Tasiii:
Laugh wan kill me!!!! i think if i see another update i will cure my sad mood right now

Lol. Abeg no die oh. Don't worry more jokes incoming.

A man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store.
The next day he comes in again, again buys condoms, and again walks out laughing. Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back.
Sure enough, the man comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time the assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later.
“So did you follow him?” asks the pharmacist.
“Yup.”
“Where did he go?”
“Your house.”
haha… what would you do if you were the pharmacist?

Pastor Akpos goes to a clinic to buy a pack of condom.
The attendant tells him to wait and enters the inner room to get it.
As Akpos waited for his condoms, one of his members comes to buy drugs and greets him, “Pastor, good evening.”
“Good evening Brother Michael. How are you?” he replied.
As they were exchanging pleasantries, the attendant comes back with the pack of condoms and gives it to Akpos.
The member opens his eyes in shock and shouts, “Pastor!!!”
Embarrassed, Pastor Akpos shouts, “JESUS CHRIST!!! WHAT IS THIS I said COMBATRINE!!!

The christian dog
Pastor, my dog is dead. Could there be a service for the poor creature?” Pastor replied, “No, we cannot have service for an animal in the church. But there is a new church down the road, maybe they will do it.”
The man said, “Do you think they will accept a donation of U.S $250,000 for the burial service?”
Pastor exclaimed, “Sweet Jesus! Why didn’t you tell me the dog was a Christian?”

Two Christian missionaries, David and Michael, were lost in a scorching desert, dying of thirst and hunger when at last they saw a Mosque upfront.
“Michael, let’s pretend we are Muslims. Otherwise, we will not get any food or water and we will die. My name will be Ahmed. What will be your name?” David said.
Michael refused to change his name. When both of them reached the Mosque, the Imam received them well and asked their names.
“My name is Ahmed.”, David said.
Michael replied: “My name is Michael.”
The Imam turned to his helpers and said: “Please bring food and water for Michael.”
Then he turned to David and said:“Brother Ahmed, Ramadan Mubarak…”
David fainted!

A Nigerian, an American and a German boarded a plane.
As the plane was flying over the sea satan came out and said to them:
“I want you to drop something into the sea, if I find it you die and if I don’t, you live.”
The American quickly plucked a button from his shirt and threw it into the sea. Satan dived into the sea and came up with the button.
”see!” he said, and killed the American.
The German threw a Pin into the sea, Satan dived and came out with the Pin.
”See!” he said and killed the German.
The Nigerian brought out a pure water sachet, opened it and poured the contents into the sea holding back the sachet, he said to Satan, ”Oya begin find water inside water…Idiot”.
Even the devil bowed in defeat.

preciousuweh:
I dont know why when we bite our tongue intentionally, it doesnt hurt. But when we accidentally bite our tongue, it really hurts! And i really dont know why you are biting your tongue right now.

you got me on that one. Tried it.

Humans and curiousity!!!

Ways to catch a thief

The American police style: Investigate he’s a thief till you find an evidence to catch him.
The China police style: Chase the thief till he gets tired, then you catch him.
The Arab police style: Kidnap the thief’s wife and threaten the thief to surrender.
The Indian police style: Allow a pretty damsel sing for him to lure him closer, then you catch him.
The Nigerian police style: Catch any person on the street, beat him until he agrees he is a Thief.

Abino met a girl on facebook, after introduction of each other
Abino: what is ur name?
Girl: Lovett
Abino: where do you work
Girl: I am a fashion designer. And you?
Abino: i am a managing director, replied abino.
Abino: ok that is good I like you so much, more than 2 sim china phones
Girl: mmmmhhhh thats lovely, thanks.
After few months as Abino was trying to open up gate for his master to go out, he met the girl coming towards him shouting “buy sweet bread and butter”, they both ran into each other face to face.
Abino: Ah! Ah!! ..is this your shop
Girl: Ah! Ah!! Oloshi …. stupid Manager

There were three men living together in London. An Afro-American, a West Indian and a Nigerian. They were all starving because they didn’t have money to buy food.
However upon coming close to a posh London restaurant in this classy neighbourhood, they decided to come up with a plan.
The Afro-American went in first. After being seated, he ordered a three course meal with white wine. When he had finished the meal, the waiter came by with the bill. “LISTEN MY MAN, I ALREADY PAID YOU!” – the Afro-American shouted! The waiter was very confused because he could not remember being paid. But because he did not want to cause any trouble, he let the brother leave.
Five minutes later, the West Indian walked into the same restaurant and ordered a five course meal with red wine. When he was finished eating, the waiter came by to collect the money for the food. “HEY, HEY, LOOK AT ME CROSSES. BUT AH PAID YOU ALREADY!” – the West Indian shouted. This time the manager came and had to calm down the West Indian, because he did not want anything to upset the other customers. He let the guy go.
Ten minutes later, the Nigerian walked in. And you know how we are. He sat down. Lit up a cigarette, and ordered the most expensive meal on the menu, plus two bottles of Beer. After he had finished, the waiter came to collect the money for the meal, But before the Nigerian could say anything, the waiter spoke to him.”Sir, I have been having all sorts of problems all day and I can’t understand it. Two other people like you came in earlier and ate, and they say that they paid me but I don’t remember getting any money from them so, ” Before he could finish, the Nigerian interrupted, rather emphatically, “OGA I SORRY FOR YOU OOOO. BUT DAT NA YOUR PROBLEM. I JUST WANT YOU TO GIVE ME MY CHANGE!!”

