Feminism is a word that scares a lot of Nigerian men. To the average Nigerian man, feminists just want to “destroy the natural order of things” and “go against God’s plan for the world”. To them feminist women want to assume headship of their families (thereby usurping the roles of the men as head and grand commander of the family). I’ll point out why this fear is unfounded but it’s certainly an interesting viewpoint, no doubt informed both by a misunderstanding of what real feminism is and how vocal some pseudo-feminists are (I’ll come back to the pseudo-feminists in a bit). So it’s no surprise that Chimamanda Ngozi-Adichie, one of Nigerias most prolific contemporary novelists/writers and a self confessed and vocal feminist doesn’t have a lot of fans amongst the Nigerian men folk not because she’s not a great writer but because she’s a feminist.

I’m a man, so it may surprise a lot of men that identify as feminist. Well maybe it would be important for me to first clarify my views on true feminism. While the essential basis of feminism is equality between the sexes, I think one core concept of true feminism is freedom of choice for women. Why do I bring up the issue of freedom of choice? Well, the fact is that while some women want a change in the status quo (those seen as feminists), other women want things to remain the same because they have learnt to live within the current societal setup, are comfortable in it and cannot imagine a life outside it. It would be inappropriate for feminists (or those society views as feminists) as it were to force a wholesale change on them as it is something they do not want. The idea of freedom of choice being paramount is that I feel women in today’s world should be free to take on and aspire to whatever roles they want within the family and society at large without being judged or condemned for it. I’ll start with a few analogies and case studies.

Back in secondary school, I was in science class. Now as far as academic performance went, the girls were better than the guys on average. Our teachers would constantly lament that it was wrong and shouldn’t be so (in the presence of the girls too), that as guys we were supposed to be smarter and more intelligent than the girls and get better grades. While I was one of the guys doing well in class, I didn’t particularly believe that line – I mean, if you cut open a guy’s skull and a girl’s skull, it’s the same one brain you’ll find. So what makes one more special than the other? Unfortunately, this kind of view impressed on some of the girls that they shouldn’t be as smart as the guys – so some of them started putting in less effort and, consequently, their grades went south. Some guys that were hitherto not as good as those girls started appearing to perform better, not because they improved or put in more effort but because the girl’s started putting in less effort and became worse.

Here’s my personal view on human beings – I feel that regardless of age, gender, race, sexual orientation or political and personal ideology, we can only improve as a society if each person is allowed to aspire to the highest levels of whatever field they so choose and whatever they choose to do without fear of judgement or repercussions. Till today, you still hear some women tell their daughters that fields like engineering, architecture and the likes are “for men” and they shouldn’t bother venturing in that direction. I don’t whole blame those people because, as it were, truthfully men do dominate those professions and would see a female presence as a challenge to their “natural right” to be the ones in that field and a lot of Nigerian men would do all it takes to frustrate any woman that tries to aspire to better positions in such fields.

Coming down to the domestic setting, the issue of “man at office, woman at home”, to me is extremely invalid. Let’s face it. some men would make amazing home makers and some women would make great boardroom executives but because we’re all so pre-occupied with sticking with “society assigned roles”, a man who would rather stay at home and take care of the house is deemed weak while a woman who is the family’s breadwinner is considered to be doing something inappropriate even by other women regardless of if she’s good at what she does. It’s funny though how modern life is forcing these predefined notions to change. More men are realising that their families would need more income than they can bring in alone and, as such, encourage their wives to work or at leas be involved in a trade. My personal view is that whatever roles a man and woman take in their family should be agreed upon by them both and not forced on them by society. If a woman is not comfortable with with being a housewife, then she should be free to marry a man that has no problems with her being a career person without society telling her she’s wrong for it. If a man is more comfortable staying at home and taking care of the house and the kids, then he shouldn’t be begrudged that so long as his wife has no problem with it. Society does not live our personal lives for us so, in a lot of situations, society should not dictate our personal choices so long as those it affects directly are also in agreement.

“But isn’t society also unfair to men in some cases?” I have heard some people lament. Like situations of rape, domestic abuse and sexual assault are taken more seriously for women than for men. It’s the truth, but we can’t expect women or feminists to fight that battle for men. If we men feel so strongly about such issues, then we should also start our own movement challenging society’s preconceived notions about men in such situations. Also, by and large, it’s our fellow men that choose to ignore or overlook the plight of their fellow men when these things happen. In this case it’s a change from within that we should try to enact – but we shouldn’t expect feminists to fight for that change for us. It’s like gay rights activists expecting civil rights activists to fight their battles for them – it’s not their struggle, so they really can’t be bothered.

I feel that Nigerians, Nigerian men especially should better understand feminism before forming opinions about it based on unfounded ideas.

https://anigerianrealist./2017/03/24/personal-thoughts-on-feminism-as-a-nigerian/

Amazing writeup! My views around feminism have always been that my actions or inactions should not be based on my gender, but on characteristics that would apply to a human because first, I'm human.

This means that if I do not major in the sciences, let it be due to a lack of interest or aptitude. Ditto for the arts or any other discipline. Not because I'm 'female' or these disciplines are 'for men'

If I cannot carry a bag of rice and a bag of cement, let it be because I do not have the physical ability to - the required muscular strength, not because I'm female.

If I cannot pay my bills or for dinner, let it be because well, no money. Same goes for a guy.

