So if you read my earlier post about the married guy who lied to me and said he was divorcing his wife you'll understand this post.

So this is basically an update...
I spoke to his auntie and she set a lot of things straight for me but she said she would arrange a sit down with him so he has to come clean about his lies.

This sit down never happened. Me and this guy didn't speak for a month and out if the blue I hear from people at work he misses me, etc.

We spoke over facebook and he laid it on thick again saying he loved me and he missed me and he doesn't think it should end this way. So me being stupid agreed with him and believed everything he said. We've been seeing each other again for nearly two months now.

I'm finally starting to realise I am worth more than how he treats me. Yes he says he loves me all the time and he messages me all the time and tells me I'm his best friend. But I shouldn't be anyone's second.

I'm just a bit stuck about my next move. I want to go back to his auntie and tell him what he's been saying because clearly I need some help with this and I keep falling for what he says. But his auntie promised a sit down and it didn't happen. So do I go straight to the wife? I know his auntie is like head of the house so I didn't know if going straight to the wife would be an issue.

I want to say to him that I've been doing something thinking and he chooses me or hos wife (I know he'll choose her) and then go to his wife or auntie about him. I didn't contact him, he contacted me to get back together and I hate that I love him and I just do whatever he says. I also hate myself because I was coping so well and I just fell for everything straight away. I admit I can't walk away from him, I need help.

Advice please?


EDIT

Yes I am aware I am stupid.... Don't need to keep reminding me. If you want to name call and be rude please do it elsewhere

Please read the previous post I made of you can

I just want advice about who I should go to, and speak about this because I keep beliving his lies.

Szerelem2290:
So if you read my earlier post about the married guy who lied to me and said he was divorcing his wife you'll understand this post.

So this is basically an update...
I spoke to his auntie and she set a lot of things straight for me but she said she would arrange a sit down with him so he has to come clean about his lies.

This sit down never happened. Me and this guy didn't speak for a month and out if the blue I hear from people at work he misses me, etc.

We spoke over facebook and he laid it on thick again saying he loved me and he missed me and he doesn't think it should end this way. So me being stupid agreed with him and believed everything he said. We've been seeing each other again for nearly two months now.

I'm finally starting to realise I am worth more than how he treats me. Yes he says he loves me all the time and he messages me all the time and tells me I'm his best friend. But I shouldn't be anyone's second.

I'm just a bit stuck about my next move. I want to go back to his auntie and tell him what he's been saying because clearly I need some help with this and I keep falling for what he says. But his auntie promised a sit down and it didn't happen.So do I go straight to the wife? I know his auntie is like head of the house so I didn't know if going straight to the wife would be an issue.

I want to say to him that I've been doing something thinking and he chooses me or hos wife (I know he'll choose her) and then go to his wife or auntie about him. I didn't contact him, he contacted me to get back together and I hate that I love him and I just do whatever he says. I also hate myself because I was coping so well and I just fell for everything straight away. I admit I can't walk away from him, I need help.

Advice please?

I suppose that was a joke.

Your situation is a dicy one, but like you said, you are worth more, you should first be clear on what you want, is he divorced?, or is he just having some fun time with you while keeping his wife?, you are a woman and you should know better than being played.

If a man wants to be with you, he will go all out to make it happen.

If ur single ,u shud be the one controling ur life, not him.. He's married. He can't do anything if u wanna stop..

Being stupid in love is not the answer that's y u keep coming back to him.. Reassess urself like what u really like in ur life? Do u think it's all fair what u both doing behind his wife etc... Coz in the end of the day, u still be going home alone while he has a family waiting for him..

You're truly stupid

Mykbillz:
Your situation is a dicy one, but like you said, you are worth more, you should first be clear on what you want, is he divorced?, or is he just having some fun time with you while keeping his wife?, you are a woman and you should know better than being played.

If a man wants to be with you, he will go all out to make it happen.

You're righy and I should know better. Only just realising it now. But I this is why in asking for advice about who I should go to, to speak about him. I recognise that I made a mistake and I keep letting him back into my life.

