AustaCee:


Thanks a lot

Trying to get back to me with another girl is something he has become quite used to, after we've settled and I draw his attention to it,he would apologize but do it when such happens again. Or he would start feeling bad that I don't trust him anymore.

I'm sorry to say that you got me wrong, I don't depend on him to cater for my needs. Like you rightly said, he isn't my father. But I haven't been with my family for sometime, and I hate always asking for money for petty things. Wouldn't have had cause to seek for his assistance if they don't owe us at the place I'm on IT. In my post, I said I used to help him out when he was down. Why can't he do same for me? It makes me feel like I'm the stupid one who brings out her money without thinking of it's importance to me first.

Yeah! indeed you were gotten wrong. Friendship whether romantic or not is for helping each other out of down moments. When you were sharing your pocket money with him, are you his mother or sister? There's absolutely nothing wrong in getting financial assistance or material gains from a man if they are willing. The way I play is I don't ask, common sense should tell you to know when it's necessary to help. Men will respect you and the few times that you need their help, they'll go to the moon and back, just for you.

As for your BF, how many ears do you have? Dump his ass before he dumps you. Any man that cannot inconvenient himself a bit just to keep his woman happy is not worth loosing any sleep over. Real men put their dependants first, they're never selfish. Mind you, they're not fools, it's borne out of the instincts to protect, to provide. This his selfishness will extend to the children you bear for him if you marry him. And to think he is so arrogant to put other girls pics as DP, by this he's only telling you: Who do you think you are? I can as well do without you! From experience my dear, mothers are almost always right.

Ginaz:
I'm in your shoes, my own is pretty worst. I have been dating my bf close to 6 years now. We are both young and he doesn't have much money to give me. I beg from people to get by sometimes. There's this guy that has been bothering me for 5 years for a date, he's rich, handsome and has finished schooling, now working on his own.

I was pressured to date him, every body won't let me rest. But my heart wasn't convinced, I later learnt he was a first degree liar, deceiver, playboy.

I thank God I never gave him a chance, that would be how I would have broken my relationship and jumped into fire.

O.p be contented with your bf, don't leave him for that guy cos the devil you dont know is better than the angel you know.

Leaving him for any reason is sensible, but dumping him for that guy is not. What do you know much about that guy? What is the point of attraction, is it his money or what?

Pray for God to change your bf, he's a good guy and I can bet he's caring as well.

I love my bf, I've come to appreciate him cos of his personality and manner of guy he is. No guy I've seen has his attributes, he's so caring, understanding and selfless.

O.p, I will give you an advice that was given to me by a friend when I was contemplating as you. He said " the one you get for hand and know, better pass people wey u no know weda dem be beast"

what sort of stupid advice is this? Why are you correlating ur experience with hers?

Austacee, u've read the advice of your fellow sisters.


Pls do justice on it. First of all I dislike girls who can't make up their mind to do smth..

let him go... your future with him doesn't look bright. The risk is not worth it considering the hometown and attitude points.

AustaCee:



That's really the hard part....Been hoping he will change before marriage.


cc: Onegai
Sisioge
Efemena XY
Cococandy
Yieldings
Byvan
Ishilove

My dear you are too young and life is yet to batter you, don't let It. This man has the tell signs of a horrible husband but you are too smitten to see that. You shared with him in his broke days, if he can't do the same now, he won't start in marriage. He uploads pictures of other ladies over a quarrel, this is not the person you want to be with in marriage.

Go get the best you can find while you still can, the scales eventually fall off and reality won't look so cute when that happens. Apart from indulging your Indoor lifestyle obviously because he won't want to pay for a bottle of fanta and you being head over heels in Love with nothing, i don't see what you will lose here.


You love him, right but marriage requires more than love. Find a conscientous, selfless man and loving him will be an icing on the cake. If he doesn't Love you right at 22,he won't start when you are 40.

