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Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by tobaseye: 11:48pm On Jan 31, 2017 |
redcliff: I grew up in the church and also a worker in the church. Dating is not encouraged. Though, staying single still now was my choice as I was trying to build up my career and that of my younger ones. |
Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by tobaseye: 11:52pm On Jan 31, 2017 |
tobaseye: I had always thought when it's time to get marriage I will just grab one of my close friends and get married to her. But I was wrong. |
Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by tobaseye: 11:58pm On Jan 31, 2017 |
ladypearl45: No one is forcing marriage. I put her name forward to the marriage committee. I guess they are considering the age and trying to make it faster for us. |
Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by emmacares4u(m): 11:58pm On Jan 31, 2017 |
My brother.... Am 29, I av been into 5 serious relationship but married to my wonderful wife. The 5th Girl. Of all I av dated and tasted, she is the less attractive of them all. When we became friends, she always admired my X's through my album but she never believed I can marry her because I happen to be ahead with wide gap...Social wise, Educational background, Family background. One thing I love about her was her bn industrious and focused. My X was messing up and I gave her red card, I started with my wife....shaped everything to suite my purpose and today we are happy moving with out lifestyle keeping God at topmost priority. My brother I beg you, all that glitters are not gold. Shape her Tp suite ur purpose. I started by Changing my wife's outfit despite that she runs a huge business solutions but believes in just saving and saving. I proceeded to her Educational background and guided her, I offered to take her to sch weekends...... I then addressed the issue of having a mindset that my parents are educated and from an averagely comfortable family ahead of hers, I told her my parents would accept her.... then she met my parents accidentally and believe me, they had natural love above all the fair clean tall girls I always carry. It doesn't take time my brother, I started d work in August 2015.....proposed to her 21st February 2016 and got married 24th December 2016. I shaped her my to my purpose within a year. Now I remain her World Best Man...,..And I love her naturally because she was the first girl that told me to stop wasting money on Laundry, Eateries, Irrelevant social outing and Newspapers which I get daily. I started washing some myself, if we go to eatery she will only ask me to get drinks. Then stop me from driving to where I can easily use 100naira bus to achieve at a young age. Brother, discover something different about her, redraft her to suite ur standard and purpose then leave the rest for God. If u eventually marry this girl pls let me know. 1 love bro 4 Likes |
Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by Nobody: 12:09am On Feb 01, 2017 |
tobaseye: just seek the face of the lord |
Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by tobaseye: 12:09am On Feb 01, 2017 |
Btruth: Church is even the least. It's herself and her family is given me concerns. |
Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by tobaseye: 12:14am On Feb 01, 2017 |
babyface224: I was thinking I could make it works and also maybe because of distance and not having time together. |
Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by bush112(m): 12:25am On Feb 01, 2017 |
36?u never old Na maybe at 60 u go love her |
Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by tobaseye: 12:26am On Feb 01, 2017 |
Opakan2: The age things sha, it's a pity though. It now I 'm regretting it that I should have planned to get married 7 to 10 years ago because I was financially ok. Though was writing a professional exam that took most of my time too. I was working, doing my degree part time and when I got to 300 I added a professional exam. I was that busy no time for social life. |
Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by tobaseye: 12:35am On Feb 01, 2017 |
COvo:No committee is forcing me. I forwarded I name to them. Because I need to do that before I can contact her. |
Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by tobaseye: 12:41am On Feb 01, 2017 |
pressplay411: Don't get it wrong. I was seeking for advice not because of the church but because of myself. Nobody in the church can force me to do again my wish not even my parents before I am old enough. But just for the girl and her family that I have brought to the scene. I hope they will forgive me. |
Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by grandstar(m): 12:42am On Feb 01, 2017 |
tobaseye: Marry only someone you truly love and you know you are fully compatible with. Use your head and not your heart |
Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by Nyikoro: 12:49am On Feb 01, 2017 |
My dear what are the things you do not like about her? It could be that you are looking at the wrong qualities instead of understanding who the girl is. Things happen for a reason. You sound like a very quiet type of person. You do not need a woman who would grow wing and mess you up later. There are reasons why your church chose that particular lady for you. |
Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by Beey(f): 1:53am On Feb 01, 2017 |
Vickiweezy:Yes it costs $50 for half hour actually and $100 for an hour.Better still, he could get it for free if he has health insurance. |
Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by adatemi: 3:42am On Feb 01, 2017 |
It's very important that you marry someone that you have feelings for & always excited to see/talk to. Do not make the mistake of marrying someone because of what your church/pastor will say rather they will be happy you quickly inform this lady now that you are no longer interested than divorce in the future. I've been married for 23 yrs and am giving you the advise I'll give to my kids. If you want to be happily married then marry someone you're excited about & come home to. All I ask is that you inform this lady quickly if you are no longer interested, time is of the essence. 1 Like |
Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by Neenie(f): 3:54am On Feb 01, 2017 |