LegendaryArnold:
You're truly stupid

Wonderful observation... I already stated I was stupid.

Benita27:
I suppose that was a joke.

I don't understand?

Those who give a Bleep went this way =====>

TrapQueen77:




If ur single ,u shud be the one controling ur life, not him.. He's married. He can't do anything if u wanna stop..

Being stupid in love is not the answer that's y u keep coming back to him.. Reassess urself like what u really like in ur life? Do u think it's all fair what u both doing behind his wife etc... Coz in the end of the day, u still be going home alone while he has a family waiting for him..

No it's not fair but as I said read my post before this one, he really messed with my head and his wife is still in Nigeria

Szerelem2290:


You're righy and I should know better. Only just realising it now. But I this is why in asking for advice about who I should go to, to speak about him. I recognise that I made a mistake and I keep letting him back into my life.

So you now have the notions of going to the wife to say " excuse me ma', i'm sorry i bleeped your husband and i apologise it won't happy again".

Single guys are everywhere.

Benita27:
So you now have the notions of going to the wife to say " excuse me ma', i'm sorry i bleeped your husband and i apologise it won't happy again".

Single guys are everywhere.

On the contrary I thought about going to his wife and telling her all the lies he was telling me. If you read my earlier post about this you will see some of the lies he was telling me. Like his marriage was arranged, he was going to get a divorce, that he didn't love her and he loved me.

If he think it's acceptable to go back and forth to me and her telling all these lies surely something needs to be said?

I don't get the part where you need to know who to talk to about him.

I honestly dont think you need that much advise. You seem to already know what to do and what you want.

He's unavailable. . . . move on. You don't need a sitdown with anybody

Szerelem2290:


On the contrary I thought about going to his wife and telling her all the lies he was telling me. If you read my earlier post about this you will see some of the lies he was telling me. Like his marriage was arranged, he was going to get a divorce, that he didn't love her and he loved me.

If he think it's acceptable to go back and forth to me and her telling all these lies surely something needs to be said?

I see...
Now, a man that would cheat on his wife with you for any reason with sugar coated tongue would still cheat on you with another lady later. It's just a matter of time.

Don't go to the wife, stop every communication with him and move on.

Benita27:
I see...
Now, a man that would cheat on his wife with you for any reason with sugar coated tongue would still cheat on you with another lady later. It's just a matter of time.

Don't go to the wife, stop every communication with him and move on.

But he'll just continue lying to her and I thought if I was in thay situation I'd want to be told about it. He's not the guy she thought he was?

I stopped the communi cation last time but he still got in touch with me again and begged and I fell for it! This is also why I wonder about going to his auntie again and asking her to speak to him and just tell him to keep away from me because he doesn't take no for an answer

Szerelem2290:


On the contrary I thought about going to his wife and telling her all the lies he was telling me. If you read my earlier post about this you will see some of the lies he was telling me. Like his marriage was arranged, he was going to get a divorce, that he didn't love her and he loved me.

If he think it's acceptable to go back and forth to me and her telling all these lies surely something needs to be said?

Talk to his wife? SERIOUSLY??
All you'd end up doing is breaking his home. Would that make you feel better?

You've got no business with her @ all. Just work on yourself and like someone rightly said, single guys dey everywhere. . . . .except married guys are your thing

Szerelem2290:


You're righy and I should know better. Only just realising it now. But I this is why in asking for advice about who I should go to, to speak about him. I recognise that I made a mistake and I keep letting him back into my life.

Has he divorced his Wife?

If no then you know what to do.
If he has not divorced has Wife, you too have no future,
and don't be the ready he breaks his marriage up. And by the Way you are still young none on with your life.

If he has divorced his Wife, don't posh his and fall into his bed enable or do those chore i see girl do for guys.
Give his good Sex, wish his cloths, cooking for him, keeps his home clean and finally he still leave you.

Like i said, if a ma want a Woman, he will go all out to get her. Let him come all out for you this tim

cayesworld:
I don't get the part where you need to know who to talk to about him.

I honestly dont think you need that much advise. You seem to already know what to do and what you want.

