I am adult married to a lady of 35years. We have been married since 2007. God has blessed us with 3 wonderful children( 2 boys and 1 girl). Before we got married, i agreed with my wife that i only want to have 2 kids ( I wouldnt mind if they just boys or girls. That means, Im not particular of the sex of the kids). My wife is a B.sc Accounting graduate, while myself, I am a Chartered Accountant, with a well paid job. My wife had a 3rd class degree. On several occassions, i have told her to go back to school for Post Graduate Diploma (PGD) in order to upgrade, but she plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again. I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do? I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Luckly, was transferred to Benin. I went with my family to Benin. We stayed over 4years in Benin. While we were in Benin, I told my wife to go and enroll for a 6months diploma programm in computer (because she is not computer literate). I paid over N110,000 for the 6months programme. My wife only went for the programme for 1month and stopped. She refused to complete the program. When I asked her, she told me that she will go back after she had "put to bed"( Then she was pregnant). Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

Last year, she asked me to open a store for her, that she want to go into trading. When I asked her the nature of the business, she said, she wants to deal on selling rice, beans, yams, groundnut oil, etc. I now suggested that it will not be a problem, but she has to look for somebody who is already in the business so as to understudy the person for atleast 1month. She refused, saying that without her understudying anybody, that she can still make it. I told her that my reason of suggesting to her to understudy somebody was that, i wanted her to be selling in wholesale. My plan was to give like N1.5million. I told her, i cannot just release N1.5million to her for a business that she did not learn. I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My children's school fees is over N650,00 per term for the 3 kids. I provide for feeding. My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing. Im really getting tired. My salary does not carry the family again because of too much expenses.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s. I have complained to her on several occasion that i dont like the way she dresses, but each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry. People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university. Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her. I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively. I pay a lesson teacher N30,000 monthly for my kids but my wife is at home doing nothing. Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders. When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything. I was checking for some documents in my room last week, and i came across an application that my wife wrote to submit to a private school where she wants to teach. When i saw the letter, believe me, my brothers, one of my kids that is in primary 5 cannot write such rubbish.

What i thought she was before i married her, is not what she is. I cannot take her out for an occassion because she may embarrase me by her conduct in the public. I need a divorce but the problem now is, i did i court wedding with her. What should i do? Im confused.

i confuse pass u bro.

Naturally Shez not d school type.
I dnt know where to start ooo.

I can feel ur pain... sorry op
But ill be back.

*Modifed*.. but op education aint everythin.
Pls accept her d way she is i wont advice divorce...
As for her poor dressing u can always do somethin abt.
U can employ a fashionista or if u dnt hav d money u can consult any of ur relative who
Has better dress sense to stay with u guys for few months to help her..
bliv she would be better.

As for her business i think she has to learn it as u rightly said..before venturing into it.
Your wife aint cheatin on u no quarelling u.
So dnt divorce her...U can polish her.
Accept her the d way she is cox the way u goin about could affect her esteem and make her feel shez a worthless numbskull.

BETTER THE ANGEL U KNOW THAN THE DEVIL U DONT.

This year makes it ten years that you have been married to her,why did it take you this long?

You just realised she is not intelligent and cannot compose a good text message after ten years right?

Anyways,your wife is the type that is contented with being a full time housewife,you cant force her to be what she doesnt want to be,you just need to work harder and harsher so you can have more to spend on your family.

African men love to be the breadwinner and the Lord of the house so keep bearing it.

what/who did you think she was before you married her?

This is a serious issue o.... I no know where to start to mend sef, God abeg save me from such

wonukwuru:



Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

Abeg who dey fvck her?......deliberately take in?...When raw dey sweet you and u dey pour everytin inside...she force u?

If I were in ur shoes, I won't marry such woman in the first place. Probably u married her when there was nothing and now that things are going well u want something better. My brother manage her o. Goodluck Jonathan is managing his own.

sincerely this are one of the worst people to change


it is easier to change an atheist like seun than to change them

they are usually well behaved and people hardly see faults in them except you

talking from experience(not personal)

my advice is that she is your wife

study her

whatever she is good in try and support her

and focus on your kids

say no to divorce

Sorry about that..

Are you willing to let her go

There's someone who takes left over wives..

If you can't give her to this person..thn you love her.

Keep her and mold her

I sense great foolishness and carelessness in the nature of the op. How could he not have seen any of these signs before marriage?

Either this story is a lie or the OP is a mumu of the first rank.

I have 2 questions for you sir.

-how long did you guys court?

-didn't you notice any of thear traits In her while you were courting?

Filing for a divorce this time will be selfish on your part.
What will happen to those three beautiful kids you have.. ..etc?

You need to give it a serious thought Bro.

I pray you receive God's guidance on this.

You knew she was a third Class graduate and went ahead to marry her, what did you expect? Now you are complaining about her grammar.
Your wife is unintelligent and she doesn't want to stress herself in school, why push her when you know her capabilities.

You say she takes in every time even though you want only 3kids. Are you not the one producing the sperm? I am not understanding.
you guys should go to your doctor and choose a family planning method that will suit you or you might end up with 10kids.

