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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore (3695 Views)
I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. / My Wife Is Not Interested In Sex Anymore / "My Husband Can’t Go 3 Rounds Anymore" - Nigerian Lady Complains (2) (3) (4)
I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by essti: 1:36pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
Nairalanders pls constructive suggestions These days my marriage is no longer a happy one,I often feel like walking out of it.it doesn't feel like a marriage again,I hardly see my husband even on weekends. He goes to work as early as 5am and doesn't return till 11pm minimum. He claims he has too many responsibility and his the one in charge of the whole office,that after normal closing time,wen everybody has left the office ,thats the time he has to put things in order. Even on Saturdays attimes he goes to work and still returns 11pm minimum. Have been suspecting his keeping extra marital affair outside but he keeps denying it,his phones are always locked, his been very secretive for a while,even wen I try to confront him on certain things he lies about it or doesn't respond,he just says he will change but the change is never positive Sometimes towards d end of last year, he started keeping night out,wen his not back by 11.30 I will try to call but he wud never answer,then he wud send a text that something came up and he won't be returning that night,immediately d text is entering I will try to call him but the fone will then be switched off, it kept happening like once every week ,attims 2times in a week,then the following morning he wud b d one to call me and ask how am doing, wen I ask why he didn't return he wud say he met up with some friends n didn't know time had gone far and decided to spend the night at his friends place it kept getting bad so I reported the issue to his parents,they talked to him but he kept doi g his thing I pleaded with him that I dont like his coming back late, he changed for a while but wud always return after 11 Fine he takes care of us but we hardly see him,there r times that for one gud week my baby wudnot see him,he claims his a young man and has to network to make this money,which I agree but once in a while he sud be available but no cos his never available,even d Sundays he manages to stay home he wud leave to go to d bustop n stay there till we have slept,I really do not know what's happening or how to get him back to himself 1 Like |
Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by lonngmann(m): 1:43pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
Let us wait for the elders 1 Like |
Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by essti: 1:43pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
Even to try for another kid seems hopeless cos his never around,his own to just to drop money for upkip and vanishes into thin air till his ready to come home. Once it is 7pm and I try reaching him he doesn't pick and wen I ask why he says the fone was on silence and didn't hear it ring.am almost a 100% certain his keeping an affair outside, wen I tell him that he says am getting myself worked up over nothing.and many other things I havnt said. Wen he sleeps out he doesn't come till same 11pm the next day.Am honestly tired 1 Like |
Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by ajigiteri(m): 1:51pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
I understand how you feel madam. Firstly my prayer is that God will restore your husband from every Delilah out there. I am talking to you from a godly and Christian perspective, I want to say this that the situation is not beyond God but you need to qualify to a level where you can enjoy God. Pls your responds to the following questions will go a long way in finding solution to your problem. Are u born again, is your husband a Christian, did you seek God's face before going into the marriage, since when have you been experiencing this problem, have you prayed about it, was your husband faithful during your courtship. God will rescue you and restore your home. Waiting on your response. 3 Likes |
Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by tee59(f): 2:09pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
It is either ur man hs anoda woman whom he loves more than u outside or ur attitude and character is not gud enof towards him.Ar u a nagging woman dat complaint a lot or neva appreciate anytn he does.Som men find peace outside their matrimonial homes whn d house is unbearable for dem to liv in.B4 u pple got married,is late night keeping part of his life?Cus if it hs bn,it wil b very difficult for him to change.Evn if d issue wasnt addressed wn u wr datn.Or are u no more attracted to him?U ar a woman,u must kno hw to keep ur man.Smtn must be wrong smwhre.Was dre lov btw u 2 b4 u married?God wil help u but keep praying for him. 4 Likes |
Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by baby124: 2:09pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
Na wa o. Some people marry ebora and anjonu. Op, I don't know what to tell you. But protect yourself sexually and insist on a condom for a while. Also be sure to tell his parents what is going on. It seems like he is having a full blown affair. Maybe you should pay him a visit one night he claims he is working late. Just drop by with food, if it's safe for you to go there in the evening or at night. If it's not, have someone else who you trust go there and ask the gateman if he is at work. If you find out it's a lie then you have confirmation. Though the one where he sleeps outside one or two times a week is a big sign. Don't even bother about another child for now. Let your marriage be at a place where it is conducive to bring in another child. If this man ends up dumping you, do you really want to be responsible for 2kids by yourself? Do your investigation, keep your evidence to yourself and call a meeting with your parents, his parents and him to resolve all these issues you have. At that meeting bring out all your evidence. Even to the girls name and location if possible. I advise you to work fast and protect yourself first. He is selfish enough to cheat, you better be selfish about your life, your health and your future till things get resolved. As one of the conditions for resolving issues, ask for a full STD test and another 6months after. Also insist that he run a yearly STD test going forward till you see a genuine change. 21 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by blessedindeed: 2:09pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
