I'm in a 10 months old relationship now and I'm looking forward to proposing within the next 3 months, infact we are planning to go see my parents this April although I've met most of her family members informally. As expected, we both have issues that make us imperfect and I feel these are things we should work on. I have assessed everything about her and can say I'm comfortable to build a home with her even though some issues are particularly strong like her anger fits and high level of self pride.

Around the start of this year, she frequently nags about me not being romantic and that may be a strong factor for deciding not to settle down with me. I promised to work on it and believe I have tried to be more caring and concerned, I go out of my way to do everything, read self help on how to be better at being romantic, risking long journeys even denying myself basic stuff just to make her feel loved but she keeps saying I'm not romantic enough and guys out there treat their girl better and her exes treated her better. Its gotten to the level where I really don't know what else I can do. Things like being romantic should be natural and if all my efforts are not enough then what else?

It just begs the question, Should an issue like this be managed or we should let ourselves be cos she says if she keeps mum about it, it means she's getting the love out there. Its even more paramount as an event we plan to attend next month will have many of my family folks there. Im thinking of skipping the trip but should I continue with the relationship or otherwise. Is not being romantic a valid reason for breaking up.

At this stage, the last thing I want is a one sided relationship/ marriage.

Thanks for your valued inputs

I have nothing to
say

But wait.. ....



Why is it that when it comes to relationships /marriage we don't remember God, that you are in relationship with her does not mean she is Really meant for you, if she can't see your imperfection and accept you but keeps nagging, I will advise you to rethink......



Maybe she z actually not yours

Don't try forcing it, it might lead to regret

check my signature

Is she reciprocating?

Iseoluwani:
I have nothing to
say

But wait.. ....



Why is it that when it comes to relationships /marriage we don't remember God, that you are in relationship with her doesn't really she is meant for you, if she can't see your imperfection and accept you but keeps nagging, I will advise you to rethink......



Maybe she z actually not yours

Don't try forcing it, it might lead to regret

check my signature

Thanks fr this. I think I didn't carry out due diligence from this angle.

Kingsasian:
Is she reciprocating?

Like reciprocating her love for me? Im quite satisfied except I feel she has this 'cinderella' perspective about being romantic I'm yet to catch up to, I don't know.

I've asked her to explain (which seems kind of awkward) but the response is "you don't get taught on how to make love, do you?".

I figured out three problem her that may be detrimental to the marriage in the future;

1. Anger; Hmm, my brother, if you must marry her, make sure you have killed and buried the anger demon in her. Personally, I flee from anger people.

2. Pride; I have observed that people with the issue of anger are always proud. This is another bad habit as it manifests in lack of satisfaction and contentment. Hmm

3. She's not comfortable with your romantic life. She feels you are not like others, exes' .Hmm, She is not finding you attractive, or she is not satisfied with the love you show her.

Advice; Don't propose now, think and think again. A lady you want to marry is not lusting over you at this point of the relationship that you want to settle down..

DaniDani:
I figured out three problem her that may be detrimental to the marriage in the future;

1. Anger; Hmm, my brother, if you must marry her, make sure you have killed and buried the anger demon in her. Personally, I flee from anger people.

2. Pride; I have observed that people with the issue of anger are always proud. This is another bad habit as it manifests in lack of satisfaction and contentment. Hmm

3. She's not comfortable with your romantic life. She feels you are not like others, exes' .Hmm, She is not finding you attractive, or she is not satisfied with the love you show her.

Advice; Don't propose now, think and think again. A lady you want to marry is not lusting over you at this point of the relationship that you want to settle down..

Is the bolded an issue I should be worried about or a normal fact of life?

dealchamps:


Is the bolded an issue I should be worried about or a normal fact of life?

My dear I have been in few relationships and flirts as well. l can tell you that any lady who truly loves you will be lusting after you. She will admire you and cherish you to a fault. If the lady in question does not cherish you and admire/ appreciate you, then something is lacking.

DaniDani:


My dear I have been in few relationships and flirts as well. l can tell you that any lady who truly loves you will be lusting after you. She will admire you and cherish you to a fault. If the lady in question does not cherish you and admire/ appreciate you, then something is lacking.

you have bared my mind.

Marriage is for a lifetime, A lifetime is too long to be unhappy. It's obvious your lady isn't contended with what you offer, she is honest enough to complain. You have tried your best but she remains unsatisfied, Don't you think going ahead with the marriage is dangerous? Won't it be selfish of you to impose a marriage on her? Won't you hurt yourself if you continue with her?.

