I really don't think it make sense for you to marry someone you are not compatible with,but my spirit tells me you have a roving eyes obviously you are moved by the beauty of the second lady.Anyway you know what you want,it is your life not that of your church or any one here.But my advice is for you to pray about it,when it comes to marriage let God lead the way but shine your eyes don't be cajoled by emotions or pretense and look beyond the make up o,no go dey decieve yourself.

goingape1:
bros forget that girl!

one ab0ki with big prick dey service her well well!

find one White chick for there na

why you dey mumu like this. our naija women na useless piece of Shiite!


never you have pity on any black woman because our black women don't have pity and self respect for there self!

all there ever think of is money and prick!

your prick and money can never be enough for our naija woman.
once she tasted your prick and money, she will still go out for a greener prick and money

your prick and money can never satisfy a naija woman!

those useless set of black women species are blood tasting prick and money parasite....


DONT TRUST A BLACK WOMAN

;Dyou dey vexing oooo

How can your church be deciding for you at your age man?

Ok I would advice you to marry both of them if possible....if not marry your first girlfriend and have an extra marital affair with your second girlfriend. Problem solved!

You are as confused as Mama John who's telling John that na his papa gt St. John Cathedral. lool

tee59:
Go and pray over d issue.

pray tell.. how many has it helped. if a man's heart is set to do wrong, a guilty conscience and a prayerful wife will not stop him or change his mind.. ask David, ask Solomon

Marriage committee? What exactly doesn't have a committee in Nigeria?

You are 36 and you are letting a committee of old men and women and they call themselves "marriage committee".
Bros get sense and choose a lady you have feelings for and a lady that meets your specs.
It's not the marriage committee that'll live in thesame house with her.
Wait o,why will you propose to someone you haven't met or even dated,and you even waited for the marriage committee to give you permission to start dating.
This is so hilarious.
Which church be that abeg?
Bros choose your wife and don't give a Bleep about church marriage committee.

which church u dey refer to

I was going to say something but you're a church boy so go with your pastor.
You're only here cos what you want is at loggerheads with what the church wants for you.

OP I believe you are a Deeper Lifer, I guess I'm not wrong.

My opinion on this is that you think deep and consider what you want. I believe that you saw something in your current fiancee before proposing to her, whether from afar or closely.

Sometimes we are to look beyond physical appearance, as long as she meets minimum requirement, but take cognisance of other things.

If your Fiancée love you, PLEASE stick to her, love her and arrange her appearance to fit your specs.

My 1 kobo

My church this marriage commitee that. You are looking to become a married man and letting people take the steps for you how then will you build your home. You dont feel anything for her please leave her be. You want to get it right then do it right. Theres no hurry in life. Seek God and things will fall in beautiful places

Am learning

tobaseye:


That's why I have been bothered. I can claim to love her and still be having feeling for another girl. I can't love two people at the same time.

Dude....if you dnt love her den went ahead to meet her parent...am sure you had seen somfin dat pushed yu to do it.... Also, a good wife-to-be's quality goes far beyond d physical looks... If she qualifies in many other areas to meet the wifey demands.... then you could take her a beautician to mek her up for you n prolly teach her hw to mek up herself...

