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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship (10463 Views)
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Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by TheCOB(f): 9:35pm On Jan 05, 2017 |
Kaleydd2000: Where there is a will....... The most important thing is that you want to stop. Identifying the need to stop is a key factor in actually stopping. But it only does as much as it can. Next, you need to examine why you want to stop. Is it because of the guilt? Or because you are convinced that your actions are wrong? If you don't feel it as wrong in your gut, it becomes easier to fall prey. Because after some time of repeated affairs, your conscience would become sensitised to the adultery and stop feeling guilty, it thus becomes easier to sin. So first of all, Try to think and tell me: what are your true reasons why you want to stop cheating on ur wife? Please feel free to say as many reasons as there are |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by TheCOB(f): 9:55pm On Jan 05, 2017 |
sexymoma: Good evening dear. It would have been quite presumptuous for me to assume that he was cheating without any evidence. The essence of the thread is to help guide individuals away from assumptions especially negative assumptions. ***** Okay, now you are certain he has another woman. My question is: Why are you still wasting your precious time with another woman's man? He's obviously not giving you the kind of attention you would want from your man because he isn't yours. The sooner you let him out, the quicker you get your own man. If he's allowing her sleepover and even make night calls which isn't a norm for him, you shouldn't wait to be told to your face. As for him calling you.... Well he's enjoyed your attention, it's only human to ask why it stopped. But you should respect your self enough to tell him to his face that you are done. Stop selling yourself short and stressing your life monitoring his new relationship. You are way above that. Value yourself enough to tell him straight up to spend his time in his new relationship and leave you alone. You don't have to be The Other Woman - REFUSE IT 4 Likes |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by mediocre(m): 10:22pm On Jan 05, 2017 |
O0ni:Thanks man. I dont knlw how to |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by mediocre(m): 10:25pm On Jan 05, 2017 |
TheCOB, is it possible to consciously fall out of love with someone |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by TheCOB(f): 10:40pm On Jan 05, 2017 |
mediocre: First things first, There's no such thing in the practicality of Love that says " i would die without her. I would literally die" You have to wake yourself up from this illusion! When God created you, he didn't create an Eve for you without whom you would die. In fact even Adam, who God specifically created a partner for, did not need Eve for survival. Talk less of you who met and fell in love with a random person on God's big earth. Now that you've woken up from that illusion (hopefully), the next thing you should note is that: you shouldn't have to beg for crumbs of a woman's love. The reason is simple - when a woman truly loves, she gives herself into the love. So if you have a woman that has to make you grovel at her feet for crumbs of affection, then you should wake up to reality and accept that you really do not have her. You getting the crumbs of another man's main course dish. Now let's test your theory about being unable to live without her. Decide for one week that you would stay without contacting her. Give us an update of how each day went, and if you are not dead by the 7th day, I guess we'd all know the real truth of the situation. 1 Like |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by TheCOB(f): 10:43pm On Jan 05, 2017 |
O0ni: Sorry about your hurt. I'm glad you finally decided your were better than being a "Plan B" Don't stop believing in love though....one would find you when and where you least expect it to ![]() 1 Like |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by Nobody: 10:48pm On Jan 05, 2017 |
TheCOB: ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by TheCOB(f): 10:54pm On Jan 05, 2017 |
O0ni: You want to stop believing in love? |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by Nobody: 10:56pm On Jan 05, 2017 |
TheCOB: I really don't know. Doing a mental play back of how my relationship began, things said and the intensity of emotions, I wonder what love is about. |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by TheCOB(f): 11:00pm On Jan 05, 2017 |
O0ni: Yes I understand that coming out from a bad relationship, you may feel the this way. But use this time to learn more about yourself and love yourself, that way when love happens you would have something to give. Love "hopes" all things.... So just because you've had a bad experience doesn't mean love doesn't exist or that you can't have it. You can if you allow your heart to just be open to it. Don't stress it, don't go searching for love, it would just happen and when it does, you'd be better for it |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by TheCOB(f): 5:44am On Jan 06, 2017 |
Top of the day guys! How are you doing? Kinglekan, CplusJason, Jayson1, howdy ![]() |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by kinglekan: 6:07am On Jan 06, 2017 |
TheCOB: Hi TheCOB ![]() I'm doing very well and you? |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by TheCOB(f): 6:17am On Jan 06, 2017 |
kinglekan: Thanks Boss! New year, new Signature-colour? ![]() I'm doing great too. Thanks for responding ![]() 1 Like |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by Nobody: 8:33am On Jan 06, 2017 |