I strongly believe that you already know the truth that your hubby is having an extra marital affair. Yes! that is just what is taking his attention away from you. However, accepting the truth now will enable you face the challenge squarely than living in denial. Listen carefully, nagging or fighting him will make you either lose or fight for a longer time if you will think twice about what am about to say now. Get out of your frustration, pity party, complaining to friends and family and let God in to fight the battle for winning your hubby back to yourself. Pray like never before, fast and remind God that when He created Adam, He gave Him Eve only without adding Evelyn and others. Put confusion in that extra marital affairs in the spiritual realm and see the wonders of God make manifest in the physical. Get on your knees in his absence, cry to God and stand on your feet while his at home to love him to submission. Remember, when God is involved everything must turn around. Sincerely this is my personal experience and today my testimonies are endless. 5 Likes |
Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by Nobody: 2:11pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
essti:marriage is sweet and sour at the same time. While enjoying the sweetness, also be ready to endure the sour grapes that comes with it. As for me, I must marry this year. Say amen ![]() |
Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by Afam4eva(m): 2:13pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
It seems to me that your husband is cheating on you. But you not only have to confirm your suspicion, you have to decide what you will do when you find out that he is cheating. Don't come here and ask us "My husband is cheating, what should i do?". However, if your husband isn't cheating, i want to know if this is how he was while you guys were dating/courting. If it was and you ignored the signs then you have to live with it. |
Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by kelechi50: 2:17pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
Please you have many questions to answer,One have you study him to know what he likes and not,check you're life and habits that make's him stay away from you.are you a working class before and after marriage. |
Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by Nobody: 2:18pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
Something definitely is keeping him away from home. Which could be your character. His extra marital affair. All the same, try talking to him, like have a heart to heart conversation with him to know why he actually runs away from home. Pray for God's intervention in your marriage too. |
Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by ihejimagha(f): 2:19pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
Prayer is the key, and work on yourself. Sit him down and talk to him, communication is the key to a healthy relationship. Stop complaining and take ur situation to God will clean heart, God will hear ur prayer and return ur man to u. Make sure u hv not changed frm who u used to be be4 and after he married u. Look a ur self and know if u re lacking in anything. Ur dressing, ur cooking, neatness, the way u talk to him, pls kindly work on ur self. Look good for him and he won't look outside by God's grace |
Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by Richy4(m): 2:20pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
essti: I really do not know what to say on this.....The hand writing was boldly printed all over the wall....Except if I was reading the hand writing wrong...If he was taking care of the whole office, what was the use of hiring those people that works with him?....Those employees, do they just show up @ the office and disappear back to their various homes every day leaving him to do all the work?....And at the end of the month they got paid?....Who is buying this story biko?...Anyways, I just hope what I was thinking was not what it was....And I suggest u start using condoms with him until u figure out whatever this is......Because U never can tell 2 Likes |
Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by eyinjuege: 2:28pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
He probably has another family and child/children outside. I've come across a young man in his thirties practicing bigamy,living in Lagos. He has got two wives without the other knowing, and both living in the same town. The excuse was he has a job in PH on the weeks he's away from each one. A young man o. One of the women is a banker, and both have children for him. 2 Likes |
Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by baby124: 2:35pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
eyinjuege:Wow, i wonder why some people live secret lives. It Takes too much plotting and planning and it never ends well. These kind of people that do things like this have really big problems. Why deceive these women into a situation they did not ask for. That young man has some serious mental problems. 7 Likes |
Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by DipoDee: 2:40pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
7 women to 1 man. what else can I say? Another thing is men who enjoy peace at home and enjoy fuvkking their wife hardly ever stay away from home. 2 Likes |
Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by eyinjuege: 2:51pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