If the door is held open for me or I hold the door open for the next person, let it be out of politeness and consideration of the next person.

These are human traits. Not one is exclusive to the female gender. People need to pull their heads from their asses. Even today, in some communities, it is frowned upon for a single lady to live alone or even own a car to her name?! Why?! We were all proud when she was a smart, resourceful kid, we were all proud but now that she's an even smarter and more resourceful adult, we hide our heads in shame. We want her to reduce herself so that she doesn't look 'too successful for a woman' because 'that would chase men away'. Nobody has them yet that those are the wrong set of men and it is just as well that they're being intimidated away.

With all this artificial pressures, do we still wonder what is wrong with our society?

You cannot give a person what they do not want; some ladies are quite comfy with the status quo and I say, good for them! But worse are the ones who will brandish the feminism sword only when it conveniently suits the purpose of the moment. You have to pick a struggle, no one really gets to have their cake and eat it.

Rant over.

koolJ1:
.

Dang. You should post more often.

BoboYekini:

Dang. You should post more often.

I know, right? Unfortunately, my time doesn't cater to nairaland comments. I usually just read amd like/share.

Well, thanks

koolJ1:

Oh wow. I was sure you'd ignored me.
I gobbled up your writing. It's that good. And I don't impress easily.

BoboYekini:
Oh wow. I was sure you'd ignored me.
I gobbled up your writing. It's that good. And I don't impress easily.

Merci, Monsieur

Actively responding takes more time than just reading but I finally got around to doing so

koolJ1:


Merci, Monsieur

Actively responding takes more time than just reading but I finally got around to doing so

Yes it's a lot of work haha.

The much talk about what is feminism and what isn't.

I find some analogies being used to further the point of the write up quite exaggerated, i dare say, grossly untrue.


In my secondary school days the best students were females only a handful of boys. This is not because the boys were not capable, there were just more passionate about outdoor experiences than sitting at a spot reading books. If you check very well those boys that were wiz in academics are often not the outdoor typical boy type.(even though this is stereotyping what boys should be like but you get my point).


Point am trying to make is, at that stage girls are naturally more calm, attentive and thorough than boys who are impulsive and adventure seeking. Reading books won't give them that thrill and all through that experiences no where did i hear a teacher say ladies shouldn't strive for the best. This was a school that had Islamic influence too. If anything, they were mostly favored and lenient with them.

They were frequently chosen for quiz and debate competitions to represent the school, chaired important positions in the student representative council and also prefects. You cannot use your own personal experience(if true) as a basis to establish a point on a subject as broad and sensitive as this.

The much talk about what is feminism and what isn't.

I find some analogies being used to further the point of the write up quite exaggerated, i dare say, grossly untrue.


In my secondary school days the best students were females only a handful of boys. This is not because the boys were not capable, there were just more passionate about outdoor experiences than sitting at a spot reading books. If you check very well those boys that were wiz in academics are often not the outdoor typical boy type.(even though this is stereotyping what boys should be like but you get my point).


Point am trying to make is, at that stage girls are naturally more calm, attentive and thorough than boys who are impulsive and adventure seeking. Reading books won't give them that thrill and all through that experiences no where did i hear a teacher say ladies shouldn't strive for the best. This was a school that had Islamic influence too. If anything, they were mostly favored and lenient with them.

They were frequently chosen for quiz and debate competitions to represent the school, chaired important positions in the student representative council and also prefects. You cannot use your own personal experience(if true) as a basis to establish a point on a subject as broad and sensitive as this.

You're basically painting with a large brush. In secondary school, I was one of the best students in my class, I was in the debate team, quiz team and I regularly played sports and represented my house in several sports (would have represented the school too but there were usually clashes between quiz, debates and sports and I preferred the first two). All I'm saying is everyone should approached based on their individual likes/preferences/ideas instead of just lumping everyone in one group because they all belong to the same sex.

koolJ1:
Amazing writeup! My views around feminism have always been that my actions or inactions should not be based on my gender, but on characteristics that would apply to a human because first, I'm human.

This means that if I do not major in the sciences, let it be due to a lack of interest or aptitude. Ditto for the arts or any other discipline. Not because I'm 'female' or these disciplines are 'for men'

If I cannot carry a bag of rice and a bag of cement, let it be because I do not have the physical ability to - the required muscular strength, not because I'm female.

If I cannot pay my bills or for dinner, let it be because well, no money. Same goes for a guy.

If the door is held open for me or I hold the door open for the next person, let it be out of politeness and consideration of the next person.

These are human traits. Not one is exclusive to the female gender. People need to pull their heads from their asses. Even today, in some communities, it is frowned upon for a single lady to live alone or even own a car to her name?! Why?! We were all proud when she was a smart, resourceful kid, we were all proud but now that she's an even smarter and more resourceful adult, we hide our heads in shame. We want her to reduce herself so that she doesn't look 'too successful for a woman' because 'that would chase men away'. Nobody has them yet that those are the wrong set of men and it is just as well that they're being intimidated away.

With all this artificial pressures, do we still wonder what is wrong with our society?

You cannot give a person what they do not want; some ladies are quite comfy with the status quo and I say, good for them! But worse are the ones who will brandish the feminism sword only when it conveniently suits the purpose of the moment. You have to pick a struggle, no one really gets to have their cake and eat it.

Rant over.

You get my point 120%!!!