You read me right!


Please read carefully to understand why.

Bae got pregnant and despite the fact that I was still trying to find my feet we agreed to keep the pregnancy. Though this didn't go down well with the parents, they had no choice but to agree but bae had to stay away from the public eye as parents didnt want to lose their standing in the public eye, she was moved to another location throughout the pregnancy but I still created time to visit, buy stuffs and provide for ante-natal the much I could. Bae put to bed was there and paid the bills later into the child's life, I was stopped from coming to their house and knowing how antagonizing bae's parents had been, I didn't bother cos I thought bae and I had plans and that she was all that mattered.

She tactically withdrew and made her line unreachable, she won't tell me why all these where happening, but side talks suggests she said we weren't compatible.

That didn't bother so much as I believed she was going to come back to her senses.
I made efforts to meet her family with some set of uncles, but as the first meeting didn't go well, they all backed out. (Dad died while I was younger). I was told by all that are supposed to help that I shouldn't bother, since she is a girl that she would get married and that would be all, that if it were to be a boy, they would have advised that I fight for the child. (But I love my daughter and wouldn't have loved her any different even if its a male child). Others said it was a good thing for me as their being on their own gives me the needed space to make something out of my life (but who still cares about money? Not me, I wanted to give that child a father love, the type I got but eventually lost with my dad's demise)

So left on my own, I brooded for too long before deciding to move on but not a day goes by that I don't think about my child and unfortunately her mum as I know her well being is somewhat tied to her mum. I still tried making contacts from time to time but they all proved futile, and this December I tried to pay them a visit but was turned back along with the gift o brought for my child.

Its been five years and I honestly don't know what my child looks like.

My friend suggested the court earlier in the heat of the matter but I declined telling him how it could further provoke them that with time all will be well.

Its been 5 freaking years and they go worst. The dad only recently threatened to arrest me. But I think I am ready for war and death right now if it is what it takes to be a part if my daughter's childhood. I wasn't for asking for custody, just visitation or at least a heads up on her affairs! Is that too much to ask? Note that I never abandoned her at any point of her pregnancy neither did I raise any doubt about being responsible, as a matter of fact, I would have married her then had her parents consented.

Right now what I am yet to decide is modus operandi for the kidnap. I.e if to use force like getting some men to invade their house and take the child or to trail her movement and take her. The girl will be 5years in march

Please take it to court.
Simple.
That's the only way forward, unless of course DNA shows you're not the father.
Its your child's RIGHT to have you in her life provided you don't have skeletons up your cupboard like being a paedophile, drug user or any other vices.
You're not doing it for yourself, but for your child!.
Be ready to also provide money for her upkeep, whether they want it or not.
It is your child's RIGHT.
Fight for your child.
Don't try to kidnap her, otherwise be ready to go to jail. Settle it in the courts

Kidnapping her isn't a good idea. You have remained blameless thus far and I suggest you keep it that way. Go through proper channels. Send a respected emisary to present your case and if that fails, go through the courts. Hope this issue is resolved swiftly and amicably, especially because of the child involved.

Go to court.Don't try to kidnap,it could backfire.
The court will definitely grant you access to the child.

eyinjuege:
Please take it to court.
Simple.
That's the only way forward, unless of course DNA shows you're not the father.
Its your child's RIGHT to have you in her life provided you don't have skeletons up your cupboard like being a paedophile, drug user or any other vices.
You're not doing it for yourself, but for your child!.
Be ready to also provide money for her upkeep, whether they want it or not.
It is your child's RIGHT.
Fight for your child.
Don't try to kidnap her, otherwise be ready to go to jail. Settle it in the courts

Well said!

It is only in mathematics that negatives on either side of the equation mulitpiles or divides to produce a positive solution. In real life, the popular saying is - TWO WRONGS DON'T MAKE A RIGHT. It is probably ok too, opting out of court settlement at the moment. Legal issues involve lots of time and money, and from your tone, you don't appear to be entirely financially buoyant.