baby124: True, crazy. But the truth will always come out. It's just a matter of time. This particular young man hardly contributes anything to the upkeep of his main family sef. The second woman too seems to be apparently comfortable, cos I don't see him contributing Jack for any child's upkeep. Highly irresponsible. |
Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by dingbang(m): 3:03pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
The females will always jump into conclusion abt the men cheating in stuffs like this Iranu 1 Like |
Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by Nobody: 3:08pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
Tell him you will leave if things continue same way. And start making "glaring" arrangements. Glaring: so he sees how serious you are. You need to protect yourself and you have to be selfish about it like one poster has said. If you have been acting all silly and confused before him, you should stop right away and wear a confident face. Show him you are human fully deserving of respect. 6 Likes |
Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by ominirajj: 3:21pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
essti:my husband do come home late too but doesnt spend the night outside But his case is worst because he doesnt provide us enof money, time, He is even too rigid to leave with. So your husband still provide means he is still mangeable compare to what am going through.PRAY AGAINST STRANGE WOMAN |
Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by essti: 3:28pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
While we were still dating,he wasn't anytin near this,at most 7 his already home,all this started just last year, wen he became fully mobile. I don't mean to brag but am one of the easiest person anyone can live with,attimes I feel am too quiet,cos there are some family stuffs I know has happens else where and the way the wife reacted compared to how it happened in my own home. Its a government job o,his like,sud I say holds a high position. I agree wen am angry i cud say some offensive words, but his always d cause of my anger ,it's situations like this that gets me angry and wen I confront him he lies about it |
Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by essti: 3:31pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
While we were still dating,he wasn't anytin near this,at most 7 his already home,all this started just last year, wen he became fully mobile. I don't mean to brag but am one of the easiest person anyone can live with,attimes I feel am too quiet,cos there are some family stuffs I know has happens else where and the way the wife reacted compared to how it happened in my own home. Its a government job o,his like,sud I say holds a high position. I agree wen am angry i cud say some offensive words, but his always d cause of my anger ,it's situations like this that gets me angry and wen I confront him he lies about it.his a lawyer and wud always dispute virtually everytin u say |
Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by baby124: 3:34pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
essti:I know someone that had a government job and used to work late. But call him on his office phone anytime and he will pick up. Some people are not very good at delegating responsibilities so that they can have a life of their own. Get his office number and call him on those times he says he is working late. Also make sure you calm down and get proof of your suspicions before reacting. You need to catch him red handed in his lie, and table the proof to your inlaws and your parents in a meeting. 1 Like |
Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by baby124: 3:36pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
eyinjuege:I blame women who do not demand a man take responsibility in his home. Even if he's not working, he must not sit at home and be browsing the Internet and chatting on the phone. 3 Likes |
Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by Dyt(f): 3:52pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
ajigiteri: 5 Likes 1 Share
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Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by Dyt(f): 3:54pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
ihejimagha: 5 Likes
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Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by essti: 4:00pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
Funny enough, one thing I don't get us, the church we attend did just a week fasting and praying on entering the new year , but my husband had been fasting and breaking by 6 all this January and he still comes by 11.30pm. Jokingly one day I asked him which church his fasting with or was it just a personal thing,then I said or is it odm fasting,he smiled and asked why I asked, I told him its because his a serious odm follower, I mean he reads it every day and always having the current version together with war against st Harman, he smiled and told me yes. One day in last week he returned 12.34am exactly,and I was lik very furious,wen he came I was just complaining how can a sane person be returning by this hour,wen I get soar like that his usually quiet,he only said he had to go see someone.I let it pass,he still left for work by 5am,I decided to cooly talk to him wen he came back that day, wen he returned d ususal time and after eating ,I asked but y d previous night was later than usual,he had told me where he went, so that nite he told me he went to see one of his colleagues that had just given birth,its like 2hours from that end to my end if not more but same city.this very person he went to greet has 4kids now 5 together with d husband at home,I told him wen he closed from work n wen he got there, he said he had to drop every tin he was to do and got there by 7pm and I asked but wen did u leave there,he said he didn't take notice of the time,and I was like u stayed in a colleagues home who has a husband and 5kids till say like 10pm knowing where ur house is is a big distance,that