He's unavailable. . . . move on. You don't need a sitdown with anybody

It's the fact he kept pursuing me when I ended contact and I believed his lies again and fell for it all.

Plus I think if I was the wife in this situation I'd want to know, and I already admitted to being an idiot and falling for what he says so there's the temptation to speak to his auntie again and tell her he's been contacting me again so she puts a stop to it because he doesn't seem to listen to me. He just comes up with "well I know you still love me and I can't stay away from you"

Mykbillz:


Has he divorced his Wife?

If no then you know what to do.
If he has not divorced has Wife, you too have no future,
and don't be the ready he breaks his marriage up. And by the Way you are still young none on with your life.

If he has divorced his Wife, don't posh his and fall into his bed enable or do those chore i see girl do for guys.
Give his good Sex, wish his cloths, cooking for him, keeps his home clean and finally he still leave you.

Like i said, if a ma want a Woman, he will go all out to get her. Let him come all out for you this tim

He told me he was going to divorce her but I found out later on he had no intention of divorcing her from his auntie.

I should know better, but I still go back to the beginning here he told me all of these lies and I believed him when he said we had a future.

I am asking this because if I was the wife in this situation I'd want to know what he was saying about me and I do struggle to walk away when he follows me saying he loves me and he won't leave me alone! That's why I thiught of contacting his auntie and telling her what he's up to again and telling her to make him leave me alone.

TrapQueen77:




If ur single ,u shud be the one controling ur life, not him.. He's married. He can't do anything if u wanna stop..

Being stupid in love is not the answer that's y u keep coming back to him.. Reassess urself like what u really like in ur life? Do u think it's all fair what u both doing behind his wife etc... Coz in the end of the day, u still be going home alone while he has a family waiting for him..

Special adviser of Nairaland i'm more bothered how a Yoruba girl like you became Asian over night.

Anyway, back to the topic, e be like say married men na em dey sweet dis OP. I'm sure you can find good single guys, pls leave that man alone, he lies too much abeg.

cayesworld:


Talk to his wife? SERIOUSLY??
All you'd end up doing is breaking his home. Would that make you feel better?

You've got no business with her @ all. Just work on yourself and like someone rightly said, single guys dey everywhere. . . . .except married guys are your thing

You see it as breaking a home, I saw it from the perspective of if I was the wife I'd want to know all of this and the smack he's been talking about her at work and all the lies he's told.

He claims he's not happy with her, tells people she uses him for money, he doesn't like having sex with her, he's not attracted to her and he was forced to marry her! If someone was saying that about you, would you really not want to know?

Szerelem2290:


But he'll just continue lying to her and I thought if I was in thay situation I'd want to be told about it. He's not the guy she thought he was?

I stopped the communi cation last time but he still got in touch with me again and begged and I fell for it! This is also why I wonder about going to his auntie again and asking her to speak to him and just tell him to keep away from me because he doesn't take no for an answer

Don't tell the wife anything, ignorance is bliss here.
Do what is required of you by cutting all communication with him, the wife would find out at the right time if she already doesn't know.

Szerelem2290:


It's the fact he kept pursuing me when I ended contact and I believed his lies again and fell for it all.

Plus I think if I was the wife in this situation I'd want to know, and I already admitted to being an idiot and falling for what he says so there's the temptation to speak to his auntie again and tell her he's been contacting me again so she puts a stop to it because he doesn't seem to listen to me. He just comes up with "well I know you still love me and I can't stay away from you"

I'm sorry dear. . . . but a grown ass man aint gon' listen to his aunt. You and only you can put a stop to this.

This part 2 came as a result of you succumbing to pressure from him to get back in touch.

My advise. . . . .take a look @ the bigger picture. Don't focus on the short term. . . . .ask yourself this: at the end of the day, what do you stand to gain?

truthsayer007:


Special adviser of Nairaland i'm more bothered how a Yoruba girl like you became Asian over night.

Anyway, back to the topic, e be like say married men na em dey sweet dis OP. I'm sure you can find good single guys, pls leave that man alone, he lies too much abeg.

