Horlohlah:
We are saying the same thing,i only reiterated your point. The man chooses to assume and not communicate...it goes hand in hand. Lack of communication-Overthinking-Assumption.

Lolz owk

Welcome to The COB.

TheCOB:

Lolz owk
Welcome to The COB.

TheCOB:


Exactly!
Before you know it, the spark is gone

Jayson1:
Let's do this again some other time. Many thanks to you.


Sleep well.

Sure we would
More thanks to you though

TheCOB:


You sure seem to be enjoying this 'disturbance'.
You compliment is welcome

Jayson1:
Brilliant ladies like Benita27, Beamborla, Raine80, Diddydiva, Butterfrost, mhisbliss,(though she can be stubborn but very brilliant) Laveda, Rosaliene, Sexytemi and a host of others can be of help here.

Sexytemi:


okay

Welcome to The COB.

Thanks for stopping by.... Please share your thoughts and experiences too.

Jayson1:

Beamborla:


Very sweet of you to have mentioned me but I'm afraid I'm not much of an authority when it comes to romance.

Nevertheless, I'd tie everything down to communication... Not just communication, but effective and honest communication.

In addition, you have no business dating someone you can't or do not trust.

TheCOB:
Next, you mentioned lack of communication.
Indeed this is a key player in the breakdown of many relationships.

But the question is: Why and How does the communication flow break down in relationships?

Toyin loves to talk to Nkem about all the tiny details of her day. She would go from the neighbor that snored all afternoon, to Mama Ada who came visiting and Tope's husband who can't seem to walk without dragging his feet. Nkem would listen and even occasionally nod from time to time, but he would never share about his own day. This isn't really because of anything negative, but because Nkem just prefers to talk less.
After a while, Toyin begins to feel like the talkative in the relationship. She assumes that perhaps Nkem's lack of gist is because he is bored by her endless talks. So she tries to make 'adjustments', albeit adjustments that are uncalled for. She consciously picks out the stories to share and the ones to keep to herself assuming in doing so that she is sparing him some drama.
But the truth is: Gisting about all those tiny details are what glows the spark for Toyin and she is slowly losing it. Before long she no longer feels that surge of excitement to burst out info to Nkem.
Definitely, he notices that she is no longer sharing all her tiny details with him, she is more withdrawn these days..... He thinks "Maybe she is tired.... Or there could be someone else......." Slowly and subconsciously he withdraws...
Before any of us can spell Jack, the walls of that relationship is fast cracking. The diagnosis given at first glance is "Lack of communication".

But was it really? Or wasn't there something else influencing the end product?

Beamborla:


Very sweet of you to have mentioned me but I'm afraid I'm not much of an authority when it comes to romance.

Nevertheless, I'd tie everything down to communication... Not just communication, but effective and honest communication.

In addition, you have no business dating someone you can't or do not trust

Beamborla:

Communication is not all about talking about random activities, ma'am. There are people who talk less but still communicate effectively with their partners. Communication in relationships is more about putting everything about the relationship into words and backing it by actions where necessary to eliminate wrong assumptions/conclusions.

If they had been having effective communication, she would have understood his type of person instead of assuming.

TheCOB:


Thanks for dropping by dear.
Welcome to The COB!

Please share, what would you term effective communication in a relationship?

TheCOB:


My question was unrelated to the earlier discussion which you quoted. It was in no way to discredit your comment.

I only asked to get you into the conversation by sharing your thoughts and so since you had mentioned effective communication, I asked that you expatiate on it.

Beamborla:


Communication is not effective when the sender and the receiver do not have a shared meaning. There are lots of things involved in communication from tone of voice to body language to body posture to eye contact down to choice of words. Even the environment and mood have roles to play. All of these can either enhance or distort the decoding of a message by the receiver.

You have not communicated effectively if the receiver is unable to decode the message you are sending better than you meant it or just as you meant it.

I'm trying to explain this without going into mass communication jargons. Simply put, if the receiver is not on the same page with you the sender, then effective communication is yet to talk place

Oshey!

True. Different couples have different communication styles. It becomes effective only when both parties are fully in tune with each other leaving no room for negative assumptions. Infact an intoned couple should be able to discuss their thoughts (and assumptions) freely which other

Beamborla:

I don't know how to reply this.

But I just answered your question.

Lol yea... Just saw your response now

Jayson1:
But my friend with an extreme self-confidience will disagree with you on that @the bolded. He finds trust as a weak emotion.

BTW, you're welcome.

