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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Matured Advice Needed (1186 Views)
Urgent Matured Advice Needed / RUMBLE IN A FAMILY; MATURED ADVICE FOR DAVE AND CLARA / Pls Matured Advice Needed (2) (3) (4)
Matured Advice Needed by Zinny25(f): 10:56am On Nov 13, 2016 |
I have posted similar thing In the romance section but I'm still confused. That's why I still have to seek of the opinions of the married. A guy loves me so much and wants to get married to me but I don't love him at all. I have tried to love him but I don't seem to find anything attractive about him. Meanwhile I have loved other guys in the past who broke my heart. Now I don't want to just settle for this guy since he's still there because I seriously don't feel anything for him. His calls alone irritates me. Now my mum is forcing me to settle down with the guy, she claims I wld learn to love him, that after all the ones I love hv all disappointed me. Please help me out |
Re: Matured Advice Needed by chomytex(f): 10:59am On Nov 13, 2016 |
Zinny25:Ur mum isnt the one getting married, if u go ahead n marry this guy she will still be the one to cast stones on u. As for me, I cnt marry someone I don't love. 4 Likes |
Re: Matured Advice Needed by Nobody: 11:04am On Nov 13, 2016 |
Zinny25: What don't you like about him? Is it anything that he can change/be changed? or you just don't feel him period! In which case there is no point in marrying him because you may never learn to love him and it wont be fair on him or even you. 1 Like |
Re: Matured Advice Needed by Nobody: 11:05am On Nov 13, 2016 |
What do you want to hear/read? Marry the guy who irritates the fvck out of you and stay with him for the rest of your life? Run! You may be thinking that it is either or, either you love them or they love you but what you want is mutual love. Do not ever settle for less. 1 Like |
Re: Matured Advice Needed by UrennaNkoli(f): 11:09am On Nov 13, 2016 |
Please don't allow family affairs into your relationship. Stand by your own decision. |
Re: Matured Advice Needed by EfemenaXY: 11:14am On Nov 13, 2016 |
Don't ever feel compelled to make life changing decisions based on someone's say so. Marriage is a HUGE commitment and if you choose to go into it, do so - only because you want to, and not because of what your mother, friends, or society thinks. 1 Like |
Re: Matured Advice Needed by kinggogo: 11:28am On Nov 13, 2016 |
Gbamest |
Re: Matured Advice Needed by Olasco93: 11:34am On Nov 13, 2016 |
When it comes to Marriage, it begins with Love. Though, Love is not enough! You don't need to goto God's alter and make a Vow when there's no Love in thine heart. I beg you with the name of God, Marry who you love to avoid stories that touch because divorce is never an option. You have to tell the guy very early now that You don't feel anything for him (it's not easy though). But he can shake it off an move on with little pain because Marriage is not an Experiment. It's good to Respect our parents, but not when it comes to what would affect your Destiny. Don't compromise Love, Marry who you love. It is you that is getting married, not your mum. |
Re: Matured Advice Needed by Nobody: 11:34am On Nov 13, 2016 |
Madam!, everything about him irritates you...even his calls, just imagine being his wife when he irritates you...you're likely to leave him later or 'cheat on him'. Marriage is a life time commitment, be with who the feelings is mutual. |
Re: Matured Advice Needed by Diplomaticbeing(m): 11:41am On Nov 13, 2016 |
@OP Treat the fundamental issues first to avoid making a costlier future life mistake. Firstly, could you pinpoint the actual reason(s) the men you loved dumped you (broke your heart)? There's a real need for you to better yourself first. If you have a bad attribute that had caused the men you loved to break your heart, then learn the good version of such attribute and have it as an attitude. What's your definition of a romantic love? As ambiguous as its, yet one's ability to define what truly constitute love for oneself, is the first step towards finding a matching partner. Definiteness of purpose is very important when wishing to establish anything meaningful with long durability. Do you know of at least 10 good attributes an opposite sex can possess that would make you stick with him in good and bad situations? This is about self-realization. . . . Only a self-realized person should talk about committing to a marriage which is a lifetime union - under sane and sincere arrangement. The above assignment when done with honesty would enable you to know if the present guy that loves you - one whom you dislike - would make or not a good husband for you in the long run. When one love another based on the good attributes s/he possesses which you cherish, your love for such a person tends to increase on minute basis. Peace, happiness and prosperity are assured and guaranteed in the long run. However, when one love another based on his/her superficiality (if the nice persona aren't products of attributes), the connection tends to wane on minute basis, because it's always more like infatuation. . . . Peace, prosperity and happiness are not assured or guaranteed in the long run. 2 Likes |