However, an option you haven't employed is the involvement of a third party. You surely have a mature member of your extended family you can reach out to? Get them involved in the issue. Furthermore, if the man is religious, you can equally reach out to him through his religious leader(s). You may also contact members of his family- his brother, sister or any elderly person in his community, to help you mediate in this issue.

Going to court should be a last option, and kidnapping is a no option.

You're so lucky that all the posters above have all said almost the same thing.


No kidnapping at all at all.

Adopt other means like the ones suggested above, but never think of kidnapping again, if you do, before people know that you're fighting for the right course, you'd have rotten in jail.

Kidnap kwa?? Don't you think that will make them dislike you more plus you will blamed when the issue is to be judged by outsiders.....keep ur cool n take legal actions if you can afford one BT if you cant I would advice you find a way (nt kidnapping o) to talk to "bae" talk sense into her brain dah you want to av access to ur child......if that doesn't work....ermmmm try it first

I feel for you @OP.

People above have advised correctly

Kudos for wanting to be in your child's life. But after 5 years of allowing them to overstep their boundaries you've concluded that kidnapping her is the solution, really? You're her biological father and have the right to be in her life. Take the family to court and get your justice. Kidnapping isn't the way forward.

Thanks to all for your valuable contributions even though they all tends towards making me have a rethink. I really wished to cause them more pain than they caused me by forcibly taking the child and making sure they don't get to see her for as long as it took me to see her. But nowvmy resolve is weakened by your wise counsel.


Who has an estimate of what it will cost to prosecute a case as this so I can go prepared so as not to be frustrated midway as it is obvious I am on my own on this.

Harbosede02:
Kidnap kwa?? Don't you think that will make them dislike you more plus you will blamed when the issue is to be judged by outsiders.....keep ur cool n take legal actions if you can afford one BT if you cant I would advice you find a way (nt kidnapping o) to talk to "bae" talk sense into her brain dah you want to av access to ur child......if that doesn't work....ermmmm try it first

talking to her is out of the case as it is clear her mind is made up an sealed. They say a wise man sometimes changes his mind. I will play the wise one now and back track on my initial plan following the good counsel of the house. I appreciate

Personally, I will suggest you move on and look towards building a new family. Get a good woman to settle with and build your family. You can have more children to dot on. Keep in touch with your daughter if you can. If not, she will look for you when she comes of age. Most always do.

If you still love and want your baby mama, then keep waiting for her and your daughter.
Maybe they will change their minds and take you back though with the way you are behaving.... I mean sounding desperate and pitiable, they may move further away.

Then you can also concentrate on making serious money and you will see them including her parents falling over themselves to have you back. And make you a part of your daughter's life.

NotOfThis:
Kudos for wanting to be in your child's life. But after 5 years of allowing them to overstep their boundaries you've concluded that kidnapping her is the solution, really? You're her biological father and have the right to be in her life; no kidnapping needed. Take the family to court and get your justice. Kidnapping isn't the way forward.

just learnt court cases are not as clear cut as it is because they operate based on customary laws in cases like this and as is custom with where she is from (IMO) a biological father has no legal or customary claims over a child whose mother's bride price isn't paid. Depressing to say the least.

Or is there anyone versed in law here that knows a way around?

Odera2016:
Thanks to all for your valuable contributions even though they all tends towards making me have a rethink. I really wished to cause them more pain than they caused me by forcibly taking the child and making sure they don't get to see her for as long as it took me to see her. But nowvmy resolve is weakened by your weak counsel. Who has an estimate of what it will cost to prosecute a case as this so I can go prepared so as not to be frustrated midway as it is obvious I am on my own on this.

@op are your ex's parents rich ?

Its quite surprising, an average Nigerian family would have even started putting pressure on you to marry their daughter because of her status

They hid her while preggy, to cover up ,op I suspect that they've adopted your girl as their daughter and your ex her sis to keep reputation, that's why they pushed u away

Now before you take your baby I want to ask you
Do you have a job ?
Can you give your girl the kind of lifestyle /or close to that they give your baby ?
Who's going to take care of her when you go to hustle ?