You don't have to date a guy you dont want because the one you will like will eventually show up. If you aint feeling this New guy in the picture, don't date him. This current guy is no marriage Material, so let go for better prospects .

Ginaz:
I'm in your shoes, my own is pretty worst. I have been dating my bf close to 6 years now. We are both young and he doesn't have much money to give me. I beg from people to get by sometimes. There's this guy that has been bothering me for 5 years for a date, he's rich, handsome and has finished schooling, now working on his own.

I was pressured to date him, every body won't let me rest. But my heart wasn't convinced, I later learnt he was a first degree liar, deceiver, playboy.

I thank God I never gave him a chance, that would be how I would have broken my relationship and jumped into fire.

O.p be contented with your bf, don't leave him for that guy cos the devil you dont know is better than the angel you know.

Leaving him for any reason is sensible, but dumping him for that guy is not. What do you know much about that guy? What is the point of attraction, is it his money or what?

Pray for God to change your bf, he's a good guy and I can bet he's caring as well.

I love my bf, I've come to appreciate him cos of his personality and manner of guy he is. No guy I've seen has his attributes, he's so caring, understanding and selfless.

O.p, I will give you an advice that was given to me by a friend when I was contemplating as you. He said " the one you get for hand and know, better pass people wey u no know weda dem be beast"

@Op, please, whatever you do, disregard the above post.
You've gotten good advice already, break off with this boyfriend of yours asap. He is certainly not worth the wahala

Uniquewise:


@Op, please, whatever you do, disregard the above post.
You've gotten good advice already, break off with this boyfriend of yours asap. He is certainly not worth the wahala

Pls she should disregard my advise as you say, but you should know that every person is faulted, nobody is without flaws. His mistakes can be corrected, at least he's not an abusive person. She is hitting on her boyfriend not caring for her, and nor giving get money, she could explain or have a heart to heart talk with her guy after all he has a heart and not a stone. He could see his mistakes and correct hiself.

What makes you think the other person she might jumped to next is all perfect?

I'm only giving advise based on what I've experienced. If it sounds foolish by all means she should adhere to people that advice her to leave her bf.

Thank u.

AustaCee:

1) His comment when you have an argument that, "he sees other pretty girls just like I see other handsome dudes but he wants just me" is a form of verbal abuse. This kind of comment is a passive-aggressive approach to giving someone a verbal put-down while maintaining a mask of reasonableness or friendliness.

2) I don't like the idea of a woman expecting a man to give her money. At the same time, you've been dating for three years and he's comfortable, so at this point you shouldn't have to be begging him for money when you're in dire need but he should be moved enough to help you out. A man who does this is considerate, has a kind and sharing spirit and most importantly, cares for his woman. Unfortunately he lacks these qualities.

Op, advise yourself well o. Its shocking that he will even upload another girl's pix when u quarrell! That's an absolute no. If u guys were married nko?! It will be more shameful, embarrassing and dangerous.

That's also a very strong message that you have refused to acknowledge. With that he is saying he has a back up girl or probably the main girl. Or he is saying he does not care and can hurt u with cheating on you when u guys have misunderstanding. The choice is ultimately yours. Follow ur heart but also use your head.

AustaCee:
Hello Nairaland family,


Opened another account to protect my identity

After blasting & fighting with every body on the forum, you now Open a new account to protect your identity.

Yeye dey smell I know who you are !

Wow....words can't explain how grateful I am. I feel very much better. And I can see clearly now...


Yieldings,Ishilove,MrPresident,byvan03,PaperLace,AzeD1,Ginaz,Mindfulness, Loisemm,Richy,placeofallure,dingbang,uniquewise,Exponential,Inemani

You have been great sources of help...I feel lighter

So so so grateful

truthsayer007:


After blasting & fighting with every body on the forum, you now Open a new account to protect your identity.

Yeye dey smell I know who you are !

You don't know me o

Pipi pipi shi*t alert, shi*t alert.end dat relationship nw.everything u said is very scary and yo future is doomed if u continue wit dat guy

AustaCee:
Wow....words can't explain how grateful I am. I feel very much better. And I can see clearly now...


