i have been married for 7yrs now with 3 kids, the youngest is 5yrs old, for the past 4yrs i have been the one supporting the family financially, from feeding to school fees everything and it has been so depressing, the most anonnyoing part is that my husband has a high standard of living, i was not born with a silver spoon, even when he is broke he still lives like a rich man, he spends my money on things i dont approve of, i cry almost everyday because of his spending habit, he is not even doing anything about getting a job or even starting a bussiness.i feel like a slave an eduacted one, the latest thing he did that i got fed up was when he too a loan of 2m to put in ponzi scheme, the ponzi scheme is 30% and the loan he is paying 15% interest.that is not enough for him , someone introduced him to another ponzi scheme that pays 100% and he carried 1m from the loan and put , its more than a month now he has not been paid, he even carried my 550k that i was saving in his account to add to the ponzi scheme am thinking of leaving the country but my kids are the problem, my bussiness is going down gradually because of how he spends money, in a month we spend nothing less than 300k on upkeep, even the school my kids attends is one of the most expensive schhol in this town, i told him about changing the school and he refused but am the one paying school fees. if you try to keep the spending low he will be angry and will not talk to me and he will say am been greedy , am so depress and dont know what to do, i have talk to him, adviced him but still the same even getting worse by the day, i have really suffered i go to china to buy goods for my shop, i know what i usually go through, if he has small money with him the first thing he thinks about is to go on vacation on a pleasure trip alone, i feel so depress to the extend of killing myself, i told my parents about the whole situation and they called him and advice him too but still no changes, please advice, thanks

Madam,I won't tell you to leave your marriage but of what use is man who cannot add an inch of value to you?
Oosha bo le gbami
Semi bo shey bami

A break is needed, not a divorce but a separation.

Take your kids to his parents, stay there and try to rebuild yourself.

Note, why I said his parents is so that they'll be aware of the situation and won't conclude you are trying to run away from your husband. But if it won't be convenient, go to your parents.

Leave nothing (funds) behind and put up a condition (before your parents) that until he's ready to take up his responsibilities or help you through, you won't be coming back.

don't give him access to ur cash anymore....... Anyhow you're gonna do it, just do it and don't look back!

Hmm.... I see you have been living in fear of losing your man but the truth is, what you fear the most might consume you if you donot challenge your fears. First, conquer your fear and put your feet on the ground. If he has access to your money, deprive him so that he can learn. Stop feeding him so that he can wake up. Dont listen to his advice when he does not contribute financially. Put your kids in schools that are good and affordable(no be angels dey teach them). Look at him in the face and say, HONEY, WAKE UP, DAY DON BREAK! Else, make another woman no go raise your children ooo

Even with the high number of men married to/dating leeches in the form of women, there is hardly any complain about carrying all these responsibilities.
Welcome to the world of men married to women(leeches) like your husband, now you finally understand what it means to be a man even though you're a woman.

You have two choices now: either you put up or shut up.
No stranger here can help you decide something as delicate as this.

your husband is a parasite... Provide immunity for yourself against him... There cannot be only one source of income in the house and one partner is thinking of flexing. Stop using his account. If possible open another and keep ur money there. When he sees there is no money, he'd come to his senses.

Husband that cannot cut his coat according to his cloth, is that one husband?

crackhaus:
Even with the high number of men married to or dating leeches in the form of women, there is hardly any complaining about carrying all the responsibilities.

Welcome to the world of men married to women(leeches) like your husband, now you finally understand what it means to be a man even though you're a woman.
You have two choices now: either you put up or shut up.
No stranger here can help you decide something as delicate as this.

Please refresh my memory... what is the duty/role of a husband in a traditional setup?

bukatyne:


Please refresh my memory... what is the duty/role of a husband in a traditional setup?

So now you 'modern' women prefer the traditional setup?

I'm lost.

What kind of of a man will comfortably sit at home while the wife hustle and still foolishly waste her money in ponzi scheme and luxury like he owns it?

My Dear, with due respect to your family, your husband is unfit to be called a man. He is unfit to sit in the council of men.

