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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? (3214 Views)
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Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by Outofsync(m): 10:35pm On Feb 25, 2017 |
BreezyRita:I wanted to respond to this sarcastically and whatnot but the wind is blowing, my hands are aching... I don't have the fortitude. It's a pity you mentioned the dowry system without knowing its original intentions. In ancient india, the wife's parent paid to dowry to ensure the woman doesn't get mal-treated and still has enough to eat after her "seniors". Over the years, it evolved to something more sinister and Indians themselves are campaigning against it. A simple google search on "the evils of the dowry system" would convince you. I could drag links here but I'm not in the mood for that. In any case, your analogy is invalid. I have taken great care to limit it to "African women" and the intial intention of brideprice. European or Asians do not matter in this light. Bride price payment does not entail the purchase of a woman. I see it instead as a symbolic gesture acknowledging (but not paying off) the husbands permanent debt to the wife's family.Dear me, we seem to be merry-go rounding over this issue. Why should there be an "acknowldegment of a debt". Debt implies that the cost of training her was a burden, a financial enterprise that paid off. If not so, why should a man need to bring valuable goods to a woman's house NECCESARILY before marriage can be consunmated This implies her value is instrumental. That she can be traded off for the right goods. Means.....she can be bought. I'm getting tired of repeating the same thing honestly... You see, people give different reasons for bride price. Some say it it allows the groom to demonstrate that he has enough financial resources to support the bride (and possibly her family) after the wedding.hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha Joke; right people incur huge debts over brideprice and no one in the bride's family cares. All they care about is that he brings the tubers of yam and the bags of rice. Find another plausible reason abeg. Why you're trying to distort the original intention of brideprice is still confusing me. Read any book of African Literature and it is written bare there the meaning and intent of brideprice. I recommend you read "Things fall Apart" or "Arrow of God" by Chinua Achebe. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by Nobody: 9:38am On Feb 26, 2017 |
@Outsync you really hiiting the nail on the head, what's more hypocritical is that you will hear feminists proclaimers in Nigeria screaming equality and when it comes to bride price of their own marriage they keep still or make it seem like its a gesture. 2 Likes |
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by Nobody: 11:07am On Feb 26, 2017 |
It's 2017, and some families still come up with outrageous bride price list so the bride is just gonna sit down and watch her groom milked of everything he's got? I would never understand this. and fortunately for me, I'm not from a tribe of leeches. |
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by BreezyRita(f): 1:42pm On Feb 26, 2017 |
Outofsync:I don't either so I'll make it short It's a pity you mentioned the dowry system without knowing its original intentions. You amuse me. Isn't that the same thing you are doing? You cannot state the original intentions of bride price in Africa. You just state what you believe which isn't what is.... I mention dowry and selling husbands and you dodge it to still go back and talk about bride price. Some poor prllbrides did not get married as they could not afford the dowry. Isn't that the same point you raise against bride price?
Well, neither am I. In any case, your analogy is invalid. I have taken great care to limit it to "African women" and the intial intention of brideprice. Oh! So Europeans or Asians can collect bride price and Africans can't? You mean, they aren't sold too? You may not understand but bride price didn't originate from Africa. And I don't even want to bring the Biblical aspect in. If we are arguing we should have the balls to call a spade a spade. If bride price payment is purchase of the woman in Africa, it is so in Greece, Asia etc Like I said, people have different reasons for this. Of course, some of these aren't the real reasons and I acknowledge the greed in the whole thing. But hey! We're humans. I know of my mom's boss whose daughters' bride prices were all five naira each. Now, they are all highly educated young ladies. What, they were sold for five naira? Seriously? I know the father gave a reason for collecting the money at all but I can't seem to recall. There are no right goods.
So am I
You sidestepped the issue of dowry and brought this up? I still refer to the Indians. What happens to a woman whose family can't pay her dowry? It goes both ways. I'm honestly tired of this argument. Can we let it pass and stop derailing my thread?? |
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by onegig(m): 1:54pm On Feb 26, 2017 |
BreezyRita: no wonder we are still stuck in the old age in Africa. Culture is subject to change. Any aspects of culture that's an impediment to growth and well being of such people need to give way. It was culture to kill twins back then, I guess you would still continue with such vile acts because "that's the way it has always been ". It is also culture and was once mandatory for the brother to marry his late sibling's widow because women were "properties" which were acquired after paying the bride price; should we also continue such? Bride price whatever should not be compulsory and not something any right thinking family should be asking for. A gift or token to the lady from the groom is lovely and highly enjoined but asking the groom to bring crazy amounts of items is literarily selling your daughter and is a culture that needs to be scrapped asap no arguments about that. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by BreezyRita(f): 1:59pm On Feb 26, 2017 |
onegig: Thank you but we moved on. Haggling- proper or not? |
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by onegig(m): 2:09pm On Feb 26, 2017 |
BreezyRita: I won't haggle. At least their daughter knows what i am worth. If they write things that are so exorbitant and she never tried to bring it down nor protest for them to cut it down then I would pay it and we would both "drink the garri" of it during the first few years of the marriage. Why argue over such? By the way, i don't support bride price and if there's a way to sideline it. I would glady do it. Would prefer a voluntary gift than some mandated lists. 2 Likes |
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by BreezyRita(f): 2:27pm On Feb 26, 2017 |
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Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by BreezyRita(f): 2:27pm On Feb 26, 2017 |
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Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by BreezyRita(f): 2:30pm On Feb 26, 2017 |
onegig: Haba nau! The woman should do the negotiating for you? |
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by onegig(m): 2:36pm On Feb 26, 2017 |
BreezyRita: If she wanted the marriage, then she wouldn't agree to things that discomforts me. A discomfort to me, is a discomfort to her also. They are her people and before they handed over the list to me, she must have seen it and vetted it. 1 Like |
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by BreezyRita(f): 2:44pm On Feb 26, 2017 |
onegig:That's not how its done oh. (I think not) What I hear is that she sees the list when you do. Some women usually speak up if the items or amount are outrageous. I know my aunt did. But I don't see myself doing that sha. I leave it to the man abeg..... |
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by Outofsync(m): 3:50pm On Feb 26, 2017 |
pcguru1:Thank you my man. I wanted to respond to the OP but the OP herself doesn't even realize what we're discussing. I can't waste my time dealing with insipid people. Life is way too short for that |
Re: Haggling Over Bride Price - Proper Or Not? by chikk(f): 6:34pm On Feb 26, 2017 |
BreezyRita: Please ignore jor. Some efforts aren't just worth it. That is why we have high rate of molestation, physical abuse on women and ultimately divorce, because some men think they went to the market and "purchased" some commodity, or better still, slaves, to do with as they deem fit . God help and save us all 1 Like |
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