Yieldings,Ishilove,MrPresident,byvan03,PaperLace,AzeD1,Ginaz,Mindfulness, Loisemm,Richy,placeofallure,dingbang,uniquewise,Exponential,Inemani

You have been great sources of help...I feel lighter

So so so grateful

I am glad you found what you were looking for.

I believe you have your answer already.RUN!!!

all I see is a lady getting glued to what she might term "first love" uploading pics of other girls after a little quarel states clearly he is a "boy" marriage is for men
u don't know how to dump him without hurting him right? meaning u date him our of pity? I haven't said leave or stay with him, but my opinions are so clear here

Mindfulness:


I am glad you found what you were looking for.

Thanks a lot ma.

ZeeAfrica:
Pipi pipi shi*t alert, shi*t alert.end dat relationship nw.everything u said is very scary and yo future is doomed if u continue wit dat guy

spelpassword:
all I see is a lady getting glued to what she might term "first love" uploading pics of other girls after a little quarel states clearly he is a "boy" marriage is for men
u don't know how to dump him without hurting him right? meaning u date him our of pity? I haven't said leave or stay with him, but my opinions are so clear here

Thanks so much for your advice

But I don't date him out of pity o...there are just many things involved and we play the same game...its all about the awkwardness and Lil fear of Ill feelings...Thankfully you all helped me make up my mind and I'm working towards a break up that won't be messy

AustaCee:



That's really the hard part....Been hoping he will change before marriage.


cc: Onegai
Sisioge
Efemena XY
Cococandy
Yieldings
Byvan
Ishilove

Ah! Only just seeing this.

You've already been given a lot of good advice on here but in addition to that, I'd like you to reflect on what I'm about to tell you.

Marriage is beautiful only if you get to spend the rest of your life with the right person, but...at the same time, it is complicated. Complicated because marriage isn't plain sailing. It's not a straight path. It's like finding your way through a maze of hills and valleys. You climb one hill then sight 2 or 3 ahead of you. You get over those and find 5 or 6 more. Then afterwards you might find just one more then several more.

What I'm trying to say is that life throws series of curveballs at us. Some we catch, some we miss, but it will keep throwing them at us. You will be better placed to handle all of these only if you have the right partner by you. Someone who is compatible with you, shares the same goals, aspirations, beliefs. Unfortunately no one comes with signs written on their forehead of what they really are now, if they'll change tomorrow, or what they'll be like in 20, 30, 40, 50+ years from now.

What we / you can do is study the person (which is what you've been doing) and communicate your concerns with them. I notice you've done your observations but haven't discussed properly with him. I'll come to that in a bit.

Your mother (bless her), has raised some valid concerns which I think you shouldn't treat lightly. She's mentioned the poor treatment of women by the menfolk of his place. A good indication of how a man MIGHT treat his wife would be by how the father treated/ treats his mother. I'm not saying this will be the case 100% of the time but it will give you a fairly good indication. A male child who grew up seeing his father maltreat the mother will most likely follow in the dad's footsteps because it's all he's ever known and will think it's the norm.
How does your boyfriend's dad treat his mother?

How do the men in his family treat their women? If not good, then ask him his opinion and what he thinks. Listen attentively to what he says without interrupting him.

Finance: A lot of Nigerian men while dating do not like broaching this. This is a mature topic for mature minds and since you're considering marriage - an adult venture - you MUST discuss this with him, no matter how uncomfortable it is for either of you. Ask him what his views on money management are. How would finances be taken care of? What happens when the kids start coming? How many kids will you both be able to comfortably afford? Who provides what? Joint accounts or separate? What happens when you're unable to earn? Or if he loses his job?

Your career: How long will your career be on hold for? Or will you be expected to give it up completely?

Schools: What sort of schools do you plan on sending your kids to? Private? Or state owned?