tobaseye:
I live abroad at the moment, I will be 36yrs by May this year. I proposed to a lady I met some months before I left Nigeria in 2015, we did not have any contact while I was in Nigeria, and as at the time I proposed to her she had not met me in person because I did not approach her then. I asked someone to get me her contact while I was in abroad and contacted her thereafter. I involved the church because we both attend the same church, and one must seek the permission of the marriage committee of the church before approaching a lady in the church which I did before contacting her. We started chatting and asked her to send me her current pictures, because she hardly takes pictures and there were no current pictures of her on her Facebook wall. After I got some of her current pictures, I found out that her look does not attract me anymore but still continue chatting with her. But I encourage her to make good pictures and send to me.
After some month I was given the permission from the Church to propose to her, which I refused and told my Pastor and the marriage committee that am planning to go to Nigeria in some months to come that I will do that when I get to Nigeria, though I was persuaded to propose but I still maintained my stand that until I get to Nigeria before I will propose.
When I got to Nigeria I proposed to her after one week but told one of my close friend that the woman am about to get marriage to is not that attractive to me that I don't even feel the urge to call her phone, that I only forced myself to call her phone when I even manage to call her.
But with all these, I still go ahead to do parental consent in which I met her family and she also met my family. Thereafter, the church gave us the permission to commence courtship but we are yet to start the courtship.
She asked me not quite long why I delayed to propose to her and I told her that I just felt things are just going too fast.
The problem I have now is that, I met another lady before I left Nigeria. She is a family friend, she came with her siblings to visit my parents on the 1st of January and we talked for few minutes before she left. But that night I was restless and could not sleep because I didn’t take her contact. I was so troubled because I had just one week to leave Nigeria and I was not sure of seeing her again because I don't live with my parents, was just there for two days visit. I was supposed to leave my parent’s house the following day but I could not leave because I said I need to find a way of getting her contact. With the help of my mum I was able to get her house address and I visited her house uninvited. She was surprised to see me that morning we talked for some minutes, took her contact and take my leave. we have been chatting since then.
The problem is that I like this new lady so much but am afraid of hurting my girlfriend and the her family and I don't know what to do because I am of age, I have waited for so long, I want get it right and I want to enjoy my marriage. I don't want to cheat on my wife after marriage.
The relationship I have now is my first relationship, it is now about 7 months but my girlfriend just met me in person in December, just less than two month ago.
The relationship is first for two reasons; one is because my church does not encourage boyfriend and girlfriend relationship and two, some friends that I had asked out over some years now were in a serious relationship before I met them.
For the last 10 years I have only asked 3 girls out before my current girlfriend, two of which are my very close friends but were in serious relationship before I met them. The third one was not that close but she refused me said we can only be friends.
I don't even know if my new crush is even in a relationship too or not.
I need serious advice please!!!
Thanks.

You are about to make one of the biggest mistakes of your life if you go ahead with that marriage. From your write-up, you obviously dont love the lady but you are forcing yourself to be with her because of your church, her family and your age. Marrying someone you are not attracted to will just make you miserable and your wife will also be miserable because its a marriage based on tolerance and not love. By the way your pastor and her family will not live with you. It will be just you and your wife. It could also be you are just scared of being tied down with marriage. Think well before you jump into it. If you know you have no feelings for the lady, please let her go so that she wont have a miserable marriage.

not all that glitters is gold they say. bros beauty without blemish is good, be but may soon fade away, a woman with good character already has inner beauty. I am not of the.opinion that you should go after what.is not attracted to you. beauty lyes in the eye of the beholder. pray for God's dirwctiom. it's never too late.

you are looking at the wrong thing or you are not yet matured, neither mentally nor emotionally for marriage, it is not about how many years you are, you are not yet ready, there is no law that says you must Mary this year. Do yourself and any woman a favour, go and grow up first

Marriage is not meant to be managed or endured rather enjoyed .

" It's an institution in one's life without graduation."

U have to be careful while choosing whom u want to settle with to avert weird marriage huddles.

Mutual attraction is one of the keys to a successful marital life. To thrive in life, u must learn not to please people displeasing yourself.

As a matter of fact, u're even finding it difficult calling her while courting which should have been the time to love-up and build a spectacular foundation to trigger a comprehensible intimacy so as to have a clear picture of how your marital life would look like.

It's obviously and glaringly clear u ain't into the lady and I suggest u make her understand the earlier so u won't hurt her feelings beyond.

Benita27:
At the embolden, even after he stated he forces himself to call her cos he isn't attracted to her?, whoever he gets support from is inconsequential bro!, marriage is a life long commitment, parents and pastors are not the ones to live with whoever he marries.

Benita27 U are the best. May GOD ALMIGHTY never ever seize from blessing U and all that is Urs for this more than realistic and life-sustaining guide.

Post from a very very confused person. You need to go on a self discovery journey.
Once you discover yourself, start on the relationship scene again.....

Abeg, how many more permissions are still needed by your church before you sample wetin you dey buy?

