Hey Guys,

So I have a bf who I have been dating for 5 months now and I have this issue which i have overlooked severally and told myself that I might be paranoid but I am beginning to think otherwise.

So I am 22 an engineer and my bf is 23 and a Yoruba guy who repeated his first year again on another course and is going to uni full time. I work full time and go to school part time very saturdays and I am in my final year about to finish in August.

Now the issue I have with him is that, he never has any money at all ever since I have none him, he has never bought me not even a £0.10 sweet and I am not a materialistic girl. He is always broke and I gave him £50 for his birthday and he needed £50 the last time which I gave him and now he wants me to lend him £50 and promised to give me back and I hv ignored his request.

Now what really pains me the most is the fact that all he does is play video games all day, told me he was on a football betting website or some sort, wasnt working before until I told him and he got a job but now he had an interview like 2 days ago but told me the company dont care about their staff and are not a good company. So he asked me to text him a message on his number pretending to be the company and say his interview was re-scheduled and I found that odd and was gonna ask him why but I didnt say anything and did it anyways but sill kept it at the back of my mind.

Throughout our relationship, he had a coursework/assignment to do and he asked me like 2 do his assignment for him as in and I was working and also going to school and he only goes to school 2 days in one week and at the time was not working so I was like he wasnt doing anything at all but all he does is watch movies all day or play games. Anyways coz I know men say we women nag a lot I kept my cool and tried my best to find some good sites he could do a research on and he still asked me if that is good enough for his assignment and I was like look I am here busy at work and also have my own assignment or exams to do and he said its okay dont worry.

Now another time he had a letter to write for someone who needed a stay permenently in the UK and he had a letter already but needed to type it out and fill in the blanks its sort of like a template and this guys asked me to type the letter for him and I was like seriously? Anyways again, I am very patient person and didnt say anything and even though I was busy a work I still typed it out for him and removed from of the errors and sent it to him and he got angry and said why did I change some of the things he letter that when he ask me to do somethign that I should follow instructions, now that is the moment I lost it with him and told him how ungrateful he is and didnt even say thank you. I told never to ask me to do anything for him ever again and he apologised and we moved on.

Now we were supposed to meet up yesterday but hr had asked me remeber to borrow him £50 but I told him early that since I left my previos job like last week for a new one that starts next week, my previous company paid me less/deducted some amount coz I was sick for a week and the policy is that you are not eligible for SSP so sick pay after your resignation notice period so I told him I was gonna be skint this month and my parents bday is february and also I have three brothers and my parents who I still leave with by the way gave me the responsibility sine I started working 3 years and 6 months ago to pay for my brothers food and give them anything they need like toothpaste etc or just money in general (apparently so that I know how it feels to be responsible and take care of a family but I know damn well that isnt true and they just wanted a break from taking care of my brothers and saw my independence of work as an excuse but that is a story for another day - by the way I live with my step mum and my dad). My brothers are now 19, 19 (twins) and 21 but now two of them have student loans and one of the twins is still in college so I still have to take care of him and myself.

So since I have told my bf about this severally, for him to asked me to borrow him money has just made me loose it. For crying out loud yes he is still young and is 23 but I expect him to be at least working, I dont care what the job is as long as it is legal. But know all he wants to do is live with his brother who works by the way and sleep, watch tv and play video games all though.

Don't get me wrong, he is nice and all but he is not ambitious, I have asked him want he wants to become severally and he says he does not know and his new degree course he is doing, he doesnt seem to enjoy or know what he is doing. Although I must say he loves to cook and he gave me some rice and stew which I though was cute of him and was delicious and I thanked him.

Also the last straw was that sine I hadn't seen him for like 5 weeks or so, I was like why dont we meet up this friday (that was from last week) and he asked me what should we do when we meet and I was like hey, lets go the movies etc you know coz I am an old fashion girl anyways, he said movies? and i said yh? and he was like nooo thats rubbish. We should do something else and I was like okay what? He started laughing and said don't you know that body no be firewood and said he wants to have sex and says thats I annoy him at times coz I dont want to have sex and wants to show me some styles we could do and then I knew what sort of guy I was dealing with but again I didnt say anything and hanged up.

So please people before I break up with him because I have had it up to here with him, am I being paranoid or overracting a little or am I a gold digger as you men call it coz I think I have been patient long enough. I have spoken to him about this asked him if I was a booty call babe to him and he said know that I am his girl.