About her clothing issues, why not buy her new set of clothes like bum shorts, sexy gowns and lingeries. Married women most times forget that men are moved by what they see cos they are now married and the think the don't need to impress anyone anymore.There is no crime in buying her clothes you want her to wear.

Why not teach her how to speak good English since she does not want to enroll in school?

Open a small scale business for her and if she refuse to do or mismanage it, then don't give her money for upkeep anymore.

Save your marriage, don't divorce her, divorce will affect your kids I tell you.

You probably thought you could upgrade her. Or are you saying you are just noticing her English? Nonsense. So she takes in by herself abi? If it bother's you so much why not use a condom

na me confuse pass
from wat I see here she is old-fashioned... she wants to be the stay at home type....she is stubborn.... and strong willed..... just bear with her a little and let her have her way......cancel the thought of divorce....she is not a bad woman

The devil you no is better than the angel you don't no,call your wife one on one make are see reason.if she refuse invite her family into the matter.Goodluck!

Let me sit down and read comments from more matured folks.

I'm single I don't have any advice for OP.


Seun, Lalasticlala, help a brother.

This is way too serious for Nairaland. I would have loved to speak with her. Hmmmm. I'm coming. Hold on..

You're in trouble bro

if u divorce her wil u remarry or remain single...sir tink about ur kids and their futur bcoz i kwn wat broken home has done to so many kids out there..if u remarry dat is another burden she wil want have her own kids currently wit ur kids ur bills wil b double and she might nt like ur kids that is anoda prblm, so talk to her from time to time she wil change#notodivorce#

Dude don suck her finish, now you wan offload the mama of ya 3kids!!! You wicked o! You don see another opeke outside wey don dey totori ya head and you believe say the chick befit your status pass the woman wey start with you!!! Shege awaits you like moku, mogbe, modaran if you don't act right.

As for your wife, she no wise at all. You don talk to her parent? If you never do, try talk to them.

Just stick to your wife. Trust me, she is better for you than any woman you might wanna bring if not for anything but your kids. No woman can be the best for your kids if not their mother.

Think and act right. Cheers!!!

Story dat touch....OP u get problem, after 10years, u re just realising all this.

I understand you but sir, I think you need to sit her down and ask what exactly she wants to do with her life.
You made a lot of suggestions aimed at helping her better herself but it seems she was and is not interested in any. Hence she refused to follow up with them.
I agree 1.5m is a large sum but then you could give her the money in bits. E.g, first give her money for the shop. Once she gets one then give her money for renovating it before money for stocking it.
Once she has something that will get her out of the house regularly her dressing may improve and so will her spoken English because she will have to interact with people.
On having more babies, you both need to agree on a type of family planning method. A large family will surely put a strain on your income. Both parties are supposed to be involved in family planning.
Don't just give up. Keep trying and be patient. It will all work out.

Martinez19:
I sense great foolishness and carelessness in the nature of the op. How could he not have seen any of these signs before marriage?

Either this story is a lie or the OP is a mumu of the first rank.

No. Mind the op, didn't he know she couldn't type. Correct English during text messages before he married her?

Baba nla 10years with 3 children he now realise she is all these?

Op, you be first grade mumu

Sorry but true.

Manage your wife like that.

U open your eyes and said "I do".



And what even catches my eye sef! How could u suggest selling rice beans and oil in bags in wholesales to your wife when she is yet to start and graduate from retail selling.. U don't push a beginner to complex business without starting from the primary base.

Oga u are just deceiving yourself..


Continue.. U hear??
We know ya type!

E be like the girl no gree pay baba again so the thing don start to clear the guy's eyes

ITbomb:
E be like the girl no gree pay baba again so the thing don start to clear the guy's eyes

No baba for this story.

The op is manipulative.

Smhh such men I detest..
He knows the capacity of his wife, he's giving her herculean task to do and achieve..

Make he bounce !

Amelian:




No. Mind the op, didn't he know she couldn't type. Correct English during text messages before he married her?

Baba nla 10years with 3 children he now realise she is all these?

Op, you be first grade mumu

Sorry but true.

Manage your wife like that.

U open your eyes and said "I do".



And what even catches my eye sef! How could u suggest selling rice beans and oil in bags in wholesales to your wife when she is yet to start and graduate from retail selling.. U don't push a beginner to complex business without starting from the primary base.

Oga u are just deceiving yourself..


Continue.. U hear??
We know ya type!

Don't mind him, maybe he thought he could enforce change on his wife in his own way and time but now that nothing is working he is not happy with the marriage. The op must be very foolish.

Martinez19:
Don't mind him, maybe he thought he could enforce change on his wife in his own way and time but now that nothing is working he is not happy with the marriage. The op must be very foolish.

Extremely foolish.. I swear!

Amelian:



No baba for this story.

The op is manipulative.

Smhh such men I detest..
He knows the capacity of his wife, he's giving her herculean task to do and achieve..

Make he bounce !

you are very correct, the op doesn't what to take the wife as she is but instead want her to conform to his standard and meet his herculean expectations. If he loves her, there should be mutual understanding and effective communication on this matter.

What does the op mean by "deliberately take in.."? Is he not the one producing sperm? The op no try at all. His wife needs to be accepted the way she is and he must acknowledge her limits. She can still do something greet within her limits.