I'm here in the states and my BF is from Lagos but in Kaduna right now. We've been engaged for 2 years and have struggled to figure out where we should settle once married. I have 4 daughter's and he has no children and never married. I believe here in the states we will struggle until he finds work (aviation field) if he can even get sponsored to gain employment.
I have my own earnings, and it's for life, plus I work. Without my job, my earnings equal a little over 1 mill naira per month.

He believes with his earnings and my earnings we will do financially better and won't have to struggle if I moved to Lagos.
This is a huge move and with children even bigger. I understand a huge adjustment, but my biggest fear is whether this will be enough money and give us an opportunity to save in case of emergencies. He's saying we can find a plot and build a home. Pay rent for a year while home is being built.

Will this be enough? Can I afford to finally be able to stay home with the kid's? Will this be enough for school fee's and all the necessities to be comfortable and secure?
A lot of my Nigerian friend's say it's plenty. To give myself an allowance monthly and stick to it, so the rest can be used to build our house and put away.

Just wondering if you folks can give me a better idea.

Thanks!!

If you are in the states, please stay there. You have 4 kids! School fees alone in lagos is killing! I have 1 kid and I had to spread fees. An average middle class primary school is not less than 200k per term excluding all the little added expense.
Accommodation is another thing or less you hubby has built his own house. Then the security issues, the cost of living in lagos. Then the constant lack of electricity will almost drive you bunkers. You can't run on generator 24/7 because petrol is almost 150naira to 1 liter.
I am in lagos. I haven't had light since last month till date. You can't eat out everyday and you can't store food due to lack of electricity!
You really want to come here? With 4 kids? Wow!
It's easier on all involved if your intended comes over to US.
I mean, do you read the thread and see how the value of the Naira is steadily falling. By mid next year, what you think is 1M will be worth 400k!!!
Seriously?

The guy above me is 200% right! I also live in lagos. If I could find my way to the US I would be very very happy. Things are very very expensive here in lagos

I will never trust a single guy (who has never been married) that accepts to date a rich single mom with 4 kids.


Sorry I'm being pessimistic, but I think you should make the decision that's best for you.


That guy, to me, is marrying two things: your money and your stu.pidity ignorance.

he is your bf... have you ever met him before?
I doubt if he really wants to marry you. SIngle Nigerian men rarely marry single mothers, not to talk of one with 4 children..
You are on a long thing. (con)......

Hmmmm...I just dey do hmmmm for the bobo that has never been married but wanna marry you with your four children. Please don't move to Lagos, stay where you are. If you really wanna go all the way with him let him come over there. You have less to lose that way.

Jujusmom:
I'm here in the states and my BF is from Lagos but in Kaduna right now. We've been engaged for 2 years and have struggled to figure out where we should settle once married. I have 4 daughter's and he has no children and never married. I believe here in the states we will struggle until he finds work (aviation field) if he can even get sponsored to gain employment.
I have my own earnings, and it's for life, plus I work. Without my job, my earnings equal a little over 1 mill naira per month.
He believes with his earnings and my earnings we will do financially better and won't have to struggle if I moved to Lagos.
This is a huge move and with children even bigger. I understand a huge adjustment, but my biggest fear is whether this will be enough money and give us an opportunity to save in case of emergencies. He's saying we can find a plot and build a home. Pay rent for a year while home is being built.
Will this be enough? Can I afford to finally be able to stay home with the kid's? Will this be enough for school fee's and all the necessities to be comfortable and secure?
A lot of my Nigerian friend's say it's plenty. To give myself an allowance monthly and stick to it, so the rest can be used to build our house and put away.
Just wondering if you folks can give me a better idea.
Thanks!!

First things first dear.

Has your boyfriend / fiancé got his papers?

Acidosis:
I will never trust a single guy (who has never been married) that accepts to date a rich single mom with 4 kids.


Sorry I'm being pessimistic, but I think you should make the decision that's best for you.


That guy, to me, is marrying two things: your money and your stu.pidity ignorance.

***Wow!!! There is absolutely no need for that! And rich?From what folks are saying here I am broke and can't make it there financially! So rich I am not! And 4 children has not deterred a single man especially Nigerian men from dating me!