Religion: Are there any religious differences between you both? If there are, how do you plan on bridging the gap? What happens when the kids arrive?

These are the sort of questions you should be asking him now, not later. And I tell you this: his honest responses to these will give you an indication of whether or not he is the right one for you, and not whether he is materially rich or poor now.

It is far better to be with a materially poor, but emotionally & psychologically rich man who would place you on a pedestal and respect and treat you right like his queen everyday of your life....

Than to be hooked up with the opposite (materially rich, emotionally & psychologically poor who would make your life a living hell).

Scratch a bit deeper and discover what resides beneath the surface.

AustaCee:
Hello Nairaland family,

This has been a major source of worry to me. Like, I've been so so confused. I'm a young woman of twenty two. Have this guy I've been dating for close to three years now. I really do love him, but things haven't been so good recently. My mum said she would never watch me marry him. Her reasons being that his hometown has many traditions that doesn't favour wives. Also, that they individually don't treat their wives well. My mum's rejection got me really depressed cos I've always seen him in my future.
Two of my friends that I confided in said I should accept it as fate,that I wouldn't know what tomorrow will bring and I will be doomed if anything should happen to the marriage that my parents will say they told me so. I've been kind of making a mental picture of how it's gonna be, dating another guy.It just doesn't work out in my mind. Naturally I'm introverted, and he has been the best partner cos he is okay with staying indoors.
Recently, I've had cause to start having doubts about the relationship. Things I used to put up with,these days they really get to me. When we started dating, he didn't have much, but I believed in him. He has a job but to help out is always a problem. And asking for money is one thing that is very difficult for me. Even when I'm in dire need and muster enough courage to ask him, he will come up with excuses. Most times its really embarrassing when I try borrowing money from people they will be like, 'I thought you have a boyfriend'. It really hurts me cos when things weren't cool for him, I used to share my pocket money with him.
Whenever we have an argument he would upload another girl's picture as his dp . Or sometimes when making up, he will be like, he sees other pretty girls just like I see other handsome dudes but he wants just me. I so hate that.
Right now there is another guy. We've been friends, though he accepted friendship cos I told him I have a boyfriend and can't double date. He brought it up again last three months. And has been persistent. Right now I'm confused. This minute, I will feel like following my friend's advice to cut off from my bf since we can't marry, the other I feel I should stay and hope my mum changes her mind. Breaking up sef is gonna be difficult.
So, I've come to you experienced Familylanders, to help slap me back to reality, if I'm losing touch with reality. Please help steer me in the right direction...I'm really in a big dilemma I can't seem to reach a decision.




Please forgive the lengthy post and any typographical error




Opened another account to protect my identity

your mum has a point
so do your friends

love is funny
but lifes lessons should be our guiding light when loves and emotions direct us


the world has changed
if he doesnt do as you think your man should now, he wont later. if you have faith let the faith work now else youd regret later.

dont take time because there is no time.

think act but make sure you are set to back up your actions

Thanks a lot ma @Efemena XY

You really touched it all

My parents still play like newlyweds, so I kind of hope to have a marriage as cool as that. And I've always believed we have that kind of chemistry. I don't know if it was inexperience on my part,but, for the fact that I feel at home around him, I had the feeling he was gonna be a dream come true. Our quarrels hardly exceed a day.

About the men in his family. His dad is late and the way he talks about him,he looks up to him. He hardly talks about his mum. Sometime in the past, he talked about his dad taking him along to visit his girlfriend, when the mum shouts(according to him,the dad never had sexual attachment with the 'girlfriend'). I honestly never thought of this. Its probably what he is doing, posting other girls' pic or showing another girl attention when we have a serious quarrel. He actually did so when the relationship was just budding and we broke up once cos of it.

About career,he has been the only guy that completely backed my love for sports. Other guys,ex and 'just friends' alike, have always joked or talked about how I'm gonna quit sports if I marry. And he normally says he got my back in any career I choose while married. Though it's gonna be after the kids.

We are from the same denomination though his family attends a separate church.

