Remilekun101:
okay

Welcome to The COB

Jayson1:
Nice one OP.


This thread is just the definition of what Romance Section should be.

Thank you very much.

I hope that we get to spice it up and make the thread very interesting.

Please help by tagging anyone you know is going through some hassle in their love life.

TheCOB:


Thank you very much.

I hope that we get to spice it up and make the thread very interesting.

Please help by tagging anyone you know is going through some hassle in their love life.

Jayson1:
But it's all good, we shall overcome.

Amen

TheCOB:


Amen

Jayson1:
Brilliant ladies like Benia27, Beambora, Raie80, Diddyiva, Buttefrost, misbliss,(though she can be stubborn but very brilliant) Laeda, Rosaliene, Sextemi and a host of others can be of help here.

mhisbliss:
thanks for the mention, relationships aren't really my thing because I've been through and the experience wasn't what i thought it'd be, but from my little experience I'd say assumptions is the least of problems in relationships this days, there's a lot of other things you should consider like lack of communication, doubt, differences, the way you see life, insecurity, over protective nature and possessiveness, in the face of all this i don't think mere assumptions should be a case to worry about, i mean most of those things i mentioned can birth assumptions,

For instance
An insecure guy who happened to get a beautiful lady who he feels he doesn't deserve might start feeling insecure especially when it becomes obvious that guys are into his lady, any calls, standing close a guy, little change in composure, he starts feeling the insecurity which will give birth to doubts, then assumptions,

Instead of asking her, he wouldn't, he'll feel paranoid and try to play detective, now that's lack of communication, he becomes over possessive and protective, etc

you solve a problem by treating the root cause otherwise it becomes a reoccurring problem, so assumptions is the least of problems in a relationship

Hope i made sense

mhisbliss:
thanks for the mention, relationships aren't really my thing because I've been through and the experience wasn't what i thought it'd be, but from my little experience I'd say assumptions is the least of problems in relationships this days, there's a lot of other things you should consider like lack of communication, doubt, differences, the way you see life, insecurity, over protective nature and possessiveness, in the face of all this i don't think mere assumptions should be a case to worry about, i mean most of those things i mentioned can birth assumptions,

For instance
An insecure guy who happened to get a beautiful lady who he feels he doesn't deserve might start feeling insecure especially when it becomes obvious that guys are into his lady, any calls, standing close a guy, little change in composure, he starts feeling the insecurity which will give birth to doubts, then assumptions,

Instead of asking her, he wouldn't, he'll feel paranoid and try to play detective, now that's lack of communication, he becomes over possessive and protective, etc

you solve a problem by treating the root cause otherwise it becomes a reoccurring problem, so assumptions is the least of problems in a relationship

Hope i made sense

mhisbliss:
thanks for the mention, relationships aren't really my thing because I've been through and the experience wasn't what i thought it'd be, but from my little experience I'd say assumptions is the least of problems in relationships this days, there's a lot of other things you should consider like lack of communication, doubt, differences, the way you see life, insecurity, over protective nature and possessiveness, in the face of all this i don't think mere assumptions should be a case to worry about, i mean most of those things i mentioned can birth assumptions,

For instance
An insecure guy who happened to get a beautiful lady who he feels he doesn't deserve might start feeling insecure especially when it becomes obvious that guys are into his lady, any calls, standing close a guy, little change in composure, he starts feeling the insecurity which will give birth to doubts, then assumptions,

Instead of asking her, he wouldn't, he'll feel paranoid and try to play detective, now that's lack of communication, he becomes over possessive and protective, etc

you solve a problem by treating the root cause otherwise it becomes a reoccurring problem, so assumptions is the least of problems in a relationship

Hope i made sense

Hi dear..

Good evening and welcome to The COB.

YES you made sense

The beauty of having a conversation is that it allows us explore different angles to a given angles before settling for one.

And explore we shall

TheCOB:
I agree completely with you that to solve any problem, we MUST first tackle the root cause or the stressor (as I like to call it )

So I guess our first task would be to identify what REALLY is the stressor in relationship problems? Let's find out together.