Here is the deal: Sit her down, have a heart to heart talk, reach an agreement and make a decision together. No one should be hurt.

Sometimes love is not only enough

Make seun help his guy take am go promise land


To have more. Opinion

DaniDani:


My dear I have been in few relationships and flirts as well. l can tell you that any lady who truly loves you will be lusting after you. She will admire you and cherish you to a fault. If the lady in question does not cherish you and admire/ appreciate you, then something is lacking.

This is quite revealing to me. especially for the fact that I'm well aware of this fact prior to this. Thanks

Alesandese:
Marriage is for a lifetime, A lifetime is too long to be unhappy. It's obvious your lady isn't contended with what you offer, she is honest enough to complain. You have tried your best but she remains unsatisfied, Don't you think going ahead with the marriage is dangerous? Won't it be selfish of you to impose a marriage on her? Won't you hurt yourself if you continue with her?.

Here is the deal: Sit her down, have a heart to heart talk, reach an agreement and make a decision together. No one should be hurt.

Sometimes love is not only enough

Blunt and I appreciate your input. Thanks

I would advice you don't marry her. Reasons being.

A sane lady doesn't compare her fiancé to her exes for any reason. You kill his morales and this act is quite childish.

If at this stage she thinks you're not romantic enough then I wonder what she'll tell you when you're both married with responsibilities which often times makes one forget romantic gestures unlike when you're dating and trying hard to impress.

If you've observed she has "pride" does she say the word "sorry!" when she offends you?, if "No" then leave her alone.

[quote author=kimbra post=54177292]I would advice you don't marry her. Reasons being.

A sane lady doesn't compare her fiancé to her exes for any reason. You kill his morales and this act is quite childish.

If at this stage she thinks you're not romantic enough then I wonder what she'll tell you when you're both married with responsibilities which often times makes one forget romantic gestures unlike when you're dating and trying hard to impress.

If you've observed she has "pride" does she say the word "sorry!" when she offends you?, if "No" then leave her alone.

We'll said my sister any lady that compares u with her ex is definitely not worth marrying. All this talk about being not too romantic is caused by watching too much Telemundo. I've been married for over 7 years and I've come to realize that wives are more concerned about fidelity and D ability of a man to provide for and protect his family. So any lady that is saying d fiance is not romantic even when d husband is faithful and meets his responsibilities at home is childish. I'm not saying romance is not important in a marriage but I'm sure d average sensible lady will prefer a God fearing and trustworthy man to a romantic and unfaithful husband. Anyway pray about it but for me it's an insult if a lady starts comparing me to her ex.

dealchamps:


This is quite revealing to me. especially for the fact that I'm well aware of this fact prior to this. Thanks



Blunt and I appreciate your input. Thanks

You are welcome

she doesn't love u her behaviour says it all Don't propose to her

dealchamps:
I'm in a 10 months old relationship now and I'm looking forward to proposing within the next 3 months, infact we are planning to go see my parents this April although I've met most of her family members informally. As expected, we both have issues that make us imperfect and I feel these are things we should work on. I have assessed everything about her and can say I'm comfortable to build a home with her even though some issues are particularly strong like her anger fits and high level of self pride.

Around the start of this year, she frequently nags about me not being romantic and that may be a strong factor for deciding not to settle down with me. I promised to work on it and believe I have tried to be more caring and concerned, I go out of my way to do everything, read self help on how to be better at being romantic, risking long journeys even denying myself basic stuff just to make her feel loved but she keeps saying I'm not romantic enough and guys out there treat their girl better and her exes treated her better. Its gotten to the level where I really don't know what else I can do. Things like being romantic should be natural and if all my efforts are not enough then what else?

It just begs the question, Should an issue like this be managed or we should let ourselves be cos she says if she keeps mum about it, it means she's getting the love out there. Its even more paramount as an event we plan to attend next month will have many of my family folks there. Im thinking of skipping the trip but should I continue with the relationship or otherwise. Is not being romantic a valid reason for breaking up.

At this stage, the last thing I want is a one sided relationship/ marriage.

Thanks for your valued inputs

Its well, why don't she just deal with it

Let her just tell you where to work on....... probably tell you how she likes things done

If she can't , let her just manage, what matters more is that her man loves her and doesn't cheat, that's more paramount

@Op; to love some one is a beautiful thing. When one is in a relationship that they think would lead to marriage, there are certain factors you need to consider before taking the “I DO” step. The factors are; Love, Compatibility, Respect and Friendship. For some, not being romantic can be a reason to go their separate ways but that’s not a valid reason IMHO. During courtship is a time to decide whether you can tolerate your partners' attitude or not. If you know that you can’t endure a particular attitude during courtship, then address it there and then as it has a tendency to probably get worse when you marry.