About finance, honestly, I still have my grudges against him and if I bring up the issue of finance, I'll do so with words laced with anger, plus I don vex decide say no more money talks between us. If he talks about money sef it pisses me off.

He is always like, his kids gonna get the best of everything.

xross:



your mum has a point
so do your friends

love is funny
but lifes lessons should be our guiding light when loves and emotions direct us


the world has changed
if he doesnt do as you think your man should now, he wont later. if you have faith let the faith work now else youd regret later.

dont take time because there is no time.

think act but make sure you are set to back up your actions

True...Iove is really funny

Yes boss...I'm really thinking, and thanks to the many words of advice, I'm thinking with direction now.

EfemenaXY:

marriage isn't plain sailing. It's not a straight path. It's like finding your way through a maze of hills and valleys. You climb one hill then sight 2 or 3 ahead of you. You get over those and find 5 or 6 more. Then afterwards you might find just one more then several more.

What I'm trying to say is that life throws series of curveballs at us. Some we catch, some we miss, but it will keep throwing them at us.

Family section's master of mixed and extended metaphors.

You know Aristotle once said that the greatest thing by far is to be a master of metaphor.

I admire your wordcraft, even though you are still a tad cynical about my identity.

AustaCee:



That's really the hard part....Been hoping he will change before marriage.


cc: Onegai
Sisioge
Efemena XY
Cococandy
Yieldings
Byvan
Ishilove

Every one will tell a story to favour themselves so am taking ur story with a pinch of salt . I believe its heavily lopsided.

People can earn much and still be broke.

Maybe he is building his house or saving up for further study or investing in MMM.

Ur sense of entitlement is not justified and people are still encouraging you that he is bad.

How else do you want him to reset your brain when you become areogant that he has options outside if not to proove it to you ?

I still did it to my EX yesterday and it worked cos she chatted me.

Husband is scarce if your man loves you and you know it learn to work on his weakness and build your home.

He is a man and its your responsibity to build your home and not his.

How well you are prepared for that will tell now, I told my EX " you are watching too much zee world, face the real world and understand that you the woman will build your home and your man".

It will not be easy but then so many women running after few men.

Nature has made it so. Be wise.

Guitarlife:


Every one will tell a story to favour themselves so am taking ur story with a pinch of salt . I believe its heavily lopsided.

People can earn much and still be broke.

Maybe he is building his house or saving up for further study or investing in MMM.

Ur sense of entitlement is not justified and people are still encouraging you that he is bad.

How else do you want him to reset your brain when you become areogant that he has options outside if not to proove it to you ?

I still did it to my EX yesterday and it worked cos she chatted me.

Husband is scarce if your man loves you and you know it learn to work on his weakness and build your home.

He is a man and its your responsibity to build your home and not his.

How well you are prepared for that will tell now, I told my EX " you are watching too much zee world, face the real world and understand that you the woman will build your home and your man".

It will not be easy but then so many women running after few men.

Nature has made it so. Be wise.

This one will marry somebody's daughter tomorrow right? What's the man responsibility if he has no part to play in building the home. Is he there for decoration?

I wonder who is responsible for these sickening mindset some of you have. Grow up!

cococandy:


This one will marry somebody's daughter tomorrow right? What's the man responsibility if he has no part to play in building the home. Is he there for decoration?

I wonder who is responsible for these sickening mindset some of you have. Grow up!

I assume you are lady so its expected that you learn to communicate without being offensive, that being said.

I do not expect you to agree or even comprehend what I wrote. I understand it might be deeper than what your mental capacity can decipher and I aint blaming you for that.

If a lady cannot learn to manage this weakness of her man even in a relationship how will she handle such a huge responsibility as marriage ?

The kind of mothers raising the modern girl child are primarily retired Oloshos so if you werent raised by classical parents in a sane and disciplined home setting some things will not make sense and I do not owe you any apology.