Re: Matured Advice Needed by NLbully(m): 11:54am On Nov 13, 2016 |
Don't go for him if you dont love him cz your mum isn't the one to get you the man you love,just be patient and the right man will come #Peace |
Re: Matured Advice Needed by Zinny25(f): 12:10pm On Nov 13, 2016 |
Diplomaticbeing:I don't see any reason why they treated me the way they did. I'm not trying to be bias here but I know I'm a good person. I have known this guy in question for more than five years, in fact we attended the same church from childhood. All this while I knew he likes me but I don't feel anything for him. I only see him as a brother and friend. Now my confusion is this, is he right one for? Is that why I have been having failed relationships? Why is he still there after all these years? Is it possible for God to give me someone I feel nothing for as a husband? |
Re: Matured Advice Needed by Zinny25(f): 12:12pm On Nov 13, 2016 |
NLbully:Thank you |
Re: Matured Advice Needed by Zinny25(f): 12:13pm On Nov 13, 2016 |
Thank you all for the comments |
Re: Matured Advice Needed by Nobody: 12:36pm On Nov 13, 2016 |
Zinny25: Your mum obviously needs more counseling than you. ![]() |
Re: Matured Advice Needed by sisisioge: 12:39pm On Nov 13, 2016 |
Dearlordinheaven! Pls marry him...imagine how boring NL will be if there aren't stories that touch? Pls marry him. Thank you. |
Re: Matured Advice Needed by sisisioge: 12:45pm On Nov 13, 2016 |
Diplomaticbeing: Chai! I remember you dude...you were the guy with plenty English! Biko, she already doesn't find anything attractive about him...she can't stand him...he annoys her. Biko, wetin remain? Your assignment should be carried out on others not this one, IMO. But then, it is my opinion. |
Re: Matured Advice Needed by Nobody: 12:46pm On Nov 13, 2016 |
Be patient op, don't rush and marry a man u don't love o.. Cos 80percent of marriage is all about se3x.. ![]() That's what one guy said.. Not me ooo So just imagine how repulsive u will feel when he wants to make love 2 you.. Yeah u can imagine Nw? It's that bad when u have no love feelings for the guy. And with time, trust me u won't fall in love with him.. As the months go by, u will want to flee from his home.. Trust me, that's the way it happens. So don't even try it.. Stick to your guns and politely tell him, No. The right person will come, whom u will love and he loves u back without breaking your heart.. Simply be patient. And tell your mum 2 back off! |
Re: Matured Advice Needed by Diplomaticbeing(m): 1:28pm On Nov 13, 2016 |
sisisioge: Hahaha! See me way de find means to learn some big english from you, here you come de yab me indirectly. On a more serious note, and on the contrary to your contribution nay counter to some of my opinions here, the OP didn't state why she doesn't find the available guy attractive. So there's no point to conclude yet. Yes, the eyes must first eat and get satisfied before any other thing follows, when one want to establish a honest and purposeful relationship with an opposite sex. But I don't think that the OP dislike his physical structure, else they wouldn't have been friends since 5 past years as she claimed (I may be wrong). If my guess is correct, then what's it that the OP doesn't find attractive about him? This necessitated my questions and counsel's to her in that first post here. For instance, she not liking her voice on the least could be as a result of built-up prejudice. And she loving the other men that didn't love her could be because of a mundane thing like those men arrogant exhibitions instead of a good thing like their civility. Happy Sunday. 2 Likes |
Re: Matured Advice Needed by sisisioge: 1:37pm On Nov 13, 2016 |
Diplomaticbeing: Hmmmm... word. Looking at things from this angle makes sense though I still can't shake the fact she couldn't stand him. May God bless her with her other pea in the pod... Enjoy your Sunday too. |
Re: Matured Advice Needed by Zinny25(f): 4:09pm On Nov 13, 2016 |
