Amazing!!! Nice writeup Miss

This is an interesting story that will teach both gender a lesson to behold on the planet earth. Though the story content is not too deep but your composition skill and tense usage is awesome and captivating hence I say tiri gbosa for you. More inspiration to your medulla oblongata!!! Looking forward to Daniel and Daniella's adventure.

Meanwhile I think Tunde did not just took that decision to dump Daniella but because Anthonia was instrumental to his new status hence he could not but leave her( Daniella). That he could not thrown Daniella out of his house has Anthonia instructed speaks volume; though my thought sha o,all depend on madam TY as the story progresses.

wizsolzy:


I tire ooo bros...all dis people quoting d whole episode is a very big tunoff ...it makes me wanna slap person.

i concur wit u jareh

Babsopey:


My absence online is nothing but a devil that has come to steal kill and destroy, but I say kolewerk. Imagine I even missed your very birthday.

Me, myself and I, your friend and fan is hereby wishing you a happy belated birthday. I've known you only for few months but you've shown me how wonderful you are in those short period.

When I saw your pictures, I was like damn! How can God endow a single person with beauty and brain. You are a rare gem dear and a wonderful inspiration. As you put smile in people's faces,, may smile never leave your face.

This is a year of positive surprises and so shall it be for you. God bless you dear.

From your friend and number one Fan Babsopey, Have a great birthday. Love you

I'm speechless right now, but I have to say something.
Thank you!!! I'm honored. God bless you too and a big Amen to all your prayers.

samyfreshsmooth:
anyhow sha I FOLLOW STILL

Thanks for following.*smile*

samyfreshsmooth:
anyhow sha I FOLLOW STILL

Thanks for following.*smile*

OYAY:

Thanks for following.

@rachealfst Thanks for mentioning me on this wondaful story. my fone was bad bt thank God am bk. kip up the good work.

sod09(m), kendiddy(m), ludorum1(m), koolcat, fletcherA, Mayorkay1(f) , Ggee(m), Tomaison(m), Whiteshades(m), pesty100(m), sexfabregas(m), ezybaba(m), Blanc8(m), dewale2k, ronpeters(m), JosephCudjoe(m), Taywon, Chubbiehills(f), opibycar1, freeamine, chelsea4su(f), wunmi2odun(m)

something good about this morning is we are on front page.....more blood vein.

nice one

Chubbiehills:
something good about this morning is we are on front page.....more blood vein.

I am happy abt this. . for d OP who is hard working and for many Ladies that will learn a lesson or two from this story and for many men that will have a change of attitude to relationship.

Let Lessons be learnt[b]

Nice story keep it up

More mb to ur fone

Chubbiehills:
something good about this morning is we are on front page.....more blood vein.

Thanks for the info sis, me i just came to read comments and i saw your comment.
We finally made it to the front page. I can't do this without you guys. Thanks so much
Happy New Week.

opeano:

I am happy abt this. . for d OP who is hard working and for many Ladies that will learn a lesson or two from this story and for many men that will have a change of attitude to relationship.

Let Lessons be learnt[b]

Thanks dear, God bless you.

ludorum1:

Thanks for the tags, I appreciate.

rachealfst:
Thanks for the info sis, me i just came to read comment and i saw your comment.
We finally made it to the front page. I can't do this without you guys. Thanks so much
Happy New Week.

welcome

Dedication:
Babsopey (Thank you for the beautiful birthday song you composed for me, I.... love it!)


Episode 16
Daniel and I continued our routine calls. Along the line I got to know some things about him. Mr Paul do call me too, to ask after my well being, he’s very friendly. He relate with me as if we’ve known each other for ages. I was happy to have this two great guys in my life.

****
Few weeks later, Daniel stopped calling, he’s not online also, I was really worried for him, I just hope he's fine.
I decided to give him a call at least for someone who calls almost everyday and stooped suddenly, I think courtesy demand I check on him.

I called all his two lines, but none was going through. I thought of Mr Paul "he would have more information on him". I dialed his number

“Hello, Mr Paul"

“Hello dear, how are you today?"

“Mr Paul I’m good, please….

“I know why you’re calling, I tried calling him countless times but all his lines are not going through.

“What do you suggest we do now, I don’t know I have a feeling that something is wrong. He can’t just abandoned everything he’s spent money on here and then disappear into thin air”
i said

“I’ve sent mails, which he did not reply. I even tried to contact his company in America just to get hold of him but all my efforts on reaching him proofed abortive”

"What are we going to do now?" I asked Mr Paul

My cousin is leaving east Africa for the state next week, I think he would help us contact him”

“Next week!"