But he doesnt want to go outside as he make silly excuses like, its cold oh I dont have any money or if I come over to his house, oh there is no food in the house so you will have to buy something or the last time I was on my way home from work and he called and said , hey I am hungry can you please buy me some food maybe at Nandos (nandos aint cheap!!) and come over. I was like OMG. Anyways, again I was patient but was about to loose it and I spent over £30 that night for both myself and for him since I though I will be spending time with him. I reached his house, gave him his food and I was expecting him to come and join me and eat his but know, he went to the living room and was playing games and chatting on the phone (whenever I come over he is always on the phone or about to make a call- sigh) anyways, I finished my food and he still hadnt come to the room to eat with me what I bought and he would come to check on me then pack the plate (which is sweet but anyways, it dont cut it). Then he asked me when am I leaving so that his brother can come and sleep, and bare this in mind, I always hear his brother in the house but never see him etc but anyways, I told him I am gonna leave and he asked me if I want him to walk me to the station and I said no, dont bother and I know he could tell I was pissed but I didnt care if I stayed any more second I would have lost it.

Now guys, please tell me I am an ediot for wasting my time with this dude? a lot of people say women love to complain about things and love to nag etc and dont know when a guy loves them but please is it wrong to have a guy who is ambitious, working, or has a plan for the future or something and isnt just sitting in his house the whole day playing games and watching tv. Like I don't understand.

Coz I am about to loose it, he called me yesterday and I told him to whatsapp me coz I am busy(I LIED coz I didnt want to talk to him and just wanted my space) and he boldy said "call me when you are free".

Am I freaking out for no reason guys?

Sorry for the long post but I am just tired of this!! Sorry for any mistaked and punctuation's I may have missed, I am literally writing this on my phone.

op pick a number

slimthugchimee:
op pick a number

what do you mean? I don't seem to get you(sorry)

If he's unmotivated, try and motivate him nau
.
Or if u feel u can't, then call it a quit.....is that too hard to do?


Meanwhile, u must be a talkative in real life ... Ain't u?

Filashade:


what do you mean? I don't seem to get you(sorry)

just pick any random number wanna show you something

slimthugchimee:


just pick any random number wanna show you something

3

Tastemoney:
If he's unmotivated, try and motivate him nau
.
Or if u feel u can't, then call it a quit.....is that too hard to do?


Meanwhile, u must be a talkative in real life ... Ain't u?

I have tried to, when I try to all he wants to do is stay at home and doesnt like the cold and doesnt want to spend money coz he is broke and that means I have to spend money on him all the time. I am not saying he should spend on me, I want him to spend on himself, take care of himself etc.

Lool I am not a talkative, I do talk but not a lot, infact I am genuinely quiet only talk when I need to say something or if its important really.

Filashade:


3

now square it

Madam kilode na with this kind text book Nawa o!

Anyways, you've already found the answer to your problem. That guy is not ambitious, simple!

Filashade:


I have tried to, when I try to all he wants to do is stay at home and doesnt like the cold and doesnt want to spend money coz he is broke and that means I have to spend money on him all the time. I am not saying he should spend on me, I want him to spend on himself, take care of himself etc.

Lool I am not a talkative, I do talk but not a lot, infact I am genuinely quiet only talk when I need to say something or if its important really.

THEN CALL IT A QUIT......or continue to endure it ....


Love Doctors will soon throng on the thread, let's here from them
.

who read this story please summarise for poor student like me.

Filashade:


what do you mean? I don't seem to get you(sorry)

Motivate him. Help him become a better man na

optional1:
who read this story please summarise for poor student like me.

She say the boyfriend no dey work
She say the boyfriend;
He dey craze
He dey mad
He dey gbongbolo cigar
He no go marry sis I
He go marry orkpolo....
And she go soon kee am

.....summarized

slimthugchimee:
now square it

cummando:
She say the boyfriend no dey work She say the boyfriend; He dey craze He dey mad He dey gbongbolo cigar He no go marry sis I He go marry orkpolo.... And she go soon kee am .....summarized

na this thing em write that long script for.. My director self no fit read am too.

Nma27:
Motivate him. Help him become a better man na

How much motivation does he need?. The girl is trying, obviously the guy doesn't know what he wants and how to go about it.

Nma27:
Motivate him. Help him become a better man na

That is why I am here coz he is a nice guy and I don't want to give up on him. But I have tried to but he changes then goes back to his old ways. I want him to be man and not a boy, I want him to grow or of his childish in asking me to do things for him and instead do things himself.

