Recently (4 days back to be precise), I went to see someone and the whole thing was sham. Really a waste of my time. It wasn't a date per se but it made me think of all the dates I've been in and I ended up compiling this list, so yes, everything in it is first hand experience, some done by me and the others committed by the guys I went out with.

1. Don't get so drunk you throw up all over the place including their car seat and the night ends with them taking you to their house because they don't even know where you address. Seriously, don't.

2. Don't show up dressed like you are just getting out of bed. I know it's not Christmas but please, try your best to look nice and presentable.

3. Don't go introducing them as your girlfriend/boyfriend. It's annoying. I barely know who you are, it's just a date, it's not flattering when you call me your girlfriend.

4. Don't get all hands on. And by hands on, I mean, don't try to touch my legs under the table or brush your shoulders against my boobs. I'll land it dirty on your face or straight out bite you.

5. Being rude to the waiter/waitress ain't cool. Nothing says problem than someone with rude manners.

6. Don't diss their outfit. Someone did this to me - kept repeating over and over again that I was putting on a choir uniform. It was just not funny then even though I'd laugh about it now.

7. Or their profession- so what if they are a low earning sales person, what's so funny about that?

8. Don't tell them your serious issues. It's just a first date, I'm more interested in knowing your favorite color and food. Not how you've been struggling with depression or financial problems.

9. Don't go through their phone and sneakingly read their texts. Why do people even do this?

10. Don't go through their phone and see a photo of their hot friend and then unashamedly go ahead and ask for that friend's number. This has happened to me twice so I'm a living proof that it's a real thing.

11. Don't offer them a photo album filled with photos of your numerous exes.

12. Don't blurt out "I like to Bleep"!

13. Don't ask" do you like to Bleep"?

14. Don't talk so much about your bestie (that is a member of the opposite sex)

15. Don't start comparing them to anyone (especially that your bestie) or worse still, an ex

16. Don't fake an accent. Don't try to be yoruba when you ain't. If na pidgin you sabi speak, stick to pidgin.

17. Don't stuff yourself with overfeeding that you end up spending majority of the time in the toilet, then you come out and start complaining about pepper in your yansh.

18. Don't stare open mouthed at the good looking/hot dude/girl at the nearby table and comment about their nice physique or sexy ass.

19. Don't say anything like "I hate Igbo guys" or "you are an Ijaw girl? I heard Ijaw girls are good in bed"

20. Please smile. You were not tied like a goat and dragged to the date at gun point.

21. It's okay to state what you want. Just be mature about it. Are you looking for something long term or just a short term non committed fling or whatever it is?

22. So be yourself and be honest. If you don't like cooking, don't claim cooking is your favorite hobby. If you hardly care about going to church, don't claim you are a dedicated member and even in the choir. If you can't step out of your house without your makeup on, don't claim au naturale and say you only make up for special occasions.

23. Flattery won't take you anywhere. Stop being so condescending. Compliments I appreciate, but flattery, anyone can spot the fakeness in it.

24. Please, leave your phone alone. I don't know what you are doing on whatsapp that can't wait. Would you please pay full attention to me!?

25. Don't borrow any of their stuff, then disappear into thin air. I'm still looking for the dude that did this to me, vanished with my powerbank.

arrange dis tin nahh bush girl giv m space

to me i treat bea based on how she presents her self.

like one bea i took to crunches at aka road uyo,i asked her what she would take cos me as a regular there my favourite na poridge plantain with the likes of fish.babe say anything u take i will also take i ordered for two.

fastfowarded. it happened that she's nt used to it to cuppled with pepper and so she couldn't eat the food,just to clear my consiense i have to other for fried rice though she ate it bt she was shy this time and i used that opportunity to win her easily cos she fall her hands.

klassykute:
arrange dis tin nahh bush girl giv m space

omg, lwkmd, you actually called me a Bush girl and it's so funny I'm almost forgetting to get offended. But will do just what you suggested.

newyorks:
to me i treat bea based on how she presents her self.

like one bea i took to crunches at aka road uyo,i asked her what she would take cos me as a regular there my favourite na poridge plantain with the likes of fish.babe say anything u take i will also take i ordered for two.

fastfowarded. it happened that she's nt used to it to cuppled with pepper and so she couldn't eat the food,just to clear my consiense i have to other for fried rice though she ate it bt she was shy this time and i used that opportunity to win her easily cos she fall her hands.

lol, there's nothing wrong with being a little shy. It doesn't especially help, if you're out with someone you are irresistibly attracted to.

stuffsabouttara:
lol, there's nothing wrong with being a little shy. It doesn't especially help, if you're out with someone you are irresistibly attracted to.

since then before she takes anything she'll be like baby hw does it taste like?

Stuffsabouttara


What if I get 50likes for this... Will u go on a date with me?

newyorks:
since then before she takes anything she'll be like baby hw does it taste like?

omg! That's funny af. Any idea why she kept asking?

dingbang:
Stuffsabouttara


What if I get 50likes for this... Will u go on a date with me?

So far you are still at nil likes- good luck bro, may the odds for ever be in your favor

OP,thanks a lot

Lalasticlala, mynd44. Please push to front page... Pleeeeease

Number 18 don't try it when with me cos I'll pour whatever liquid I find to wake you up

TheSlyone2:
We live in the real world...

Who rules EPP?

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

TheSlyone2:

Ain't no crime appreciating the goodness of creatures around you

And if a girl does it to you, you'll be the first to shout "Oloshi"

TheSlyone2:

Ain't no crime appreciating the goodness of creatures around you

Ofcos but you don't act like a fool doing that

Try no 14,15 ,17 n 18 wif me n ama insult u politely n lv d bills wif .

Try no 14,15 ,17 n 18 wif me n ama insult u politely n lv d 2 foot d bill

TheSlyone2:

It just that I don't do rules...

I so much believe in doing me.

being yourself is a rule on it's own.

TheSlyone2:

Yea.

I for one have a special way of doing that. Just a quick glance and that's it

That's better at least you don't have to show you've seen something

And if a girl does it to you, you'll be the first to shout "Oloshi" [/quote]Did you mean "olosho"?[/color]

stuffsabouttara:
And if a girl does it to you, you'll be the first to shout "Oloshi"

Did you mean "olosho"?

TheSlyone2:

You know what, men are attracted to ladies because of the irresistible appearances; the curves and the loads.

Guys gat non of these. So it quite rare for a lady to do that

You are on a date, at least forfeit the character for the sake of the date. The lady you're out with probably put a lot of effort into her appearance and personality just to make a good impression on you, if she's putting that much effort, you should too. I'm not saying it's wrong to notice someone else that is attractive, I'm just trying to point out that you shouldn't be so obvious and unapologetic about it. Are we good?

TheSlyone2:

Assume you on a date with your guy and a handsome looking guy walk pass your table..

Won't you wanna take a look at him?

I hardly find myself looking at guys. I'll just steal a glance.