Prior to him I dated other men here in the states from Naija. Yoruba, Hausa and Igbo. So thinking a single Nigerian man won't date me must be some old school, old fashioned ideal that a mother with children is some sort of ashawo! And as well, that I am not!

Fyi, I am also a very beautiful woman, just in case you were needing to know that as well, I am also educated!

Favorite1:
If you are in the states, please stay there. You have 4 kids! School fees alone in lagos is killing! I have 1 kid and I had to spread fees. An average middle class primary school is not less than 200k per term excluding all the little added expense.

AVERAGE Middle class PRIMARY school at 200k a TERM? Remind me which people belong in the middle class?
You people should take it easy na.

Every other I agree to.

Dear Jujusmom,

You're a million times better off in the States than you can ever be in Nigeria.

Just right here in Lagos you'll see thousands of Nigerians struggling to get an American visa and when they do they come to church to testify about it!

Whatever difficulties you're facing in America are nothing compared to what you'll be up against in this wretched country.

Just for being American you can expect to be the target of kidnappers and fraudsters once they hear your american accent and that will only be the beginning of your sorrows.

Onechancearmy:
Dear Jujusmom,

You're a million times better off in the States than you can ever be in Nigeria.

Just right here in Lagos you'll see thousands of Nigerians struggling to get an American visa and when they do they come to church to testify about it!

Whatever difficulties you're facing in America are nothing compared to what you'll be up against in this wretched country.

Just for being American you can expect to be the target of kidnappers and fraudsters once they hear your american accent and that will only be the beginning of your sorrows.

Thank you.
This is the kind of answer I am looking for. The reality of coming there.
I have met a lot of people who have been very kind and invited me into their homes, genuinely good people, but I also know of the bad that can come with going out there.
I worry about mine and the children's safety.
And being so far from my family in case of emergencies.
He is a very good man. He's not scamming me as most have thought. He's refused any help I have tried to offer and won't allow me to do anything for him. I know his family. And they are good people as well. His mother is an amazing woman, his father typical stearn Nigerian father that is always pushing him. Brother's and sister's are all well to do.
He's not a con, we have mutual friends. Friends from out there that are here now in the states that come out to visit me. He loves my children, will download books and read them bedtime stories over skype.
Always has been respectful.
Not too many scammers (if he was one) would be okay with me being friends with his ex girlfriends family as well, nor would he be allowing me that much access to his personal life and details.

So using me as some have stated, nah.
But thank you for your honesty. That's all I'm looking for, not judgement.

Jujusmom:

***Wow!!! There is absolutely no need for that! And rich?From what folks are saying here I am broke and can't make it there financially! So rich I am not! And 4 children has not deterred a single man especially Nigerian men from dating me!
Prior to him I dated other men here in the states from Naija. Yoruba, Hausa and Igbo. So thinking a single Nigerian man won't date me must be some old school, old fashioned ideal that a mother with children is some sort of ashawo! And as well, that I am not!
Fyi, I am also a very beautiful woman, just in case you were needing to know that as well, I am also educated!

I'm not judging you, but I love to be frank as much as possible.

Without your work, your life earnings equal a little above N1m a month and you still claim the broke status in the Nigerian context?? Of course, no Nigerian scammer would bluntly tell it to your face that you're rich!

I bet, only few Nigerians would spend their time sitting at various embassies if they earn that effortlessly on a monthly basis. It would take extra efforts to live flamboyantly with a 1m/month earning (without the main work) but c'mon, you're not broke!

As regards the Lagos born/bred guy, I can only laugh and wish you the best! Forget whatever you've been told by your Hausa, Igbo and Yoruba exes over there. Men can date anything for money and s.ex, including a 90 year old granny, whenever they're miles away from their extended families.

By the way, how old is your boyfriend?

Acidosis:


I'm not judging you, but I love to be frank as much as possible.

Without your work, your life earnings equal a little above N1m a month and you still claim the broke status in the Nigerian context?? Of course, no Nigerian scammer would bluntly tell it to your face that you're rich!