But what suggestions can you give to motivate him?

What do you like about this boyfriend of yours?The sex?

cummando:

She say the boyfriend no dey work
She say the boyfriend;
He dey craze
He dey mad
He dey gbongbolo cigar
He no go marry sis I
He go marry orkpolo....
And she go soon kee am

.....summarized

Lool ur not serious

Filashade:


Lool ur not serious

If you looking for an ambitious person. Maybe we should give each other a chance. I love skinny girls and can you cook? If yes, send me a pm.

Chances are you gonna tell ya friends the weird story of meeting ya Mr right after this post.

I'm outta school and self employed.

thorpido:
What do you like about this boyfriend of yours?The sex?

Lool never had sex with him so that's out of the question. I would like to wait before marriage thanks.

Well he makes me laugh, he is a good listener and is very attentive, he always calls to check up on me and texts and just the little things you know etc although he is annoyed we have not been intimate yet but I already told him he has to wait if we do get married.

But I just want to see how I can motivate him you know. I don't want to change him i just want him to be ambitious but that that means changing him right? And do you motivate someone when you have spoken to them etc and they will change for a few days hen go back to it although he is working now which is a good start but I don't know how long that will last and the fact that he begs me for money is another thing.

jeez. all that epistle just to advice you on your bf issues...

you've gotta be kidding me.

if you no do again tell him...if you say na love then keep suffering in silence.

boiz2men:


If you looking for an ambitious person. Maybe we should give each other a chance. I love skinny girls and can you cook? If yes, send me a pm.

Chances are you gonna tell ya friends the weird story of meeting ya Mr right after this post.

I'm outta school and self employed.

Loool. I can cook yes but not Nigerian food just the usual. Lool I am prepared to work on my relationship and I don't double date. I would give it a thought if things don't go well with my bf plus I would rather we be friends than start dating straight away. I hv learn about this in the past. U dnt want to be a rebound do u?

joey150:
jeez. all that epistle just to advice you on your bf issues...

you've gotta be kidding me.

if you no do again tell him...if you say na love then keep suffering in silence.

Okay......I know the post was long but wanted you guys to know everything first hand. This is why I don't like posting or don't post anything on nairaland but thanks.....

Filashade:
Hey Guys,

So I have a bf who I have been dating for 5 months now and I have this issue which i have overlooked severally and told myself that I might be paranoid but I am beginning to think otherwise.

So I am 22 an engineer and my bf is 23 and a Yoruba guy who repeated his first year again on another course and is going to uni full time. I work full time and go to school part time very saturdays and I am in my final year about to finish in August.

Its obvious that you really like this guy. Or maybe the sex is blowing your mind.

The only way to motivate him is to break up with him. If its fine Yoruba boys in UK you need. They are plenty of them doing masters program lol. Just open your eyes.

Filashade:


Loool. I can cook yes but not Nigerian food just the usual. Lool I am prepared to work on my relationship and I don't double date. I would give it a thought if things don't go well with my bf plus I would rather we be friends than start dating straight away. I hv learn about this in the past. U dnt want to be a rebound do u?

OK suit yourself.

Filashade:


Lool ur not serious

And you are just knowing....that's bad oo
Bottom line Mrs filashade. .....
Marriage is not beans
For those of us who has been there its serious ishh
If he is not motivated leave him.
Ah ah
Boys yapa....though most of them no get work but them soft.
I had breakups before I serious.
And they helped me.....heck I bought my first car just to spite a girl.
Ah don talk my own o
If anything else no work.





My door is open!!!!!!
Come one come all....this is nairaland

Haba

I'm not preparing for Jamb exam abeg
Who can explains this movie

optional1:



na this thing em write that long script for..
My director self no fit read am too.

Filashade chapter one verse 1 to 59

boiz2men:


OK suit yourself.

U dry vex? No be u naija men that say "these hoes ain't loyal" in Chris brown's voice.

cummando:

Filashade chapter one verse 1 to 59

Loool sorry oo.

Filashade:


That is why I am here coz he is a nice guy and I don't want to give up on him. But I have tried to but he changes then goes back to his old ways. I want him to be man and not a boy, I want him to grow or of his childish in asking me to do things for him and instead do things himself.

But what suggestions can you give to motivate him?

Give him d idea that he's about losing you? The guy is pretty young and I think he needs a hard jolt to straighten him up.