The 3m he sank into ponzi scheme in search of quick money can be used to start up a business that will change his fortune. Even if he detests business, he would have simply buy a good car of 2-2.5M and use it for Uber or a private taxi service to make living and be productive to the family.

BTW did I read you say he goes holiday? How can a poor, lazy and broke leech holiday? What is he holidaying for?

I'll advice that you STOP FEEDING HIM! Change the schools of the kids to a less expensive one, and stop giving him money or keeping your money with him- not even as little as N1000.

If he is uncomfortable with that he should think of how to be productive. If he gives you problem just move OUT to your PARENTS house with the kids.


Dont get depressed over some lazy hubby

crackhaus:

So now you 'modern' women prefer the traditional setup?

I'm lost.

You're obviously lost.

I haven't mentioned my preferences and I am not the spokeswoman for 'modern' women.

You still have not answered me.... what is the duty of a husband traditionally?

bukatyne:


Please refresh my memory... what is the duty/role of a husband in a traditional setup?

I am glad this is coming from a Lady. You now understand the importance of traditional way of running the home, isn't it?


Personally, I rather provide for my family no matter how little than to depend on my wife no matter how much.. I need not place my wife under unnecessary burden. It is "unmanly'

Is he contributing to domestic duties?

bukatyne:


You're obviously lost.

I haven't mentioned my preferences and I am not the spokeswoman for 'modern' women.

You still have not answered me.... what is the duty of a husband traditionally?

To fvck, sleep, eat, go shopping and go on vacations...and of course let's not forget, donate sperm for procreation.

TonyeBarcanista:

1. I am glad this is coming from a Lady. You now understand the importance of traditional way of running the home, isn't it?


2. Personally, I rather provide for my family no matter how little than to depend on my wife no matter how much.. I need not place my wife under unnecessary burden. It is "unmanly'

1. I had to quickly scan your profile and saw the wife not cook thread. I haven't said my preference. I am quoting crackhaus who refers to wives in the traditional setting as leeches...

2. Good that you know what you want. May it work for you.

crackhaus:

To fvck, sleep, eat, go shopping and go on vacations...and of course let's not forget, donate sperm for procreation.

This your type of husband dey enjoy o!

You see why referring to wives in a traditional setting as leeches is odd... (to be kind )

Except you mean the husband is also leeching on the wife domestically.

bukatyne:


This your type of husband dey enjoy o!

You see why referring to wives in a traditional setting as leeches is odd... (to be kind )

Except you mean the husband is also leeching on the wife domestically.

I believe you understand how irony works, my sweet dark-skin beauty Bukatyne.

bukatyne:


1. I had to quickly scan your profile and saw the wife not cook thread. I haven't said my preference. I am quoting crack.haus who refers to wives in the traditional setting as leeches...

2. Good that you know what you want. May it work for you.

Thanks for checking on my profile



2. Amen

@Susan2017:

You have indulged your husband for so long.

It is one thing for a wife to be the bread winner; it is another for the husband /non breadwinning party to keep living above their means and not doing anything to increase their income to match the lifestyle they desire.

I want to assume your husband was earning in the 1st 3yrs of your marriage... what changed?

Please respond.

bukatyne:


1. I had to quickly scan your profile and saw the wife not cook thread. I haven't said my preference. I am quoting crackhaus who refers to wives in the traditional setting as leeches...

2. Good that you know what you want. May it work for you.

And I am appalled that people offering up 'useful' advise for the OP failed to ask her about the situation of things during the first three(3) years of her marriage.

bukatyne:
@Susan2017:

You have indulged your husband for so long.

It is one thing for a wife to be the bread winner; it is another for the husband /non breadwinning party to keep living above their means and not doing anything to increase their income to match the lifestyle they desire.

I want to assume your husband was earning in the 1st 3yrs of your marriage... what changed?

Please respond.

Ahh she beat me to it... See, I always knew you could be smart when you need to be.

Take your kids and leave the country without telling him.

Settle down in Europe or Canada or somewhere far from him.

And begin life afresh. Your husband is dead to you.

I don't believe everything you've said.



You pay school fees 100%?


You told your husband about the need to change your kids' school, and he refused?