Listen mate, YOUR GF SEEMS TO BE SOMEONE WHO ALWAYS WANTS THINGS HER WAY IRRESPECTIVE OF WHOSE OX IS GOARD. You have tried to improve your romantic gesture and she’s still not satisfied with it. That alone shows that being satisfied is a problem and she’s not showing any signs of wanting to change in that direction. Her lack of satisfaction could crop up in any other area and I’ll tell you dude, its going to be a struggle to curtail that type of attitude. THIS IS A RED FLAG.

A woman who compares you to her ex lacks respect for you and that’s a FACT. The minute she opens her mouth to even mention an ex let alone to talk about how many they are to you, should have been when you tell her not to mention that to you. If she does it again then you tell her to go be with that ex. It clearly shows that she’s not over how ever many ex she’s had and still yarns for them by comparing how they did things to how you do things. THIS IS A RED FLAG.

You mentioned that she has anger management issues and self pride. Can you tolerate this continuously? When a woman has anger management issues and added to it, self pride, its usually hard for them to accept their wrong. Correct me if I’m wrong; she would have this notion of not apologising when she’s wrong (I may be right as well as wrong). THIS IS A RED FLAG.

Due to your calmness, she’s beginning to take you for a ride by exhibiting the traits of "he can’t do without me as he loves me irrespective of my flaws". You have to tackle that and make her aware that she can be replaced if she doesn’t sit-up and improve on the areas you are concerned about. Of course, you also have your flaws to work on especially on the ones she’s complained about. If you’re trying to work on yours, I see no reason why she can’t do same with hers and stop the nagging as it’s irritating when one nags be it as a man or a woman.

I’ll say don’t take her to any family trip for now until you are fully satisfied that both of you can cope with your flaws. If both of you know you can’t cope with these flaws you have identified, then think well and hard if it’ll be worth your while settling down together. Marriage is hard work and can work only if both of you are determined to put in that hard work together. If your courtship is not at a comfortable stage where you are happy and have minor issues, if you marry, your marriage may have sever problems if things are not addressed and corrected. Don’t be in a hurry to propose until you have settled areas that you see as concerns for both of you.


Now let me give you some quotes below to ponder over; here we go:

When a relationship becomes one you are enduring; it’s time to walk away

When a relationship becomes a violet one; it’s time to walk away

When a relationship becomes a selfish one; it’s time to walk away

When a relationship makes you unhappy; it’s time to walk away

When you become afraid of your partner in a relationship; it’s time to walk away

When in a relationship and the apologies comes from only one side; it’s time to walk away

When you walk on egg-shells in a relationship; it’s time to walk away


Take note,

1) Never marry anyone out of pity simply because you have been with them for a long time and you don’t want them or you to lose out.

2) Marry for true love so that when the challenges start occurring in the marital bond (and best believe challenges would arise) the love both of you have built up would be able to withstand the ups and downs that would occur; take note that MARRIAGE IS NOT A BED OF ROSES.

On a final note, only you wear the shoe and only you know where it pinches; hence, no one else can decide for you whether you’ll carry on with the courtship or call it quits. You're better off taking your time to find the right woman at the inital stage to avoid stories that hurt. All the best.


I rest my case

Many thanks for these matured inputs. You are right about her finding it difficult to apologise and exhibiting the traits of "he can’t do without me as he loves me irrespective of my flaws" Very spot on. She's very vocal about her being wanted by many guys and if she leaves there are guys that will snatch her up immediately.

trip is cancelled definitely and I have to re evaluate stuff and look through from a different angle. I'll engage in a deep conversation with her by weekend and take a definite step.

Thanks to every nairalander that took time to post.

God bless

She probably isn't aware that romantic love fades within weeks of getting married.

True love on the other hand is built through compassion and respect for each other.

She's either comparing you with the seemingly "perfect" men her friends are dating or with the men she watches on all these fake movies.

Just treat her nice and with respect. If she feels she can get better out there then let her go, she wasn't yours to begin with.

It's even better she goes now than for you to get married and you have to live all the rest of your life with a nag and an ungrateful wife who will make you into a shadow of yourself.