Diplomaticbeing:Thank you. But what I mean by being friends for more than five years is due to the fact that we attend the same church, we used to be in the same Sunday sch class, I think I should rather use the word brethren not friends. We are just church members though I know he likes me because he gets little gift for me when I'm bk home for holidays. I hv never told him I love him, in fact the day he proposed I was shocked because we have never dated, I don't call him, I don't even know his birthday. I don't visit him in his house because I feel bored with him. I remembered there was a time I tried to love him, I told him to visit me when I was serving so as to know if we can work out something, but can you believe I barely stay up to 30mins with him without finding fault, I don't let him hold my hands, not to talk of hug, the day he tried to just put his hand on my shoulder I felt it was soldier and that was there. I warned him never to hold me or touch me. So u see I don't have any emotional feelings for him. I can be in a room with him for a month and nothing will happen. |
Re: Matured Advice Needed by thorpido(m): 4:49pm On Nov 13, 2016 |
^^^With what you have written above,you should let the relationship end.I don't think the feeling will come later.He can't be more than that brother to you. I hope you're not the type that gets a kick from the 'bad boys' which might explain why they've all been breaking your heart. God will not give you someone you won't feel a thing for though sometimes there may not be that initial spark. |
Re: Matured Advice Needed by Richy4(m): 5:19pm On Nov 13, 2016 |
I will suggest you stop wasting the young man's time... Tell him honestly that it will not work..... If you do not know how to break up with him, use the ancient style...."It is not you, it's me......" at least it is true... Why are you still holding on to him....air time he would have used to call other sisters that has been fasting and praying for any how man, he was using it to call you....Biko free him....Besides that time and age your mum was talking about, where man or a woman learn to love each other is no longer existing except in India...So do not kid yourself in holding on.... |
Re: Matured Advice Needed by Zinny25(f): 6:05pm On Nov 13, 2016 |
Richy4:I have told him I don't love him. But he said I'm the one for him that he doesn't feel peace with another woman, that he has tried to forget about me but he couldn't. He said I should pray about it and seriously praying for someone u don't love it's difficult, I prayed but I didn't see or hear anything. I had to call our pastor to tell him that I don't love this guy. How else do I do it. I don't call him, I don't always pick his calls, I don't say I miss or love him |
Re: Matured Advice Needed by Richy4(m): 6:29pm On Nov 13, 2016 |
Zinny25: Ok this is more serious than I thought..... let us try it this way, Go to your bedroom, bring out your note book, deep down in your heart, write down what you hated about the guy... then the next page write down something you like about him... at least there must be something you must like or admire about him....if not at least he is persistence.... See if you can work on it.....In my little experience, there's a thin line between love and hate..Compare lists, If the hate outweigh the likeness,... let him know all those qualities you stated that will make it not to work between you to..... It is always good to write down things sometimes....You might be surprised you do not have much you dislike about him |
Re: Matured Advice Needed by seizethaBae(f): 8:03pm On Nov 13, 2016 |
Zinny25: |
Re: Matured Advice Needed by seizethaBae(f): 8:16pm On Nov 13, 2016 |
Story of my life! ![]() Dear OP,don't listen to broda diplomaticbeing and his plenty-fine grammer o,u can't just connect with some people no matter how hard you work on your feelings. I remember one day my ex(wey i no love)tried to get intimate with me,d guy just start to dey irritate me instantly,he even played p*rn* one day asking me 'babe,is it that you can't 'do'? For my mind,i was like 'see this one oo,i can 'over-do' sef! ![]() Op,if you don't hv any feelings for him,do not marry him! Silver,gold nd panda i do have but can't give you,this is d only advice i can give you free of charge. All the best. Zinny25: |
Re: Matured Advice Needed by Nobody: 8:39pm On Nov 13, 2016 |
If you don't love him now; he's irritating you; you've tried to have feelings for him to no avail, then let him go. With the right person, the love would be reciprocal; you won't be trying to force anything that isn't there. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Matured Advice Needed by Zinny25(f): 9:19pm On Nov 13, 2016 |
Thank you all |
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