Let her know your mind, dont marry her out of pity biko! Cus as a yoruba adage would say "iyawo ti a ba fe, ni omo e n wun ni" meaning it is when you love a woman, that you can love her children. If u dont love her nd u go ahead to marry out of pity or cus of wat d society will say; i dont know how you can cherish the children she will born for you My one cent! |
Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by cooltola(m): 5:10am On Feb 01, 2017 |
Marriage is not by force. Looks can be deceiving except she is extremely ugly. |
Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by Paulpaulpaul(m): 5:22am On Feb 01, 2017 |
tobaseye: Bros, physical attraction is nothing but a facade, that not too attractive lady may be Olajumoke, unknown. Those people that recommended the guy loves you, so go on, marry her and enjoy marital bliz. |
Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by goddeyooo: 5:23am On Feb 01, 2017 |
I understand what you are going through, I have a perfect understanding of your frustration , the same doctrine is in my church and its frustrating, yes very frustrating but my church is a good church, one doctrine that may be amended in the future won't make her a bad one. Pls listen attentively, I know your fear i. You are scared of loosing the respect of your top pastors that see you as a responsible person, you see this is the problem I have with my church too, u can't date a lady without a letter, in most cases that right it in the letter, when u bring the letter just to start talking to a sister u won't be to withdraw it easily , they will tell u there are procedures. Everyone will start looking at u like your a bad person. I was there before, I will share my story later . ii. You are scared of hurting the lady for real, since she may remain in that church and seeing u or hearing your marrying another lady while she still single will make u her enemy for life especially if u are the active type in church, that everybody loves, someone have already told her she's lucky to have such a serious brother, our spirituality or activeness in spiritual activities doesn't determine our emotional direction, you truly don't love her. Its not a sin, don't condemn yourself. I know your worried and you have blamed yourself for going to collect that letter that makes it difficult for u to walk out of a relationship that should still be at dating level but if u collect letter of introduction they will tell u , u have made up your mind to marry her before why did u change , how can u make up your mind to marry a sister u barely know, you have not been friends but like my church they don't give room for this . Their is a way out. Don't loose your peace, stop talking to yourself on this matter, I know u do that. Their is a way out. iii. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder , sir, people telling u here that u should look at substance and not container are right , but they forget that men are moved by what they see, yes even u that u are reading this I don't care if your a pastor. At marriage lecture when preparing for wedding the same people that tell u to pray will tell u your wife have to be attracted to u and u to your spouse but she's not to u. You are at a stand still now Cos the letter is like a gum and a big weight u don't know how to loft away, u are dealing with alot of people in this relationship, when u quit it, u will quit alot of relationships.,,,, your pastors and church members may hate u for a long time . These are relationships u don't want to loose, u felt dating a lady just like the last one you just met is easier, its your opinion and decision, collecting a letter from church makes u feel everybody have to know your nusery opinion , u don't even know if the courtship will work or not but the letter makes it look like it must work, u should make it work, why u see other peoples relationship outside church even unbelievers enjoying their emotional connetion, yours lack this, relax but u will need to opt out, but the lady wont go easily, her hopes are high, she will cry she will beg u, all the ladies in church like a small community know she has done small formality . Its a kind of irritation and rejection she will feel u have towards her. It will affect her self esteem like maybe shes not good enough, but u cant marry out of pity, going out of the relationship will help u and her. Dont talk to old pastors, look for a youth pastor to talk to, not even nairalanders. But I will tel u what to do...., I will continue later, pls let me have your consent if this describe the situation ..... 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by chuksfluential(m): 6:18am On Feb 01, 2017 |
MrMcJay:nigga I swear u too correct, nah the church I dey go but I nor fit marry from there |
Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by FromZeroToHero(m): 6:38am On Feb 01, 2017 |
Without attraction there will be no interaction which will definitely led to separation. Don't please people and displease yourself. You can't make love to a woman you are not attracted to and even if you manage to do it you won't enjoy it which means your sex life will be in shambles. 1 Like |
Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by Organs(m): 6:43am On Feb 01, 2017 |
Heeeneeehn, no wonder churches are springing up everywhere, this is lucrative business oh. So all churches have marriage committees for this same corrupt obodo, God have mercy, i should think all these marriage committee members and pastors will be married, how come naija come woor-woor like this naa. Na wah-ohh. Anyways na advice omo-boy ask, my chairman, you are too focused on looks, 1 year after marriage all that looks go clear comot from your eye, if look for character, fear of God, nobi all these church-church oh, i mean genuine fear of God, then look for a home-maker, i.e mother for your kids, how does she relate with kids, do kids love and adore her, her siblings etc then finally, pray to God sincerely, mind you, ladies will be interested in you cos you're an escape channel from recession..... all the best to you my broda. |
Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by Olubukola16(f): 7:16am On Feb 01, 2017 |