Guitarlife:


I assume you are lady so its expected that you learn to communicate without being offensive, that being said.

why is that reserved for ladies? Would you shrivel up and die if you too learned to communicate with respect?

I do not expect you to agree or even comprehend what I wrote. I understand it might be deeper than what your mental capacity can decipher and I aint blaming you for that.

If a lady cannot learn to manage this weakness of her man even in a relationship how will she handle such a huge responsibility as marriage ?

fix that your weakness. Don't be a burden to someone else. Especially if they didn't ask it. I assume you're an adult with sense. You should know that no one is an endless pit that swallows your bull day in day out. Fix yourself. Psycho.

The kind of mothers raising the modern girl child are primarily retired Oloshos so if you werent raised by classical parents in a sane and disciplined home setting some things will not make sense and I do not owe you any apology.

Mmm. Speaking from experience? Poor you.

My mum said she would never watch me marry him. Her reasons being that his hometown has many traditions that doesn't favour wives. Also, that they individually don't treat their wives well. My mum's rejection got me really depressed cos I've always seen him in my future.

Stereotypes have elements of truth in them, though they aren't the whole story. Ordinarily if this was the only issue you had I'd advice you to move very close to the family and observe how the dad treats the mom and vice versa. That should tell you a lot.

I've been kind of making a mental picture of how it's gonna be, dating another guy.It just doesn't work out in my mind. Naturally I'm introverted, and he has been the best partner cos he is okay with staying indoors.

I'm worried for you because you think you can't find someone else who would love your introverted nature. This is a wrong reason to want to stick it out with a man not to even talk of marrying him.

Recently, I've had cause to start having doubts about the relationship. Things I used to put up with,these days they really get to me. When we started dating, he didn't have much, but I believed in him. He has a job but to help out is always a problem. And asking for money is one thing that is very difficult for me. Even when I'm in dire need and muster enough courage to ask him, he will come up with excuses. Most times its really embarrassing when I try borrowing money from people they will be like, 'I thought you have a boyfriend'. It really hurts me cos when things weren't cool for him, I used to share my pocket money with him.

Here's a rule of thumb for you when you eventually dump this guy, try your best never to ask for money from whomever you're dating. That's so not cool. It takes away from your sense of pride as a woman and points indicting fingers at your parent that they can't cater for your needs, or an indicting finger at you that you can't manage the little you have well. Ordinarily, a woman should be content with what her family can give her and what she can earn for herself. A boyfriend isn't necessarily an ATM. Having said that, someone who truly loves you will not wait to help you out especially if you've been dropping hints or it is glaring you're really in need, IF HE HAS.

Whenever we have an argument he would upload another girl's picture as his dp . Or sometimes when making up, he will be like, he sees other pretty girls just like I see other handsome dudes but he wants just me. I so hate that.

Now, right here is the real reason why you should never ever marry this guy. Guess what? When you're married he's gonna continue uploading pics of other women just to spite you whenever you quarrel. You think he's going to change? No way. Whatever attitude you notice in him right now will only become worse when you guys are married.

Right now there is another guy. We've been friends, though he accepted friendship cos I told him I have a boyfriend and can't double date. He brought it up again last three months. And has been persistent. Right now I'm confused. This minute, I will feel like following my friend's advice to cut off from my bf since we can't marry, the other I feel I should stay and hope my mum changes her mind. Breaking up sef is gonna be difficult.

This is probably the worst thing you could do. If you decide to leave your bf, going straight into another relationship is going to be traumatic for both you and the new guy because your heart is still with another. Dump your current bf, and then go on sabbatical. This will help you heal, so that the next relationship you get into will be healthy and it will be with clear eyes.

byvan03:



My dear you are too young and life is yet to batter you, don't let It. This man has the tell signs of a horrible husband but you are too smitten to see that. You shared with him in his broke days, if he can't do the same now, he won't start in marriage. He uploads pictures of other ladies over a quarrel, this is not the person you want to be with in marriage.