“Daniella!”
he called out

“Yes”

“He’s…coming…back”

“I don’t mind if he doesn’t come back, I just pray his safe, he could decide to stay back but I want to hear that he’s safe”

“See! Just relax, let’s pray for him”

“I’ve been doing that for weeks now”

“Then let’s leave things to God. You know what I can see you are very tensed, can we go out, maybe to the cinema?”

“Is that a date?”

“Lets not call it a date, I just want to make you relax”

“Ok, cinema it is then?

“Good, I’ll pick you up tomorrow, 7pm”

“Alright then, see you tomorrow “

“Have a lovely night rest”

“You too, good night”


****
He picked me up the next day and we went to the cinemas. He said he’ll be the one to pick the movie to watch.
"No problem as long as its not a crime or horror movie that’s the last thing I need right now"

We saw a romantic comedy, the movie was so hilarious, I almost spilled my drink on my body. In fact I had to handover my drink and popcorn to him.

“I think I succeeded in making you laugh” he said after the movie ended.

“Yes, I really enjoyed myself” I said all smiling.

“I can see that, we can do this again, if you don’t mind”

“I don’t mind at all, I had fun. Thanks so much”

Lets take you home, it’s getting late”

We strolled down to the parking lot, some minutes later we are out of the place.

On our way home, I thought of Daniel, I really miss his voice.

“A penny for your thought”

I just smiled sheepily

“Daniel right!”

“I know I just meet him and we are just friends, but Daniel he’s just so good that I pray everyday for him that no harm should come his ways”

“Next week is just around the corner dear, let's wait till then”

“Thanks, I really enjoyed myself, I’m sorry I brought this up again”

“It’s OK, I understand and I appreciate your concern, a lady like you is rare”

He parked in front of my house.
“Thank you, I’m really relieved, thanks for the treat”

“Its nothing, just take care of yourself, call and let me know if you need anything”

“OK, thanks. Good night and drive safe.

“ I will good night”

I alighted, he reversed and zoom off.

He called the following week and gave me the news, the news wasn’t pleasing at all. “God please intervene” I prayed silently


Happy New Week!
God bless you all.

Chumzypinky:
Nyc 1. I'm nt rili sure Tunde loves Pamilerin dat much oo...i tink its all abt d sex...

na lie

Hmm, I'm suspecting Mr Paul ohh
This Wan he's takin her out now

Hi Rachealfst,

Just came across this and I must say it's pretty nice but I've a few reservations.

Firstly, several people have stated this but I feel the need to emphasize more on it. The plot is generally beautiful thanks to the moral message you are passing but sadly it isn't well developed. The fast paced nature of the story makes us the readers lose the pleasure proper "detailing" can add to a story. I'll advice you take your time and tell us more about the story. It feels like you are just telling us a regular story whereas I think it would be a master piece if you can describe more. I've read 17+ pages and I really have no idea how the lead character, Daniella, looks like or what any of the scenes are like. Don't just tell us the story, "show" it to us.

Secondly, I think a little suspense here and there would help a lot. The plot keeps people coming back for more but suspense and curiosity would keep people eyes attached to the story.

Thirdly and lastly, this is not really important as your grammar is almost perfect and typos are had to come by but there still are a little typos every here and there, and if you plan on taking writing to the next level, you might want to go beyond dependency on automatic Spelling Checkers and actually read through for typos and grammatical errors.

All in all, this is a beautiful story, and more ink to your pen. Shallom .

PEACe.

joined the room

Its Zeekee in the building........

A 9c work do kip it up

Very lovely story here.just started reading today and had covered 18pages in one single swoop..and just when i thought the story was winding down another twist is introduced. Thanks for putting fingers to your keypad turning ideas to words and putting them here. Appreciate.

Following d story bumper 2 bumper,nice story racheal, waiting patiently 4 d next update

Was Never a fan of nairaland, or even reading stories for a while now, I really don't get engrossed in them as well, but God, lady you just got me in every single way, you are good

A nice piece mam...
The plot is quite ok for a short story...
I believe it's a short read and everything should be coming to the end in the next two episodes..
While trying to develop your writing skills as well as your story telling skills, you may need do with the help of Editors to help put it in shape...
Like someone also noted, it lacks suspense...
Suspense in story telling is a must...

So far, it's a 7 out of 10 for me. Keep it up

In short I am really thrilled on how much you have sustained my interest so far....I'm a writer too and I can imagine your creativity. Keep on doing the good work. God bless you. Twenty fingers in the air for only you *Winks

Hmmmm,

Nice literature keep on the good work, kudos.

Kaodek:
My name is Daniel Ayomiposi Johnson........we dont av dose names here in Ekiti oo, we got fayose, fayemi, fashanu, faniran and so on, he might be frm Ogun state

Well, his family is based in the States, they might have looked for an English name, just like Fayose himself.