we who r his family and kid that wen have we ever spent 4hours with him on a working day,and d only response he cud give is maybe his senseless,it was him who replied me that way o not me. While all this anger was still in me but for peace I wud always not want to keep malice, just for him to return n tell me he wud not be around on Saturday,I got infuriated and started talking that so the ashi wants to keep u this weekend afta keeping late night thru the week,he wud always say am getting myself worked up over nothing, that he has an office errand to make,i aud wud it be for the whole day cos i know once his out its afta 11 he wud return he said thier office has been down on power supply so hewud have to work where therr is light to get some work done that files on him r getting too much as a result of d power failure,and I angrily told him if he goes out and doesn't return at most 6 he sudnt bother coming home that he sud jus enjoy his ashi very well, u won't believe this went out yesterday and didn't actually return,till now that am speaking he hasn't returned and I had said I won't bother him but after service today that anger somehow melted and I had to call him,he said his meeting up with some people and wud be home afta the meeting even though I had to lie to him that he has some visitors waiting. |
Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by essti: 4:02pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
Funny enough, one thing I don't get is, the church we attend did just a week fasting and praying on entering the new year , but my husband had been fasting and breaking by 6 all this January and he still comes by 11.30pm. Jokingly one day I asked him which church his fasting with or was it just a personal thing,then I said or is it odm fasting,he smiled and asked why I asked, I told him its because his a serious odm follower, I mean he reads it every day and always having the current version together with war against Harman, he smiled and told me yes. One day in last week he returned 12.34am exactly,and I was lik very furious,wen he came I was just complaining how can a sane person be returning by this hour,that which God exactly his he always waitin on,wen I get soar like that his usually quiet,he only said he had to go see someone.I let it pass,he still left for work by 5am,I decided to cooly talk to him wen he came back that day, wen he returned d ususal time and after eating ,I asked but y d previous night was later than usual,he had told me where he went, so that nite he told me he went to see one of his colleagues that had just given birth,its like 2hours from that end to my end if not more but same city.this very person he went to greet has 4kids now 5 together with d husband at home,I told him wen he closed from work n wen he got there, he said he had to drop every tin he was to do and got there by 7pm and I asked but wen did u leave there,he said he didn't take notice of the time,and I was like u stayed in a colleagues home who has a husband and 5kids till say like 10pm knowing where ur house is is a big distance,that we who r his family and kid that wen have we ever spent 4hours with him on a working day,and d only response he cud give is maybe his senseless,it was him who replied me that way o not me. While all this anger was still in me but for peace I wud always not want to keep malice, just for him to return n tell me he wud not be around on Saturday,I got infuriated and started talking that so the ashi wants to keep u this weekend afta keeping late night thru the week,he wud always say am getting myself worked up over nothing, that he has an office errand to make,i aud wud it be for the whole day cos i know once his out its afta 11 he wud return he said thier office has been down on power supply so hewud have to work where therr is light to get some work done that files on him r getting too much as a result of d power failure,and I angrily told him if he goes out and doesn't return at most 6 he sudnt bother coming home that he sud jus enjoy his ashi very well, u won't believe this went out yesterday and didn't actually return,till now that am speaking he hasn't returned and I had said I won't bother him but after service today that anger somehow melted and I had to call him,he said his meeting up with some people and wud be home afta the meeting even though I had to lie to him that he has some visitors waiting. |
Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by Dyt(f): 4:07pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
Calm down I am like you So I know and could relate to everything I mean every of what you nagging about Yes they call us crazy women But they dunno they made us that way SMH for these men Can you at least try to ignore? Ofcus it's likely impossible Do you work? 5 Likes |
Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by Dyt(f): 4:13pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
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Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by essti: 4:17pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
baby124: There was a time I was going for some scans and I was asked to bring my hubby for some test, he refused going and till today he hasn't,for that period I kept away from him since I had treated my self but an elderly friend adviced I sud start meeting with him so he doesn't go outside, my husband can be very sturborn but I know somewhere in him he has a heart and a gud conscience |
Re: I Don't Understand My Husband Anymore by thorpido(m): 4:23pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
Your husband is just not responsible and doesn't seem to care about his family.He thinks putting money on the table is all he has to do and that spending time with you and the kid is not that important. He most likely is keeping a woman somewhere and it's not just a fling. You need to get your evidence.Visit his office unexpectedly or find someone who can trace his movements. Protect yourself from STDs. 1 Like |
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