People don't seem to be listening when I say he kept pursuing me despite me telling him to leave me alone.
I fell for what he said again and he is the one contacting me! Yes I allow it which is where I'm at fault but like it said earlier I ended contact. He continued messaging me and calling me - yes blocking his number would be a great idea if I didn't have to see him at work too!

Benita27:
Don't tell the wife anything, ignorance is bliss here.
Do what is required of you by cutting all communication with him, the wife would find out at the right time if she already doesn't know.

I came from a family where my dad cheated on my mum all the time and she was able to move on and have a better life when she found out everything, that's why I was having the moral dilemma there

But thank you for the advice

Szerelem2290:


You see it as breaking a home, I saw it from the perspective of if I was the wife I'd want to know all of this and the smack he's been talking about her at work and all the lies he's told.

He claims he's not happy with her, tells people she uses him for money, he doesn't like having sex with her, he's not attracted to her and he was forced to marry her! If someone was saying that about you, would you really not want to know?

You're not friends with the wife. . . it's not your place to tell her. Even if you were friends with her, it's still debatable if you should tell her. . . .plus in this case, you're the other woman. . .

cayesworld:

I'm sorry dear. . . . but a grown ass man aint gon' listen to his aunt. You and only you can put a stop to this.

This part 2 came as a result of you succumbing to pressure from him to get back in touch.

My advise. . . . .take a look @ the bigger picture. Don't focus on the short term. . . . .ask yourself this: at the end of the day, what do you stand to gain?

He's just lies to her and then comes running back to me, I don't stand to gain anything anymore. It's hard realising that it was only a few months ago we were planning our lives together and then I finally learnt the truth about everything.

Szerelem2290:



He told me he was going to divorce her but I found out later on he had no intention of divorcing her from his auntie.

I should know better, but I still go back to the beginning here he told me all of these lies and I believed him when he said we had a future.

I am asking this because if I was the wife in this situation I'd want to know what he was saying about me and I do struggle to walk away when he follows me saying he loves me and he won't leave me alone! That's why I thiught of contacting his auntie and telling her what he's up to again and telling her to make him leave me alone.

You hold the answer to your Question. You have the best advice in you already.
You have found out that he is not letting him Wife go. You need no more advice here.

Its now a Question of your conscience : do you want to be the reason a man cheats on him Wife.?

Do you want to be the reason anything Woman love her place and becomes unhappy?

Do you want to be the reason some innocent kidz go through the trauma and psychological effect of a broken home?

If yes is your answer you know what to do.
If no leave him. Back his line and forget him

truthsayer007:


Special adviser of Nairaland i'm more bothered how a Yoruba girl like you became Asian over night.

Don't be bothered... If u have question, JUST ASK & stop assuming.

cayesworld:


You're not friends with the wife. . . it's not your place to tell her. Even if you were friends with her, it's still debatable if you should tell her. . . .plus in this case, you're the other woman. . .

For the first nine months I didn't know I was the other woman because he basically said it was over with his wife, he said he was flying back to Nigeria to divorce her.

Now I'm aware that I'm the other woman, I just feel guilt

Gbam

LegendaryArnold:
You're truly stupid

Mykbillz:



You hold the answer to your Question. You have the best advice in you already.
You have found out that he is not letting him Wife go. You need no more advice here.

Its now a Question of your conscience : do you want to be the reason a man cheats on him Wife.?

Do you want to be the reason anything Woman love her place and becomes unhappy?

Do you want to be the reason some innocent kidz go through the trauma and psychological effect of a broken home?

If yes is your answer you know what to do.
If no leave him. Back his line and forget him

No kids involved

She lives in Nigeria and he lives in England. They've seen each other for like 5-6 weeks in total and they've been married for two years?

He's been seeing me for a total of 11 months now,,the first 9 months I was told he was leaving his wife and all that jazz.

She had suspicions he was seeing someone and spoke to his auntie because she said he was better in bed!

He's told them all four times now it's over between me and him (the first three times he told them it was over he didn't tell me that!) I stopped speaking to him for a month and he got back in contact with me.