Why does that young man feel insecure?
Probably he is broke...thus he assumes that his woman could be easily swooned by richer guys

Why would he be worried when she shifts away to take a call?
Because he assumes that she could be talking to her latest maga

Why would he be worried when she says she can't come visiting?
Because he assumes she might be somewhere else with another man


You see, it's a subconscious thing. He doesn't deliberately plan to think or assume such things, but there's just that tiny corner of his head that keeps telling him "What if....."

That tiny corner is in us all..... And it is a major contributor in the manifestation of every problem a relationship can have.



Cc: mhisbliss

TheCOB:
I'd be sharing my experience in this series. I hope you take note of my assumptions, the good and the bad and learn from them!

Cheers!

mhisbliss:
without insecurity they wont be any what if's or assumptions

LoRdCaT:
+yawns+ Miss find a day job.

I have one. Thanks for your thoughts

Welcome to The COB

TheCOB:


Not really dear.

An assumption doesnt necessarily have to be negative. It generally refers to an individual's thoughts and inferences. Because we must think, assumptions occur in every relationship. When we think, we draw out inferences from our thoughts.

However, when these our thoughts are streamlined mainly towards negative inferences, an individual may become insecure.

So it's actually assumptions that lead up to insecurity not the other way round.

It is not the presence of insecurity that leads to "what if?" It is accumulation of plenty what-ifs that yield insecurity.

Insecurity can actually be colloquially defined as 'an excessive persistence of negative/inferior what-ifs'

TheCOB:


I have one. Thanks for your thoughts

Welcome to The COB

LoRdCaT:
Good to know. After working during the day, you should be resting at night. Stop disturbing us with all this COB balderdash.

You sure seem to be enjoying this 'disturbance'.
You compliment is welcome

TheCOB:
Next, you mentioned lack of communication.
Indeed this is a key player in the breakdown of many relationships.

But the question is: Why and How does the communication flow break down in relationships?

Toyin loves to talk to Nkem about all the tiny details of her day. She would go from the neighbor that snored all afternoon, to Mama Ada who came visiting and Tope's husband who can't seem to walk without dragging his feet. Nkem would listen and even occasionally nod from time to time, but he would never share about his own day. This isn't really because of anything negative, but because Nkem just prefers to talk less.
After a while, Toyin begins to feel like the talkative in the relationship. She assumes that perhaps Nkem's lack of gist is because he is bored by her endless talks. So she tries to make 'adjustments', albeit adjustments that are uncalled for. She consciously picks out the stories to share and the ones to keep to herself assuming in doing so that she is sparing him some drama.
But the truth is: Gisting about all those tiny details are what glows the spark for Toyin and she is slowly losing it. Before long she no longer feels that surge of excitement to burst out info to Nkem.
Definitely, he notices that she is no longer sharing all her tiny details with him, she is more withdrawn these days..... He thinks "she is tired.... Or there could be someone else......." Slowly and subconsciously he withdraws...
Before any of us can spell Jack, the walls of that relationship is fast cracking. The diagnosis given at first glance is "Lack of communication".

But was it really? Or wasn't there something else influencing the end product?

TheCOB:
While we are analysing this particular angle to the discussion, please feel free to drop in your experiences.

It doesn't have to be that you have a current relationship problem to tackle.

It could be that you have had an experience where you wrongly assumed something in a relationship. Tell us about it...
How did it turn out for you?

***I'd be updating my experience every Monday***

Horlohlah:
Not getting answers(lack of communication) leads to overthinking which further leads to assumption.

You should not leave your partner in a position that render him/her clueless about whats going with you cos if he/she cares,that will bother them and cause them to start coming up with assumptions since you left them hanging in the first place. Effective communication goes a long way in a relationship...no amount of detail is useless cos relationship is a ship that needs two sailor for a steady sailing.

For instance, If you know you will get really busy...tell your partner before it begin...that way he/she wont feel like something else is happening...after telling him/her,when you actually become unavailable due to your busy schedule...keep reminding him/her that its all cos of your schedule and they will know you have them in mind. Never leave your partner hanging or clueless

Jayson1:
At this point, that great overwhelming of joyful excitement we once shared starts to efface gradually. Some negative impression about her will start to set in. @bolded.

TheCOB:




For instance,
A man could assume that his wife should know that he is busy and thus not categorically tell her as u have mentioned above. This in turn like I said, would give birth to negative assumptions, further sour the communication flow.... And culminate in a breakup