Akpos came back from the bank with lots of money. Immediately he entered his house, he realised that criminals were after him. He heard a gunshot and that gave him a serious fright, but he later summed up some courage and decided to confront the criminals who had camped outside his house.
Akpos ran out of the house and met the criminals…
GANG LEADER: Hey stop! Where is the money you brought in?!
AKPOS: No! I’m a thief like you, I’m after the man from the bank too, but I just heard a police siren coming, so I’m running to get away from them.
Confused, the robbers took to their heels too.

Akpos went to rob a city bank. “Everybody down!!!” Akpos shouted.
Everyone laid flat on the ground. “Where is the bank manager?” He asked, A young, scared man stood up and said, “Here I am.”
Akpos: Open the safe and bring out all d money.
MANAGER: (stammering) No, I can’t sir.
Akpos; What?! Are you crazy?! You are lucky I’m with a toy gun, I would have blown your brains off!…
Akpos is currently receiving treatment at the prison hospital

Lmao goodjob

lhawarl1:
Lmao goodjob

Thanks a lot

preciousuweh:


Thanks a lot

more!!!

3 drunk guys entered a taxi
the taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine and turned it off again.
He told them. "we have reached"
the 1st guy gave him money and the 2nd guy said "thank you".
The 3rd guy gave the driver a slap
the driver was shocked, thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did, but he asked whats that for?"
the 3rd guy replied: "CONTROL YOUR SPEED NEXT TIME, you nearly killed us!"

An advice

Before you give up in life just take a look at the hair around your anus, despite their environment they still grow.

The greatest shock u can get is havinq sex with ur pregnant wife n suddenly the hands of the child grab ur thing n say . papa abeg see my eye oo ....

There is this guy who has a 25 inch dick, he goes to a juju man in the forest and ask him if he can make his dick smaller because he just cant please ladies because it just too big, he hasnt found a lady yet who likes it and cant get any pleasure
the man told him to go into a forest and he will find a frog, he is to ask it to marry him, if the frog says no, his rooster will shrink 5inches,
he goes into the forest in search of this frog, he finds it nd asks 'frog, will you marry me?' , the frog says 'no' and prick shrinks 5inches, the guy think to himself "wow, thats pretty cool, but it's still too big" so he goes back to the frog and ask the frog: "frog will you marry me?"
Frog: "no, i wont marry you"
the guy's dick shrink another 5inches, but thats still 15inches and he thinks his chop is still just a little bit big, but thinks 10inches would just be great, he went back to the frog and asks "frog, will you marry me?"
frog: "how many times do i have to tell you NO, NO, NO!!!!!!!!!!!
I guess you know the remaining part of the story.

Couple in bed, wife feels his hand rubbing her shoulder
wife: oh! That feels good,
*hand moves to her breast.*
wife: honey that's wonderful
*hand moves inbetween her thigh*
wife: oh honey dont stop
*husband stops*
wife: why did you stop?
Husband: because i found the remote

Akpors was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldnt find a parking place,
he looked up towards heaven and said "lord, take pity on me, if you find me a parking place i will go to church every sunday for the rest of my life"
miraculously, a parking place appeared
akpors looked up again and said "lord.......................................... never mind, i found one,"

HUSBAND: every time you talk, you say 'my' chair, 'my' car, 'my' TV, everything is yours, you never say 'ours'. I am your husband! It should be 'ours'
*wife pays no attention as she is looking for something*
HUSBAND: you are not even paying attention to what am saying, what are you looking for?
WIFE: 'our' panty!

Girl: forgive me father for i have sinned.
priest: what have you done, my child?
Girl: i called a man son of a Dam
priest: why did you call him son of a Dam?
Girl: because he touched my hand
priest: like this? (as he touches her hand)
Girl: yes father
priest: that is no reason to call a man a son of a Dam
Girl: then he touch my breast
priest: like this? (as he touches her breast)
Girl: yes father
priest: that is no reason to call him son of a Dam
Girl: then he took of my clothes, father
priest: like this? (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: yes father
priest: that no reason to call him son of a Dam
Girl: then he stuck his you-know-what into my you-know-where
priest: like this? (as he stuck his you-know-what into her you-know-where)
Girl: YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES, YES, YES......(after a few minutes)
priest: that no reason to call him a son of a Dam
Girl: but father, he had AIDS!
priest: THAT SON OF A Dam!!!!