I don't understand... do you even have to discuss that with him if indeed you pay all the fees 100%?

Start hiding your money from him. before your business collapse, tell him it has and you have no choice than to cut down on your spending.

Take drastic measures before your kids go hungry and can't attend any school.

Acidosis:
I don't believe everything you've said.



You pay school fees 100%?


You told your husband about the need to change your kids' school, and he refused?


I don't understand... do you even have to discuss that with him if indeed you pay all the fees 100%?

read the bolded again and tell me you're serious.

This op must be a regular my husband is the best crew
The one with the perfect marriage

Come out and use your real moniker

Joavid:


read the bolded again and tell me you're serious.

I do not believe a man that contributes NOTHING in 4 years will boldly discourage her wife from changing their kids' school.



I want to believe the man makes his own contributions to the kids' education. If that's the case, OP should stop exaggerating.

Acidosis:


I do not believe a man that contributes NOTHING in 4 years will boldly discourage her wife from changing their kids' school.



I want to believe the man makes his own contributions to the kids' education. If that's the case, OP should stop exaggerating.

so because the man is not contributing to the kids school fees due to circumstances, she should not consult him if she wants to change the kids school

This is one of the reasons to always go after people (man or woman) with prospects, not money.




I'm not saying you married your husband because of his wealth 7 years ago, but this should serve as a lesson to all that: nothing last forever. A man with prospects will not be disturbed by a MERE job loss. Earning fat income is not enough. That job, that business, that ponzi scheme, that sponsor and everything will depend on may crumble. When that happens, only those with PROSPECTS can survive.


There is an ongoing thread on Nairaland where certain ladies said they cannot marry a man with a 100k salary. They forget that the level of a man's current salary has little to do with his prospects. Just one or two connections from a dum.b politician, or one vague or shady contract or scheme, and anyone can earn a fat income. In a world of ghost workers where unknown entities earn billions, people still 'dum.dly' fall by sight.

I'm not shifting blames on you ma, since I really don't know where and how you met your husband. Failure to cut down on his spending is a very bad signal. I wonder what he can make of any business...even an employer would be scared of having such personality on his payroll.


Getting another job may be a temporary measure but you need to find ways to address the prospect gaps. If he gets a new job, chances are that he will lose the job...either by retrenchment or retirement. What would become of him if after retirement, all he can hold on to are past records?


Having good prospects doesn't mean he has to become a billionaire by doing strange businesses. That's not the message, even the die hard business men are striving really hard to survive. However, a man with prospect would never argue over the urgency of cutting down on expenses. A man with prospect will not take a N2m loan only to pour all on a ponzi scheme. What's his survival strategy if the scheme fails? No reasonable business man would even pour all on any business (even if the business is the most profitable in the world).

What new things has he tried since he lost his job? Has there been any attempts to get a small job? any attempt to restructure his CV? any attempt on a new business?


Oh, you even said you have a business? Is your husband too big to assist you with your business?


This is serious

Joavid:


so because the man is not contributing to the kids school fees due to circumstances, she should not consult him if she wants to change the kids school

Well, I tried to put myself in his shoes. I honestly would be too ashamed to have such discussions if I have zero contribution to the family.

If I come to your house, and I have nothing to offer you or your kids(?), it would be difficult for me to eat your food or even take a glass of water.

Why save money in your husbands account? Someone you know to be financially irresponsible?

I believe you know the right thing to do but just can't and won't do it, dunno if you'll act on anything you are advised here

You don't need no separation or divorce, just don't give him any more money or access to your money. Pay school fees, rent, provide food, bla bla but never give him cash. C'est finis.

It is very simple. Make your findings, find a standard school that you can afford to pay for when it's time, intimate him of your plan to change the children's school. If he refuses, tell him you will not pay for the fees anymore that he should make provision for that.

Stop saving money in his account, is it a joint account? Don't you have your own savings account? I see no reason why you should continue to pump money into his account when you know fully well that he will end up squandering it.

It is not as if you do not really know what to do, i think you are blinded/handicapped by some factors and you are looking for a way to break free. There is really no need to separate over this as i feel it can still be curtailed if you really put your mind to it.