Hi guys, I fell in love with reading a long time ago but lately I've been getting this urge to start writing as a hobby and for fun. So I woke up this morning I drafted this on my notepad. What do you think about it? Where should I improve on?



I intend writing stories on Nairaland, your contributions are appreciated.

•PROLOG•

He woke up feeling not to well. He had a premonition about this happening the day before but didn't pay too much attention. He'd been nonchalant bout a lot of things and his well-being is one of them. Now he's battling a full blown illness. Toni got up from the bed hoping it was a nightmare, sitting upright and trying to raise a leg, he knew if he didn't act fast this might take him down for a few days. Amidst force, he got up and went straight to the table where he kept his stuff, ransacked the poor desk and got a paracetamol tablet for himself. He swallowed and gulped it down with a cup of water he had kept on the table the night before after dinner. He went straight to bed.


»CHAPTER 1

Toni woke up at exactly 2pm, feeling better. He had planned to meet with Danielle earlier in the morning but that was not to be. He did forgot about the meeting with Danielle after his bout with the ache otherwise he would have risk going to meet with her. He'd do anything for Danielle.

Toni Harrison Daniels is a son of a rich businessman based in the posh part of the city. He is in his early 20s and recently done with his compulsory NYSC. He pleaded with his father to give him more time before he could resume to work. His father, Mr Daniels has reserved a plum position for him in one of his three companies.

Feeling energised after a mock press up to rid himself of his weakness, he reached for his phone and the notification changed his mood. Danielle had called three time and had left a voice mail for him. She later texted telling him not to worry about it again.

Danielle Richards had been friends with Toni since they where class mates in senior class. She had just relocated to nigeria after her parents wanted her to get used to her country of origin. When she was through with her secondary education she decided to stay behind and studied in a university. She finished her NYSC recently and preparing to go abroad to further her studies.

Toni and Danielle had planned to meet today in other for him to accompany her for shopping for cloth for her friends birthday which was suppose to be the next day. With toni as her date. Though he wad unaware of this.

The tenses are all over the place. Quite distracting. Story lacked flow. Sometimes felt like it was a report being given. Many not particularly necessary descriptions included.

This is not your best work.

N

anakadrian:
The tenses are all over the place. Quite distracting. Story lacked flow. Sometimes felt like it was a report being given. Many not particularly necessary descriptions included.

This is not your best work.

Wow thanks,its my first attempt at writing story, I want to improve that's why I posted it here. That was how I wrote it its has not been edited. Ill go through it and make some corrections. Peace.

olaxali:
Wow, nice write up can you write for us on www.olaxali.com

Here's my WhatsApp contact
+2348149934554

Thank you very much. I will contact you soon.