A lot of women try to understand why their relationships always fail… why guys treat them badly…why they always get hurt…why they can’t get a guy to commit. The common thread in most of these cases is these women are choosing men who clearly are not husband–or even relationship– material and hoping by some chance he’ll suddenly transform and be the knight in shining armor she wants. This type of situation doesn’t exist anywhere aside from cheesy romantic comedies and telemundoic mumu soaps . If you choose to pursue a relationship with a guy who clearly isn’t relationship material, then you’re setting yourself up to fail before you even begin.


Trust me, I know all too well how enticing those damage cases can be. Sure, he’s has emotional issues, he’s jaded, he’s struggling at work, he has no direction, he still acts like a frat boy even though his acting like a drunk idiot and getting away with it days expired years ago, but there’s a really great guy underneath all that and as soon as we deal with all this other stuff, then we’ll have an amazing relationship. I’m sorry but no.


The problem with these damage cases is that they often have a lot of the qualities we want, but not the ones we actually need. There is a big difference between wants and needs when it comes to relationships, but it’s not always easy to make the distinction. You might think you need a guy who is tall and strapping and charismatic and a CEO of a major company, but a guy with those credentials might have a host of other qualities that wouldn’t be good for you, that wouldn’t fulfill your fundamental emotional needs.

When you hit that stage in life where you realize you are done dating for the sake of dating and want to settle down and find “the one,” you realize that the kinds of guys you date weren’t necessarily husband material and I have to really examine your list of wants and needs, and figure out the differences between the two. Doing so will make all the difference and suddenly, the damage cases that were once oh so appealing would do nothing for you.

Whether you’re single, dating, or in a serious relationships, these are the 10 qualities you need to look for in a man, the ones that tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that he’s the one and this is it.

1. He loves your good qualities, and accepts and embraces the bad without making you feel guilty for having flaws

You don’t need to hide your true self from him and put on a front in order to be what you think he wants. You can share your true self and be vulnerable and feel safe doing so, knowing that if anything it will make him feel even closer to you.


2. He is there for you when you need him, even if it’s inconvenient for him

A partnership will sometimes require sacrifice and compromise. Life is unpredictable and unexpected. You can’t predict what will happen and nothing can possibly go as planned 100% of the time. A guy who is husband-material will be there for you when you need him, he will be in it with you, he will be your partner in whatever happens and will weather the storm with you, even though he might prefer to stay in the sunshine.

3. Considers you when making decisions, both big and small

A relationship is a partnership, not a dictatorship. Factoring you in shows that he respects you, that he wants to create a life with you, not simply envelope you in his world. Our worlds can be comfortable, it’s not always easy taking someone else into account, factoring in their wants and needs and preferences, but that’s what a relationship is.

4. He is growth-oriented

No one is perfect, we all have flaws. And these flaws aren’t black and white- usually a person’s greatest strength is a hint to their greatest weakness. In a relationship, his behavior affects you (and vice versa) and sometimes his less developed traits will have a negative impact on you. A growth oriented guy will want to strengthen his character and work on it. A guy who isn’t growth oriented will say your problem and this is the way he is and you need to deal with it.

For example, let’s say you’re dating a guy who can be insensitive at times. Maybe he doesn’t give you emotional support when you’ve had a rough day and instead just gives you matter of fact advice in a direct way. His no nonsense approach to solving problems might be useful to him in the workplace, but it might be hurtful to you sometimes when he doesn’t empathize with what you’re going through and instead just tells you what to do about it, or gets impatient by the fact that you’re upset over something he doesn’t consider to be that big of a deal.


You want a guy who will accept that his tone can be harsh and hurtful and who actually tries to work on it, not one who says it’s your problem and you need to deal with it. He probably won’t get it right every time, but if he’s growth oriented he will at least try.

5. Common beliefs and values

This one seems so obvious yet it’s so often overlooked. If he is going to be your life partner, you have to make sure you both are on the same page when it comes to issues that matter. And if you aren’t on the same page, then make sure he respects where you stand (and vice versa) and that you both are willing to work together to reach a mutually fulfilling middle ground. This can refer to religion, core values, lifestyle preferences, where you want to live, whether you want to have children.

6. He views you as his partner

The relationship is something more than just you and him… together, you and him are a team. And as that team, you are both individually stronger than you could be on your own. He sees you as his equal, as someone of great value who he can grow with, not someone who is there to feed his ego, give him validation, be his emotional crutch, be there to satisfy his needs.