Beamborla:
That's unhealthy.

sexymoma:
He hardly pick my calls and he calls back at his own convenient
TBH i've stopped deceiving myself, i've concluded in my mind that.....
he hardly pick my calls at night, if i should talk he'll tell me im suspecting him or sort
how can i have a bf that i can't jos call anytime i feel like...
that's why i don't date made men, your opinion doesn't count, and they form busy everytime...
you see why im scared, it's difficult for me to bliv he doesn't have a gf, Why? cos i met this guy as a made guy.
he has his own apartment as in nor be say he buy ooo, he has two cars already.. pls tell me why i won't think of such..
it's only a Gold digger that wouldn't bother, cos her thought would be make i chop wetin i wan chop comot dia.
pls my fellow nlander abeg make una advice me..
ok let me tell you this.. i called him on saturday, that i'll be coming to his place, he didn't pick my calls and he didnt even call back
same thing on sunday....do you guys bliv he later later called on monday afternoon that he has been so busy... he said he was gonna call back
phew!! till this moment he hasn't... i didn't call him too cos it's been looking as if im bugging him.
Bliv me i love him so much i won't deny that buh you know why i wanna trust him alil?... he isn't a sex freak type.
just want you guys to tell me what i wanna hear or what i don't wanna hear

Even before I read through your story,

I'd just like to say a hearty thank you for sharing with us.

Welcome to The COB

Let's do this together

Beamborla:

Then how does he live? In constant paranoia? That's unhealthy.

Jayson1:
Sometimes I do see him as someone with mental disorder marked by memory failures but there's nothing i can do to help his condition.


*I wonder how he's girlfriend feel at this.

Beamborla:

If she's aware of how he feels, then no use wondering. She's either strong enough or stupid enough.

TheCOB:


Even before I read through your story,

I'd just like to say a hearty thank you for sharing with us.

Welcome to The COB

Let's do this together

sexymoma:
He hardly pick my calls and he calls back at his own convenient
TBH i've stopped deceiving myself, i've concluded in my mind that.....
he hardly pick my calls at night, if i should talk he'll tell me im suspecting him or sort
how can i have a bf that i can't jos call anytime i feel like...
that's why i don't date made men, your opinion doesn't count, and they form busy everytime...
you see why im scared, it's difficult for me to bliv he doesn't have a gf, Why? cos i met this guy as a made guy.
he has his own apartment as in nor be say he buy ooo, he has two cars already.. pls tell me why i won't think of such..
it's only a Gold digger that wouldn't bother, cos her thought would be make i chop wetin i wan chop comot dia.
pls my fellow nlander abeg make una advice me..
ok let me tell you this.. i called him on saturday, that i'll be coming to his place, he didn't pick my calls and he didnt even call back
same thing on sunday....do you guys bliv he later later called on monday afternoon that he has been so busy... he said he was gonna call back
phew!! till this moment he hasn't... i didn't call him too cos it's been looking as if im bugging him.
Bliv me i love him so much i won't deny that buh you know why i wanna trust him alil?... he isn't a sex freak type.
just want you guys to tell me what i wanna hear or what i don't wanna hear

Jayson1:
Sometimes I do see him as someone with mental disorder marked by memory failures but there's nothing i can do to help his condition.


*I wonder how he's girlfriend feel at this.

TheCOB:


The regular cliché is: 'No one is ever too busy for the one they love, they either love you or they don't.'

But you see, that may not always be true. So before we cast your bf to dark shadows of not loving you, Let's try to take it back to the beginning....

1. How long have you been together?

2. How did you meet or what was the connection that brought you together?

3. You only said all the wrong things he does. If you are still in that relationship, I'm guessing he must have some good qualities. Write down a list of the best 10

sexymoma:
we jos met not quite long, we met close to my office,
10 best ke... if i have i would have written, if i lie to you im deceiving myself ni... he isn't even romantic, he s so stiff.
i don't ask him for cash, so i can't say he spends on me.
He s intelligent
He s ambitious
he hardly gets angry "for now that i've known him'
he s quick to apologize. "don't know if he s pretending though"
He isnt even caring i must tell you.

TheCOB:


1.Give a specific timeline please. How long have you been together?

2.Did he exactly name you as the woman he is dating or you simply assumed you were dating?

3.You didn't answer, what connection brought you together?

sexymoma:
must i be specific bout that time,"not quite long" i think i wrote that..
aint a kid, i can't assume someone is dating me if he isn't dating me... i've passed that stage ma'm...
what do you mean by connection... i think by now i should be thinking hard on the advice you've given me... i've written enough details na