I bet, only few Nigerians would spend their time sitting at various embassies if they earn that effortlessly on a monthly basis. It would take extra efforts to live flamboyantly with a 1m/month earning (without the main work) but c'mon, you're not broke!

As regards the Lagos born/bred guy, I can only laugh and wish you the best! Forget whatever you've been told by your Hausa, Igbo and Yoruba exes over there. Men can date anything for money and s.ex, including a 90 year old granny, whenever they're miles away from their extended families.

By the way, how old is your boyfriend?

He is 37.

Jujusmom:


He is 37.

Has he got his papers?

Jujusmom:

He is 37.

I take back my words...

Hey Sis, let all your decisions at this stage show serious concerns for your kids' welfare and life.

Does this thought of moving to Lagos satisfactorily address the concern above??

Please think twice about this, please. Its laughable that a single guy would be open to this without selfish considerations on his part. Am afraid I can't be convinced otherwise.

Op, you are better off in the US.
Like the rest said some men can do anything for money. He will introduce u to his family, his friends ,his pastor, even to his granny. He will be the most wonderful man and lover on his earth for a period of time, cause he knows what he's gunning for.
Even when he's 37, it's still the same.
Do u know a man of 40years old wanted to scam me, because he felt I would be desperate for marriage and my dear am not, cos I know the dangers of bn desperate for marriage. He talked about his plum job and his magnificent house. But as soon as I set my eyes on him. I just read everything about him. His walk, his shifty eyes when I told him to remove his dark shades when we were talking. Was all I need to nail him. And yeah his so called plum job, I told him I want 2 visit him in his office, he came with excuses. I just shook my head and smiled. So that's an experience o. For me, he can be 50years old, such a man will still scam if he wants to.
I have a 37year old worker, this guy scams any lady he feel is rich with sweet soft spoken words and good looks. I just shake my head whenever he sees a rich client and starts with his charms.

My dear, u need to be certain and sure u are ready for this huge step u are about to take with this single guy.
And whichever way it turns out. U will accept responsibility and accept things in good faith. A single guy that's ready to. Marry a single mum with 4 kids,? Not even one kid? Is rare to find in Nigeria. Very rare.

Just pics of us..

You look good and pretty. He looks cool.
Best of luck.

Chai, and you come cute join. It is well o.

Jujusmom:


He is 37.

Madam, pls dump that guy now! I can bet my mother's grave that this guy is a scam. S C A M!


He wants to slowly rip you off! Please my dear, don't fall for it. For the sake of your sanity... Dont!

cute beautiful lady.
please be very careful in making a decision and whatever you decide to do please put your daughter's into consideration.

Best of luck

madam lady in love, i pity you ooh...bookmark this thread becos should you relocate to 9ja, you ll need to reference it 3 years later.

A 37 yr old man who is never married, nor has a job nor a home isnt going to settle with you. Rather, he will use you to settle himself. The plot of land will be bought in his name whilst your money will be used to build the house. He will eventually sell the house and then take off to marry his real "beloved".

Forget all the stories of his family are aware of you and are amazing bla bla bla....they usually are!! They are in on the scam and would always want to reassure you if you ever have any doubts....simply becos ........

There has been enough advise for you on this thread already.....ignore at your own peril.....Beauty is nothing to an african man. You have 4 children already!!! that is a big deal for a man and his family.....especially one who is never married nor has children...it doesnt matter if you are a size zero with a washboard stomach

the 9ja men you dated in the states would have never married you....believe that

and when the scam happens (its only a matter of time) dont join the rest of the world claiming nigerians are bad and scammers because Nigerians have taken their time to warn you ahead of time but you choose to ignore.

Aunty u fine gann. pls I beg you don't Relocate to Nigeria. you can visit oh. just stay there. At times families are always aware and they could scam you. pls be careful I beg you in God's Name. I wish you the best in your relationship. I even fear pass you gan.