Go get the best you can find while you still can, the scales eventually fall off and reality won't look so cute when that happens. Apart from indulging your Indoor lifestyle obviously because he won't want to pay for a bottle of fanta and you being head over heels in Love with nothing, i don't see what you will lose here.


You love him, right but marriage requires more than love. Find a conscientous, selfless man and loving him will be an icing on the cake. If he doesn't Love you right at 22,he won't start when you are 40.

EfemenaXY:


Ah! Only just seeing this.

You've already been given a lot of good advice on here but in addition to that, I'd like you to reflect on what I'm about to tell you.

Marriage is beautiful only if you get to spend the rest of your life with the right person, but...at the same time, it is complicated. Complicated because marriage isn't plain sailing. It's not a straight path. It's like finding your way through a maze of hills and valleys. You climb one hill then sight 2 or 3 ahead of you. You get over those and find 5 or 6 more. Then afterwards you might find just one more then several more.

What I'm trying to say is that life throws series of curveballs at us. Some we catch, some we miss, but it will keep throwing them at us. You will be better placed to handle all of these only if you have the right partner by you. Someone who is compatible with you, shares the same goals, aspirations, beliefs. Unfortunately no one comes with signs written on their forehead of what they really are now, if they'll change tomorrow, or what they'll be like in 20, 30, 40, 50+ years from now.

What we / you can do is study the person (which is what you've been doing) and communicate your concerns with them. I notice you've done your observations but haven't discussed properly with him. I'll come to that in a bit.

Your mother (bless her), has raised some valid concerns which I think you shouldn't treat lightly. She's mentioned the poor treatment of women by the menfolk of his place. A good indication of how a man MIGHT treat his wife would be by how the father treated/ treats his mother. I'm not saying this will be the case 100% of the time but it will give you a fairly good indication. A male child who grew up seeing his father maltreat the mother will most likely follow in the dad's footsteps because it's all he's ever known and will think it's the norm.
How does your boyfriend's dad treat his mother?

How do the men in his family treat their women? If not good, then ask him his opinion and what he thinks. Listen attentively to what he says without interrupting him.

Finance: A lot of Nigerian men while dating do not like broaching this. This is a mature topic for mature minds and since you're considering marriage - an adult venture - you MUST discuss this with him, no matter how uncomfortable it is for either of you. Ask him what his views on money management are. How would finances be taken care of? What happens when the kids start coming? How many kids will you both be able to comfortably afford? Who provides what? Joint accounts or separate? What happens when you're unable to earn? Or if he loses his job?

Your career: How long will your career be on hold for? Or will you be expected to give it up completely?

Schools: What sort of schools do you plan on sending your kids to? Private? Or state owned?

Religion: Are there any religious differences between you both? If there are, how do you plan on bridging the gap? What happens when the kids arrive?

These are the sort of questions you should be asking him now, not later. And I tell you this: his honest responses to these will give you an indication of whether or not he is the right one for you, and not whether he is materially rich or poor now.

It is far better to be with a materially poor, but emotionally & psychologically rich man who would place you on a pedestal and respect and treat you right like his queen everyday of your life....

Than to be hooked up with the opposite (materially rich, emotionally & psychologically poor who would make your life a living hell).

Scratch a bit deeper and discover what resides beneath the surface.

Lovely

Chai....I don't beg him for money...my ex used to believe I had other guys by the side who gave me stuffs cos I never asked him for a dime all through the duration of the relationship...saying he gives excuses in money matters isn't that I tell him to give me money, rather its when I drop hints that I'm in a tight situation. Naturally he is supposed to help. Its not like I just started dating this guy and began making demands for money...Dont husbands help their wives?

It only became a thing of concern because marriage is in the picture. I don't want to marry wrong. Especially in the case of my mum's disapproval, cos if there should be any problem I can't seek advice from my mum cos she will remind me that I was warned.

I was previously hoping that there would be changes but experienced family here has really opened my eyes

I've got good pieces of advice from here and I've put it to use.