He respects everything about you- your thoughts, ambitions, opinions, the things you say, the company you keep, your job. He doesn’t make you feel bad about your life circumstances and he appreciates the person you are and the choices you have made.


7. He is willing to put effort into the relationship

If there is a problem, he wants to find a way to solve it, he wants to work harder, to be better, to be his best self. The important thing to keep in mind is that people have different ideas of what it means to put effort into a relationship. He might believe that working hard and being good at his job is putting in effort because he wants to provide for you and give you nice things and a comfortable lifestyle (I use this as an example because it’s a classic point of contention between men and women because she will often view him working too much as him putting no effort into the relationship and being married to his work).

8. You’re able to communicate with each other, even about tough issues and even if one person is upset with the other.

With the right guy, you won’t be afraid of brining up certain things for fear of rocking the boat. You know he respects you and will see what you have to say as valid and important. Every relationship will face its share of obstacles. There will be fights, miscommunications, arguments, and also times when one partner isn’t feeling loved. The only way to emerge from the tough times better and stronger is to work through them together and this starts with open communication.

9. He’s trustworthy

You feel safe being open and honest with him and are not afraid of him violating that trust or using anything against you. You trust that he won’t leave you unexpectedly, that he is genuine, that he does mean what he says. You don’t feel an underlying sense of suspicion, like he has some ulterior motives. You trust that he cares about you deeply and would never intentionally hurt you.


10. He wants to marry you

Ahh, it seems so obvious but yet, it’s not. A guy can have all the qualities on this list but if he doesn’t want to marry you, or maybe doesn’t want to get married in general, then he is not your husband. When a guy is ready to get married and meet a girl he thinks he can spend his life with, he knows pretty early on. That’s not to say they get engaged right away, but he knows this is it and she knows it too, maybe he tells her or maybe it’s just so obvious and he doesn’t even need to. It might be the wrong time, maybe he wants to wait until he’s more established in his career, more financially stable, but he will still convey his level of commitment, she won’t be left hanging and guessing and wondering.

If he still feels like he has wild oats to sow and is still drawn to the single, bachelor, party boy lifestyle, he is not marriage-minded and you are setting yourself up for disappointment. If what you want is a serious, lasting commitment, make sure he is on the same page before you do anything. When a guy is ready for a serious commitment, it’s usually pretty obvious. And if it isn’t, then bring it up and discuss it with him. If he’s husband material, he’ll understand. If he isn’t… then at least now you know before it’s too late!

I've been from 1-9 ...but the #10 tho... I'm still patiently waiting

Every man is a potential husband material. It just depends on how many yards that's required.

i didn't real al that thou

braine:
Every man is a potential husband material. It just depends on how many yards that's required.

You go wait wella...cos u sef gats meet criteria first

TrapQueen77:




I've been from 1-9 ...but the #10 tho... I'm still patiently waiting

TrapQueen77:




I've been from 1-9 ...but the #10 tho... I'm still patiently waiting

This girl dey try o!!
She no dey only shine eye like winch for night,
She dey try read long nonsense like this one.

Wait, is she jobless or what
Reminds of one jobless girl that was always online 24/7 during my 2go days, God!! I never see anybody wey jobless pass that girl...well, apart from this one sha. Thank God say she later come go service.

#Sighs... Story of innocent life!

Mobinatric:
You go wait wella...cos u sef gats meet criteria first

This is 2017 oooo.. I must seal the deal before it ends otherwise it's game over.

Bluezy13:



This girl dey try o!!
She no dey only shine eye like winch for night,
She dey try read long nonsense like this one.

Wait, is she jobless or what
Reminds of one jobless girl that was always online 24/7 during my 2go days, God!! I never see anybody wey jobless pass that girl...well, apart from this one sha. Thank God say she later come go service.

#Sighs... Story of innocent life!

Abeeeg, wat this mumu been yapping abt?

If u can't relate in the msg, don't talk shii... If I'm jobless then what do u call urself?

Well na the guy go decide...

Only if to say as I wan dey suspect you if u get the right character

TrapQueen77:






This is 2017 oooo.. I must seal the deal before it ends otherwise it's game over.

TrapQueen77:



Abeeeg, wat this mumu been yapping abt?

If u can't relate in the msg, don't talk shii... If I'm jobless then what do u call urself?