@Op. I would advise you think things through before taking that bold step. Lots of advise has been offered to you here and the onions lies on whatever you feel you would be comfortable with. But first thing, Nigeria is not stable at the moment and would advise not 2 entertain any ideas for you to relocate here. But if you must do, base on trust and feelings for the guy, you need to do that with a guided heart and ensure you have relocation plans if things goes sour. I dont know how to call someone scam base on the generality of individuals. There are good and bad people, he may have the best or worst intentions, only you can figure this out.

Thank you.
This is the kind of answer I am looking for. The reality of coming there.
I have met a lot of people who have been very kind and invited me into their homes, genuinely good people, but I also know of the bad that can come with going out there.
I worry about mine and the children's safety.
And being so far from my family in case of emergencies.
He is a very good man. He's not scamming me as most have thought. He's refused any help I have tried to offer and won't allow me to do anything for him. I know his family. And they are good people as well. His mother is an amazing woman, his father typical stearn Nigerian father that is always pushing him. Brother's and sister's are all well to do.
He's not a con, we have mutual friends. Friends from out there that are here now in the states that come out to visit me. He loves my children, will download books and read them bedtime stories over skype.
Always has been respectful.
Not too many scammers (if he was one) would be okay with me being friends with his ex girlfriends family as well, nor would he be allowing me that much access to his personal life and details.

So using me as some have stated, nah.
But thank you for your honesty. That's all I'm looking for, not judgement.

Madam, I pity you.
Listen to wise advise and leave that guy.

Nigeria is different from America. No African young man in his right sense will choose a mother of 4 over young and beautiful
Nigerian ladies.

I say again, his jazz is already working on you.

pocohantas:


AVERAGE Middle class PRIMARY school at 200k a TERM? Remind me which people belong in the middle class?
You people should take it easy na.

Every other I agree to.

My dear, I have no reason to exaggerate. I pay the fees ok? I know what I cough out every term for a school within ikeja o! That even my colleagues felt the standard was too low for them sef!
I am sure you don't have any kids so please when adults are talking. Keep quiet and observe okay? You may learn a thing or two.

Favorite1:


My dear, I have no reason to exaggerate. I pay the fees ok? I know what I cough out every term for a school within ikeja o! That even my colleagues felt the standard was too low for them sef!
I am sure you don't have any kids so please when adults are talking. Keep quiet and observe okay? You may learn a thing or two.

Lol.
Nigerian women sha, they will still use having kids to insult someone and feel better. Having kids makes one an adult? No wonder some TTCs are depressed. You are sure I don't have kids? You collected my womb? Paying high school fees isn't sense finally.

There is nothing middle class about 200k/term.... that's my point, if you didn't get that, I can't help your case.

Damn!
See wickedness..

Naija people... O ma se o..

monsurufatai:
Damn!
See wickedness..

Naija people... O ma se o..

It's not wickedness, it's the truth.
You are the wicked one!
The way some Nigerian men scam ladies these days is alarming. They can scam from any age. And we all know what the woman will receive at the end of it all..
HEARTBREAK! and huge loss of money and resources.

Amelian:





It's not wickedness, it's the truth.
You are the wicked one!
The way some Nigerian men scam ladies these days is alarming. They can scam from any age. And we all know what the woman will receive at the end of it all..
HEARTBREAK! and huge loss of money and resources.

Do you know the guy?
Are all Nigerian men scamming women?
Do you have any good things to say about your country men to foreigners?
The lady came to ask questions about moving to Nigeria and not for you guys to give her relationship advice.
Do you have any idea of how many foreign ladies that are happily married to Nigerian guys? Some met online..
By the way, why would he invite a woman he wants to scam to come live with him in Nigeria. .
What the feck is wrong with you people and generalization..


Damn!!!

monsurufatai:


Do you know the guy?
Are all Nigerian men scamming women?
Do you have any good things to say about your country men to foreigners?
The lady came to ask questions about moving to Nigeria and not for you guys to give her relationship advice.
Do you have any idea of how many foreign ladies that are happily married to Nigerian guys? Some met online..
By the way, why would he invite a woman he wants to scam to come live with him in Nigeria. .
What the feck is wrong with you people and generalization..



Damn!!!

Story! Keep deceiving yourself..
We all know the truth and how it rolls here !