Two things implies here , "beauty" and "values", which one do you prefer?

Can you take beauty that may even fade later and manage values? If the beauty eventually fade , can you still love her? Or do you prefer values and manage beauty? Perhaps, the beauty may even come later as you are enjoying the values depending on how you will groom her up.

Does she have the values that can skyrocket both of you to greater height? Can you co-habit for life? If you close your eyes , can you love her values, mostly love making is in the dark, so you wouldn't see the beauty, but the values will always be there in your heart of heart when maturity set in.

Another way , does the beauty have values you can co-habit with? does she loves you? If you close your eyes to that beauty(as love making most times are in the dark), could you love her for who she is? This is where maturity set in for your decision taking. It's a simple thing , don't make it look hard. No one will take this decision for you but you, its a lifetime thing.

Beauty should not be the determining factor, but true values and love, if beauty comes in at the onset, then it is a plus, but that do hardly happen in most cases, other stronger factors are usually sacrificed for the beauty which may eventually lead to an enduring nightmare you may have to live with for the rest of your life. Also, in most cases the beauty may be very much hidden, when all other factors are ok, you suddenly see it sprank in a matter of time and you start thanking God that you got your choices right. Even at that, not so "beauty" too may also not have the values as well.

So you are to watch out for values and love, and be sure that both of you can enhance each other to achieve your dreams in life. So, pray for divine direction, Period!

400billionman:

Shey nah your church go marry the girl for you ?
My church said, my pastor said, her family said.
You are not ripe for marriage..

MSBC: My Second Best Comment after Benita27's.

Pls bros go after the one ur heart want, marriage is not for pity, so put ur mind together and go after the one u want.

Leave ur church man....enjoy ur humanity abeg

Bros you really really made me sad, angry and disappointed.
it's very very ungodly, unmanly, immature, insincere and a great disservice that you will start inviting not just third party but over five hundred parties into your marrital future and life even before you start it.

don't attempt a miserable life, I repeat, don't gamble with a certainly sure miserable life by "marrying" the girl you know you do not love-that will be the worst uncorrectable mistake of your life-I also put it to you that you are not ripe, ready and having the right mental soundness/attitude/mind for marriage YET.


No be by age o.
hmmmmm. na "marriage" you dey take gamble like this.


PS:
Advice when mostly needed is mostly never taken.

you are on your own at the end of it all.

good luck

May God keep people like the OP away from me. Tweh!!

I'm assuming this is deeper life. My brother go and pray and ask God who you should marry. In my experience, when a deeper life guy is 30 and above and still confused and undecided it means he will not be focused in the marriage. You need to understand what you want and make up your mind to do the will of God. Be very convinced before making a move. I am not happy that you kept the other girl waiting for so long, if you have issues with how she looks now what do you expect will happen after wedding? Its late now yes but she deserves a better guy who will love and cherish her. Ask God to forgive you and let her go in peace

Tobaseye, pls dont marry her out of pity. Trust me, the mess in the marriage will be worse than whatever you are experiencing now.
Date and Marry your family friend sharp sharp.
Ditch that church girl.
Marry who you have chemistry with and whose upbringing you know well. Church arrangements and rules will mislead you.

Just a token from my wealth of experience

tobaseye:


That's why I have been bothered. I can claim to love her and still be having feeling for another girl. I can't love two people at the same time.

This man you are not ready for marriage.

My church said...

My pastor said...

My church gave me permission...

My friends said...

I know sey na either Lord's Chosen or Deeper Life be your church.

Marriage never start but you are already allowing external forces control and dictate your relationships. You had a purely physical crush on your 'girlfriend', and like most crushes, it passed away but you still allowed your church people 'persuade' you to make formal arrangements towards courtship.

You're immature, forget age. You better sit down and think things through before involving your church people into you personal affairs because they won't bear the consequences of your choices with you.

Sha don't hurt the poor lady you have fooled into thinking you're serious. Let her go so that a more emotionally stable and mature man will locate her. Msccheeeeeeew.

Not sure you have sense, you are the real Confucius, you are so clueless, and stop saying you have a girlfriend