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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. (3194 Views)
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Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by tannystacey: 10:37am On Dec 09, 2016 |
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Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by 5minsmadness: 10:44am On Dec 09, 2016 |
What is the everything you are giving up? 8 Likes |
Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by ammyluv2002(f): 10:49am On Dec 09, 2016 |
Nne, he should come back home to meet your parents, that is the right to do. Yes, I agree you shouldn't let it bother you, but his presence is also very important. Give him time to clear whatever the problem is then you guys can visit Nigeria together. 8 Likes |
Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by sweetval: 10:49am On Dec 09, 2016 |
It's too early for me to gv advice on this.. Person above me don talk am finish... |
Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by honimun007(m): 10:50am On Dec 09, 2016 |
I understand ur concerns which can not be undermined. But honestly,i think he should wait and clarify his paper issues before you guys embark on marriage cos i wont even support you marrying him without your paterents blessings. Marrige is a lofe long thing so do not be in a hurry to go into it or even be cajoled into it. Remember he is 1 person u'r gonna spend d rest of your life with,the father of ur unborn children,so please calm down and do things right. If he is not ready to calm down and meet your parents,then he is not your man. Stand firm and resolute in him coming down to naija to do the needful. Never rush to marry so that you dont rush out. 5 Likes |
Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by Emescot(m): 10:53am On Dec 09, 2016 |
Fly your parents abroad na, shebi if mohamed does not go to the mountain, the mountain will go to mohamed 6 Likes |
Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by Kupaskeybaba(m): 10:58am On Dec 09, 2016 |
honestly i dont no aw to adviz u cuz am not in ur shoe. Al i no is it not proper to marry without ur families consent! Think twice cuz luv is not enof in marriage 1 Like |
Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by fijiano202(m): 11:02am On Dec 09, 2016 |
5minsmadness:I Tire oo,have u tried explaining the situation to ur parents.why not introduce both parents to each other..why are u trying to destroy a good thing in ur life 2 Likes |
Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by Everblazinggg(f): 11:30am On Dec 09, 2016 |
Why the rush? Give him time to sort out his paper issues. Next year still dey but don't get married without your parents consent. |
Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by bim2: 4:14pm On Dec 09, 2016 |
These people talking about him sort out his paper don't understand how abroad is? You better use your head properly,to find a good man/woman is not easy abroad ohhh since you've found yours,better explain to your parents so they can help you find a way round the issue. Let his parents go n meet your parents on his behalf n let him start speaking to your parents on the fone. I assume you have papers so you better get married to him n start living your life. 8 Likes |
Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by Splinz(m): 4:30pm On Dec 09, 2016 |
Sorry, I'm not seeing any problem here. He's simply facing some temporary setbacks which can be cleared soon... Or is there something you're not telling us? Is he saying that the marriage plans should go ahead here in Nigeria without his presence ![]() |
Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by thorpido(m): 4:49pm On Dec 09, 2016 |
Don't get married without him meeting your parents first.He should keep working on getting his papers sorted or you look at the possibility of your parents travelling to your base. Is the problem just the papers or you are concerned about something else? 3 Likes |
Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by sexymoma(f): 5:05pm On Dec 09, 2016 |
Person wey get head nor get cap my sister u don go shiloh before? dem plenty hia, wey dey look for better half im still trying to figure out your problem here ooo nor be say the guy dey cheat, nor be say u get belle for am he nor collect am, and nor be say he dey beat you talkless say he dey drink.. do you really need an advice at all..im still wondering. 4 Likes |
Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by sisisioge: 5:11pm On Dec 09, 2016 |
They have said it all...marry that dude girl. |
Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by ikyTech(m): 6:04pm On Dec 09, 2016 |
It's your shoe so you known better how hard it hurts. However I agree with sexymoma. Talk to your man and find out the details of his papers and how best to move forward. Ask for help if you have to in resolving the papers. Stand by your man and resist temptation. A good man will value that as priceless |
Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by zeb04(f): 6:09pm On Dec 09, 2016 |
don't marry without him meeting your parent. dont let peer pressure/online pressure or the fear of being single make you make hasty senseless decisions . 2 Likes |
Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by DBestDoc(f): 7:00pm On Dec 09, 2016 |
@Op, i think there's something else you're concerned about. You seem not to be very sure/ peaceful bout the whole thingy. It's not compulsory for you to go back home to be married. After all, a lot of people travel abroad to have their weddings these days. If you're totally cool with him, i believe you guys can find a way to sort things out. Like his family seeing your people while you invite your parents over for the ceremony. Your fam can do a background check on him even before meeting him. I don't think you'd have much problems getting your people to give their consent if he's all you wrote up there. Whatever you do, pray and choose wisely. All the best! 2 Likes |
Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by tannystacey: 7:53pm On Dec 09, 2016 |
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Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by tannystacey: 8:01pm On Dec 09, 2016 |
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Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by Splinz(m): 8:14pm On Dec 09, 2016 |
tannystacey: He can't get married to you that way, he must sort out whatever challenges he's facing and return home to do the marriage proper. Good you said no. |
Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by AngelsAndStars(m): 8:57pm On Dec 09, 2016 |
sexymoma:so to drink na sin? ![]() |
Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by Winneygirl(f): 10:35pm On Dec 09, 2016 |
They live in different cities.