If not your chances of taking her away even lawfully might be slim, you might waste cash, time and emotions

Instead of kidnapping her, use that anger to hustle and make good money, your child would even run follow you then

If you take her now and are unable to feed her, you'll hate yourself more than you hate her mom and grandparents Now

Goodlluck

Odera2016:
Right now what I am yet to decide is modus operandi for the kidnap. I.e if to use force like getting some men to invade their house and take the child or to trail her movement and take her. The girl will be 5years in march

Odera odesigo I will advise you to leave the child alone for now, the most stupid thing you will do is to kidnap her. Why not hustle for money, and then when she grows up I tell you she will definitely ask her mum about father's whereabout. I assure you. Give it time and don't make rash decisions that will ruin your relationship with your daughter.

If I had 3kids as it is now, I don't think catering for them would be a problem as I have earnings that can sustain an average family.

Rich? I don't think so at least not so rich I could get scared. They too are an average earning family.

Catalin:
Odera odesigo I will advise you to leave the child alone for now, the most stupid thing you will do is to kidnap her. Why not hustle for money, and then when she grows up I tell you she will definitely ask her m about father's whereabout. I assure you. Give it time and don't make rash decisions that will ruin your relationship with your daughter.

I dont know which I find more depressing, the fact that I am not with my daughter or people saying she would come asking after me, what if she doesn't? What if something goes wrong in her life and she hates me thinking I it would have been better had I been in her life? What if? What if....? We all see and read how over 40 people lament not knowing their roots... I don't want that for my daughter... I for one can't live with their idea my child is elsewhere and not knowing how she fares

-

Op I understand how you feel. About bn part of your child's life.
But try remarry someonelse and start having Kids. Then possibly after a while, your child wil seek for u. Been fixated on one child will not help u in any way.
U can still have more children. Do the needful, also for visitations on your baby girl take the case to court than to kidnap.
God has given u sperm to create as much children as u want with any lady u settle down with.
Simply take it easy

Loisemm:
Personally, I will suggest you move on and look towards building a new family. Get a good woman to settle with and build your family. You can have more children to dot on. Keep in touch with your daughter if you can. If not, she will look for you when she comes of age. Most always do.

If you still love and want your baby mama, then keep waiting for her and your daughter.
Maybe they will change their minds and take you back though with the way you are behaving.... I mean sounding desperate and pitiable, they may move further away.

Then you can also concentrate on making serious money and you will see them including her parents falling over themselves to have you back. And make you a part of your daughter's life.

Odera2016, whatever you do, please disregard this 'advice'

Traditionally,the part of igbo land i am from,you don't lay claim to a child you didnt pay the mother's bride price.

I feel your pain.

Odera2016:
If I had 3kids as it is now, I don't think catering for them would be a problem as I have earnings that can sustain an average family.

Rich? I don't think so at least not so rich I could get scared. They too are an average earning family.

They have adopted her as their child, she won't even know she has any other father, this is how it will be if you don't make yourself known to her but please don't think of kidnapping her rather pray and reconcile with her mother, at least let her tell the girl the truth

-

Odera2016:
You read me right!


Please read carefully to understand why.

Bae got pregnant and despite the fact that I was still trying to find my feet we agreed to keep the pregnancy. Though this didn't go down well with the parents, they had no choice but to agree but bae had to stay away from the public eye as parents didnt want to lose their standing in the public eye, she was moved to another location throughout the pregnancy but I still created time to visit, buy stuffs and provide for ante-natal the much I could. Bae put to bed was there and paid the bills later into the child's life, I was stopped from coming to their house and knowing how antagonizing bae's parents had been, I didn't bother cos I thought bae and I had plans and that she was all that mattered.

She tactically withdrew and made her line unreachable, she won't tell me why all these where happening, but side talks suggests she said we weren't compatible.

That didn't bother so much as I believed she was going to come back to her senses.
I made efforts to meet her family with some set of uncles, but as the first meeting didn't go well, they all backed out. (Dad died while I was younger). I was told by all that are supposed to help that I shouldn't bother, since she is a girl that she would get married and that would be all, that if it were to be a boy, they would have advised that I fight for the child. (But I love my daughter and wouldn't have loved her any different even if its a male child). Others said it was a good thing for me as their being on their own gives me the needed space to make something out of my life (but who still cares about money? Not me, I wanted to give that child a father love, the type I got but eventually lost with my dad's demise)

So left on my own, I brooded for too long before deciding to move on but not a day goes by that I don't think about my child and unfortunately her mum as I know her well being is somewhat tied to her mum. I still tried making contacts from time to time but they all proved futile, and this December I tried to pay them a visit but was turned back along with the gift o brought for my child.