Thanks COB, for your responses so far. I wanna stop not because i don't enjoy it but because my wife is not happy and i also fear for unwanted disease/pregnancy. Moreover, one can't be too sure the other lady wont be doing something behind to hold unto me and in addition is my conscience and knowing the fact that God frowns at it.I want to be free inside and outside. TheCOB: |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by TheCOB(f): 8:36am On Jan 06, 2017 |
Kaleydd2000: Your reasons are fair enough. Next step is: What do you think can be done to stop? |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by CplusJason: 9:04am On Jan 06, 2017 |
TheCOB:Good morning TheCOB, I'm doing great. Happy New year. ![]() |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by TheCOB(f): 9:06am On Jan 06, 2017 |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by CplusJason: 9:13am On Jan 06, 2017 |
TheCOB:I hope the chicken you promised me is still available for collection? ![]() |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by TheCOB(f): 9:16am On Jan 06, 2017 |
CplusJason: Ehwooooo I promised you chicken? I can't remember o ![]() How about we have that talk you are owing me - this time as a treat from me |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by CplusJason: 9:21am On Jan 06, 2017 |
TheCOB:Cool then. ![]() 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by niyidenrele: 9:24am On Jan 06, 2017 |
TheCOB:hmmmmm....there is no way lack of communication will not lead to assumptions.... bet it |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by TheCOB(f): 9:30am On Jan 06, 2017 |
CplusJason: ![]() |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by CplusJason: 9:32am On Jan 06, 2017 |
TheCOB: ![]() |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by Nobody: 9:48am On Jan 06, 2017 |
on my onw i've tried not to call the girl again, also not seeing porn again, careful about the sites i see online and also prays. However, as the pro, let me have ur suggestions pls. TheCOB: |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by TheCOB(f): 12:10pm On Jan 06, 2017 |
Kaleydd2000: You are doing well. These efforts go a long way! Especially prayer. God wants our marriages to last for a lifetime and so He would support your cause. The truth is that Only You can CHOOSE to stop cheating. The good side of your story is that you love your wife, care about her happiness and most importantly that YOU WANT TO STOP. So start with believing that as difficult as it may be, it is achievable. What seems to be the benefit of your cheating is the sexual gratification you get from the other lady. Knowing this means that, if you truly want to stop you are going to have to fill in that vacuum. So after teaching your mind that you want to be with only your wife, sit wify down and have a heart-to-heart conversation with her. In this conversation, don't demand, don't command, don't just ask. Rather plead with your wife, in an emotional discussion tell her how you feel about her attitude towards sex. Make sure it doesn't degenerate into an argument... In fact have the conversation when she's happy and preferably have her cuddled up to you, stroking her hair while at it. The idea is to get her relaxed. Explain to her that you are willing to accept some compromises - Which means she may not have to go all the way with your desires but that you'd appreciate that she makes effort to make it happen . let her know you are willing to make the journey fun. Take it upon yourself to make Sex enjoyable for her. Don't push, just teach her to love you just as good as you want it. To do this though, you are going to need to delete all pornographic images and videos and stop yourself from watching more. More so, the other girl should be deleted. Don't allow your body deceive you into "one last time..." Take her out of your life for good. Phone number, social media, everywhere, delete and block her. Else she would keep disturbing every progress you make. Assignment for you: Every day, come here and share with us one little thing your wife did right or one small thing she did that you appreciated or liked. We don't want to hear the big things, just those tiny details. Which means you have to take care to watch out for the tiny details - Which could be the way she smiled, the way her hair looked, how neatly she arranged the house, how she carefully organised you clothes, those little little things. We want to hear at least one everyday. Additionally, plan your schedule to make for date-night once a week. The date doesn't have to be expensive, it could just be a walk on Saturday or Sunday evening. The idea is to recreate the magic in your marriage. Your marriage should keep you so busy, you have no time for other women |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by kinglekan: 2:15pm On Jan 06, 2017 |
TheCOB: Lol @new colour So what do you have for us this year? I thought you were also planning on sharing some personal experiences for us to learn from? ![]() |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by TheCOB(f): 2:17pm On Jan 06, 2017 |
kinglekan: I was... Nobody seemed interested in hearing it na ![]() |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by kinglekan: 2:20pm On Jan 06, 2017 |
TheCOB: You're wrong.. Some of us are. Well I'm very interested in hearing though. ![]() |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by TheCOB(f): 2:22pm On Jan 06, 2017 |
kinglekan: Lolz okay I'd try to pen something down after close of work today. Watch out for it ![]() ![]() |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by kinglekan: 2:23pm On Jan 06, 2017 |
TheCOB: Awesome! ![]() |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by TheCOB(f): 2:29pm On Jan 06, 2017 |
Re: Talk Here If You Are Married or In A Romantic Relationship by mediocre(m): 6:09pm On Jan 06, 2017 |
TheCOB:I am |
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