Random Jokes


1.Some girls only know how to slay on pictures. Tell them to cook beans and you'll find all the stones David used to killed Goliath!
lemme_come_nd_b_going

2.You can't expect her to quickly reply your:
"How are you"
Whereas the other Guy is asking her
"What's your account number"
My Brother.Who You Epp

3.Some ladies will spend so much money on weaves trying to
impress a man who is out there cheating on them with a girl who
doesn't even comb her hair but is well behaved.
Sister, Work on your character...

4.U chop EBA with water supported EGUSI soup and you write for ur PM *SHAWARMA on point* GOD go catch u, u go throw up for class!!!

5.Buh on a serious note, how can a girl expect U to kiss her without squeezing her ass or boobs? Who eats fufu without soup...
Just_Asking

6.Dating an extremely dark girl is not a problem at all...
The problem is after you break up you start getting emotional every time you see charcoal and begin to cry...

7.How can yu date 3 guys at a time nd yu say yu love dem..
"Is your heart extension Socket?
Lemme come n be going

8.How embarrassing wld it be if Facebook/BBM automatically updates statuses to what u were doing,like: "JesusBaby Nkechi is now giving Mouth Gig - in Lagos"
Lemme come n be going

9.How can someone be washing clothes inside swimming pool..
Ahm xo tayad of Calabar Girls.

10.Dear Slayqueens, Chewing gum is one thing, imitating a goat chewing grass is another!
Just A Peaceful Reminder...........

3 most difficult things to do in the world.........


1. You can't count your hair

2. You can't wash your eyes with soap

3. You can't breathe while you tongue is out..................

NOW PLEASE PUT YOUR TONGUE BACK INSIDE YOUR NOT A DOG.

Huh, i remembered posting some of these joke
nice job anyway

lhawarl1:
Huh, i remembered posting some of these joke
nice job anyway

Your welcome

preciousuweh:
Last week.., there was a program going on in our church titled "law fest"..
This is a program where by, you will buy a gift, wrap and package it, another person will buy his or her own gift, wrap and package it, then we will all gather in the church and exchange the gifts.
So last week, I don't have much money with me and I don't want to miss the program because, I must gain a nice gift from someone.. So I decided to buy anything, I went and bought garri, u know that garri use to be heavy, so I package the garri in form of television, I bought a carton of television, put the garri inside and support it with a heavy stone, then i packaged it, and it gave me a shape of television.
So when I arrived at the church, people were dragging to seat with me because they want to exchange their own gift with mine. (Una don die today) I said in my mind"
Finally a girl who also brought her own gift sat near me, her gift has the shape of a fridge, I don't know what is inside but I believe is a nice gift. (I don hammer" I said in my mind)
So when it got to the time of exchanging of gifts, me and the girl both exchanged our gifts, she smiled and collected my own gift that contains garri and stone but in shape of television.
I collected her own gift, it was heavy like a fridge, I ran home quickly before the girl will change her mind.
When I got home, I lock my door and windows, very happy that I have cheated the girl and collected her nice gift, but I have begged God for forgiveness because I don't have much money.
When I opened the gift, behold!! I saw two bags of sand with two heavy stones bigger than the stone I put inside my own gift, when I opened the bag of sand I saw a written letter, which reads:.. "I saw you yesterday when you are packaging your own garri and stone, you think you are wise".
Na dere I know say I don enter one chance.

It is not "law fest". It is Love Feast

preciousuweh:
*****God help 9ja***** Because someone couldn't afford #50 for transport fare, he trekked and trekked under the hot sun until his shadow left him and entered bike. No be joke.....

oh my Goooooooooooooooooood

A Nigerian youngster who was visiting the United Kingdom for the first time was taken to the London zoo for sightseeing. On getting to the section where monkeys are kept, he was amazed to see other tourists giving out plenty of money to the monkeys that were hopping around doing acrobatics. The more the acrobatics, the more the tourists enjoyed the show and the more the money (hard currency) the monkeys got.

This young man suddenly had an idea and when he got back to Nigeria, he started learning all kinds of acrobatics. He visited his medicine man and asked for a portion that will transform him into a monkey.

During his next visit to London, he went into the zoo and took the portion and was transformed into a monkey. He joined the other monkeys and started his own type of modern, systematic and attractive acrobatics. He soon caught the attention of all the tourists who wasted no time in showering him with plenty of pounds sterling. He was now making more money than the real monkeys.

The king of the monkeys didn't like this and challenged the new monkey to an acrobatic duel. The contest was tough and very keen but the new monkey won. The king monkey had to go on exile in shame but before he left he set a trap for the intruding monkey who now became the new king.

The next day, monkey business started as usual, with money coming in from the tourists. There was this particular tourist who really enjoyed the show that he threw a lot of money into the cage. The new king pocketed his money but to his amazement all the other monkeys threw their earnings into the adjacent cage. The new king could not comprehend this and would not allow all that money to go away like that; so he jumped into the adjacent cage to pick up the money. It was only when he got there that he realized it was a lion's cage.

The lion looked at him, looked at the money and roared and started toward the monkey who was now sweating, shaking and foaming in the mouth.

Half way, the lion suddenly stopped, looked at the monkey again and said:

"Oh boy, if no bi say we all na Naija, I for show you."