Its been five years and I honestly don't know what my child looks like.

My friend suggested the court earlier in the heat of the matter but I declined telling him how it could further provoke them that with time all will be well.

Its been 5 freaking years and they go worst. The dad only recently threatened to arrest me. But I think I am ready for war and death right now if it is what it takes to be a part if my daughter's childhood. I wasn't for asking for custody, just visitation or at least a heads up on her affairs! Is that too much to ask? Note that I never abandoned her at any point of her pregnancy neither did I raise any doubt about being responsible, as a matter of fact, I would have married her then had her parents consented.

Don't go to court directly, get a human right organization involved. and let the case get to court through the organization.
from your Post, it appears your supposed father in law is relatively financially stable, hence he could bribe his way through if you take him to court on your own but a human right organization will stop at nothing to keep its Name clean.

@op, they felt you destroyed their daughter's life. Hence, the hatred. They think you stole from them which is obviously true. The only person I pity is your Girlfriend. The deed has been done already, God sees your heart. I believe if you talk to him in prayers, he can still do something. Meet your Pastor for prayers and counselling. Your daughter is your seed and you can't just throw away your seed like that. Forget the idea of going to court, by the time you keep on fasting and praying to God on your knees for mercy and for the family not to have rest until they allow You See your daughter, you will be surprised at what will happen. shalom

Loisemm:
Personally, I will suggest you move on and look towards building a new family. Get a good woman to settle with and build your family. You can have more children to dot on. Keep in touch with your daughter if you can. If not, she will look for you when she comes of age. Most always do.

If you still love and want your baby mama, then keep waiting for her and your daughter.
Maybe they will change their minds and take you back though with the way you are behaving.... I mean sounding desperate and pitiable, they may move further away.

Then you can also concentrate on making serious money and you will see them including her parents falling over themselves to have you back. And make you a part of your daughter's life.

If it was so easy for him to move on and forget his child he would've done so, but he obviously can't. If you were in his shoes, could you?

If this get to court, you will lose. Especially in customary courts. No bride price was paid. The child belongs to your girl's family according to the native law and custom, that's just it.

I wish you luck on whatever decision you take.

If her parents were able to hid her throughout the pregnancy and nursing period, do you sincerely believe they will acknowledge your existence.

NotOfThis:
If it was so easy for him to move on and forget his child he would've done so, but he obviously can't. If you were in his shoes, could you? And how is he supposed to keep in touch with his daughter when the baby mama and her family won't let him?

He does not have to forget his child. I can't. But I won't also act all desperate to take my child from her mother. Or see her by fire by force. Or even have thoughts of kidnapping her. Its not that bad. If I act like this, the family sef will think I am becoming unhinged. They can't hide the child away forever from him. She will look for her father if he can't gain access to her now. The parents and the lady do not want him. Should he force himself on them? Come on, everyone deserves some self respect. That's my opinion though. That's what me (if I were a man) and few other strong men will do including most I respect. Give them some breathing space. Go and live and prosper. Let them seek you. Now or later. Dont do rash things now that will back fire for a child that will still seek you out. Let her not hear you did this or that crazy stunt. My apologies if I sound like I am talking down. I won't say more about it. Bye

Ishilove:

Odera2016, whatever you do, please disregard this 'advice'

Face your lane, madam. Everyone is entitled to their opinions or advice. I didn't force it down his throat. It was a suggestion and it was clearly stated.

Loisemm:

Face your lane, madam. Everyone is entitled to their opinions or advice. I didn't force it down his throat. It was a suggestion and it was clearly stated.

I refuse to face my lane because...well, your suggestion sucks. Seriously. It's the most ridiculous 'advice' I've come across in recent times.

*shudder*