way of Nigerian men here. Although I suspect him to be the first & last for me... Just wondering if there is an answer to my "Why" these situations occur... And I also hope sharing my cautionary tale helps someone else. Helps and not harms, bc deep down I don't want to generalize based off my 1 encounter.

Lady.. Am really sorry about all u have been through honestly... D guy could be a fvcker but again u have no idea how deeply rooted some Nigerian cultures are...n d value we place on family decisions....what I fault is him trying to woo u again after getting married....but please don't say all Nigerian men are like him....I know people tend to paint us in dirty camouflage.... Who knows if d next guy- d love of Ur life -will turn out as Nigerian! I know personally how hurtful it is to be fuvking betrayed! U have no idea how much it hurts....pain so deep u can't sleep at night! But u know what...time heals everything even death! Just be u n have fun!

Yes. It is a common risk. It is unfortunate that Nigeria has this negative reputation. Just ask any regular off the street American what they know about Nigeria and the reply is always 99% of the time associated with some form of scam or shady operations either relationship or money--a bunch of corrupt set of folks.

I have a close friend who shared with me that this "relationship" scam is how his father (and family) came to US. So, it has worked for many, that is why it still happens today. And, unless you live under a rock, you must be vigilant and not gullible.

My friend's dad befriended and married an Black American. As soon as he got the papers, he bounced and brought his whole family here--hence my friend. And, the wicked part of this is this: Even his Nigerian wife knew about this and was in on the plan all along. The american woman remained clueless or at least ignored all the red flags and warning signs.

It's a deep rooted evil that will take generations to purge. It's almost like it's "to be a scammer is to be a Nigerian". It's the poverty, survival mentality.

To say though, I realize not all Nigerian (man) is a scammer. There are still good ones albeit, a needle in haystack because even the good ones are often tempted; and the country's economic situation does not help the ones who are good.


That said, fortunately for me though, my father came to US some 40 years ago on a legal work visa sponsored by the US. My dad worked his arse off to save up to buy a house, support a family etc before he brought my mother and siblings to US. If not work visa, there are students on student visa etc. If you do things the right way, you wouldn't have to watch your back and spend many sleepless nights wondering when karma will catch up with you.

Unfortunately, doing things the right way takes more time and hard-work that many forego. So, they choose the way of conning or scamming their way into hearts of gullible folks.

livemocha93:
Hello all! I found this site after searching online to see if anyone else had ever encountered such a story as mine. I felt really isolated & as if no one in the world could understand my emotions. It actually has been kind of refreshing to see that these things happen often and that I wasn't singled out. I've really become thankful that my situation isn't near as heartbreaking as some that I have seen here.
I don't want to write a long story but basically I was friends with this guy then we began dating for about a year when last December I discovered he had gone home over the holidays & got married. I was in shock however my intuition told me that something was strange about his behavior a few wks before he left. He was just sad & started telling me how I deserved better than him. He touched on the fact that his family felt it was time he settled down but it never crossed my mind that his trip home would result in a marriage, wedding & all. I confided in a close friend & on a whim she searched his name on Facebook(he doesn't have social media) to see if anything came up concerning his behavior while away & Lo and behold, there were wedding photographs. It was definitely him. I was devastated & embarrassed. I don't want to go into too much detail but we were extremely close. We spent a lot of time & energy on each other & I never had any inkling that there was anyone else in his life. He was still calling me while he was away but I stopped responding & a few weeks went by before I finally answered & told him I knew. He didn't deny it but he stated that it was something he had to do & that it was all of a sudden, set up by his family. Bride chosen by them also. I refused to believe this man I thought I knew so well would leave this major aspect of his life to his family. And it didn't matter because the end result was the same...he was married. I just was hard on myself wondering if he had a girlfriend/fiancée the whole time & I missed the red flags. I didn't see how a decent human being could have such ill intentions all along with myself & the woman he married. Anyway he came back to the States & went about life as usual. & to be honest, he eventually wore me down & returned to my life. I was in love with him. And honestly for a while, everything was the same as it always had been. But my mind started to win over my heart & I knew it wasn't real. There was no future with him. Time has continued to heal me & I've been convicted because I do know better & more is expected of me. But in the beginning this man intruded upon my life, my family, and friends as a great guy & possibly the one for me. I know that he is not but I can't understand why he'd work so hard to become intertwined with everything that concerns me then go off & marry someone else.He acted like it's a normal thing and he can have it all. I've distanced myself & been really strong going forward & leaving this behind. I thank God there is nothing tying me or this guy to each other & I pray everyday to be forgiven for my actions with this married man. We didn't co-habitate or do anything that would require us to have to communicate or see each other. He is persistent so I don't expect him to disappear but I'm completely over it. We engage in small talk here & there but I wish for that to cease as well. Reading here has opened my eyes to what could have been my life playing second fiddle with this guy.
What I'm left with now is a lot of regret & just feeling naive to so much. I am smart & usually not one to get over on but he completely threw me for a loop. What if I never found out? What if we married and he used me for citizenship? What if I gave him more than a year of my life? It's all so scary. I took my time getting to know him, trusted him & thought highly of him. I hate to think this is a common way of Nigerian men here. Although I suspect him to be the first & last for me... Just wondering if there is an answer to my "Why" these situations occur... And I also hope sharing my cautionary tale helps someone else. Helps and not harms, bc deep down I don't want to generalize based off my 1 encounter.

wow!

na today

After reading the write up, wanted to go on defense, but after reading people comments, i decided to keep it to myself.


But op I want to thank you for not generalizing it yet. I have an uncle who is married and leave in the US with a African American. The truth is that, the pressure will always be there for you to come back home and get married but if the guy is sure of what he is doing there he will stand his ground has one day all of the people against him will be happy for him.

Again most of the times, they want to very careful, i known a family friend who was married to an African American but the lady has an evil plan to take everything the man had. She set him up, reporting to the police that the man want to kill him and run away. You know who they will automatically believe here, so the man was stripped off everything he had worked for including his lovely children. When he came back home empty handed, you will know well to know what will follow from friends and family.


So my dear you have to look at things from the positive angle, although they are many doing the fraud things but they are many gennue once out there. I don't even have to start counting the Nigeria men i known the has been traumatized by the so called American lovers. Mostly from the completely American (white)