How does this your write-up make sense to yourself
Whenever you get upset, try to relax before typing... so as to type with sanity.

Sleep well!

Bluezy13:


How does this your write-up make sense to yourself
Whenever you get upset, try to relax before typing... so as to type with sanity.

Sleep well!

Shaarraaap... Ur opinion doesn't count here..

make Una calm down

Abi Una gbadun una sef dey form quarrel for us

TrapQueen77:




Shaarraaap... Ur opinion doesn't count here..

Bluezy13:



This girl dey try o!!
She no dey only shine eye like winch for night,
She dey try read long nonsense like this one.

Wait, is she jobless or what
Reminds of one jobless girl that was always online 24/7 during my 2go days, God!! I never see anybody wey jobless pass that girl...well, apart from this one sha. Thank God say she later come go service.

#Sighs... Story of innocent life!

One question though...
How did you know that 2go girl was online 24/7??
.
.
.
You gada dey here for midnight dey call someone jobless
.
.
Una matter be like Kettle and Pot

Mobinatric:
make Una calm down

Abi Una gbadun una sef dey form quarrel for us

---

TrapQueen77:






This is 2017 oooo.. I must seal the deal before it ends otherwise it's game over.

One question though...
.
.
.
Exactly what do you mean by "game-over??

TrapQueen77:






This is 2017 oooo.. I must seal the deal before it ends otherwise it's game over.

Sha no do juju

natsuDragneel:


One question though...
.
.
.
Exactly what do you mean by "game-over??

It means I won't think of settling down anymore..

Mmmmh it's a smooth road for a home strike. ( )

TrapQueen77:



It means I won't think of settling down anymore..

And to think your future hubby is probably dating someone right now...
.
.
Its just sad......

natsuDragneel:


And to think your future hubby is probably dating someone right now...
.
.
Its just sad......

really

Hahahahah.. He better break up with his gf anytime soon and look for me..

natsuDragneel:


One question though...
How did you know that 2go girl was online 24/7??
.
.
.
You gada dey here for midnight dey call someone jobless
.
.
Una matter be like Kettle and Pot

Bro, it can't be co-incidence that we happen to logging at the same time na. I would always meet her already far...chatting in the chatroom.

TrapQueen77:



Abeeeg, wat this mumu been yapping abt?

If u can't relate in the msg, don't talk shii... If I'm jobless then what do u call urself?

U av been shouting u will get married 2016 now 2017 is here u are still shouting. Look Biitch I know u are d most active female kid on this forum can u just get a job

George22016:


U av been shouting u will get married 2016 now 2017 is here u are still shouting. Look Biitch I know u are d most active female kid on this forum can u just get a job

Shouting my foot... Maga! This is a forum & has no voice note..

Where the hell u heard me shouting? Fool! U are the one who is jobless coz u can even hear me shouting now.. U start hallucinating when u smoke cheap weed & no food to buy.

TrapQueen77:




Shouting my foot... Maga! This is forum has no voice note..

Where the hell u heard me shouting? Fool! U are the one who is jobless coz u can even hear me shouting.. U start hallucinating when u smoke cheap weed.

You ow what?
When you av a job and you have stopped opening ur legs u can mention now fuvk off

.

Hmmm... How do u mean

lips wey sweet and na angel get am..... Angelsweetlips

AngelSweetLips:
Mmmmh it's a smooth road for a home strike. ( )

Dis road wey u wan head is termed olosho pathway oooo

TrapQueen77:



It means I won't think of settling down anymore..

Mobinatric:
Hmmm... How do u mean

lips wey sweet and na angel get am..... Angelsweetlips

My baé is on the right track

#18,000,000 material

Na wah ooo.. Una blood just dey hot

George22016:


You ow what?
When you av a job and you have stopped opening ur legs u can mention now fuvk off

George22016:


You ow what?
When you av a job and you have stopped opening ur legs u can mention now fuvk off

BULLSHII!


Where d fvck u saw me opening my legs?

KEEP HALLUCINATING yellow-eyed rat. U are hungry & nothing to eat ..u come up here and start ranting like a hoe.

Y u sef dey do like say u no get job


Receive

TrapQueen77:




BULLSHII!


Where d fvck u saw me opening my legs?

KEEP HALLUCINATING yellow-eyed rat. U are hungry & nothing to eat ..u come up here and start ranting like a hoe.