She doesn't see him often.
Most of what she knows about him are what she knew through the phone.
She is worried she doesn't know him enough.
.
Besides, which issues about him can you not tell your friends about.
Or am I missing something?
Surely this isn't about papers. 4 Likes |
Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by Nobody: 11:07pm On Dec 09, 2016 |
Listen to ur parents . Hw much do u know him ? Ur relationship has been happening on da phone , u just met dis yr . Neither of u have papers buh he wants to get married in dis country . Maybe he thinks it wud help with his papers , idk . Listen to ur parents , let dem meet him first , dey r marriage counselors n know wat dey r saying 4 Likes |
Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by Nobody: 9:37am On Dec 10, 2016 |
This your story looks like cut and join. but from what i can make of it, deep down you have reservations about marrying him as do your parents cos you've been in LDR, also, you're worried about the uncertainties and your future together due to the country, paper, immigration issues. so verily I say to you, take your time, discuss your fears with him, listen to your parents and by the time he gets his papers, you should know if you want to move forward or pack up shop. good luck! 2 Likes |
Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by onegig(m): 10:10am On Dec 10, 2016 |
Joavid: Abi.. I have not seen a more disjointed story in a long while. He is sorting his papers; However you want him to see your parents. Except if you are telling him he sees your parents now or you walk out of the relationship. That is the only reason he would say you are not fighting for him. So basically just stay with him through the process of sorting his papers and support him while he does the needful when his papers are complete. Must you get married during the process? What happened to giving it a year or more time? Seriously i don't get the issue here except maybe she's not telling us the whole truth. |
Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by 5minsmadness: 10:44am On Dec 10, 2016 |
tannystacey: From all you have said eh, I dont think you want to marry this guy. Dont get me wrong oh, i am not forcing you to do anything, but looking at the way this thread is going, you have even began to put doubts in my mind. This guy is good and kind and blah blah, yes we get it. But I don't think you love him. Either that or you are scared of commitment. 1 Like |
Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by TR1212: 8:47am On Dec 11, 2016 |
sexymoma: Ahhhh!!!! Finally someone speaks my mind! @op, please I am yet to see your problem too o. What is confusing u? The guy said wait for him to sort things out. So what's the problem? You can't wait? Do you have other suitors? Is someone Dying soon that you'll say time is of the essence? You don't want to stand by him now that he's having challenges? Fine then, do like someone else suggested. Fly your people to your location so they can meet the guy. Otherwise, don't come back tomorrow and complain about how u left this great guy for another and now you are regreting it. 2 Likes |
Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by xross(m): 1:11pm On Dec 11, 2016 |
tannystacey: He needs the right papers. You should talk to him and ask him exactly what's the isssue with the his STAY. Don't be in a hurry to marry. You may regret it. Ensure he meets your parents. (You won't want your kids to get married without following your due process when you are still alive) If he loves you he'll wait, get his papers and do it right. Love isn't enough these days. Think beyond the now. |
Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by baby124: 4:09pm On Dec 11, 2016 |
You need to know exactly what the paper issue is. You also must know exactly what you want to do after school. You also must spend time with him. You can be engaged and be in school as max, your schooling is 18months. You can decide to finalize the plans after finishing up with your studies or you marry and finish up but wait to finish up your studies before having kids. If he cannot travel, let him pay for your parents tickets or you both pay for them to come to the country for a visit. But before all this you have to make sure in your mind that you want to spend the rest of your life with this man. Outside of any pressure. This can only come from you spending some time with him. He cannot be perfect, neither are you. But there are the fundamental and realistic things to consider when choosing a mate. It varies by person but you must know what yours is. After your parents have met him and are satisfied, then his parents can go and meet your parents in Nigeria. Then your parents will get back to you on what they feel about him, his family and their consent. Only after that should you start making marriage plans. The fact is since his paper situation is shaky, if you want to marry him, put it in your mind the possibility of you both relocating back to Nigeria if his paper issues are not sorted. Also envision yourself back home with him and think if you can cope with him as your husband in the Nigerian environment. These are things you both need to talk about and always discuss the worst case scenario and be fine with it in your heart. It could also happen that he may have to go back home before you finish your post graduate studies if he is denied papers before then. I wish you the best. 1 Like |
Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by Nobody: 4:39pm On Dec 11, 2016 |
tannystacey:The only ish here are his papers eh? How about you bring your parents over for a week? They get to spend quality time with him, and that serves as some form of informal introduction. If they're cool with him, you guys can get married at the registry (if the laws permit, considering his papers ish) , then when he sorts out his papers, you guys can come home for the "owambe" ![]() ![]() |
Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by Nobody: 4:26am On Dec 12, 2016 |
Honestly,I don't understand you.What are you giving up?he wants to get married,so what's the ish about that?ain't you old enough to get married or what?I don't understand you. |
Re: Deeply Confused About This Relationship. Please Kindly Advise. by Nofav0rs(m): 4:11pm On Aug 15, 2018 |
LaCruzz:? |
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