tobaseye: Of course not, you can't love two ladies equally. That's the problem created when you allow the church to have a greater influence on you when choosing your life partner. I want to believe that the lady you just met actually meets up with the exact requirements you want in a lady but, I still sense lust. The best thing is that you should now open up to your fiancee about how you feel and let her know where she stands with you instead of wasting that lady's time, let her just move on with her life and you continue with this new lady since you claim to love her. But, let me tell you a trick about most ladies, when we see something good for ourselves, we try all we can to be at the best behavior so as to get the "thing" in question and after, we exhibit our real behaviors. I'll implore you to study her more before you're lost in love with the new lady. I wish you good luck. But don't forget, pray! pray!! pray!!! |
Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by slap1(m): 7:19am On Feb 01, 2017 |
phemocheee: Church red flag. See how a mature man has allowed pastors and church doctrine to control his life. I hope your pastors would add divine sugar to your wedding when it gets bitter. In your heart, you know the truth, but you're here asking us questions. The lady may not even love you. She might just be sticking with you because you live abroad, a thing to brag about to her friends. Call her, tell her you don't feel OK about the whole thing and you can't continue. Your happiness is at stake here. Don't come here to ask us questions after marrying her because it's clear you won't be happy if you marry her. 1 Like |
Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by mruwaifo(m): 7:29am On Feb 01, 2017 |
You will never find a lady whose features will make you not notice or even attracted to others . This is the nature of man . You may find another but it's not a guarantee that you will not be tempted. Think of the future in making such a decision, she may not be the best person you want in bed but if she can hold down your household as you have envisioned for your children then stick to her . From my personal experiences there is even a blessing each time you overcome a major sexual temptation and your woman will be more desirable like you have not seen her before . It can work if you are willing to make it work . God bless you . 1 Like |
Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by Btruth: 7:56am On Feb 01, 2017 |
tobaseye:in that case, must you marry with a pity? Must you sacrifice your happiness because of her family? What you are trying to protect now will come to materialise if you go ahead with the wedding, and then, both the lady and her family will hate you more. You don't pretend when it comes to 'love' matter. But if you think you want to make her and her family happy, then, make the sacrifice and stick by it. |
Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by hisMrs(f): 8:34am On Feb 01, 2017 |
tobaseye: You have put yourself into a deep mess by not calling it off when you realized that you are no longer attracted to her. A broken courtship is better than a broken marriage, call it off before things get messier than it already is.do not waste anymore of the lady's time. From what you wrote, i could deduce that looks is what you are attracted to, looks fade o, so its better you know what you want and don't loose diamonds while chasing stones. and about ur new babe, stop behaving like a mumu na how can you say u dont know if she's in a relationship or not, cant u ask her? better grow up and be a man |
Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by frank317: 8:49am On Feb 01, 2017 |
This is why I hate church dictating our lives for us. There should be freedoms for us to live our lives and experience things. Now u want to please ur pastors and other authorities. At your age u don't know jackshit about women. Forget about all this church preaching, marriage is not happily ever after if u like marry and angel send directly by God. You have identity confusion, something most teenagers suffer. You don't even know ow what u want and can't handle situations. Imagine u started doubting ur feelings for her and insisted to come down to Naija before proposing,yet you proposed despite knowing u don't feel her. Ask yourself what u want in a woman... Why do u love the new one? Why did u propose to the old one. What attracted u to both girls. Rate them with an open mind, be honest to urself. Stand on the truth u tell urself and do the right thing. And for go sake, get laid and learn more about sex. There is more to life than doing holy holy 1 Like |
Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by edimolu(m): 8:55am On Feb 01, 2017 |
Is it possible for u not to love ur fiancee before marriage nd then all of a sudden u start loving her after marriage...so impossible...nd if it is...itd be on rare occasions......cant tell u to marry someone u feel nothing for....nd moreover uv always felt like that even before you met the new crush...do whatever makes u happy so u dont get to regret at the end |
Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by Hyflya(m): 10:37am On Feb 01, 2017 |
I'm kind of surprise that you will reason that way @36. The problem is with you and not your fiancee. sorry to say this, you are not mature enough yet to go into marriage. sit yourself down and do some soul searching. you get attracted by appearance alone and not by who a person is. what is the guarantee that you will not feel love for someone else tomorrow when you meet someone else prettier than the new girl?. chairman grow up and don't be lusting after looks. 1 Like |
Re: I'm 36 Not Sure If I Love My Fiancee And I Don't Want To Cheat On My Wife. by Omooniya1: 10:52am On Feb 01, 2017 |
my advise to you bros.... don marry a lady becos of self pity, don't marry a lady becos of outward appearance, don't marry a lady becos your church member as ordained it, its what you told your church member that dey are working on they are just middle man between you and the girl....so my brother, marry someone you believe ur heart believe in.....becos marriage is not something u buy in market and return it becos u don't like it again. . you marry someone u like even if the outward appearance is nothing to write home about...you can take her to d market and do otherwise to ur own taste. |
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